The Souldier is in danger to be caught by his Landlord in his Landladies Chamber, but by her wit he escapeth. Mistris Dorothy relates that a parcel of Padders having rob’d a Knight of four hundred pounds, two of them are taken, but the Knight will not swear absolutely against them, because he might sue and get his Money of the Hundred where he was rob’d. A Crew of Pick-pockets wanting money, two of them pretend to be drunk and quarrel with the third, wherefore these two are put into the stocks, and getting company, the third had the opportunity of picking many Pockets.

The Lawyer having thus pass’d by us to the amazement of my Landlord, he then look’d on me with somewhat a distracted countenance, his wife seeing that, and doubting that he had or would discover the matter; to divert him from any questions or considerations, pretended to be so mightily amaz’d & frighted, that she fell into a swoon, and then her Husband, the maid, and I had enough to do to bring her again to her self, neither could we do it so well, but that her Husband was forced to help the maid to carry and put her into her bed, where for that night I left them and went to my own, and now my belly being full it was not long ere I fell asleep; awaking the next morning I began to consider what had passed, and wondred at my self how I had the confidence to manage an affair so difficult and dangerous, but when I considered what I had done I resolved to proceed, and as I knew the secrets of my Land-ladyLand-lady, to make some use of that knowledg, and out of her misfortunes to make my self a fortune therefore I recommended my self, remembring the old saying, Audaces Fortuna juvat, Fortune helps the bold, and therefore I would try her favours, considering that she could do me no injuries, I could not be much lower than I was, and I was in great probability to rise higher by the prosecution of this Adventure. I did not question but I should do well enough with my Landlady, for I had not at all disobliged her in betraying her secrets, but rather mannaged them as well as she could wish or desire, and therefore she could not take me for a Clown or Fool, but rather think me worthy of her favour, and into her favour I was resolved to get, or venture all; she was young, and as you know indifferent handsome, her husband was old, and I believe wanting in what most pleases a woman, and therefore she had permitted the young Lawyer to supply that Defect, and considering that I might as well as he pretend to her favor, for I was as young, and (if I am not mistaken) as handsom; indeed he had this advantage, of having more money than I, but I question’d not but she would well enough dispense with that, she being out of possibility of wanting any, but rather able to supply me; and I had this advantage above him, that I was in the house, and likely for some time to continue there, and by that means I might make use of all opportunities, and indeed it was not long ere I had one; for I having spent good part of the morning in these congitations, I could hear my Landlord rise and go out of the house, wherefore I also arose and made my self ready, and indeed I spruced my self up in the best manner I could; being now ready I went down stairs, and met with the Maid-servant, who could not look on me without blushing, I gave her the Good morrow, & asked her how her mistress did this morning she replyed, something better than I left her last night. Truly replyed I, I am sorry that she was so ill, but more especially to consider that I had been the occasion of it, but I would study how to make her amends, & at present I desired to make my excuses to her, if she would shew where she was: she is not yet stirring, said the Maid; that matters not, said I, and thereupon we went to her bed side; where when I was come, she seeing me turned away her face: but Madam, to make short with my story, I spake to her, and that in such manner, that she not only turned about, but gave me thanks for the favors I had done, in managing her secrets with so much discretion, and that she was, and should be eternally obliged to me, and should study how to make me amends: I replyed, amends was already made in the good opinion she had for me, desiring her to continue in it, and I should endeavour to serve her in all things to my power; and since it was her misfortune to be disturbed by her Husbands unexpected return, and be disapointed in the enjoyment of her Friend, that was a thing I could help, but however, if she pleased to accept of me in his stead, I should give her the best satisfaction I could, she seemed to be angry at this proposal, but I proceeding and telling her that I was a Gentleman born and bred, and it may be in all things equal, if not above her Friend; she was content to let me kiss her, and I finding that I might without much difficulty proceed further, sent the Maid out for a Mornings draught, and in her absence perswaded her to accept of that from me which she should have had from her Friend the LawyerLawyer, had not her Husband disturbed them; and I then pleased her well, that ever since she hath made no difficulty to let me enjoy her Person, and be Master of that as well as I was of her secrets; and being thus possessed of her person, I not only commanded that but her Purse, and have led the pleasantest life in the World. This Adventure, Madam was the occasion of my being accounted a Cunning-man, for my Landlord, though I had enjoyned him secresie, yet he did not absolutely keep it, but acquainted some of his familiar friends with my knowledg, so that I was in short time pointed at as I passed along the street, and gazed at with the eyes of wonder; nay some of the Neighborhood courted me very earnestly to answer them several questions, and being often importuned, did give them such answers as might probably come to pass, which falling out accordingly I gain’d not only the reputation of a cunning man, but my pockets were also indifferently well lyned with Half-crown pieces. Thus had I a handsome enjoyment of money and pleasure; for I was free with my Landlady, and very little suspected by her Husband; but I was one time near being caught by him, and thus it was. He was not only well stricken in years, but by an accident some years past, had lost one of his eyes, or else he would have espyed us; for one day he being abroad, and I being desirous to toy with my Landlady, we in order thereto entred her Chamber and lay down on her bed, we had not long been there but we heard a noise, and the maid-servant looking to see what was the matter, came hastily in to us, and told us that her Master was coming up stairs; she had hardly delivered this unpleasant message, but he was come up stairs and was entring the Chamber, but he was not so quick, but his wife and I were as nimble, and were got upon our feet, and she running to the door caught hold of her Husband about the Neck and cryed out, Oh Lord Husband, how dearly welcome you are to me! especially at this time, when I so longed to see you. For what cause, said my Landlord? what is the meaning of this language? Oh dear Husband, replyed she, I have been asleep on the bed, where I had the pleasantest Dream that I have ever had in all my life; nay, (continued she) it is more than a Dream, for it is a Vision, and I hope a true one: well, what is it, said he? Why truely Husband, said she, methoughts you and I were walking along together in a pleasant Field, and we met with a man that begged an Alms of you, which you very liberally gave him, and he being glad of your liberality told you, that he would recompense it by restoring you the sight of your other eye: Methoughts I was very joyfull at this proposition, and desired him to do it, but you were doubtfull of his performance, and therefore unwilling to let him meddle with you, but he promising and assuring us that he would certainly cure you, I perswaded you to permit him to wash your eye with a certain Water he had in a Viol about him, which he had no sooner done, but methoughts you saw very well with your blind eye, at the sight of which I was so over-joyed, that I awaked, and you then came up stairs; and now Sweet-heart I am so confident of the Truth of my Dream, that I desire to experiment the same, and therefore I pray let me put my hand on your seeing Eye for a tryal. My Landlady having done, her Husband replyed, Surely you have not been asleep as you say, but talk idly for want of sleep, or else you would never make so foolish a proposition. I know not, reply’d she, but I must needs desire you to give me satisfaction in this particular, for I long to try it. Well, said he, that you may see how much a fool you are, I am content. She having liberty, clapt her hand on his seeing Eye, and I who waited that opportunity needed no further instructions what to do, but coming from behind the door where I had stood, with long strides and easie, went out of the Chamber, and going down stairs left the House: She seeing me gone, and thereby her business being done, asked her Husband if he saw any thing? No, said he, but if you will remove your hand I shall see a fool; she did so, and told him that she was satisfied, but hoped it had been otherwise: And thus, continued the Soldier, we escaped this brunt, as we did many others. And now Madam, said he to me, I have been very free in relating to you the greatest Secrets of my life, having so much confidence in your discretion, that I shall run no hazard in your knowing it, but hope as I have been free with you, so you will be so generous as to acquaint me with your quality and condition, and permit me to serve you in all I can. To this request I answer’d, That indeed I was not of that Countrey, but another, and upon an urgent affair was some time since come from London, whither I have a desire to return; so have I, said the Soldier, and if you please to accept of my service, I shall gladly wait on you thither, for I have so much respect from my Captain, that I question not but he will not onely give me leave to go, but also give me a Pass to secure me thither. I hearing him say so, told him that I would take such order in my affairs, that I hoped in one months time to be ready to be gone, and then I Should be glad of his Company. This was the discourse I held with the Soldier, who was indeed very civil with me, spending his money freely as often as he came into my company. I being resolved to leave this place, took order to get into my hands what moneys I had, which I had lent out to sufficient persons in the Town, which was in short time paid me; but very strange Accidents happened in our house before my departure, which made me hasten it, and which were thus: I have already told you that our house had been a Receptacle for Cheats and Pickpockets, who by degrees coming to be Thieves and High-way-men, they still frequented it, and mine Host who seeing he gain’d moneys, cared not much which ways he came by it, made no great scruple of Conscience to entertain them, who indeed were very good Customers, and spent equal to the best Guests we had, and he might do that with them he might not with others, for they were bound to believe and pay all that he reckoned, although never so unreasonable, so that he had an equal share, if not more, of all the Prizes they made, some whereof were very considerable; for a Knight of Yorkshire having occasion to travel our Road was set upon and rob’d by six of our Guests, he had onely Himself, Wife and Daughter, Coachman, and one Horseman, this was his Company, but the Prize was considerable, being four hundred pounds in money, besides Watches, Rings, and other Jewels: Our Crew of Padders, although at first they were severe enough in searching them, and stripping them of all their Money and Jewels, yet dealt civily enough with them (if I may term Thieves to be so) before they parted, for the Knight seeing it was in vain to resist, and being too weak to do so, permitted them to take all from him, but when they came to his Lady and had taken her little Money, and proceeded to take her Rings from her Fingers, he was troubled, and told them, that he hoped as they had found him civil to confess and deliver all he had to them, and which he said was very considerable, so he hoped they would not use any violence to his Wife and Daughter, in taking their Rings from them which were inconsiderable, and might happen to be prejudicial to them, in discovering of them to the Law. They, who knew he said right, not onely desisted from proceeding against the Ladies, but also gave him his Watch and Rings and all the odd Money they had taken from him, contenting themselves only with the four hundred pounds, and giving him an Oath that he, nor none of his company should remove from that place for half an hours time, that they might have leisure to escape; they left him. He was as good as his word and staid out his time, and they with full speed rode to our Town, and at our house took up their Quarters: They no sooner entred the house, but they first deliver’d their Money to the custody of mine Host, and then called for a Trunk wherein was their Clothes, for they had always Change of Clothes lay there, so that in a quarter of an hours time these six Blades of Fortune were so metamorphosed that they were not to be known; he who when he came in had a black Perriwig and grey clothes, now had a white Perriwig and black Clothes, and by that and pulling off Patches and such like Disguisements, they were not to be known; for if a Hue and Cry coms out wherein is named the number of the Robbers, they cannot distinguish or describe them otherwise than by their Clothes and Horses; and as for their Habits they thus alter them, and their Horses are presently either sent to Grass, or lock’d up in a private Stable, and their Sadles and other Accoutrements are convey’d away and lock’d up; and commonly if there be six or eight in a Robbery, not above the one half, or three quarters of them go to one house, but divide themselves into Companies untill the Hue and Cry shall be over, and then they meet and divide the Booty: This is their common practice when a Robbery is done at any distance from London, but if it be done within twenty miles of that place, then away they all flie thither, and enter the City at several ends of the Town, and to several Quarters they at present disperse themselves; this I say is their custom. I told Mistress Dorothy that I was very well acquainted with the Truth of what she had said, and therefore desired her to proceed and acquaint me how their Guests came off with their Prize; Very well, said she, for the Hue and Cry came not to our Town till the next day; and by that time two of the six were gone, having taken their shares with them, and the Hue and Cry having passed about the Town it came to our house, where the Officers failed in their Enquiry, for it nominated six, whereas our Company was but four, and the Description of the Persons and their Habits was so different from what our Guests had, that there was no reason in the world to suspect them, and as for their Horses they were not to be found, so that, I say, our Guests all escaped, and for joy feasted and drank very highly, but in two days time their Joy was lessen’d; for a trusty Messenger came to them and brought sad Newes from the other two of their Companions, which was, that they were taken, apprehended, and upon examination found so guilty, that they were sent to Goal. Our Guests were very much surprized at the news, & upon examination of the perticulars, thus they found it: The Knight who was robb’d having staid in the place the time he promised, that being over, he caused his Coachman to drive on to the next Town, where when he came, he sent for the Town-Officers, and inform’d them of his Loss, and withal told them that he must, and did expect satisfaction from them, and the rest of the Inhabitants of that Hundred, because he was robb’d two hours before Sun-set: They who heard him knew he said right, and that it must be so, unless they produc’d all or some of the Felons, and had them try’d and found guilty at Law, wherefore the Sum being considerable, and the Case so evident and plain to be proved, they presently took an account of the Knight of all particulars of the Robbers in the best manner that he or his servants could direct, and having so done sent out a Hue and Cry, directing and charging the Officers to use all possible diligence in the discovery of these Fellons: but they miss’d of their purpose for that day, but the next it was the misfortune of those two of our Guests who had left our house to come thither, and being now again upon the Pad, were accoutred in their Padding Habit; although they were but two, and the number in the Hue and Cry was six, yet their Habits and Horses were so remarkable that they were soon suspected, and the officers seized them quickly, hailing them before the Justice, whither when they were come and examined, they could not answer so well, but that they were shrewdly suspected; but to make the matter more clear, the Knight and his servants who were still in the Town, were sent for, and then it was not long ere the matter was but too plain for our two Delinquents, especially when upon search of their Portmantua’s their share of the Money was found, however they stoutly denied the Fact; but notwithstanding all that could be said, they were sent to Prison. This News alarmed our Guests, and made them bethink themselves of what should be most necessary for their own preservation, and thereupon they thus resolved, that two of the four should go near the place where the Knight was, and observe his motions, and according to that act their matters as should be convenient, and the other two resolved for the present to stay at our house: but this Case which now at the beginning appeared to be very bad and sad for their two Companions, in the end by the cunning managment of the two Agents came off much better than was expected, and indeed very well; for they understanding that the Knight was engaged by the Justice to prosecute, and that the Countrey would see that he should do so, whereby they might be discharged from payment of the money he was robb’d off; This consideration being had, they resolved by some trusty Messenger to send to the Knight, and therefore they drew up a Letter to this purpose.

That they were Gentlemen of a good Extraction, but the misfortunes of times, and their own Necessities, had put them upon a Course of life far different from their Inclinations; which, although it was not justifiable by Law, yet they thought it not so unreasonable as the World did, and they had plenty of Examples for their Practice, the whole Nation being now engaged into Parties, who under fair and specious pretence made it their business to Rob (which they termed Plunder ) one another, especially the harmless Countrey, and that so often as they should come in their way: This they said was the president by which they walked, and by vertue of this Commission (which they believe as Authentick as some of theirs who levyed great Forces,) they had taken up Arms, and their good fortune, and this present mishap, had caused them to meet, where, although he was dispossest of his Money, yet they were confident he had no very ill opinion of them, in regard they had used him and the Ladies in his company with all civility; this they hoped he would not forget, and for that consideration he would deal as civilly with their two Companions, who had the misfortune to fall under the power of the Law. This they thought was reason enough for them to Expect all favour at his hands, but there were also other reasons for him to do it, and that which they thought would be the most prevalent, was, that it was against his own interest to prosecute their Companions; for should he at the approaching Assizes so absolutely charge them with the Fact, as to bring them within the compass of the Law, and it may be take their Lives from them, then he must expect no other satisfaction, but lose his Money: whereas on the contrary if he and his servants spake doubtfully in their Evidence against them, and they were not proved to be guilty, then he might by Law recover his whole Money of the Country. This they hoped would be a prevalent reason with him to order the matter so as to let their Companions escape, which they prayed & hoped he would do: but if (as they thought against all reason) he should rigorously prosecute them, he was to remember that four of their Companions were still left at liberty with swords in their hands, and his misfortune might again bring him under their power, when he might not expect so civil proceeding against him as he had the last time, but that they might revenge their Companions, but they concluded they hoped he would not give them that occassion. And so they concluded.

This Letter was carefully conveyed to the Knight, who having read and consider’d the Contents, and finding their reasons to be good, and withal considering that if he should by his Evidence cast these two men for their Lives, he was not sure of his own so long as they had companions, (who though at the first he found civil enough) who had swords in their hands, and might be revengeful and bloody-minded enough on that occasion; neither, as they had urged, would it be for his interest, for he must then lose his Money, or the greatest part. These reasons, I say, made him to manage the matter so as that upon Tryal they should be acquitted, and therefore he sent to the Prison a Confident of his, to tell them that he would do so, charging them to deny the Fact & stand upon their justification; And thus the Assizes coming they were indicted, but the Knight & his Servants (who were directed and instructed by him) were all in one Tale, & said, that indeed he was robb’d of four hundred pounds at such a place & time, by six men, two whereof were in such habits, or like such as the prisoners at the Bar had, but that he could not for all the world swear or say that they were any of the persons. He saying no more than thus, and by his example his Servants saying no more or less, & the Prisoners pleading Justification, they were in the end acquitted, had their Money again deliver’d to them, and the Knight now proceeding in his Suit against the Country, recover’d his whole Moneys of them; and thus our two Prisoners with their two Comrades who had attended the Tryall, came home to our house with great joy. And thus did Thieves escape, and the honest Countrey was punish’d, and this I have known is a trick that hath been used familiarly; so that several Countreys have been almost undone with these kind of Robberies.

Soon after this passage, there happened one as pleasant, thought not so roguish, and thus it was: A Crew of Divers, Bung nippers, or Pick pockets came to our house, and there being a Fair in the Town they brought home very good Purchase, and spent their moneys very freely, but their trade did not continue so good as it began, and they in expenses were so profuse and prodigal, that they had out-run the Constable, spent more than they were able to pay, and they were always us’d to pay their Host well, and so they were resolv’d to do now, or set their Wits on the Tenters; many Projects they had, and many Essays they made, some of them going abroad by turns, and then returning and sending others, but our Town was but thinly peopled, and they could not raise any considerable Purchase, wherefore knowing that if they could get any number of people together, they might then have the more convenient opportunity of getting a Prize, they therefore thus laid their Plot; Three of them went out, two whereof were to act the drunken mans part, and so they did very Comically, for they reeling along the streets, tumbled down several people who were in their way. The people believing them to be what they appear’d, viz., drunk, let them pass on without much interruption; their sober Companion seeing that no body else would take them up, he therefore was resolv’d to do it, and thereupon meeting them as by chance, they gave him the Justle, which he not taking so patiently as the other had done, not onely worded it with them, but they proceeded to blows, so that two being against one it was thought unequal, and they having been abusive to others, a great company were assembled, and among them the Constable, who seizing upon all three carried them before a Justice, who hearing the matter, and finding by the testimony of the people who went with them, that the two were wholly to blame, and believing them to be as drunk as they seemed to be, he therefore ordered that they should be set in the Stocks for two hours, and the third be discharged. This his Order was obeyed, and they were conducted to the Stocks, where they behav’d themselves so pleasantly in foolish discourse to the people, that a very great number of people were about them; their Companion who was at freedom seeing his conveniency, and being his Arts-Master in the Mystery of Diving, fished money out of their pockets, so that in two hours time that they were in the Stocks, he plyed his work so well that he had gained near seven pounds; being thus fraighted, he came to our house, and it was not long ere his Companions followed him; when they finding so considerable a Purchase, paid my Landlord the Reckoning and call’d for a new one, where they drank roundly, remembring all those by whom they fared the better; and then having done the business they came for, they paid their Shot and march’d off to the next Town to see if they could fare any better than they had done at ours. And these, continued Mistress Dorothy, were the Guests we now entertained, Padders and Pick pockets, who as they got their money easily, so they spent it as lightly, to the great profit of mine Host, for he gained at least fifty pounds of the four hundred, and still put in for a share: but as the Pitcher goes not so often to the water, but it comes home broken at last, so in short time not onely his Guests, but he himself was caught and brought to condign punishment.