The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years of his Apprenticeship, and his Masters first Cheats by counterfeiting a Seal.

When I first came to Prentice, my Master (by reason of the Wars, which caused a general deadness in Trading) had but little to do: but he being one of the confiding party, did thereby get acquaintance with several rich men, and in short time by reason of the pretended sanctity, was entrusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred pound, which he did to his content; for he had a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven hundred pound assigned for security. My Master never having dealt in money before, and now finding the sweetness of Procuration, and making of writings, longed to be at it again: but though he had moneys offered him to put out, yet he could not meet with any security to content; for personal security by reason of the casualty of the Wars, was generally disliked, and Land in the Country was for the same reason refused, and only Leases in London, or Lands about London, was counted sufficient and approved of, wherefore this Companies Lease, on which he had procured monies did run much in his head, wishing for such another security, and projecting somewhat, which since he had put in execution, as I will tell you by and by: but I will first acquaint you how I behaved my self for the first three years of my time, whereby my Master took so good a liking to me, as to communicate his secrets to me. My Master was alwayes good natur’d, and kind to me: but on the contrary, my Mistris was cross and froward, so that I could seldome get a good word from her, and she would still employ me in several pieces of drudgery, as to carry burthens from London to our Countrey House, and then I must bring back from thence fletten or skim’d Milk, on which we must feed two or three daies in the week, when my Master would allow good roast Beef, which she would send for away: but I was still even with her for her niggardliness, and when I came to the Country House, I would usually get my share of the Cream; and being a lover of the Pies and Puddings, steal some from her. One time I being in the Larder, had a great mind to a bak’d-pudding that was there, but at first durst not meddle with it, because it was with other good cheer to be served up at the Table to Dinner, where were some guests: but for all that, the lovliness of the Pudding made me to take my knife, and turning it upside down, cut out one half of it, and so turning it down again, left it to be served hollow to the Table: but I departing for London e're Dinner was served, I know not how the Maides came off. At other times when I came to the Countrey House, if the fruit of the Orchard were ripe, then the gate was lock’d, and I was not admitted therein, but I would have my share by day or night; for I once invited some of my Confederates to Church thither on a Sunday, and in the Sermon time went with them and rob’d our own Orchard, which no body else durst attempt because of our Mastiff; nay, I went once from London at midnight, and having some of my Copesmates with me I entred the Orchard, and fetcht out the fruit which I would be sure should be of the best, and choicest of all the ground, and gave it to my Companions, and so we returned loaden to London; and thus did I vex her for her niggardliness, and although my Master did well enough suspect me, yet he would only laugh at my Mistriss when she was most passionately angry, and say, she was but rightly served. But at length my Master had a Son, who when I first came to Prentice was at Boarding-School: but in time growing up, his Mother had a great desire to have him live at home and be a Clerk: for my Masters employment encreasing, I gained moneys, and bought me some fine Cloathes, and wore a Watch in my pocket: at all which she was envious, and desirous that her Son might enjoy what I did, and therefore bound he was to his Father, and though this happened three years after I came, yet such was the injustice that I had done me, that he was not only placed before me in a seat, but I was commanded to make clean his shooes, and attend him, as if he had not been a Servant. This though I was forced to comply with, yet I was resolved to be revenged of, and therefore set my wits to work; I did clean his shoos, but in the edges instead of greazing them, I anointed them with Aqua fortis, and he putting them on, and going to the further end of London, the soles of the shoos fell from the Upper-leathers, they being so eaten by the Aqua fortis, and he sate at the Coblers stall whilst they were randed together again. He was of so covetous a disposition (like his Mother) that though he had moneys in his pocket, yet he would seldom spend any at the Ale-house, and therefore sate at the Coblers stall two hours, whilst his shoos were made fit for him to walk with, and then he came home and was soundly chidden by his Father, my Master, for his so long stay, which pleased me very well that he should be blamed for that fault whereof he had been so often guilty. He being of a sneaking peering humor, I could not be quiet for complaints he made of me, and by his applying himself close to his business, he would dispatch as much writing as I did: though I could when I listed, do twice as much in the time, and when he had done, he would be making and mending his Pens ready against business came in, but I would spoil all his Pens by cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter than the other, so that when he came to write, he had his Pens to mend or new make, and so curious he was, that his Ink must be in a particular Standish by its self, whereto I would often put Oyl, so that it would not write; and then for his Parchment, he would choose the best skins, and give me the worst being greasie: but I would in his absence greaze his Parchment by rubbing it with a Candles end. Many other inventions I had to hinder and cross him, I found two pair of his Gloves one time, and bestowed some Cow-lich in all the seams on the inside of them, so that he putting them on, his hands quickly fell to itching, and he to scratching, till they were all bloudy, and so hot, that he was forced to put them in a pail of water, and then he cut his Gloves in pieces, that he might see what was in the inside, which was no small pleasure to me. He being a trouble and vexation to my fellow-servants as well as to me, they assisted me in my waggeries and contrivances against him. In his Mothers absence at the Countrey House, he kept the key of the Cupboard and Buttery, to hinder us from the better sort of Victuals, but I soon got another key, and had my full share of every thing, and when missed any thing, perswaded him, the Rats and Mice bereft him of it. When my Mistriss came to Town she would have her Lodging in the Chamber over the Kitching, because she would hear if we sit up after her; it was a good while er'e I could think of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging, but understanding that she could not endure Rats and Mice, I got a great dead Rat, and in the daytime put it into her bed between the sheets, so that she opening her bed to go into it, and seeing the Rat, was so extreamly affrighted, that she immediately left her Lodging, and went into another Chamber: but she doubting that we would sit up a nights after she was gone to bed, as indeed we often did, in Company of her Daughter, who was somewhat better condition’d than her Brother, and had many Junkets and Collations; she called her Son to watch, and he being willing to catch us, would come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to listen: but we discerning his practice, strewed the stairs with pease, and nointed the edges with soap, so that one night down he fell backwards, and almost brake his Rib with the fall, and gave us timely notice to shift away for our selves: his Mother hearing the noise, comming down her self to help him, was served in the same kind, I hearing of this, and all being dark, ran in my shirt and Breeches as if newly awaked, and instead of helping them, went to the stairs and wip’d and rub’d them, and conveyed away most of the pease, so that my Master by this time being likewise up, and having a candle, did not distrust how they had been served, but helping them up, and I assisting my young Master to go to his bed, the next day he concluded the House was haunted by Spirits: By this means we were rid of his watchings; for after he was once in his Chamber of a night, he seldom came out again to watch us. But he would commonly stay in the Kitchin till he saw us all going to bed, neither would he permit me to come to the fire, upon which account we had a bussel, and I gave my Gentleman such a fall, that caused him to remember a good while after: but his Mother remembred me the next morning, for he having acquainted her with the matter, she took upon her to revenge it, which she did in this manner. I according to custom coming to the Cistern for water, to water the shop before I swept it, having one finger of one hand in the hole at the bottom of the bottle, and my t'other hand being employed in holding the bottle, and being stooping at the Cock of the Cistern my Mistress came near me, and there standing by me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts wherewith the maids had newly washed down the stairs, she takes them up and slaps them about my face, so that I looked as durty as a Chimney-sweeper; and not contented therewith, she jouled my head against the Cistern: I thereupon standing upright, and feling my self wet, faced her, who now opening her mouth, made a great noise with her passionate exclamations against me for abusing her Son; I let her goe on in her discourse, and apprehending a way to be even with her, coming very near her, let my finger go from the bottom of the bottle, and holding it over her, it ran all upon her, so that she then having a great belly soon felt her self to wet through, and then she would have been at me again, but I shewed her a fair pair of heels, and ran away. Thus was I still even with them both, and my Master would seldom do any thing but laugh at what I did, taking much notice of my unhappy wit; for let her and her Son do all they could, I would be sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals; and she was of that dirty humor, that at a Christmas when she made a Feast, and a great deal of good chear was drest for her guests, she would then afford us nothing but a dish of stew’d Turneps, Milk, Pottage, or at the best, a leg of Beef; and though much Victuals were left in Platters, and on Trenchers, that she bestowed on the Water-bearer or Chair-woman, that they might report what a brave House she kept, and not a bit was given to us his Servants, unless she had kept it so long till it was mouldy or worse. Once I remember she promised us some Plumb-Pottage, and at the time she made two pots full, I asking the maid wherefore so much was made? she informed me, that one pot-full was much better than the other; I being told which was the best when my Master and Mistress were at Dinner, got a good Bason full of the best, and set it by for my self, and then mixed the rest so, so that we had all alike. But to lay aside all these fooleries, and now to the purpose, my Master perceiving me of a pretty smart wit, and fit for his purpose, he employed me in getting of a Seal made, the which I did, and it was like unto the Companies, which I told you was to the writing, upon which we lent 500l. He did not tell me the use of it at present, but I soon found it out; for not long after a Deed was made, and the Seal being put to it, my Master caused one who was his Confederate to bring it to our shop at such a time as he had a Usurer in his company who wanted security for moneys. In comes our Gentleman, and calling my Master aside, asked him if he could procure 500l. upon such a Companies Lease? Yes reply’d my Master if it be a good one; whereupon the Lease was produced, and the Usurer being there present look’d on it, and liked it so well, that he agreed to lend 400l. upon it: This at first would not please the Gentleman, because he pretended he was to pay 500l. but the value of the Lease being counted and reckoned at no more than 600l. he was contented at my Masters perswasions to accept of 400l. upon that security, and my Master promised him to furnish him with a 100l. more on his Bond of another person, a friend of his. Thus this business was made up, and assignment or mortgage being made of this Lease, the money was paid, and my Master as I soon understood, had 350l. thereof, and the Gentleman 50l. and I was likewise rewarded with twenty shillings, which the Gentleman gave me. Thus said the Scrivener, was my Master first beginnings in Cheating, which indeed was but small to these many great ones, which he soon after acted; of which you shall have an account in the next Chapter.