He relates what extremities he was put to, for want of Food and Lodging. His Lodging in a Mill, lying in the Hopper, discovers a very pleasant passage between the Miller and his Wench; and by a strange accident got a very good Supper that night; with many other remarkable adventures.

I was not so much troubled that by being shut out of dores I was destitute of a lodging as to think how basely I was turn’d off by this Yeoman of the Hempen Collar. Neither did I trouble my self at the thoughts of lying underneath a Stall, (for I had too lately been intimately acquainted with lying on the boards) but my mind was somewhat perplext when I thought of meeting the Constable and his Watch, I fear’d no lodging so much as one of their providing. To avoid which, I crept under a Stall, and slept there that night. The Sun had lookt into our Hemisphere with half an Eye, when I awaked, and glad I was I had so much light to see which way I pleased to steer my Course. I directed my Feet toward the Key, where I knew I should find diversity of Objects to please my roving mind. I walkt there so long, still my stomack grew enraged to that height that nothing could pacify it but a good Breakfast, which I knew not how to obtain, or give it the least satisfaction, but by begging. Whilst I was thus plotting how to support Life, a Man in good habit steps ashore from one of the Ships which lay by the Key, and walking a turn or two with me, askt me who I belonged to, if to none, whether I wanted a Service? To whom I replyed, I was an Orphan and Masterless, and that I should be glad to hear of a good Service, and be thankful to him that should help me to one. That I will said he, if thou wilt Sail with me to the Barbadoes, thou shalt fare as I do, and since thou art a well favoured Lad, I will have a care of thee as of my own Son (it may be so, if he loved him no worse than my Father loved me) thou shalt do well ne’re question. He askt me whether I would eat or drink, I told him I was both hungry and thirsty; come aboard with me (said he) and thou shalt be satisfied in both. I thought it no prudence, but rather very hazardous to go aboard then, and therefore beg’d his excuse; he perceived my fearfulness, insisted on that no farther, and so carried me to a Cooks Shop where he called plentifully for Meat and Drink; and that I might not want sawce to my Meat, he recounted to me the pleasures of going to Sea, what idle Lives they lived, doing nothing but imploying their thoughts in what past time they shall next divert themselves in; Sometimes playing at Hob, (a usual Game amongst Sea-men in a calm) afterwards at Cards, Dice, Tables, Talking, Walking, Smoaking, Drinking or Fishing, and then speaking of Barbadoes and other Islands they usually touch upon, he told nothing but wonders of them. Though I had not the Faith to believe all he said, yet I could not but be much pleased at the Relation. He spent some hours with me to possess me with a belief of the verity of what he said; and when he had exprest himself so largely that he could not utter any more without Repetition, he demanded whether I would resolve to go with him; I promised faithfully I would, but desired of him respit till the next day; thinking I intended thereby to evade him, he would not consent to it, alledging I was too young to catch old Birds with chaff; this was but a trick of mine to fill my Belly, and that this was not the first time I had served others so; however I will pay my share of the Reckoning, and so farewell and be hang’d; there being sixteen pence to pay, he threw down his eight pence. As he was marching down the stairs I called after him, begging him to stay, he returning, I vowed I would come to him the next day, and be absolute at his devotion; I backt this Vow with many Oaths and Protestations, the breaking of which I valued as little as Lovers do theirs in an amorous heat, if necessity should force me to it. Well, said he, I will believe thee for once, but if thou doest cheat me, I shall find you some time or other, and then——

Glad I was to part with him, resolving if I could make any other shift, I would not go with him, Night drew on without any other success that day; and now wandring to and fro in the dark not knowing where to go, I arrived at the foot of Welcomb Bridge; finding myself so near the Town end, I resolved to get shelter under some Hay-mow, or creep into some Pig-stie. As I walkt along I saw a glimmering light, and approaching it, found it in a Mill; I lookt in, but saw no body, whereupon I boldly entred (it being late) and sate down a while by the Hopper, to the intent if any should have taken notice of my entring the Mill, I might there in view have been excused my self. Now coming, and finding myself alone, I got up into the Hopper (being a very large one) and there lay close. I had not been long there, before I heard the Miller come into the Mill, and discoursed with an other, which I judged Female by her voice: not long after came his Boy with some Liquor of what sort I know not, about to depart, the Miller charged him to bring the Capon as soon as it was ready.

By their discourse I soon perceived the intent of that their nocturnal meeting; for though the Mill stood still, the Miller was resolved to grind that night. Various was their pretty little amorous tittle tattle; but growing weary of talking, there was a cessation, and then I could hear a bustling and puffing, as if the Miller had over-charg’d his arms by lifting too many sacks of corn at once. After this, no noise at all; then began a fresh Dialogue, but somewhat better qualified than the first; Their discourse was full of kissing Parentheses, sometimes one with another: their controversie at length grew hot, and the arguments of these two Disputants were so powerful on each side, that they had not a word to say. In the mean time in came the Boy with the Capon, setting it down, but where is the Bottle (Sirrah) said the Miller? The Winer said the Boy wont let it go without leaving Money for it beside the Sack; whereupon giving him Money charg’d him to make haste, which he did accordingly. The Miller and the Wench fell to it lustily. I could hear by the swift motion of their chops, not letting three bitts pass their greedy throats without six Gulps of Wine to wash them down. I wisht them both in the Mill Dam, so that I could have had some of their good cheer. At last the Miller being indifferently satisfyed, and impatient to taste of other Flesh, than that of a Fowl, said, Come my dear we will set aside what remains till anon, which will taste better then, than now; I did wish they would have set it up in the Hopper; After this they fell to their former dalliances; and all was hush again. I reaching up my head by degrees, resolving to see; and leaning too far over the Hopper to make the full discovery, I and the Hopper came tumbling over and over down upon the Miller, and with my Foot had so dabb’d him into the Pole, that half stund, up he got with his Wench, and both ran as if the Devil had been in the pursuit of them; not knowing (when they had recovered the fright) how soon they would return, I resolved not to be idle, but snatching up the remains of the Capon and the Bottle I ran too, but it was a contrary way, being at a good distance, and having recovered the Fields I got under a Hedge, where I made a shift to fill my Belly, though I could not see what I did eat; my Wine served to keep me warm in my new cold lodging; but I found it had not cured my bruised Bones, which troubled me so much, I cursed my curiosity, as well as the Miller, who was the cause of all this mischief, wishing I had his Stones to peck for him.

My happiness rose with the Sun, whose glorious beams having put to flight the gloomy shades of the night, had also in part routed those cares and fears which had surrounded me on every side. And now I began to remember my promise to go for Barbadoes; which (after I had seriously considered with my self) concluded it to be the best expedient I could propound to my self for a future livelihood. But thought I, it would not be amiss to carry some Venture along with me; but since I had neither Parents, Friends, Credit, nor Money, there was no way to procure any such thing, but by my wits, which I was resolved to stretch, or stretch for it: I walkt the streets almost one whole day, but could not contrive a way to insinuate my self into any shop, without much suspition, being so small an Urchin; But rather than spend a day thus fruitlesly, I purposed to hazzard all; and therefore coming by a Shooemakers Shop, I boldly stept in, and as confidently askt the Master thereof, whether he knew my Master; who is thy Master quoth the Shooemaker? Capt. ——— said I; he replyed, he knew him not. You may then said I, for he pointed to this Shop even now, bidding me stay till he came, he intends to buy a parcel of shooes of you, being bound to Sea in a long Voyage. The Man hearing me tell this formal and plausible tale, desired me to sit down, telling me I was heartily welcom; I told him I had been sitting all day, and therefore desired him to give me the liberty of walking in his Shop, with all my heart said he; and with all my soul too, thought I; for by this means I had the opertunity of Surveying the Shop, and seeing what things my hands might lay hold on with least difficulty and hazard. He not suspecting me in the least, followed what he was before about at his Cutting-board, and his back being towards me, I secured a pair of Childrens Shooes, which lay among many more carelesly on a Seat, which I securing, I stept to the Man at his Cutting-Board; sometimes looking on his work, and then stared him caution by my eyes to have a care, lest I should steal the noble Trade of the Gentle craft from him; then standing at the door as if I lookt every moment for my Masters coming, and then retreating inwards, would wonder, or rather mutter to my self, that if he should stay so long. Walking a turn or two backwards and forwards, I espyed a pair, that I verily believed would fit me, my heart leapt within me at the discovery, and my fingers never left itching till I pincht them by the Ears, who made no outcry, when I conveyed them into my Breeches; fearing to stay longer; (knowing to well the danger if I were taken) I came to the Master of the Shop with my Hat in my Hand, telling him I would go look my Master, assuring him I should find him either at the Rose, or Kings-head Tavern, and as soon as I found him would return again instantly. Do so, my pretty Lad, quoth he, do so; which I did with such an over eager haste, that had he observed me, I might have been betrayed thereby. Overjoyed with this success I fully purposed to be couragious for the future, and banish every base thought, that might lessen or abate a dangerous or desperate resolution. To increase my purchase I walkt into another Street remote from that I committed my first Theft, where I busily imployed my eyes in the search of any advantage, though ne’re so inconsiderable; they quickly found out what my thoughts aimed at, and therefore drew near my intended prey, a Hosiers Shop, the Master whereof was busily imployed in making up of Stockings of all sorts into Papers, marking thereon the Prizes. A Logger-headed Fellow, taller by the Head than my self, had little to do, it seems then to gape and stare on the Gentleman that was at work; he lolling over the Stall, I came and leaned by him, where we both gazed so long, till we had seen him make up several Parcels.

I had a great mind to have some Stockins to my Shooes, if I knew how to get them. There was no thoughts of going in after the obsolete way of nimming them, under the pretence of cheapning, for my Habit and Age would have been incongruous, to that design; I had various Projects in my head, and I verily believ’d one would take, (since there was but one man in the Shop) if I knew but which of them would prove most infallibly effectual; for I approved them all as very good. Seeing his work almost at an end, I thought it high time mine should begin; wherefore this Lobcock (who lookt like one who never was nor ever would be good for any thing) I say, I propounded him as the fittest instrument I could use for my designed good. To commence this Knavish stratagem, I pincht him gently by the Ear, which he feeling, grumbling like one suddainly awakt out of his sleep, asked me what’s the matter? Nothing said I, he lolling again after his afore accustomed humour, I twek’t him again, at which he grew angry, and threatned to box me: I regarding his threats no more than the humming of a Gnat, stuck a Pin to the Head in his Breech; at which he caper’d like a dancing Horse; and ney’d so loud, that I could hardly forbear laughing, but he soon made me more serious, by lending me such a cuff on the Ear, I thought he had struck my head off my Shoulders; I endeavoured to defend my self as well as I could, warding his blows, and now and then returning one, creeping as near the Shop door as I could; the Master of the Shop perceiving my Antagonist was like to be too hard for me, left off papering his Stockins, to part two so unequally matcht; that was my pollicie, that I might get him on my side; with much ado, by the help of my Shop-friend, I dis-ingaged my self from him, and seemingly much afraid, I ran violently into the Shop, pretending to fly from my furious adversary; and turning hastily about, I saw the Hosier was much concerned in keeping the Looby from running in upon me; all this while his back was towards me, which favoured my exploit so rarely well, I whipt up a Paper of six pair of Stockins, and sent them into my Breeches undiscovered, to keep company with the Shoes; having finished this work, I had so cunningly plotted I called to the Hosier, Master, Master, said I, let the cowardly Lubber come, and let me see what he dare do, I commend the little Boy said the Hosier, and so loosing him, he ran furiously upon me, I being less by much than he, dodg’d him, and so got clear out of the dore, the Hosier holding him in the Shop, till I had cleerly escap’d him; The Hosier, (as I understood afterwards) presently missing his Stockings, overtakes this Boy, that made not half the haste that I did, to be far enough from the Shop, and dragging him back, charg’d him with stealing a Paper of Stockins who stifly denied it, as well he might. The other told him that though he lookt like a simple ignorant Dolt-head, yet he had found him the cunningest Knave that ever he met with: These are new tricks indeed, spick and span new, piping hot. I have heard, when Knaves fall out honest men come by their own; but I never heard when two such Young Rogues fall out, honest men should loose their Goods. Sirrah, not only produce the Stockins you now have stoln but those I have lately mist, and that presently: you are like to pay for all. A Young Lad (one of my Confederates afterwards) stood by all the while, and told me, that his Gestures at that time out-did all the changlings that ever had been before him; all that the Hosier could get out of him was, that the boy he would have beaten had them; This would not serve the turn, but caused the Constable to carry him before the Mayor, who hearing the whole story, wondred at the subtility of the Plot, especially proceeding from such Green Heads (concluding us Partners) and that his Worship might hinder him from the like, or worse attempts, committed him to Bridewell, there to remain one whole Month, and thrice a week to be severely lasht. I was glad to hear of his confinement being freed from the fear of meeting him in the Street, neither durst I much ramble abroad for fear of meeting the Hosier; wherefore I was resolved to make what hast I could to get me and my Cargo aboard; to the increasing whereof I found the acquaintance I got among young Apprentices, with my skill in Span-farthing and Chuck, to be very instrumental; For being busie at play whilst their Masters were at Dinner or Break-fast, (which were my chief Market times) I could with ease slip into the Shop, and so whatever came to my hands was lawful Prize. What I had gotten at Chuck, Span-Farthing, and such like Juvenil Games, I found sufficient to provide me sustenance for the day, and had spare hours enough to exercise my Art of Pilfring; what each days Theft had produced, I warily carried to my Magazine, a place that I had found out, secret and secure enough for that purpose, viz. a ruinated old Castle, not far distant from the Town, rarely frequented by any. In the Wall whereof, I found a large hole, where I intomb’d my Goods, I like a Cunny with her Stock of young Rabbets, never let it lie open, when I left it.

There was not a Day wherein I did not add to my Store; so that thriving thus in my Theeving, and success attending all my Rogueries, I grew so impudently confident, that I thought almost that I could have stoll’n a mans skin from him without discovery. But Danger and Destruction are seldom nearer, then when security lies at the Door. I had been in many shops but never in a Booksellers, wherefore I was resolved to make one Trial there; and studying what Book to ask for, (being acquainted with very few) I pitcht upon an Accidence; but that I thought would not suit with my Canvas habit, I then thought a Spelling-Book would be much fitter; so advancing within the Shop Dores, I demanded of the Apprentice whether he had any such Book; he answered affirmatively. Pray let me see it, said I; whilst the young man was reaching down a bundle of stitcht Books, in which it was tyed up; I had cleanlily conveyed a Book into my Breeches, (which(which proved to be a Practice of Piety) the Apprentice not finding it in that bundle, searcht in another, which gave my hands the liberty of seizing on another Book, a piece of Divinity as well digested and as Practical as the former, called A Help to Devotion; his Master which lay covert this while in a place called Catch Thief, hastily called his Man to him, to tell him what he had observed, and to let me alone till I was going away, and then to detain me; giving me in the mean time all the advantagious opportunities I could wish for; and to dissemble the matter the better, the Apprentice fumbled a pretty while before he could find it; by that time I had made other purchases, but one especially, the Title whereof you shall know instantly.

Having found the Book, he delivered it into my hands; I tumbling it over askt the Price: Two Groats, said he; I that had no mind to buy it, was resolv’d to bid little enough; will you take Three Pence; The Rascal snatcht the Book out of my Hands so furiously, I thought he had torn it to pieces; and then griping me fast by the Arm, (a Pox on him I did not like well his looks before) Sir, said he, Your Worship is very merrily disposed to offer me as little again as my commodity cost me. What Books else do you want? Or is your Honour of all sorts well stored? So clapping his hands on the knees of my Breeches, discovered what I had been doing. This disgracing Villain makes no more ado, but bawls out aloud, Master, Master, come quickly, I have caught the Bookworm that hath devoured so many Books of late. The Grave old Segnior upon this out-cry quits his covert, and in a Spanish pace advanced towards me, accosting me with the worthy Title of Honoured Sir, I am glad to see you, and am much troubled you should heretofore visit my Shop, and I abroad. I understand you are a great lover of Books; insomuch (they say) you are a little walking library: be not offended Sir, if I take the boldness to look into the Title of one or two of them: so putting his hands into my Breeches, drew out a Practice of Piety: An excellent good Book. I protest (quoth he) you are to be commended for making election of such approvedly sound Divinity, to inform you of the true principles of Christianity; diving again he brings out M. Scudders Christians dayly walk; Upon the sight hereof he seem’d to be ravisht, saying, surely this is a young Angel; and if he reads and practises such precious Books as these, he will be Canoniz’d for a Saint before his decease. And then applying himself to me; said, for certain youryour walk and the Christians dayly walk differ much, for his dayly walks are in the righteous paths of honesty and Justice, but you walk dayly up and down to see what Thefts, Cheats, and Rogueries you can perform. But let us make a further enquiry, and then he drew out a Help to Devotion. Do you see (said he) how Devout he is? how piously studious? not one scurrilous Pamphlet, or Play-book in all his Study; What shall we call him; Religious Votary. But indeed Sir, (said he) you are highly too blame not to put your books (having so many) into some method or order, and not let them lie thus confusedly without shelves.

He searcht a pretty while again before he could find any more, at last he found in a blind corner a Book, and bringing it to light, what should it be, but Mr. Smiths Great Assize; Look you here (said he) what I have found at last? before which at last you must appear, and there answer for all the Villanies you have committed, and then will these very Books (thou hast stoll’n) come in as evidences against thee; but hoping thou wilt escape there, they shall convict thee here, and so presently sent his Man for a Constable, who coming, we straight way marcht to the Mayors. As ill luck would have it, we were to pass by both the Hosiers Shop, and the Shooe-makers, who enquiring of the rabble what was the matter, were informed that they were carrying a young Thief to the Mayor, for stealing Books; the Shooe-maker was the first I past by, who seeing me, knew me presently, crying out, this is the young Rogue that stole my shooes; and not long after the Hosier was in the same tone; this is one of the Rascals that stole my Stockins, so joyning with the multitude, we soon arrived at the Mayors house; entring which, the Mayor being acquainted with the matter, came down into a large Hall, where my Accusers each in his order declared my guilt, not omitting any circumstance that might aggravate my crimes. The Mayor much wondred that I should be so notoriously Roguish at those years, and askt, what I had to say for my self. May it please your Worship (quoth I, bowing so low that my nose e’ne toucht the Ground) I am fatherless, and Money-less, Friendless, and Helpless, and being ready to starve, I begged up and down the Town, but to very little purpose; for I beg’d so long without relief, that I knew not how to prolong my Life, without falling into these indirect courses. Had not the People been thus hard hearted, I had not been so sharp witted. What did you do with the Shooes and Stockins you stole? I sold them (said I) for Bread and Beer. Where, said he? May it please your Worship, I am a stranger in this place and if you hang me I know not where the house stands now. But what did you intend to do with these Books? And if it please you, Sir, I intended with all diligence to enquire whether any Ship was going for Barbadoes, or any English Plantation abroad and I would go in her; being able to read a little, (and knowing my self to be a wicked Boy) I thought to carry them along with me, to the intent I might both mend my reading; and by my reading those good Books, endeavour to mend my life. All the standers by amazed to hear me speak after this manner; but more especially the Mayor, who protested, although he was near four-score, he had not in his whole life time observed the like President; and withal publickly confest he knew not what to do in this business: at length (after he had pawsed a while) said he; young man, you shall have your desire, you shall go to Barbadoes; here is a ship in the Harbour now ready, only expecting a wind; but that you may not forget your Native Countrey, this Town in particular; but more especially your matchless Rogueries, you shall be sharply whipt according to your deserts, and from the House of Correction immediately shipt away. You Gentlemen, that have been sufferers by this young Rogue, see that my sentence be punctually performed; and if you please to give your selves farther satisfaction, let each person offended, give the Offender three lashes apiece, above the general number appointed. I was straightways hurried from thence to the House of Correction; not only Guarded, but regarded by half the Town; my Accusers stuck to me to the very last, neither was there wanting those (to the number of a score) that verily believ’d I had abused them too (having lost several things lately) which accompanied me, hoping to give themselves some satisfaction, by having each of them a fling at my ——. The illest lookt Rogue that ever dropt out of a Carts arse at Tyburn, was superlatively handsom to this Baboon, bare-arst, Monkey-fac’d Jerker, that was to correct my Rogueship. His eyes were of two different colours, and of as different motions; they would turn from each sometimes to the utmost Angles of his face, as if they loathing each other, would not admit of that correspondency which good eyes bless themselves withal: and then again furiously return, angerly endeavouring to pry into each others Cells, how they might extinguish the malignancie of that sight, each other hated for the Neighbour-hood. The Hair of his Head and Eye-brows hung over his Fore head, and part of his Face, like that of an Iceland Shock; Nature when she formed him was very frollicksom, and summon’d all the faculties of her art to make a thing appear ridiculously monstrous; for the colour of his Face appear’d less lovely than a Molotto’s, the sides of his Cheek like two pieces of Tann’d-Hide flie-bitten; his Nose about an inch longer than Mother Shipton is pictur’d with, and somewhat more curved; his Mouth opened as wide as an Oligators; and his Teeth within that vast Concave, alike straggling, his Chin was like the Rump of a Goose. When he did sweat (as he did rarely otherwise) his neck lookt very like a Collar of Brawn, standing in its own Pickle; his back was borrowed from a Cammel, his Belly from a Swine, his Leggs from a Crane, much longer, though not quite so small; But I believe the Devil helpt him to Arms, for my Doublet and Shirt being stript over my ears, there was an Engine brought much like a Pillorie, in which there was three holes; the middlemost for my Head, and one of each side for my hands: These Principal Members of mine being there fixt, he takes up a Stick in his hand with five or six Cords at the end thereof, with which, at the first blow, I thought he had cut me in two, following that with three or four more, and in the end did so lay about him, that my very Accusers were forc’d to intreat him to give over; and when that would not do, they were compell’d to hold his hands. To conclude, he had so out-done their expectations, that they had now nothing else to do but to pity me; but this was not all, my greatest affliction was yet behind. For lest those deep furrows the Rogue had plowed up on my Back should fester or rankle, he had provided a Bason of Water and Salt to wash my Wounds withal, which caused a pain intollerable. The severity of that punishment, hath ever since wrought so strongly on my imagination, that it makes me tremble, when I but cast my eye on any Book of the same Volume of a Practice of Piety.

Mr. Mayor had ordered, that the place of my torment should be that of my rest too for that night, and in the mean time had sent for the Master of the Ship that was bound for Barbadoes, (having a part in her himself) and inform’d him that he had a purchase for him; a young Lad which he should take aboard, giving him an account how he came by him: it was all one to the Master, he cared not what they were, provided strong and healthy: the Sea and Gallows refuse none. The next morning I was conveyed aboard; the Master knew me at first sight, and said to me, Did not I tell you, if you were worse than your promise I should meet with you again? Truly Master, (said I) I did not forget what I promised, the occasion of so long absence was only a desire I had to furnish my self with some Commodities suitable to our Voyage; yesterday I was coming in all hast to you, but that taking up some odd trifles by the way staid me a while, but I’le assure you they cost me very dear. The damn’d Dog-whipper that was with me, did cut what I was about to say in two, resolving forsooth, to have his saying, telling the Master he need not be asham’d to entertain me in his Ship, for to his knowledge I was no less than a Lace-Merchant, and had had great quantity about me. The Master dismissing the Fellow giving him a Tester for his care of me, took me into his Custody; first carrying me into his Cabin to divert himself with the relation of my Adventures; perceiving that the rehearsal of but two or three gave him infinite satisfaction; I assumed the boldness (being encouraged thereunto by his intreaty) to give him a plenary relation, not only of what had lately past since my arrival at Barnstable, but gave him a true and full account of all transactions before I left the famous City of Bristol, the place which I am engaged to for my Nativity.