Two Shoemakers are cheated of a pair of Boots, and mine Host gets another pair of them. Mine Host and one of the Shoemakers find out the Cheater, who is apprehended, and sent to Prison but is released by the Judge for an enterprize of his Companions, who acted wonderful Feats by slight of hand.

Thus was every one a gainer but the poor Countrey-man, who was forc’d to march home by weeping Cross, only with a brass chain worth eighteen pence, instead of above twenty pounds which he had brought out with him. Mine Host gained indifferently well, but the Cheaters more, being fully fraighted; but as they got it easily, so they spent it merrily; and then went to work for more, though they devided the spoil equally between them, yet none had the punishment but the Chain-Merchant, and I believe he had as many lashes on the back as there was links on the chain; he took his punishment very patiently, only when the blow came he would shrink up his shoulders, which a stander by seeing, told him that did him more harm than good; it is no matter for that, friend, said the cheater, you may spare your instructions, for I shall not follow them, and now I am to be whip’d I will do as I List, and when you come to the same sport, and it is your turn to be whip’d, you may behave your self then as you please, thus was he pleasantly roguish when he was in the midst of his punishment, and when he was on horse-back he answered the People as roguishly as I told you; but being come to the Towns end he was dismounted, and sent packing. Thus were we rid of one Crew of Cheats, but truly, if all the Cheats of the Town had been so served as this was, mine Host must also have march’d off, who had he had his due, did as justly deserve it; but it is the little sort of Knaves and Rogues that are punished, the greater scaping Scot-free, as now mine Host did. After this Trick we had another that was altogether as pleasant, and before the finishing of it, there were some pleasant passages, and thus it was.

A Gentleman-Cheater comes to our house, and stays there a day; walks about the Town to finde some purchase, but lost his labor, he seeing there was no money to be had, was resolved to play at small Game rather than stand out; and somewhat therefore he would do if it were but to bear his charges; he had observed that there were but two Shoemakers in the Town, one at the one end, and the other at the other end: he saw they were well furnished with boots and he wanted a pair, he therefore coming home to his quarters, sent our Boy to one of the Shoemakers to desire him to come to our house, to bring a pair of boots to a Gentleman; the Sho-maker in hopes of a good Customer returns with the Boy, and brings two or three pair, our Gentleman trys them on, and at last is pleas’d with one pair, only one of them was too little in the instep, for that said the Shoemaker, it is a small fault, and I can remedy it in an hours time, by putting it on the Last; our Gentleman intending that so he should, asked, what price? eighteen shillings was demanded, but fifteen was the price agreed upon; well, said the Gentleman, carry back the boot that is so defective, and put it on the Last, let it stay on it two hours at least, and then come and bring it, and take your money; very good, said the Shoemaker, and so taking up the remainder of the Boots he departed, not distrusting any thing, and not thinking any man who had two legs could much advantage himself with one single Boot. Our Gentleman being now Master of one Boot, was resolved to have another, and therefore he again calls the Boy, and desires him to go to the other Shoemaker, and wish him to come and bring a pair of Boots: for, said he, the other Shoemaker you brought could not fit me; the boy believed him, not thinking of the transaction, it being done privately in his Chamber: The boy went, and brings the other Shoemaker with him, who likewise brought two or three pairs of Boots; our Gentleman likewise tries them, and chusing that pair that was likest to the other he had, he likewise agreed with the Shoemaker upon price, but made the same exceptions with this last, as he had done with the former, advising him to put the Boot on the Last, for one hour and a half, and at that time to come exactly and receive his money; away went the Shoemaker with the rest of his Boots, leaving the odd one behind, and no sooner was he gone but he draws on his new Boots, and calling for a Reckoning, paid it, and his horse being bridled and sadled he mounted, and away he rode. At the time appointed both the Shoemakers came, so justly together that they met at the Gate with each of them a Boot under his Arm; they both asked for our Gentleman, but hearing he was fled and gone, they both look’d blank upon the matter; mine Host was present, and understanding the story laughed heartily at it; they knew not whether they should be angry or pleas’d, but being both Brothers of a Trade and both served alike, they resolved to laugh too, though it were but with one side of their mouths, and so they sate them down and drank together; one Pot drew down an other, and being of the Gentle Craft they were both good fellows, and at length a Bottle of wine they call’d for; mine Host seeing them in a merry vain, said, Gentlemen, I’le make a proposition to you, faith since the Gent. hath made a pair of two odd boots do you so too and let these as the other two go together, and therefore fillip up Cross or Pile who shall have both; I but said one, I am not willing to hazard my Boot for nothing, therefore thus I propose it; let us have the other Bottle of Wine, and then let us fillip Cross or Pile and take our chance, and he that hath the fortune to have both the Boots shall pay the Reckoning; agreed, said the other, and so they proceeded; and he whose chance it was to have both the Boots, did not only agree to pay the Reckoning, but also called for another Bottle of Wine. Mine Host still kept them company, and helped them to laugh at the Frolick, and now they were gotten into so merry a Vein, they resolv’d to club for the other Bottle, which they likewise in short time drank off. Mine Host having a Design upon them for the Boots, seeing them merry, said thus, Gentlemen, I made one proposition to you, even now and you agreed upon it; I have another to make, which I question not but you will assent to, but in the first place, I pray tell me the just price of the Boots; truly, replyed the Master of them, I was to have fifteen shillings of the Gentleman for them, but they are really worth fourteen shillings, well then, replyed mine Host, my Reckoning comes to six shillings; now if you please I’le venture my Reckoning, which is near half of what your Boots are worth against them, and fillip up Cross or Pile whether I shall have the Boots for my Reckoning or nothing; we’l make no dry bargain said the third person, we’l have some Wine to boot, or no Boots shall be ventured; well, said mine Host, then I will add another bottle of Wine to the Reckoning; and thus all Parties being agreed, Cross and Pile being fillip’d up, mine Host had his Chance, and the Boots; and thus he gained what the other lost, and neither of the Shoemakers could laugh at one another for their loss was equal; and thus was this pair of liquor’d Boots converted into liquor, and that drank up, and this was the end of the adventure of the Boots for the present, but it was not quite finished, for mine Host who again had some business at the Assizes, went to the Country Town where it was kept, and there he met with one of the Shoemakers his Neighbour; he had then the same Boots on that he had in a manner gain’d by chance; and therefore remembring the Jest, they went in to drink at the next Two-pot house; there they were jesting and laughing at the passage of the Boots, when on a sudden mine Host looking out of the Window call’d to the Shoemaker, look you here quickly, and I think I can shew you your Boot-Merchant; the Shoemaker look’d out and saw him, for it was he indeed, with the very Boots on his Leggs; he was walking by, in company of others, who by their Garbs and Mien did seem to be persons of Quality: The Shoemaker would have run out presently and seized on him, but mine Host would not permit it, only advising him to follow him, and see him hous’d; The Shoemaker followed mine Host’s directions, and saw his Quarters, and upon enquiry found that he was to continue there for some time; wherefore he returned to mine Host, and acquainted him of his intelligence; they thereupon advised together what most convenient to be done, and concluded that mine Host should go into his company, and acquaint him that the Shoemaker expected satisfaction for his Boots, and it may be he is a Gentleman of Quality, and only did it in a Frollick, and will now pay well enough for it; but, said mine Host, if I finde him to be otherwise, we can soon have a Warrant to apprehend him, and have him punished; this was reckoned to be sober, and the best advice, and accordingly it was managed; for that evening mine Host seeing him walking alone in the Inn Yard, went and spake to him, telling him if he were not mistaken he thought he knew him; our Gentleman surveying of mine Host, reply’d, certainly no, but however if he would go into a Room, he would gladly drink with him; to this mine Host consented, they being come into a Room, drank and smoak’d together; mine Host again asking him if he were not long since at our Town? yes, said the Gentleman, and I pray you, where did you lodge? at such an Inn, reply’d the Gentleman, and naming ours; why then, reply’d mine Host, I am not mistaken, and if you please to call to mind you may remember me to be the Master of the House; Oh! I cry you mercy, reply’d the Gentleman, now I know you, I did partly remember you, but could not call to mind where I had seen you; but I pray what affair has brought you hither? no great matter, reply’d mine Host, only a little curiosity; that’s well, said the Gentleman: but, said mine Host, methinks your Boots and mine look as if they were somewhat of kin together, I pray where did you buy them? Why? that may well be, reply’d our Gentleman, for I bought them in your Town; but Sir, I pray (be not angry) said mine Host, did you ever pay for them? Why do you ask? said the Gentleman, because, said mine Host, if you did, then you are slandered and abused, and what if I did not pay for them? said the Gentleman; why then, said mine Host, you are best to do it, for the men of whom you had them are both my Neighbours; well, well, said the Gentleman, no more of this, for I paid for them as much as I will do: mine Host seeing him so absolute, said no more to him of that matter, but drank off their drink, and club’d for their Reckoning, which being paid he again at parting said thus; Sir, it will be for your Credit to pay for the Boots, I know all the story, and if you will not pay now, one time or other you will be forc’d to it to your Cost, and Trouble; do not you trouble your head with that, replied the Gentleman, let it alone till that day comes; take your own course said mine Host; and you yours, said the Gentleman, and so they parted. Mine Host having had this huffing answer, made further enquiry what this person was, and found that he was no better than a Cheat, and one that came thither for no other purpose, he therefore tells his neighbour the Shoemaker of all passages, and advises him to get a Warrant to apprehend him, and carry him before the Judge; He who was forward enough before, now went directly and made his Complaint to the Judge that evening, telling him all the Circumstance of the matter; the Judge asked him if he had enquired what quality he was of? he answered, yes, he was suspected to be no better than a Pick-pocket, or Cut-purse: well then replied the Judge, bring him hither to morrow morning before I go to the Court; our Shoemaker did not fail in a tittle, but the next morning seized on him in his Chamber, and carried him immediately before the Judge; when they came there, the Shoemaker made his Complaint, and mine Host was there present, not only to justifie it, but to produce the very fellows, which indeed were easily enough to be known to be so, and so they managed their evidence that the Gentleman-Cheat had little or nothing to say for himself, and therefore he was committed to Prison. It happened at this time that the Judge had a Kinsman with him who was somewhat wilde, and only rid about the progress with him to see fashions, and he had one scurvy humor, which was this; he had a good Estate, and was full of mony; and therefore in a prodigal vapouring way, he would carry a Purse with near a hundred pieces of Gold in it, in his pocket, and this he would always carry about with him, and upon all occasions, though never so trivial he would be drawing his Purse, and shewing his Gold, this was his Custom; and the Judge his Unkle knowing it, had oft times chid him for it, telling him that one time or other he would have his Pocket pick’d and lose it; he would not take any warning, but still replied he would warrant none could pick his pocket, so that his Unkle the Judge did wish many times that he might lose it; and so be broken of that foolish vainglorious humor. Our Cheat being now in Prison, his Companions, who were all Workmen in the same Trade, were very much troubled at his loss, because he would have done them much service, and to be so taken up for so trivial a matter as a pair of Boots much vexed them, and they knew there was no recovering him without the Judges favour; they therefore resolved to put themselves in the best Equipage they could, and go to him, accordingly that night they went, and told him they were humble Petitioners to his Honour, for a poor friend of theirs whom his Honour had commited about a pair of Boots, and they hoped his Honour would release him; because they very well knew he was wrongfully accused, being a Gentleman by birth, and of a very good House, &c. To this the Judge gave ear, and told them that he very well understood the quality of their friend; and theirs also, but, said he, for once I shall pass by this business upon one Condition; to this they reply’d, any Condition he pleased; he then being resolved what to do, commanded all his Servants and Attendants out of the Room; and told them he well understood their qualities, and had occasion to make use of them in an Affair, telling them that he had such a one his Kinsman, who carried a Purse of money in his Pocket, now, said he, I would have some of you to follow him, and get it from him, and bring it to me untouch’d, and then I promise not only to pardon you, but also to deliver your friend to you: They hearing the Judges Proposition, star’d one upon another, not knowing what answer to give, wherefore he again told them that this he expected from them, or else their friend should suffer, they thought fit to answer him with silence, and so departed; when they were gone, they consulted together what was to be done, and believing there would be no great difficulty nor harm in the doing it, resolv’d to effect it accordingly: And therefore the next morning they waited at the Judges Door, and seeing his Kinsman, they found means to perform their Enterprize, and got the Purse of Gold without any considerable difficulty, and forthwith pretending business to the Judge, they delivered it to him; he nodded them an answer, advising them to come to him in the evening; they did so, and he gave them a Discharge for their friend; but that he might do equal justice, he commanded them to pay the Shoemaker for the Boots, and gave them a piece of Gold to drink; they very thankfully received it and did accordingly. The Judges Kinsman being now come out of the Court had occasion for moneys, but seeking his purse found he had lost it; this perplexed him to the heart; but although the loss was considerable, yet the vexation that his unkle must know it was more; he was exceeding melancholly and discontented; and his Unkle enquired and sent for him, yet he would hardly come into his presence: his Unkle knew well enough what disease he was sick of; but however he asked him again and again what he ailed? and what was the matter? he still answered him with silence, and turning away his head. Supper time being come, they sate down together, but the young man would not eat a bit; what will you eat? said his Unkle, nothing, said he: go fetch me a dish of Partridges, said the Judge; it is a dish I know you love: the meat was brought, but the young man could eat nothing: you shall eat, said his Unkle before you rise, and I will have a dish shall please you; and therefore, said he to the waiters, go bring up the Dish I commanded should be last brought up; they thereupon went down, and brought up a dish covered; come Cousin, said the Old man, eat some of this; I cannot said the kinsman, you must and shall, said the Unkle, and I pray uncover the dish and serve me some: the young man seeing his Unkle so importunate, and believing because the dish was covered, that it might be a dish of stew’d apples, resolv’d to uncover the dish, and satisfie his Unkle by eating a little of that; wherefore at his Unkle’s importunity he uncover’d the dish; when he beheld instead of stew’d apples there was a better sort of fruit, it was his own Purse of Gold; he no sooner saw it: how, said his Unkle, I told you I would please you before you did rise from supper, and I think I have done so. The young man smiling thanked him, and then reaching to the dish of Partridges, he fell too lustily, and did eat as hearty a meal as ever; thus did the recovery of his Purse of Gold recover his stomack, as indeed I think it would do any others, it being to him and all others as good a Sawce as a Cordial. And now although the young man was well enough pleased that he had recovered his purse, yet he was vexed that his Unkle should thus discover his folly, and studyed how he might be revenged on his Unkle; he knew very well that his purse was taken from him by some cunning cheat, and that by his Unkles consent; and it was not long e’re, upon enquiry, he found out the manner, and also the People who did it; he gave them therefore a piece to drink, and told them that he would give them twenty pounds more, if they would do him one piece of service; they seeing there was money coming, promised him to do any thing in their powers; he then told them that it was indeed a high attempt, but he would pay them as largely, and save them harmless; and this it was, he would have them pick the Pocket of the Judge as he sate on the Bench: they told him it was both difficult and dangerous; as for the difficulty, said he, I’le make such means that one of you shall come near him, and for the danger, I will take of his anger, and pay you as I have said: to this they at length consented and the next day put in execution; for when the Judge was most busie in examining Witnesses, he that was the Artist that was to perform this, approaches the Bench: the young Man sitting next the Judge his Unkle, beckons the Pick-pocket, and he comes up, and under pretence of whispering the young man in the ear, he pickt the Old Mans Pocket, and carryed off the Purse cleverly; when he had so done he descended, and stood among the other Spectators. In short time after the causes were heard, and one man who had laid long in prison, only for his fees, petition’d the Judge to mitigate and lessen them that he might be able to pay them, where’s the Jaylor? said the Judge; here my Lord, said the Jaylor; what Fees do you demand of this poor man? said the Judge; twenty shillings my Lord, if it please you, and it is no more than your what Lorship order’d me at the lowest; then said my Lord, you must have so much; I cannot help it; I must not make Laws one day and break them another, I had rather pay the money out of my own purse than do so. His Kinsman who sate next him, thought this was a very good opportunity to speak, and therefore thus he said; May it please honour; I had good Fortune yesterday as your Lordship knows, and therefore am resolv’d to do some charitable Act, and I think this of releasing this poor Prisoner who lies for his Fees, will be none of the least: wherefore whereas your Honor motions paying all this poor mans Fees, I make this offer, that if you please to pay one ten shillings, I will pay the other, that the poor man may be discharged: a very good motion, said the Judge. The young man soon found the way to his Purse, and pull’d out an Angel; but the Judge although he searched both Pockets, could find neither money nor Purse, he was therefore much surprized not knowing what to say, nor think, but quickly recollecting himself, thus he spake, I am sure, my friends, when I came in hither I had a Purse of money in my pocket, but now I cannot finde it, he that hath taken it from me while I was here sitting, was his Crafts-Master, and very bold, but I question not but I shall find him, I have so good skill in Physiognomy, that I know a Knave by his looks, therefore I desire you all there below to look on me, every one did so, expecting what the Judge would do, who by and by whispering to the Justice that sate next him, at length arose, and said, look you Master Justice, if I am not deceived, yonder fellow with the straw in his beard hath my Purse; all the People stared one upon another, and the Cheat that had the Purse being conscious of his guilt, doubting he was known to the Judge, and that he had a straw in his beard, he lifting up his hand stroaked it to wipe it away, supposing by that means to pass undiscovered, but that discovered him; for the Judge who had a quick eye, and expected that motion, saw, and observed it, thereupon pointed to him, saying, that is he: it was now too late to fly, for the Jaylor soon seized him, and upon search found the Purse in his Pocket. The Purse was given to the Judge, who told out ten shillings to the Jaylor for the Poor mans Fees, and ordered him to discharge him, and in his Room to take away that bold Delinquent that had pick’d his Pocket; he did so, neither did his kinsman contradict him in the open Court, but when he came home he told him all the management, and desired a discharge for the Prisoner; the Judge knowing that it was done but in jest, granted his discharge, and the Kinsmen sent that, and the promised twenty pounds, and Fees for discharge of the Prisoner.