He is like to to be robb’d in Maiden-head Thicket. He tells a notable story of a Tapster and another at Play in Redding. At Newberry, a Horse which he rode upon Tryal in the Streets, ran away with him unpaid for; at Bristol he ran away with a pair of Boots then wanting them; he rides for Excester, where he won a considerable sum of his Host at Play.

The great store of Rain that fell, and made the High-ways like Hasty Pudding, by which means though I rid in Shooes and Stockins, yet I was sufficiently be-booted with dirt. I rid over the Common melancholy alone, but coming to Maiden-Head Thicket, there was company enough such as I liked not by any means, and now Gramercy Horse, for had not he looked as scurvily as I rid bootlesly scandalous, I had undoubtedly been robb’d; never was poor Horse, and beastly Man so survey’d before, by Devils I think, for their Faces by their Vizard-Masques seemed every whit as black. Escaping that danger, I got the second days journey to Reading, alighting, I fell all along, for I had kickt away my Leggs in riding thither, Never did I find the difference till now of riding on a Yard-arm, and on the sharp-ridg’d back of a surfeited Jade; I had not so much skin left upon my Breech as would make a white patch for an Ethiopian Lady of Pleasure. Here I lay three days to recover the damage my posteriors had sustained by riding my wooden Horse. In which time I observed but little remarkable, but a Tapsters Playing with a fellow of the Town for Money in a little By Ale-House, where was sold incomparable Ale, which I found out by the information of a Coblar, the reflection of whose face would have afforded light enough to an Ale-house at Mid-night.

I was a spectator on their Play, and glad I was of this opportunity, to divert my self in a strange place. The Tapster in a little time had lost to the other the price of 2 Barrels of Beer, which so inraged him, it being his all, that nothing could perswade him but that he was cheated of his Money, that he napt on him, and I know not what, and swore he would have every penny of his Mony before he should stir from the place. The other told him that he had won it fairly, and therefore would as surely keep it; hereupon the Tapster struck up his heels, and to work he went with him, the fellow seeing his drift that he would dispossess him of his Money, got as much as he could privately out of his Pocket, and clapt it into his mouth cramming it almost full. The Tapster was amazed to find so little in his Pockets, and therefore made all the Privy search he could, which was all to no purpose, so that he concluded the fellow was little less than a Conjurer, after that he had tired himself with beating and kicking his Carkass, he did let him rise, the fellow for all his seeming resolution at first took this basting very patiently, and would have been gone willingly to avoid the second part of the same tune, had not the Tapster laid hold on him, saying, Nay faith t’other box in the ear, and ’tother kick on the breech, and go and be damn’d, so lifting his hand up, gave him a cuff on the face, that by the Noise of what dropt out of his Mouth, I verily believed he had not only struck out all his teeth, but had also fractur’d in pieces his jaw-bones; but I soon was convinced of the contrary, when I lookt on the Ground, for there lay the Mony scattered which in his Mouth he had secured. I never stood considering what was to be done, since I saw a little time was soon lost, so that blowing out the Candle, I fell a scrambling with the Tapster, who had got the start of me, however I made my party good with him, and was not behind with him in my share, and so slipt out, leaving the poor fellow to hold his bleeding chops, which were cut through by a piece of Money, and the Tapster in tenebris to sum up his losses. Leaving this Town I found that I had more Money going out of it than I brought into it, and so I merrily rode on to Newberry. Here my jaded Beast gave up the Ghost, it was time for us to part, for we were both weary of one the other. Money soon procured me the sight of another, but exceeding different from the former, as the one was exceeding dull and heavy, this was all air, and fiery, no ground would hold him as it is usually said; this Horse was brought me to look on, the Seller riding him in my sight with all the studied advantages a double Jury of Jockies could invent; dismounting, I was desired to make tryal of him my self, which I had no mind to do, for I dislik’d that in him, which another would have liked extremely, his extraordinary mettle, however, that I might not be laught at, I adventured to cross his back, but I was scarce settled in the Saddle, when this understanding Beast knowing by my sitting him, that he had a foolish and unskilful governour to deal withal, grew headstrong, flew away with me like lightning, for my part I thought I had got the Devil between my leggs, and that I was riding Post upon some Hellish design. I knew quicklyquickly whom I had to deal withal, a thing that would have his will, and therefore thought it a piece of impudence to curb his extravagant running; knowing well that that pace would not last alwayes.

I gave him his head, let him go which way, and as fast as he pleased; in troth he was better acquainted with the Road than his Master, and would not be perswaded out on’t by any such ignorant Hawl-bowling as my self; that night my Horse, and I, (for I must give his Horseship the preheminence) came to Marlbrough; entring the Town, he went directly to his Inn, and was known to the Hostler, calling him by some familiar term, I know not what now; and askt me whether the Horse was mine, I replyed that he was so, that I had bought him the day before at Newberry: and why should not I own him, since he intitled me by running away with me, not I with him; and since by an unexpected chance I had a benefit thrown into hands, I was resolved to make use of it, and so I did for the next day, very early I rode away with him for Bristol, never hearing of the right owner since: his heat and fury by this time were pretty well qualified, and could ride him then my own pace, where as before I would willingly condescend to have had a leg or an arm broke, to have secured the bone of my neck.

Bristol, the place of my nativity I entred with a strange confidence, if you remember how I was born, and what roguish exploits I acted during my abode in that City; but as good luck would have it, as length of time had altered my countenance, so it had quite obliterated the memory of my former nefarious actions. Here did I spend my Money in all manner of riot and excess, finding a many jovial boon blades, although for the most part very strict and precise; and though none are permitted any thing late to tipple, yet there is time enough in the day to spend the Cargo of an East-India-man, especially if a man hath nothing else to do. The natural love I had to this place made me insensibly stay much longer than I intended, and though I was some weeks there, nothing occur’d worth the taking notice of, but furnishing my self with a pair of Bootes. My money began to grow somewhat low, so that I saw there was a necessity of removing thence; the inconveniences I was put to for want of Boots, made me resolve to try how I might procure them without either money or credit; I ponder’d with my self, and took many a walk in the Marsh, yet could project no feasible way to obtain my ends. I pitcht upon this at last; evening the account with my Landlord, I caused the Hostler to saddle my Horse and bring him out, mounting, I rid him to a quite contrary part of the City, where I lay, (my lodging was near the Castle, and I rode to the higher end of Ratcliff-street,) near the Gate, I tyed my Horse, and walkt down again backward where I observed some Shooe-makers, entring one of their Shops, I askt the Master thereof to shew me some Boots he did, and withal fitted me; having both the Boots on, I talked to him about the price, I refusing to give so much since they were too dear, he protesting on the other side that he would not abate a farthing, stepping to the Threshold (as if I intended to settle my feet in them) I started, though not fairly, running with all my speed, the Shooe-maker thought it was to no boot for him to stand still, whilst I was in action; wherefore leaving his shop, he betook himself to his heels, crying out as he ran, stop him, stop him; Stop me not, quoth I, we run for a Wager, and I give him the advantage of running in Shooes against my self in these heavy Boots; hearing me say so, they gave way which I repeated to every one as I came near them; they encouraging me, crying out, O brave Boots, O brave Boots; Others animating the other with O brave Shooes, O brave Shooes; getting to my Horse, I mounted him, and without Spurs, for he needed none, I rode clear through Ratcliff-gate, and was soon out of sight, and never since heard of my Shooe-maker.

I was resolved to cross the Countrey for my better securing my self from my Horse-merchant, and so directed my Course to Exeter, where I was resolved to continue till I had increased my store. I was fearful of venturing on Robbing, and therefore my design was solely bent on cheating, having not been yet arrived to the height of understanding the ruinating Mystery of Gaming; my Land-lord was a very jolly associate, and delighted much in my company, in that I fitted his humour so well: we often walkt together, and by our converse broad grew intimately familiar, insomuch that if I were in the house, he was hardly out of my company. Frequently we diverted our selves with Tom Fools Games, as they call them, Dubblets, Size Ace, Back Sir Hugh, Catch Dolt, &c. For neither of us could play at any thing else with the Dice, unless Old Sim.

It was my good fortune one day to play with him for a bottle of Wine at Sise Ace, which I won of him, and after that another, and in conclusion so many, that we were forced to call for assistance, which we could not want long, if men in this latter Age did not Apostatize by declining the powerful invitations of good wine. These Spungers by exhausting our Liquor inflamed the Reckoning, and that still kindled in us a desire to play on: I was the sole Conquerour; and seeing that he could not deal with me for the Reckoning, he propounded to me whether I would play with him for a Tester, I seeing how vext he was that he had lost so many Bottles, consented to humour him in any thing that was reasonable, not believing but that fortune would not withdraw her wonted favours from me. He losing still; from six pence, we doubled the stakes, and to be short, we gradually augmented them till we played for an Angel a Game, (may they always be tutelary to me, and be my Guardians from the insufferable torments of a despicable necessity,) from an Angel, to a Piece, till I had left him not a Piece to play with me, having won threescore and upward.upward. Being a young man, he begg’d of me to conceal his loss, lest by the Proclaiming my good success, I detriment his credit; for he was so rational as to know that Gaming, as it surely stabs a mans Reputation, so in process of time it will cut the throat of his Estate, though very considerable.

I promised him I would do it though to no purpose, for the Standers by were the Publishers of those ill tidingstidings, which will spread abroad themselves like a Pestilence. Now I thought it highly requisite to put my self into a better garb, and invest my self with such ornaments as might become a Gentleman, which I intended to personate. I accommodated my self with a Sword, and did not forget Spurs to my new Boots. Being thus bravely equipt Cap a pee; I grew weary of this City, and so left it, and my Landlord to his better Fortune.

The next place I set up my Standard, was in Salisbury; my generous deportment and gallant habiliments adapted me for the best of company, and the relation of my Travails, not as a Tarpawlin, but a wealthy young Heir, did infinitely please them: So that if I were in a Coffee-house at any time, though I entred in singly, I should have it filled with variety of Guests to hear those admiranda wonderful things that I had observed abroad: I was the Mouth of the house, and what I reported was received as an Oracle, I made two Fellows one time confidently believe, that Pindennis Castle, if well mann’d and rigg’d, would make a brave Man of War of the First Rate, and that Pen-men maure in Wales, and Hoath in Ireland were nere met in consultation how to prevent the turbulency of their Northern neighbourhood from incroaching on their Trade of Herring-Fishing.