The Drugster sets two Persons, his wives Brothers-in-Law, at variance, he gets Money out of them both, proceeds in Trading, but adventuring too much, cannot pay his Debts, and is therefore clapt up in prison.

I drave this rambling Trade for a long time, and gained enough by it, but I was so prodigal in my expences (both at home and abroad, that I might be counted somebody) and sometimes loosing considerable sums at gaming, that I began to go behind hand, and oftentimes, when I pretended to go to Gravesend, the Downs, or other places to buy some Drugs, or other Merchandise aboard a Ship, I went not far from London to a brave handsome Lass, that I kept for my private recreation. For though I had a wife, and she indifferent handsome, yet was she cold in her embraces, and still talking of the cares of the World, and propounding ways to get Moneys. But my private Lady was quite different, being wholly composed of Love and sweetness, professing nothing more dear to her, then my Society: and we had no other discourse but pleasure and enjoyments, in the greatest height we could imagine; This though it were pleasant, was very chargeable, to keep such a Commodity for my own private use, so that I gained not much at the years end; and what I got over the Divels back, I spent under his belly, as the Proverb goes: Wherefore my wife called on me to stay at home and apply my self to some settled way; but that I could not do, for my Stock was grown low and my spending as high as ever.

My Wife had a Father-in-Law who was a Citizen and a monyed man; him I got into favor with and by my free entertainment of him, won him to me; for he having left off trading in London, lived some miles off, and coming to London would often visit me, where I still welcomed him, and attended him abroad when he went to receive Rents, or any Moneys, and assisted him in all such things that I could, with much diligence. My stock being very low, I borrowed Moneys of him to trade with, and was very punctual in my payment, so that he put so much confidence in me, as to lend me 100l. and more I might have had, had I requested it, as he and his wife (who was my wives Mother) often visited me at my house, so at convenient times I was a guest at theirs in the Countrey? where I associated my self with the best Gentlemen of the place, winning upon the affections of all; by my facetious and pleasant converse. I had great hopes of raising my fortunes by my wives Mother, who I hoped would out-live her husband, and then, at her death be able and willing to give me good part of her estate, but it fell out otherwise, for she fell sick and dyed before him, but it was my good luck to be there, and my wife being still near her, she gave her some Rings and other things that were considerable.

The old man my Father-in-Law being desirous to bury his wife at London according to her request went up with us, and being somewhat sick before, so soon as his wife was buried, was so surprized with a distemper, that he took his bed, and after ten weeks sickness dyed at my house, during his sickness I bethought my self of what advantage I might make it, and endeavoured to please him in all I might, but he having two sons, I could not expect much of the estate, but was resolved by hook or by crook to have a considerable share, and to that end I knew no better way then to divide the two Brothers and put them at difference. The eldest was a married man, and though of an easie temper yet I knew was too honest to be wrought on to do any unhandsome action, the youngest being a young bluff fellow, was apt to believe any thing I should perswade him to, wherefore at first I possest him with a jealousie against his brother, and that he would defraud him of his share of the estate, if he did not take heed and follow my directions, which if he did, I would put him into a way to command his elder brother in every thing.

The young man being of a suspitious nature, easily believed me; and then I particularly advised him, that the first thing he ought to do, was to get the Register of his age altered; for if his father should now dye, and he not truly being twenty years of age, could not expect to have the possession of any part of the Estate, unless he were one and twenty. Wherefore to the house of the Parish Register we went, and for the spending of one shilling, and five shillings in Money, we had the Register book delivered to us, where I being well skilled in counterfeiting and imitating of hands; soon alter’d the Register, putting his age out in one place, and writing it in another place two years before; so that the young man was now made half a year above full age. Then did we call the Register, who gave us a Certificate out of the book of the young mans age, and this we carried with us as authentick, and to be produced on all occasions. I having done thus much for the young Man, he could not deny me anything I desired or requested: so that the old sick Gentleman being still weaker, and having his Money in a Trunk by his beds-side, I perswaded the younger Brother (who had the key) to take some out and lend to me; which he did: and that the old Man might not see the action; I and my wife would stand by the beds-side before him, so that by degrees I got 100 l. from thence; and when the old man dyed, though he left a considerable Estate, yet was there not a penny of ready Money. The elder brother knowing that he had foul-play shewed him, began to be angry, but to no purpose, for he was forced to comply, the younger brother having possession of that Trunck, and the keys of all others where all the Writings were. The old man being buried (and much excess and prodigality shewed in the expences and costs thereof, which was done principally at my invitement, that I might gain repute by inviting as many friends as I pleased, and also drain my two young men of their moneys) the two brothers began to discourse the matter, the elder brother demanding possession of the Estate, and a divident to be made according to the Will of their Father; and, said he, Brother, your share must either be in my hands, or else in the Chamber of London till you come of age: How, said I, till he come of age? Sure, you mistake your self, he is of sufficient age already; and thereupon produced the Certificate, which though it was very punctual, yet the elder brother (who was neer ten years older then his brother) and several others who were present, knew to be false: and this was the first breach between them, which had like to have grown to a high flame: for the elder Brother applying himself to the Register, upon search of the Book, found the fallacy: and indeed the Register acknowledged the fact; for which he, and the younger Brother, and my self had like to have kissed Newgate, by order of the Lord Mayor, who being acquainted herewith, was highly incensed against us all, professing before the whole Court of Aldermen, That this act was of high concernment, and might be prejudicial to the whole City. The elder brother was very cautious in prosecuting this affair, being tender of his brothers credit, and therefore endeavoured by fair means to bring his brother to a handsome compliance; which he effected in my absence, and so wrought upon his Brother, that the Trunk of Writings was sent for to a Tavern, where they were for the present divided, and the Trunk with part of the Writings delivered to him, with a promise to put a fair end to the rest of the difference. When I came home, and found the Trunk gone, I stormed exceedingly; and believing my self disappointed of my purpose, found out the younger Brother, and schooled him so soundly, that he by my directions went back to his brothers house, and by a false token regained the Trunk with the Writings which he had new sent home. Thus was their difference enlarged, and likely to be worse; but the Elder brother so moderately complyed with all mine and his brothers demands, though never so unreasonable, that a division and partition was made, not onely of the Estate, but some part of the Goods, which being Plate, and Linnen, and Pewter, were delivered into my custody: and all the differences between the brothers being ended, I demanded of the elder brother satisfaction for his fathers being at my house during the time of his sickness: he little expected this; for his father had given to me and mine an hundred pound, but that was nothing; I owed him so much, and I must have more, and so I told him I would have, or mischief him: not giving any other reason, but that he had enough, and I would have part. Thus did I hope to huff him out of his money: but he, though he was easie and good-natured (which I accounted next of kin to a fool) yet wholly refused me, affirming that I had no reason for my demands, for I had an hundred pound given me, and that I had not been at any charge, for his father had continually given my wife money to provide all necessaries, and that some of that was still in my wives hands.

Though I knew what he alledged was true, yet I still persisted in my demands, and told him, that so much I would have for the trouble of my house: he offered to refer it to two men; I long refused it, but at the length consented, and tampered with his Arbitrator, promising him a reward, if he would answer my expectations: but he contrary to my expectations proved honest, and gave me but half what I asked; neither would he have consented to that, but that the elder brother himself advised him thereto, out of a desire of Peace. This Award I was much troubled at, and seeing I could get no more, was contented with what I could get of him: but the younger brother I fleec’d somewhat more considerably, getting out of them both, in Legacy, Mony and Goods, to the value of three or four hundred pounds: with which stock of money, and a greater of credit, reporting of greater matters that were given me, I again fell to trafficking, and now dealt more considerably then ever: for I went to publick Sales, where great quantities of goods were sold by inch of Candle, and bought thousand pounds worth at a time; and so considerable was I lookt on, that I was often imployed by others to buy for them. I bought several parcels and sorts of Goods, which I fetcht away as I paid for them: at last I bought several parcels of Goods to a great value, and fetcht away most of them, which I sold to profit: but one parcel of 500l. being a failing and decaying Commodity, I left in their hands so long, that it was much damaged; and unwilling, and indeed unable to pay for them, was arrested, and clapt up into prison; where I was forc’d to lie a great while, till I had spent and consumed most of what I had; and at length they finding there was nothing to be got by me, released me, I releasing my bargain: which I willingly did, but soon after repented it; for the price of that Commodity rising, it soon amounted to great profit; and whereas I should have lost, I now might have gained, as they did by the sale of it, neer 200l.

CHAP. XXX.

The Drugster having failed in London, goes to live in the Country; where by counterfeiting a sickness, and making a Will, he gets into Credit, and borrowing Money falls again to Trading.

This Misfortune of my Imprisonment did sensibly afflict me; especially, when I understood that instead of loss, I might have gained by holding to my bargain; but it now being past, could not be helpt. I was reduced to such necessity, that not onely all my Money, but my Plate and best Goods were sold; and not onely my Wife, but my Whore parted from their Rings and Jewels to redeem me: for when I was in prison, every body that I owed money to, though never so little, came upon me; and though I came off with my great Action easily enough, yet many other little ones stuck close to me, which I was forced to discharge. I had now time enough to consider my forepassed Actions, and to examine my self what I had done to deserve this affliction; I bethought me of the trick I first served my Mistresses Sister, in cheating her of her Money and Virginity; but that stuck not much upon me, because I thought her to be justly enough fitted for delaying me, distrusting me, and other bad practices I knew her guilty of; but when I considered the wrong I had lately done the two brothers, in first raising a difference, and then continuing it between them, and not onely prosecuting the elder brother so highly my self, but putting another of my acquaintance (to whom I knew he was indebted) upon him to sue and arrest him, with all the disgrace that I could, by causing it to be done on a Sunday as he went to Church, I my self attending: This consideration possessed me with an opinion that this Judgement was justly fallen upon me for this cause, I being rightly enough fitted, being likewise my self arrested on a Sunday, as I was going to Church: but now being discharged of my Imprisonment, I bethought me what course I was to take, and resolved, that since I had suffered disgrace in the City, it were best for me to remove into the Country, where I was not known; therefore I soon took a house of considerable value, and putting my self in a very good Habit, and in equipage every ways suitable, I and my Wife, with most of my family removed from my London to my Country-house; I soon got my self acquainted with the best and wealthiest people of the place, and gave them very handsome treats and entertainments at my house, which they answered me with the like civility.

Though I had been a Prisoner, yet I had play’d my Cards so well in paying my small debts, and told my tale so advantagiously about my great Action, that I had preserved a sufficient credit with some of my Dealers; so that making up about fifty pound out of my Wives and Wenches Rings, Jewels, and some Plate, I was entrusted with 100l. worth of Commodities, with which I set up another Trade in the Country: this turned to good account: for I seldom ventured on any thing, but it was effectual and to purpose; and if I would wholly have bent my minde to get Money, I might have had a good estate; but I affected pleasure equal to, and above profit; and though I was thus low in the World, yet I still kept my Wench, whom I had now quartered in the mid-way between my London and Country-house, and therefore could lye with her commodiously enough, and tell my wife, if at my Country, that I lay at the London house; and so on the contrary.

As I thus enjoyed my pleasure, so I now began to be more wary, and look after profit, which I did to good purpose; but I now wanted a Father-in-Law who was a moneyed man, or some other friend who would furnish me with money; and if I could but have produced three or four hundred pounds in ready money, I questioned not but to make extraordinary advantage; for this end I thought on several ways, and at length did hit upon one that did my business. I travelling in the Winter, took an extraordinary cold that forced me to keep my bed for some days, and indeed I did so longer then I needed; for I counterfeited an extraordinary sickness, and that I was much troubled with the Stone and Collick; and so desperate ill I pretended my self to be, that my Wife lamenting, and my Children and Family being in much disorder, I was perswaded to make my Will: to this I consented; and the Scrivener of the Town was sent for; I then told him, that by reason of my Childrens childhood, and my Wives incapacity to manage affairs, I was in a great strait how to dispose of my Estate, which though it was considerable enough, yet if it were not well managed, would soon come to nothing; I now being in a strange Town, distant from London, where my acquaintance lived, I knew not well what person to intrust as Executor, unless, said I, Mr. B. of this Town would do me the kindness to take that trouble on him, which I would willingly requite by a sufficient Legacy, and my Wife and Children would be bound to pray for him. Sir, said the Scrivener, I question not but he will do it; and if you please, I will not onely ask him, but perswade him thereto. I thank you kindly, said I, and for this offer of your friendship, I shall give you a Legacy as a Remembrance of me; and therefore, I pray, take notice of the heads of my Will, and then go with it to Master B. and shewing it to him, make this request to him in my behalf: whereupon the Scrivener began, and I dictated to him, what, and to whom I would give; which was 1000l. to my Wife, 300 a piece to my Children, and several other Legacies, amounting in all to near 3000l. and 100l. I gave to my intended Executor, and 10l. to the Scrivener.

This affair being thus ordered, the Scrivener departed, and went to Master B. my intended Executor, who being a well-monyed man, and withal very covetous, was very glad of the matter, and willingly accepted of the offer, and within few hours came to me, and told me he was very sorry for my sickness, and wished my recovery; but if he could do me any service living, or to my Wife and Children if I should die, which he hoped would not happen, he should be ready and willing both in purse and person to assist me. I then told him what I had done as to my Will, and withal caused my Account-books to be produced, where I shewed and demonstrated how my Estate stood, and in whose hands it was (having prepared false Accompts for that purpose:) he seeing the matter so plain, and hoping to get a fleece out of my Estate, caused the Scrivener to proceed and finish the Will, which I sealed; but during his stay with me at that time, and some other times when he visited me, I so counterfeited faintings and pain, that he and all others neer me, did fully conclude, I was no man for this World.

After I had managed this affair to the height, I soon recovered, and had now not only gained this old penny-father to be my friend, but by his and the Scriveners reports of my Estate, had many others, who more then ordinarily respected me, and made me tenders of their service: all which I thankfully refused at present, as not having any need. Soon after this, I hearkned out a place, for which I was to give 1000l. and it being a good penny-worth, I engaged in it: I made a shift to raise two hundred pound of my own moneys, and that was all I was then able to do; but pretending I had of my own five hundred pound in money, I soon perswaded my intended Executor to furnish me with five hundred pound more; and so paying seven hundred pound to my Chapman, he took my word for three hundred pound more. This place put me in very great credit; and now, as well my London as my Country-acquaintance looked on me with respect, supposing all to be true that had been discoursed of me. I did not long keep this place, but sold it for an 100l. profit, and so became Master of more ready money then ever, with which I again came to London, wholly leaving my Country-house, and paying my Country Penny-father part of his moneys: and with that little of my own, and the rest that was left, and what I had gained, I took a house and Shop in the place where I now live, and drive a Trade equal to the best of my Neighbours; onely I have had some dealings of late, which have a little puzzled me, as I lately told you, when I had my trial; but he that slander’d me paying so dear as 200l. damages, will not onely himself beware, but alwaies teach others to hold their peace.