He is bound Prentice to a Taylor, the Knavery of that trade, his Master of a stitch, he is turn’d over to a Baker, who misusing him he runeth away.

My next Master forsooth was a Taylor, a dapper fellow, to whom the Shoomaker (because he would be sure to be rid of me) bound me Prentice the first day I went to him, after I had been there a little while, whether it be the nature of the trade, or what it was I know not, but all my mind ran upon penny-loaves and pudding-pies; & whereas before I was more given to drink than to eat, now my whole appetite was for feeding. If I went by a Bakers shop, oh how would I cast mine eyes upon the penny loaves, wishing my belly a Cupboard to contain such precious jewels; neither could it sink into my faith, that there was any trade in the world comparable to a Bakers, but that which made me the more hungry, I conceive was that we were much pinched in our diet; for my Master made us observe more fasting days, then were set down in the Kallender, and then with a counterfeit zeal he would preach a long Lecture of sobriety unto his Prentices, not that he had any Religion in him (for at another mans table he would gurmandize like an Epicure) but to save victuals; and when we fell short at meals (as we oftentimes did) he would put us off with an old Proverb, that many a sack is tied up before it be full, for his other qualifications and endowments, take a brief view in this short but true character of him.

He was such another as Sir Thomas Overbury speaks of, a creature made up of shreds that were pared off from Adam when he was rough cast. His chiefest care was, how to cloath other mens backs, and feed his own belly; how to make them fine, and himself fat, against Christmas, Easter, or Whitsuntide; he was a man of some repute, but most time else like a thick Cloak in Summer, hang’d behind the door. His offensive and defensive weapons, were only a needle and a thimble; with the first he murdered many Egyptian vermine, and the last he made a Gauntlet for the top of his middle finger, which at other times jingling in his pocket with his bodkin, made the Ale-wife to think he had mony in his pocket, which caused oft-times a flagon to be scored up behind the door. His chief upholder was the sin of pride, a new fashion being to him like the Term to a Lawyer; to gain which he used to frequent those Churches and places where Gallants most resorted, when on a sudden the Mechanicks wifes and kitchen maids gowns came trowling in to be new altered, for out of the fashion, out of the world. He differ’d altogether from God, for with him the best pieces were still marked out for damnation, and without hope of recovery cast down into Hell, for though he had many bottoms, yet his conscience was bottomless. Of all weapons he most affected the long Bill, and he who paid him but one half, he would be sure to be no looser by him.

An ancient Gentleman one day brought a suit of Cloaths to our Shop to be made, who that he might have them the warmer, had bought two yards of Bayes to cotton his breeches in the inner-side; my Master thought that was too good for such an use, and therefore took it to himself, and supplyed the place with old painting Cloath. It happened afterwards the Gentleman wearing those Cloaths, going to Islington, as he went over a stile, a snag or cleft of the same took hold of his Breeches and rent a great slash or gap in them, that quite discover’d my Masters theft; for right against the hole, was the picture of a Devil with a muck-fork in his hand, which made the gentleman to admire how the Devil he should come there; searching further he found more of his fellows, and all of them with muck-forks in their hands, tormenting of Dives in the flames; this put him in a great rage, to consider how that by the knavery of the Taylor, he should carry Hell-fire in his Breech; ripping the other Slop, there was the Prodigal on Horse-back, his journy into a far Country, Hawks and his Whores, his feeding husks with Swine, with his returning to his Father, and the killing the fatted Calf, wherefore in great rage he came to my Master, calling him knave, thief, and a great many other names, such as came first to his tongues end; my Master desired him to be quiet, told him it was stole off his Shop-board, but for his part, he wish’d if he had it that he might find it in the Hell, meaning the Hell under his Shop-board, which was the receptacle for all stoln goods.

Now those pieces which were condemned to this Hell, were termed Cabadge, and we never made any Cloaths either for men or women, in which he snipt not some pieces from them; sometimes out of a Suit and Cloak, enough to make a Boy a payer of breeches, or a doublet, and sometimes enough for breeches and doublet too. Then we drave a trade with the Sadlers, for peices of Cloaths to make seats for Sadles. The Cabadge of course Cloath was to make dust-cloaths for the legs of Country Plough-men, wollen caps, and mittens for old women; all was fish that came to net. When a Gentleman bought a suit and cloak of good cloath, if my Master could but perswade four or five more to buy of the same, out of them all he would steal a suit and cloak for himself. Then for womens cloaths, the cabadge of cloath of silver, brancht Sattin, and the like, went for pin-cushions, pin-pillows, womens purses; and if black, Church-wardens caps. Cabadge of Tabbee, coloured Taffaty and Sarcenet, for facings of the hands of doublets, &c, when we set on gold and silver lace, we should stretch it so, that in four or five yards we would get a quarter of a yard, which with old silver buttons and such like stuff, went for ends of gold and silver; and sometimes in rich laces we would rub them so on our knees, that in eight or nine ounces, half an ounce would come off, which went also to the encrease of ends of gold and silver.

Now being the Under-Prentice, my chief employment was to run on errands, so that having thereby an opportunity, I often visited the Dagger in Foster-lane for pudding-pies, my mouth always either peny loaf or pudding-pie fashion. Amongst other places that I went to, one of the chief was a Mercers in Pater-Noster-row, from whence my Master received a small snip for every Gown he helpt him to custom withall. Now their way of dealing was thus; my master bought the stuff, then the Mercer was to justifie that it cost him so much a yard, perhaps eight or ten shillings more in the Gown than it did, for which my Master when he brought customers to him, was to perswade them to the stuff, avouching there was not such another penny-worth in the Town, and that he was confident that he saved little or nothing by it; but only for to gain their custome; by which you see he who carries a Taylor with him to help him buy Cloaths, carries a Thief in stead of a Friend, for the Mercer and Taylor was both agreed, and what the first says, the other will swear to. Now to hear them muster up the names of their stuffs, would make you swear they were raysing so many Devils, there’s your Parragon, Burragon, Phillipine, Cheny, Grogrum, Mow-hair, Damasilly, Novato, Pinckanilly, Pinckadino, Prunella, Itiliano, Castiliano, Perpetuana, Sempiternum, Tamme, Tammet, Tammeletto, and a thousand more besides, such as Adam never gave names to, being more for pride than for warmth, and rather to cloath sin, than to cover nakedness.

But ere I could attain to any perfection in the Trade, my Master dyed of that which he lived by, the Stich, being taken with it as he was contriving a new fashion for a womans placket, that it should be neither before, nor behind, nor on either side, but before he could finish his project he was taken with this Stich, so that that invention was utterly lost thereby: now because he dyed of such a disease, I muster’d up all my wit and invention together, and made for him this Epitaph.

My Mistress not continuing the Trade, I was turned over to a Baker, at which I rejoyced exceedingly, being heartily desirous to be dealing with Belly-timber, remembring how I was full fed when as I lived before with the Cook. Here I found the Maxim to be still true, that there is knavery in all Trades, for as my last Master theived from peoples backs, so this robbed their bellies; and was in one sort worse than a Taylor, for Taylors commonly filch their Cabadge only from the rich, who can the better spare it; but a Baker by making his bread lesser than it should be, stealeth it out of the poor peoples bellies, for doing which he deserveth the same fate to attend on him as did on Pharaohs Baker, viz. hanging; or at leastwise to look through an oaken planck, and shew the people a knaves head.

He would be sure to be in fee with the Clark of the Market, and pretended great love to him, though he hated him as his Executioner. By this meanes he had always timely notice of my Lord Mayors going about, when he would be sure to have his bread full weight stand at his window; and if at any time he chanc’d to be catcht, oh how he would repine at his forc’d charity, to see his bread given away to the poor, hating Justice it self for the weigh-scales sake, though it did the Beggars as much good as their dinner, to see his basket sent to the prison.

When we had any stale mouldy bread, such as we could not sell our selves, or was returned us again by our customers, we used to soak it in water, and so mould it up again in our dough, which in Summer time at four days end would roap so, that if you pul’d it in pieces it would appear as if it were all Cobwebs, which made us always to sell such bread new. Now what other Knaveries he used in his trade, I was not there long enough to know them: for because I used to forget to rise betimes in a morning, my Master would remember me with a good ashen wand which he always kept in store by him, wherewith he would beat me as your Sea-men do Stock-fish, in so much that my flesh had on it all the colours in the Rain-bow, viz. black, blew, green, red, yellow, white, &c. above all things in the world I liked not beating, wherefore I resolved to march off, yet before I went I purposed to be in part revenged on him for those many blows he had given me. Now so it was that he lay above stairs, and I below, and when he came down, if he found me not up and about my business, he would so rib-roast me, that I could have felt no cold although it had been frosty weather. Against that morning I intended to be gone, I had parched some pease in the oven, that they were almost as hard as leaden bullets; them did I strow here and there upon the stairs against my Masters coming down, and so having put up my things, and made my self ready, I staid expecting what the event would be, anon my Master called me at the stairs head, I heard him very well, but made him no answer, wherefore he supposing I was asleep, was coming down to give me the bastinado, when treading on the pease his heels flew up, and down he came tumbling from the top to the bottom, swearing all the way he was falling, that this damn’d Rogue (meaning me) intended for to break his neck; I hearing him to thunder so loud, thought it would lighten upon my Jacket presently, and therefore to prevent it, I opened the door and shewed him a fair payr of heels, leaving him sore bruised with his fall, and more vexed that he could not come at me, to revenge himself of me for the same.