The Gentleman Soldier gives an account how he came acquainted with an extraordinary beautiful, yet seemingly reserved Courtezan, who slighting him having spent all upon her, he makes himself amends, by cheating her of what she had gotten; he gains acquaintance with a Mercers Wife by a mistake, or rather by Letters falling accidentally into his hands, that were sent her by her Inamoretto, by which means he finds a sufficient reward, besides his sensual enjoyment of so lively and grateful a Mistress.

Be pleased to know then, continued he, that when I came first into Paris, I supposed that as I was young, handsome, and in a very rich gentle Garb, so I did believe that it would not be long e’re I should have some Message or invitation from some Madam or other, but although I waited long for this Adventure, yet I met with nothing to that purpose, but all the French-Ladies although they are in their converse open and free, yet come up close to them, and they are as cold as December or that which is colder, Charity, they would not at all be so charitable to me a stranger, as permit me to close with them, so that I thought I must have returned from thence as wise as I went, for any thing I should know of women; I finding that of my self I could not do any thing, therefore I observed those of my acquaintance what they did in that Case, and at length I found that for all their braggs they were as well furnished with Mistresses as I was, and indeed had none, or at the least none at all that they durst particularly own, but a poor common Courtesanna: I seeing there was no better to be had, was resolved rather than fail to put in there, and to play at small Game rather than stand out: wherefore I took the next opportunity of going with one of my acquaintance to one of those houses, but although I had fasted a great while, yet my stomach was so squeamish that I liked nothing that was there, but only in drinking and talking spent some time and so departed.

I was observed whilest I was there by an old grave Matrona, who two or three days after, meeting me, alone, told me that she had seen me at the house aforesaid, by which she could guess at my business, and finding that there was never a Dish that liked my Pallat, and being desirous to be civil to, and accommodate all strangers, she would pleasure me so far, as to bring me acquainted with the most celebrated beauty of all Paris. I liked her Proposition; first gave her thanks, and then told her if she would name the time and place, I would gladly wait on her; She told me that she was ready at all times and in all places to serve me, and that I might therefore appoint what time I pleas’d. I who had no business but my pleasure answered that if she would about four of the Clock in the afternoon come to the Place where we then were, I would not fail to meet her, she telling me that she would come at the time, we parted; I went to sprucifie my self and put Money in my pocket, and she went as I suppose to prepare the Madam to receive me. The time being come, I went to the place appointed, where I met with my Conductress who already waited for me, I went with her, and in short time we arrived at the house intended, I was conducted up stairs, and received by the Lady with much kindness; the old woman made a Speech to us both, tending to the purpose intended, and then wine being call’d for and a Banquet, we regalled our selves, and spent our time in pleasant conversation; the old woman knowing what I came for, in convenient time left me alone with the Lady, who permitted me to take the satisfaction I desired, and then I giving her a handful of Crown-pieces, which was the key of the work, and she promising me a continuance of her love. The old woman was again call’d for, when she came we renewed our discourse, which continuing for some time longer, I also giving somewhat to the old woman, and the Servants of the house, we soon after parted.

As I went to my lodging I considered of the Adventure I had met with, and the next day enquired what this Lady was, and upon enquiry found that she was a Right Bona Roba, but such an one that was not ordinary, but reserved, and only kept company with the better sort of Monsieurs, I was well enough pleas’d, with what had happened, and was resolved during my stay in Paris to look no further after any female, and accordingly I often frequented her house, and was received as kindly as I could expect, I commanded the house in all I pleased, and lay there when I thought good; but this my pleasure consumed and confounded my pocket, and my allowance from England being but small, was in short time so wasted that I could not hold out to spend so largely as I had done, and as the strength of my pocket decreased, so did her love diminish, and when I had no more mony, she had no more love. No longer pipe, no longer dance, and now as others had formerly been denied, and kept out of her doors, to entertain me, so then the doors were shut against me for others; I was vexed at the baseness and ingratitude of this woman, and resolv’d to be revenged of her if I could, and I made it my only study to do so, I had written into England for mony, which was in short time to come, till when I plaid the good husband, and staid within doors, and so recovered my expences, so that when my mony came, I was in Capacity to put new Cloaths on my back, and good store of Crowns in my pocket, I likewise borrowed some Rings of some of my acquaintance, to whom I communicated my design, desiring their assistance, which they accordingly promised me. Being thus well furnished, and set out with good outside, new Clothes, I again attempted to see my quondam Mistress, but was the first time denied entrance, although I was so liberal as to give the Servant a Crown-piece, and thereby had the means to discover that I had more of the same in my pocket, but the next time that I came thither, I was admitted, and my Mistress pleasantly saluting me, told me that I was very welcome from my Voyage: I ask’d what Voyage? she told me from England; I replyed I had not been there lately; she told me that then some body had abused her and me both, and told lies of me; for, said she, I did not question if you had been in these parts, but I should have seen you, where you alwaies have been welcome; for, continued she, you know that so long as I have a house you may command your welcome in it; I but, thought I, to little purpose, and concluded that all these terms of welcome were but words of Dissimulation, and would last no longer than my money did in pocket, but being resolved to prosecute my design, I would not so far take notice of what she said as to quarrel with her about it, but using my former wonted freedom, I sate down, and call’d for such Wine and other things as I had a mind to, and spent two or three hours very pleasantly with her; and by that means renewing my acquaintance, I gave no occasion of distrust of what I intended. During my stay there, I gave her the convenience of seeing a rich Gold Watch I had in my pocket, and several Rings I had on my fingers, and that my pockets were very well lyned with Silver and Gold, and drawing out as much as was sufficient, I delivered it to her Servant to provide a Supper against the next night, when I told her I would return and sup, and lye there, she telling me I should be welcome, we for that time parted. I then went to two or three of my acquaintance who were to help me in my Design, and directing them what to do, the time appointed being come, I went to her house, and knowing that my Mistress was a great Lover of wine, and that it would be necessary to make her drunk, I carried some bottles with me; being arrived there, she again kindly welcomed me, and pleas’d her eyes with beholding my rich Suit of Cloaths, my Watch, Rings, and the fulness of my pockets, not questioning but that I would leave a good part of these behind me, but she reckoned without her Host, as I shall presently tell you.

Supper being ready we sate down at the Table, and did eat plentifully, but did drink more abundantly, I telling her that she must be merry, she to oblige me drank of her Cups so roundly, that she fell asleep as she sate at the Table, from whence I caused her to be carried to bed, where she was no sooner laid, but she fell a snoaring. I then having given the Servants a dose of the same Liquor caused them to go to Bed, telling them that I could undress my self, and go to bed without their assistance.

I then being alone looked about to see what was to be done, I there saw a Cabinet wherein was the womans Jewels and money, and looking a little further I saw her Cloathes, and some Plate, and not long after my friends whom I had appointed being come, I began to work, first I threw down out at the window her best Cloathes, and all my own, and by the help of her Garters I let down the Cabinnet, her Plate, and so much as the silver Candlestick which we had used; this done, I left the window open, and then went to Bed to my Lady, who although she slept hard at present, yet before morning she awaked, and then we spent our time as we formerly had done; and being somewhat wearied, we again went to sleep, but about an hour after awaking and finding that it was broad-day-light, I called out for the Servant to bring me my Clothes that I might rise, in regard (as I said) that I had some business to dispatch that morning. But the Servant looking about for them and not seeing them, nor her Mistresses, nor the Cabinets, nor the Candlesticks, and missing many things, which she had over night left in the Chamber, and seeing one of the Chamber windows open, she cryed out, O Lord Madam, we are robb’d; at this cry her Mistress drawing the Curtain, ask’d what was the matter for that noise? O Lord, replyed the wench, we are robb’d, for I cannot see your Clothes, your Cabinet, your Plate, nor several other things. Heavens forbid, said the Mistress, I hope you lye; no truly Mistress, continued the wench. Where then, said I, is my Clothes? They are likewise stolen, replied the Wench, for I cannot find them. At this word I seem’d to be mightily astonished, and thereupon I said,

Madam, put these Tricks and Gulleries upon others, and not upon me, who can see through all your disguises, what do you intend, or think to chowse me in this manner? How, my Love, replyed she, what do you say? Now you see I am utterly ruin’d, is this all the comfort you will give me? No, no, replied I, you must sing another song, or else i’le make you, because you saw I came hither with good Clothes, and my pockets cramm’d with Money and Jewels, you think to catch me with this trick, making me believe that you have been robb’d, but I swear to you, continued I, that you shall not carry it thus, and that I will go to the Magistrate and have you and your Family every one of you clapt up; and having thus said, I leapt out of the Bed; and naked as I was in my shirt, I went to the window and cryed out Thieves. This poor woman now more dead than alive, seeing that beside her great loss, she was likely to receive a great affront, leap’d also out of the Bed, and falling about my neck, with lifted up hands, and tears in her eyes, begg’d of me to have pity on her, and that now after she had lost all, I would not go to ruine her quite in her Reputation; I therefore seemed to be moved with her Prayers, but said to her, must I be forced to live here for want of Clothes to go out? No (replyed she) go to Bed again, and I will send to one of my friends to borrow a suit of Clothes for you, and thereupon she immediately sent away to a French-Knight who was one of her Gallants, to borrow one of his best Suits of Clothes, pretending that she had a fancy to disguise her self in mans apparel. The Messenger soon returning, and bringing a fair Suit of Clothes, and all other necessaries, I arose, dressed my self, and taking my leave of my Mistress, went to my friends, where upon examination of my Cabinet, I found that I had increas’d my stock to above twice as much treasure as I had spent upon her, and a good Suit of Clothes into the bargain: He having finished his Story (said Mistress Dorothy) I told him he was very hard hearted to use a poor Lady so, and one who had been so kind to him, and that although she had refused him admittance when all his Mony was spent, there is some reason for it, for it is possible said I, you would have brought her and your self into extream beggery; well, replyed he, I know you are not a competent Judge in this case, and therefore I was unwilling to acquaint you with any of these matters; but, continued he, I will if you please, proceed in the other story I promised you, and so conclude.

I desiring him so to do, he went on thus: I being in this manner, said he, revenged of one Mistress, did resolve to leave her off quite, lest she should in time pay me off in my own Coin, and did endeavour to get another, but could not meet with or find any to my mind; but I and one of those of my acquaintance who had assisted me in my late exploit, one day talking of our female friends, told me that indeed, although he had not gain’d so much by a Mistress at once as I had done by mine, yet he had such a Mistress as had bin not only pleasing, but very profitable to him, for said he, I can command fifty or a hundred Crowns at any time; I marry Sir, said I, that is a good Mistress indeed, and is more than ordinary; yes replyed he, she is no ordinary person. I hearing him say so, knew it was to no purpose to ask her Name and Quality, but did resolve so to watch him that I would find it out, I usually therefore kept him Company and like his shadow still attended him, but he being as cunning as I was crafty, so privately mannag’d his amours, that I could not possibly find him out, I therefore sometimes lay with him, and took the opportunity of searching his Pockets for Letters, but found none, so that I was very doubtful of attaining my Ends, which was to discover who this unknown invisible Lady was, I finding that my acquaintance was too close to get any thing out of, was resolved to take another course, and since I could not out-wit the Master, try if my Boy could out-wit his; I therefore instructed my Boy in what he was to do, and ordered him to get in with the other, and get out of him one time or other, whether he did not carry Letters to any Persons, and to whom. My Boy was not so long about his Discovery as I had been about mine, for in a short time he told me that the Boy was often employed to carry Letters to a Mercers Maid, who lived in the next street, and also to a Carrier who conveyed Letters to an Unkle; I now partly knowing the Who, was desirous of knowing the What, and therefore ordered my Boy by one means or other to get one of his Letters and bring it unto me. He so well discharged himself in this employ, that it was not long e’re he brought me one. I being very curious to know the Contents, soon opened it, for heating a Knife in the fire, I put it under the Seal, which melted the Wax in that place, and so it was open, wherein I found these expressions. Madam,

I am very sorry that I am so unfortunate, that in the term of fourteen days I have not had the happiness of waiting on you, sure the old man is grown jealous, or which is worse, you begin to slight me, or else some expedient might have been found to have deceived him: I shall say no more at present, referring the rest of my Complaints till I see you, which happy minute I beseech you hasten, or else you will very much afflict

When I had read the Letter, I was almost as much to seek as I was before, because it was directed to one who was a Servant to the Mercer, but upon second thoughts I concluded, that although it was directed to the Maid, yet it might be intended to the Mistress, as indeed it was; I having read the Letter, melted some wax and sealed it again, the impression of the old Seal remaining as fair as formerly. My Boy who brought it me, asked if he should carry it again; I first, before I answered him, enquired of him how he came by it? he told me thus, that the other boy told him he had Letters to carry for his Master; and therefore, said he if you will go to the River and wash, I have, said he a good excuse; I (said my boy) told him that I would go with him if he would go strait, then to the River; he replyed, he was commanded to carry the Letter first, but I perswaded him to go first to the River, to the end that I might serve you in what you commanded, and therefore being come to the water, I did not make so much hast as he, but let him go to in, so soon as he was in the water, I searching his pockets, and finding this Letter came with all speed and told the other boys that were there, that I would go in at a place a little further, and swim down to them; and so, Sir, said he to me, I made all possible haste, and have here brought the Letter; I having heard his Tale, commanded him to run with all expedition, and put the Letter into the boyes pocket, he did so, and was not at all discovered, or suspected. I having thus gained some knowledge in my friends amours and being desirous to discover more, walked out to the Street where the Mercer dwelt, where I saw both man and wife in the Shop, there was much disparity in their years, for he seemed to be seventy, and she not above twenty four, I presently guessed that this must be she, and therefore pretending to buy, I went into the Shop, where I was shewed several Stuffs by her, he sitting at the further end of the shop coughing by himself; she had such a winning way in perswading me to the goodness and cheapness of the Stuff, that although I had no intention to buy, yet I laid out some money with her, she was perfectly handsome, and it had been great pity if she had onely been tyed to that old Carcass, but I knew that she had a friend who could do her business for her, and all that I then wished, was that I might be in his place, and take his turn; and this I was resolved to do, or stretch my wit on the tenters of invention.

The next day my Boy brought me another Letter, which was from my Companions Unkle, and I having opened that as I had done the former, found that his Unkle was sick, but however intended to be in Paris in few days, and then he would supply him with the money he desired; I closed the Letter again, and the boy conveyed it to the place where he had it, viz. the other boys pocket, who gave it to his Master two hours after when he returned home, being for the present gone out; by this Letter I understood that he had his maintenance from his Unkle, and that he had lately written for some, and that this was the answer: I took exact noticenotice of his Unkles name, and writ it down in my Table book; I being desirous to discover from himself what I partly knew already, to that end I walked out with him, and engaged him to go into that Street where the Mercer dwelt, but although we did so, and I then curiously observed him, yet he did not so much as cast an eye into the Shop, although the Woman and her Husband were both there, but I remember turning down by that Shop into a blind Lane, he looked towards a back-door, which I then perceived was belonging to that house, and which I guessed might be the way whereby he went to his Mistress.

I having made all these inspections into the matter in hand, was resolved to make some further use of my experience. When about ten days after my boy came sweating to me, and told me that he had gotten another Letter, which the other boy received in his Masters absence, who would not be back in two hours, but then he must deliver it to him; who brought it? said I, a Porter: said the Boy; I hearing this had a mind to have delivered it back again without opening, because I did suppose it came only from his Unkle, or some other Friend, about some ordinary affairs, not judging that a Letter of Love would be sent by an ordinary Porter; I was in this determination, which had I followed I should have thought my self very unfortunate, but a curiosity possessing me, I resolved to see the Contents, wherefore using my former way of heating my Knife, I opened the Letter and therein found these Lines:

My dear Friend,

I hope at your last visit I gave you satisfaction in every thing, especially why I had not seen you for fourteen days before, I must confess it was a long time of absence and you may assure your self that I thought it so as well as you, I also hope that you have no suspition of my constancy, and that you may assure your self of my love to you, I have provided the hundred Crowns you desired, if you come on Thursday night about eleven of the Clock to our Back door, our trusty Servant will let you in, and conduct you to a Chamber, where I will attend you, but I must engage you not to speak to me, for I am in great fear of your being over-heard, by my Husbands Kinswoman, who lies the next wall to me, and is very curious over me; follow these directions and you shall engage,

How much was I surpriz’d in the reading of this Letter, you may easily judge, but you may be sure I was resolved not to part from it, but now I concluded I might put my Design in practice; I had not long consulted with my self what to do, but I had resolved my self in all doubts and scruples; and therefore taking Pen, Ink and Paper, I writ this following Letter:

Sir,

Your Unkle, according to his intentions of coming to Paris, was come so far as my house, but was there taken so sick, that he could not, neither is he able at present to proceed in his Journey, and doubting that he will be worse, hath ordered me to send to you that you may be acquainted with it, and withal, that you may come to him, he not being able to come to you, therefore expects you here with all the expedition you can make, this is all at present from

This Letter being thus written, I dated it two days before, and subscribed it from an Inn in a Town forty miles off from Paris, it was directed to him in the usual manner and form; and so having seal’d it, I gave it my Boy, who soon conveyed it to the place where he had the other. And that my Project might take effect, I went immediately to find him out, resolving to keep him continually in my sight, and oversee all his Actions, from the time he should receive his Letter, till I should see him on Horseback, on his Journey. I soon found him out, and went home with him, where the Boy gave him the Letter, he opened it, and retired, I gave him the conveniency of reading it, which he soon did, and coming up to me, told me that he had hasty News; is it private? replyed I; no, said he, but I think I must leave your company for a few days; when, said I? To morrow morning, said he; that is much! replyed I, sure it is hasty News indeed, if you must be gone so soon; yes truly, said he, you may see the Letter, and then you may judge of the matter; hereupon he delivered me the Letter, which I having read over, told him that indeed if this Unkle, who was sick, was as nearly allied to him in friendship, as he was in consanguinity, that then it was necessary he should suddenly obey his orders. He is, replyed he, not only my Unkle, but my Father, For I never knew no other Father I had, for my Father his Brother died, when I was but six months old, and left me and my Estate to his disposing; neither continued he, hath he any Child or Relation nearer than I am; I told him that if it were so, I would advise him not to let any time slip, but to take Horse and be gon that night; he was unwilling so to do, for, said he, I have another affair to dispatch that is of considerable consequence. I supposing it was his Love business, and being resolv’d to bear him off from all proceeding therein at the present, fearing lest he should send some Letter, and so my design would be frustrate; I therefore said, that nothing whatever should hinder me from present going, if I were in his condition, and if he would communicate his other affairs to me, I would act for him all I could to my power; he answered me that the affairs he meant were of such a quality, that none but himself could dispatch; I replyed that I then supposed they might be of some Love-concern, to this he only laughed, and finding that he had a great inclination to do somewhat in that nature that might spoil my design; I therefore used so many arguments with him to cause him to begin his Journey, that I saw him that Evening on horseback, with a resolution to ride twenty miles onwards of his Journey that night, that so he might reach the end of it the next day betimes.

And now I having dispatch’d him out of the way, did not question but I might accomplish my design as I had determin’d. It was but then but Tuesday night, and the time appointed by the Letter was Thursday night, so that till then I waited with some impatience, but the hour being come, I went to the Place, which was the Back-door, which I had formerly taken notice of. I was so desirous of finishing the Adventure I was about, that I had made more haste than ordinary, and being come somewhat before the precise time, I was forced to wait, not daring to knock lest I should offend. But long I had not staid, before an adjoyning Clock struck eleven, and within less than a minute afterwards the door opened, and a Female looking out, and seeing me walk, beckoned me to come on; I did so, and without one words speaking, entred the house, and following my Conductress close at the heels, went up stairs, and coming to a Chamber-door, she only said, now Sir, you may enter there to your and my Mistress, and stay till I come and call you, which will be about two hours hence, but I pray be sure you talk not, lest that discover you; I listened attentively to what was told me, and promising obedience only by a Bow which I made, the Servant left me, and I entred the Chamber; although there was no Candle, yet I could see where the Bed stood, and going thither I saw my Mistress whom I saluted, and then retiring pul’d off my Clothes and leap’d into Bed to her, I lay down by her, and during the two hours time I staid, you may be sure I was not idle, I made no noise by speaking, knowing that it might be of dangerous consequence in a double manner; and the two hours being come, our attendant came and told me it was time to rise. I though unwilling enough did so, and putting on my Clothes was soon dress’d, and coming once more to kiss my Mistress, she told me softly that in the window in a Purse was the hundred Crowns she promis’d, I making her a profound Reverence, and kissing her hand, went thither, and finding the Purse, put it into my pocket, and the Maid hastning me, I departed, when she came to the Back-door, she told me that e’re many days, she would find a way how I might enjoy my Mistress with more freedom; I pulling a Crown out of my pocket, put it into her hand, and bade her goodnight: And thus, said the young Gentleman, did I obtain my Ends upon this Gentlewoman; and (said he) I being now entred was resolved to proceed, and therefore the next day went again by the door, and seeing none but her self in the Shop, I entred, and desired to see silk enough for a New Suit; she shew’d it me, and I soon agreed on the price, giving her own demands, but when I came to pay, and drew out the purse she had given me, which was a very remarkable one; she looked very wishfully on it; Nay Madam said I, it is the same I receiv’d of you last night; how! replied she, am I betraid then? No dear Madam, said I, there is no Treachery in the Case, onely the excess of my love to you, made me run a great hazard; I hope, Sir, replyed she, you are not guilty of any murder of my former friend: no Madam, (said I) I have only by a piece of Wit remov’d him at present; well, Sir, (replied she) you seem to be a Gentleman of that temper that you will not wrong a Woman, I have not time or opportunity to discourse you at large, but that I might engage you to secrecy, I not only freely give you the money you have in possession, but also I desire you to accept this Stuff you intended to buy, and I pray with your first conveniency let me have an Account of this strange Adventure; I had hardly time to answer her (You shall Madam) but her Husbands Kinswoman came near us, all that I could do was to deliver the parcel to my Boy, and making the ordinary Reverence, I departed.