Mris. Dorothy discourses of mine Hosts misfortunes, As first how he was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Secondly, of a thirty pound reckoning; and Thirdly, was carried away Prisoner, and forced to pay Fifty pound for his Ransom.

Thus, continued Mris. Dorothy, was this revenge managed by mine Host and the Guests who had the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the next day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next week and spend the fifty shillings mine Host had gotten from the Fidlers, which they did accordingly; and thus said she, did we finish our Christmas: and now I hope, friends, said she to me and Mris. Mary, that you will give me leave to finish my discourse; not so long as you can think of any more of these stories, replyed I, and so did M. Mary; and thereupon we both joyned in our desires to entreat her to proceed. Well, replyed she, if I must, then I will alter the Nature and Quality of my discourse, and as I have told you of mine Hosts good fortune, and wayes to get money, so I will acquaint you with some of his misfortunes, and how he lost money; for Fortune was the same thing to him as she hath been to me, and I think to all others; we all have our several turns and changes, sometimes we are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes Wheel; and as that is, so is the World, round and rouling, and still in motion, and so are our Fortunes various: I replyed, I had full experience of this truth, and could freely subscribe to it; but, continued I, good honest Doll, let us be beholding to you so much as to prevent your discourse, and relate all the other transactions that you can remember befel during your stay in this pleasant place, for by what you have told us, I must needs term it so. We, said she, since you will have it so, i’le endeavour to satisfie you, and then she thus began.

I have already told you of one of my Hosts misfortunes in the quart pot, and how he was forced to pay twenty shillings instead of satisfaction which he expected; it was not long before that, that he had a more sensible loss, for one morning in comes a Countryman which calls for a Flaggon of Beer, and desires a private Room, for, sayes he, I have company a coming to me, and we have business. The Tapster accordingly shews him a room, and brings a Flaggon of Beer, and with it a Silver Cup worth three pound; the Countryman drank off his beer, and call’d for another Flaggon, & withal for mine Host to bear him company: mine Host seeing him alone, sate and talked with him about state affairs, till they were both weary & mine host was ready to leave him: well, said the Countryman, I see my Company will not come, and therefore I will not stay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up his Beer, he call’d to pay: A groat, quoth the Tapster; there ’tis, said the Countrey-man, laying it down, and so he went out of the Room, the Tapster staide behinde to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup, but though he found the Flaggon, yet the Cup was not to be found, wherefore he hastily runs out and cries, Stop the man. The Countrey-man was not in such haste, but that he quickly stopt of himself; he was not quite out of the doors, and therefore he soon returned to the Bar, where when he was come, he said, Well, what is the matter? what would you have? The Cup, said the Tapster that I brought to you; I left it in the Room, said the Country-man: I cannot finde it, said the Tapster: and at this noise mine Host appeared, who hearing what was the matter, said, I am sure the Cup was there even now, for I drank in it; it is there still for me, said the Countrey-man: Look then further, said mine Host; the Tapster did so, but neither high nor low could he finde this Cup; well then, said mine Host to the Countrey-man, if it be gone you must have it, or know of the going of it, and therefore you shall pay for it: Not I, said the Countrey-man, you see I have none of it: I have not been out of your house, nor no body hath been with me, how then can I have it? you may search me. Mine Host caused him to be searched, but there was no Cup to be found, however mine Host was resolv’d not to lose his Cup so, and therefore he sends for a Constable, and charges him with the Countrey-man, and threatens him with the Justice; all this would not do, and the Countrey-man told him, That threatned Folks live long, and if he would go before a Justice, he was ready to go with him. Mine Host was more and more perplexed, and seeing he could not have his cup, nor nothing confess’d, before the Justice they went, when they came there mine Host made his complaint, and told the story as truely it was, and the Country-man made the same answer there, as he had done before to mine Host; the Justice was perplexed, not knowing how to do justice, here was a Cup lost, and the Country-man did not deny but he had it, but gone it was, and although the Country-man was pursued he did not flie, he had no body with him, and therefore it could not be conveighed away by confederacy, and for his own part he had been, and was again searched, but none found about him, and he in all respects pleaded innocency: this, though considered and weighed in the ballance of justice, he could not think that the Country-man had it, and therefore to commit him would be injustice; he considered all he could, and inclined to favour the Country-man, who was altogether a stranger, and he believed innocent, especially when he considered what a kind of Person mine Host his accuser was, of whose life and conversation he had both known and heard enough, and cause him to believe that it might be possible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hosts to cheat the Country-man, and therefore he gave his judgement, that he did not believe by the Evidence that was given, that the Country-man had the Cup, and that he would not commit him unless mine Host would lay, and swear point blank Felony to his charge, and of that he desired mine Host to beware. Mine Host seeing which way it was like to go, said no more, but that he left it to Mr. Justice, who being of this opinion I told you of, discharged the country-man, and advised mine Host to let him hear no more of these matters, & if he could not secure his plate, & know what company he delivered it to, then to keep it up. Mine Host thanked the Justice for his advice, and so departed, the Countrey-man going about his business, and he returning home, being heartily vexed at his Loss, and the carriage of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit nor credit; but he was forced to sit down with the Loss, being heartily vexed to think how he should lose the Cup: he threw away some money in going to a Cunning-man to know what was become of it, but all they could tell him was, that he would hear of it again, and so he did shortly after; though it was to his further cost, and to little purpose. He had some occasions at our Country-Town during the time of the Assizes, and there seeing the prisoners brought to their Trials, among others he espyed the Countrey-man whom he had charged with the Silver Cup, by enquiring whatwhat was his crime? was told it was for picking a Pocket: Nay then, said mine Host, I may chance to hear of my Bowl again, and thereupon when the Tryal was over, and the Prisoners carried back to the Goal, he went and enquired for the Countrey-man, to whose presence he was soon brought; Oh Lord, master! said he, how do you? who thought to have seen you here? nay said mine Host, who thought to have seen you here? I believe you have not met with so good friends in this Countrey as you did at our Town, of our Justice; but let that pass, come let us drink together, whereupon a Flaggon of Beer was call’d for, and some Tobacco, which they very lovingly drank off, and smoak’d together; which done, said mine Host to the Countrey-man; I would gladly be resolved in one point which (I question not) but you can do; I suppose you mean (said the Countrey-man) about the old business, of the Silver Cup you lost; yes truly said mine Host, & the losing of it doth not so much vex me, as the manner how it was lost; & therefore, continued he if you will do me the kindness, to give me satisfaction what became of it, I do protest I will acquit you although you are directly guilty. No, this will not do, replyed the Country-man, there is somewhat else in the case: well then, said mine Host, if you will tell me, I will give you ten shillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a Prison, said the Country-man, and will prevail much; but how shall I be assured you will not prosecute me, if I should chance to be concerned? for that, replyed mine Host, I can give you no other Warrant but my Oath, which I will inviolably keep: well then said the Country-man, down with the merry Griggs, let me handle the money, and I’le be very true to you; and as for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine host being big with expectation to know how this cleanly conveyance was wrought, soon laid down the ten shillings; and then the Country-man thus proceeded: I must confess that I know which way your Cup went, but when you charged me with it I had it not; neither was it out of the room, and I must tell you this, that if you had sought narrowly, you might have found it, but it was not there long after. We who live by our wits must work by policy more then down right strength, and this cannot be done without Confederates, and I had such in the management of this affair, for I left the Cup fastned with soft wax under the middle of the board of the Table where I drank, which place of the Table by reason it was covered with a cloath, as you may remember it was, it could not well be seen; and therefore you and your servants missed of it: you know that very willingly I went with you to the Justices; and whilst we were gone those Friends and Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and knew the Room and everything else, went into the house, and into the same Room, where they found the silver Cup, and without the least suspition went fairly off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and there acquainted one another with our Adventures, and what purchases we had made, we equally shared them between us. Mine Host at the hearing of this discourse was mightily surprized, although fully satisfied; but yet, said he, I would be resolved one question, which is this, how if we had found it where you had put it whilst you were there? why truly replyed the cheat (for now I may call him so) then you could have charged me with nothing, and I would have put it off with a jest, and if that would not have done, the most you could have done, had been only to have kicked and beaten me, and those things we of our quality must venture: you know the old Proverb, Nothing venture, nothing have, and Faint heart never won fair Lady; and we have this other Proverb to encourage us, that Fortune helps the bold; as it doth commonly those of our quality, and she did me I thank her in that attempt. And there did this Varlet descant upon his Actions, to the great satisfaction of mine Host, who finding there was no more to be had of him, left him, and soon after the Town; coming home, and giving us an account of this adventure; and this was another of his misfortunes, which was soon after followed by another worse than the last, and thus it was. A Company of pretending Gallants one evening arrived at our house, and there was in their company a young lad of about ten years of age, on whom they all waited, giving him respect equal to a Person of Honor, and their Master; they were soon furnished with Lodgings, the best in the house, where they bespake a plentiful supper, which was provided, drest, and sent to them. Mine Host enquiring what, and who the young Gentle-man was, whom he supposed was their Master; they told him that he was the Son of a French Marquess, giving him a name to that purpose, and that his Father their Lord and Master, would in few dayes be there; likewise that they being recomended to this house by a Friend of his, who warranted them good usage, they were come thither, and there they intended to stay till their Lord came. Mine Host was highly pleased with this recital, and he questioned not the truth of it, because the young Gentleman could not or would not speak any thing but a little Gibberish French. These Guests staid there a fortnight eating and drinking in most plentiful manner; and every day some or all of them did ride out, leaving only one person to wait on their Lord, and they came home very honestly at night. They had now been fourteen dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their Horses; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds, which being a round sum of money; he began to try if he could get any, and to that end spake by the by to him that was chief person next to the young Lord, but he was deaf of that ear, and told him that it would not be above two or three dayes e’re he was sure their Lord himself would come, and then he should not only be paid, but also rewarded for the care, and respects he had shewed to his Son: Mine Host was satisfied with their reasons, and so went about his business; and so did this Blade about his; for calling a consultation of his Brethren, they resolved to be gone the next day, and give mine Host the go by for his Reckoning, and therefore they so ordered the matter, that that night whilst they were at supper, and mine Host with them; in enters another man, a new face, and enquired if my young Lord such a one, and his Attendants were there? yes said the Hostler, who took his Horse, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was conducted into the Room where the rest of his Acquaintance were, he being entered the Room, made his obeysance to his young Master; and then putting his hand into his Pocket pull’d out a Letter, which he presented to him; and another who sate next him took from him, opened, and read, telling mine Host that the Letter was from their Lord, who promised to be there with them by the next day at noon; glad did they seem to be, and so was mine Host, who thought now he was near the receiving of his money: the company then told him that he must provide a plentiful dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morning to meet their old Master, only they would leave their young Master behind to his care; to this mine Host was content, and the next morning they arose early, mounted their horses, and away they went, leaving their Lord in Bed. Mine Host provided dinner according to the directions, and noon came, but no Lord, or Attendants; at length dinner was forced to be taken up, or spoiled, and then the young Lord was enquired for, who was still in Bed, and could not rise, for they had taken his fine Clothes with them: in fine, upon search, an old Country Suit was found, which now our young Lord owned to be his, and could speak English, saying, they were gone and carried away his fine cloaths. Mine Host hearing he could speak English, asked him several questions, which the Boy answered readily enough, and by that he understood that they took him up in those Clothes, and other rare matters if he would go with them, be ruled by them, and learn a few heard words; and so in conclusion mine Host found to his cost, that they were a company of cheats, who came to do that to him, he had done to others, and though his loss was great, yet he was forced to sit down contented; as for the Boy he being absolutely innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to seek his fortune. Thus, said Mistress Dorothy you see he had his bitter with the sweet, and to his sweet meat he had sower sawce; and although his loss was considerable enough, yet soon after he had another of worser consequence, and thus it was:

You must note, that it was now in the time of rebellion, and there was a small garrison of Souldiers quartered in our Town of the Round-heads Party, and about ten miles off there was another Garrison of Cavaliers. Now one day there came to our Town two Gentlemen very well mounted and armed, and they had a Pass from a round-headed Collonel our Neighbour, and coming to our Town, and enquiring for the best Inn, they were directed to our house, where they took up their Quarters; they pretended themselves to be Persons of Quality, and therefore spent pretty handsomely at the first, but in their stay there, which was about eight dayes, they had run five pounds on the score; mine Host desiring his money, they told him suddenly he should have it, moneys were coming to them, but if he had not the patience to stay until their money came, then (he knew) that they had two good Horses in his Stable, and he should in lieu of his money have which he pleased, at such a rate as any indifferent person should adjudg the best of them to be worth: mine Host seeing them answer him so fair, was as kind as they, and told them that he did believe them to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he scorned to undervalue them so much as to dismount them, and as they came on Horse-back to depart on foot, but that he had rather wait a while longer for the Money, which they said they staid for: they kindly thanked him for his courtesie, and promised him to requite it; and thereupon all Persons rested well satisfied, but no money coming at the time they said they expected, he again asked them for moneys; and indeed it was their desire that he should do so, or else the design they had in hand, and intended to carry on, could not be well executed; and therefore that they might bring their project to execution, they again offered him one of their horses; he had a great mind to one of them, having a Customer ready that would give him a very good price, told them that since they were so willing he was so too, and that they might possibly have their Horse again when their money came: it is all as one for that, replyed the Gentlemen, we had rather go without horses than you should be dissatisfied, and therefore choose which of the two you will have: they being both, said he good, I care not which of them, and to that end if you please to morrow we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or so, and then you may conclude which you like best, and as for the price we will well enough agree upon that; to this mine host consented, and the next day they all three mounted their horses, and away they rode, but to the great sorrow of us all, for these Gentlemen who had lain thus long in our house were Caveliers, and belonged to the adjoyning Garrison, and when they had drawn mine host with them as far as they could willingly perswade him, and that he offered to return, they then drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pistol in the other, they came up to him and commanded him to stand, for he was their Prisoner, he asked them for what? and would have disputed the case with them but it was to no purpose; they were deaf to all perswations, and he living in a Round-headed Garrison they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was their lawful Prisonor, and as one they would guard him to their quarters; so they said, and so they did, and taking his Sword from him, they caused him to ride on apace, till they brought him to their Quarters; before their Commander they conducted him, who adjudged him to be a Prisoner, and the next day resolved on his Ransome, which he valued at a hundred pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen should have, and the other to be devided among the indigent Souldiers? this was his doom: and now my poor Host was delivered into Custody; he writ away to his Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, she could not raise so much Money, and therefore he was like to continue; but in the end, by the assistance of some Gentlemen who were Guests to the house and Caveliers, she got one half of the Ransome to be abated, and so the fifty pounds being sent, he was delivered up, and came home to chear his Wife and Family.