The Old Woman relates to Mrs. Dorothy, where she was born, in an Ale house; how educated in all manner of debauchery; how she had a Bastard, which she murther’d, is after marriage gotten with Child by a Moor, and perswades her Husband it was his, notwithstanding, it being conceived so by the strength of imagination. Her Husband growing jealous of the Black Moor, fights him; and they kill one the other. A strange adventure between her Lover and a Frenchman, with a Wind mill.

I was born (said she) at Portsmouth; a Sea-Port-Town, very well known, not only to most English Men, but also to many Strangers. My Parents were of the ordinary ranck, keeping a fudling School, or House of good fellow-ship. I was educated, according to the Custom of the place, to learn to read, and Sew; in learning of which having spent two or three years, at the Age of eleven I was taken home to sit in the Barr and keep the scores; I was well pleased to be at home, because there was great variety of Guests; especially merry drunken Saylors: who, when they had liberty to come ashore, would lustily booz it; and sing, and dance, all weathers. And to that end, our House was still accommodated with a blind Harper, who pick’d up a merry living: I taking pleasure in Musick, and my Father thinking it would advance his trading, bought for me a pair of Virginals; and hired a man to teach me: I giving my mind to it, soon learnt some tunes, which I played to the merry Saylers, whilst they pull’d off their shoes, and danc’t Lustick; and sometimes I gaining a Teaster, or Groat for my Musick, was so encouraged, that I quickly took all the instructions my Master was able to give me; I likewise learned some songs of him, and some of the Saylers; so that in little time I was well furnished with fat and lean Songs; so we term’d the bawdy and others. Although I soon understood what was meant by bawdy Songs; yet I was yet to young to have experience of them: however, when my Auditors laugh’d, and sometimes hug’d and kiss’d me, I had some kind of Notions that were very pleasing to me; and although my Mother sometimes told me of the hateful name of Whore, and how much it concerned me to keep my Maiden-head; yet I resolved that if it were long ere I were married, yet it should not be so before I tryed what it was to lye with a Man: however I followed my Mothers directions, in frowning, and scouling on those who forc’d a kiss from me. But, as I had designed, so it came to pass; for at the Age of fourteen years, a Sayler, who of all other sort of People, I liked best, gained my good liking: he newly came home from a boon Voyage, and was full of half Crown pieces, and took up his quarters at our house; my Father seeing him so flush, was resolved to milk him; and therefore permitted him to keep me Company, though he saw he was very familiar in hugging and kissing me; I likewise had a great mind to some of his money, and therefore begg’d some of him to buy Ginger-bread, Sugar, Plumbs, Figgs, Fruit, and such like liquorish things; he believing, that as I had a liquorish tooth, so I might have a liquorish Tail, refused me no moneys I desired; but I being somewhat modest in the smallness of my demands, had but little that wayes by fair play; therefore I bethought me, how I might be Mistress of more; therefore was resolved, at the next opportunity, to pick his pocket, which I guess’d would be no difficult matter to do; in regard he was oftentimes much overtaken with the Creature; and therefore, to the end I might effect my desires, when we were met next together, I drank pretty smartly with him, and conveyed some strong waters into each cup of his Beer; and so in short time he being somewhat tipsie, desired me to sing him a song, which I performing, he was quickly, as I supposed fallen asleep; I sat in his lap, and as cunningly as I could, slipt my hand into his Pocket; where I gathered up three or four half Crowns; as sleepy as he was, he observed me, and while I was at my work, he was at his; and as slighly he conveyed one of his hands into another place, having not as yet been at that sport; I squeek’d out, which made him rise, and me withdraw my hand, and both of us leave our Prizes; and I blushing for anger, that I was so doubly catch’d, would have left the Room; but he taking hold of me, desired me to be quiet, and told me, what was done on his part was but in jest, as he supposed what I did was; and that it was but quid for quo. I having by this time gained some confidence, was, at his entreaty, content to stay longer with him, and sung another song; which when I had done, he gave me four half Crowns (a greater sum than I was ever till then Mistress of) and told me, since he knew what I would have, he would give it me, as he hoped I would do the like. To which I replyed, I knew not what I might do in time, if he continued his kindness to me. Thus did I encourage him to be liberal to me, in hopes of his desired reward: and thus neither of us (knowing one anothers minds) was long backwards, without enjoying our desires; he giving me some money and a Ring. I permitted him to enjoy me as fully as he could wish or desire; and many rancounters we had together, both at home and abroad, as time and place would permit: but as the longest day will have an end so had his money; and then my Father perceiving that it was low ebb in his Pocket, began to be more wary and circumspect of him, and to watch him, and slight him, lest he should gain anything upon me, and run into his score; and so he might lose as much in the shire, as he had got in the hundred; the Old Woman, my Mother, being somewhat suspicious of me, still watch’d us with much wariness; and he not having money to treat me abroad at other houses, as formerly, we were fain to have all our sports at home when we had conveniency; and there we were so narrowly put to it, that we were oftentimes in danger to be catch’d.

When my sweet-heart could get any Moneys he would treat me abroad; and one day having been walking with me, he committed one of the greatest extravagancies I ever heard of he had drank very hard and was now almost fluster’d, when coming by the Wind mill which is near our Town, the wind blowing somewhat moderately, there was a French man, who challenged some English Saylers to shew some feats of activity; among other exploits, he took hold of one of the wings of the Wind-mill, and holding fast, was carried round therewith, lighting very orderly on the ground upon his feet. This was a wonderful, and we thought desperate attempt, and he much bragg’d of it daring any English man to do the like: my sweet-heart being with me, and desirous to gain my esteem, and being somewhat pot shaken, makes no more ado, but likewise takes hold of one of the wings of the Windmil; which by reason the wind blew more freshly than it had done lately, caused the Mill to go more swiftly then ordinary; and he not being able to hold fast, was thrown off: but though it was a pretty way off, yet to his good Fortune, he was not thrown to the ground (which would have broken his bones,) but into a pond of water; and there he being very skilful in swimming, soon recovering himself, swam to the shore; and not forgetting what he had done, cryed out, Now let any Mounsieur of ye all do the like. All there present did much applaud him; some attributing that to his design and skill, which indeed was by chance; and truly, it was a good chance for him, that he broke not his neck: but he then escaped any further danger: and some Merchants being there present, were so surprized with the manner of the action that they gave him ten shillings to drink; he being thus rewarded for his folly, thought it his best course to go home; where we being come, and my Father made acquainted with the matter, and that he had money in his Pocket made much of him, and perswaded him to go to bed; and my Mother procured him a Sack posset, which we all eat of at his beds side; but little did they think that this was a kind of a Bride-posset: for, although we were not married that day, yet we lay together that night; for when they were in their bed, in went I to his; where he expected me, having before enjoyned me to make use of that opportunity, which I did, to both our good intents: for we enjoyed one another in full freedom of all dilights: this being the first and last time I ever lay with him: for not long after, his coyn being spent, and a Voyage presented it self, he Shipp’d himself, and away he went for the East Indies; we promising a constant continuance of our affections. But he being gone, it was not long, ere I found a strange alteration in my body, being taken with pewkings, and vomitings, such as young Married folks are used to have; whereupon I concluded, that I should soon have a great belly, which so fell out; but before that, I had a Husband to Father it.

Our House being publique, we entertained all Comers; amongst the rest, there came a Sayler, who had had the Fortune to meet with a prize; and he for his own share had two hundred pounds Sterling. This was so tall a Fortune as was unusual to be the possession of an ordinary Sayler; and he chancing in at our house, my Father was very desirous to rid him of his mony: he acquainted my Mother with his purpose, and told her, that this Fellow would make a very good Fortune for me their Daughter; and they might by means of this live more plentifully then ever. The Fellow soon expressed a great deal of love for me, which my mother taking notice of, told me of her own and my Fathers intentions, and bid me prepare to entertain his love, for they designed him for my Husband; she advised me to be free and courteous to him, but by no means to let him proceed further then the ordinary civility. I promised her all obedience, and she was very diligent and watchful over me. My sweet heart was very sweet upon me, and would fain have been dealing with me, as Merchandize, bidding very fair for me, but I resolved to have all or none; would not let him have a bit, but what was lawful: he being thus stopt, was the more earnest; and at length, rather than lose me, agreed to have me at my own terms which was marriage; which at length was fully agreed upon. But my qualmes encreasing as did my belly, my Mother suspected somewhat was the matter, and therefore took me strictly to task; and so wrought with me; that I confessed I had been sporting with my former sweet-heart; this news much startled her; but she who had passed many such brunts, soon found out a remedy; and told me that if I would be wholly ruled by her, she would still warrant the business should go on prosperously enough; for, said she, I will direct you to carry your self, so as the loss of your Maiden-head shall not be discovered; and as for your great Belly, we will when you are marryed, send your husband to Sea before your time of delivery: and in the mean time, we will manage all matter cunningly enough. My Mother having thus encouraged me, I prepared for the wedding day, which was soon after appointed; which being come, and night also, we went to bed; and there my Bride-groom going about to enjoy me, I counterfeited all kinds of simplicity; I cryed, sob’d, and screeked out; and he had much ado, with puffing and blowing, and sweating, to possess himself of me. I had all the marks and symptoms of untouch’d Virginity; and the more to beguile him, notwithstanding all his fair words, and endeavours, I made so great a noise as raised my Mother; who coming into our chamber, found me in swound; from which she soon brought me, by rubbing me with Vinegar, and other Remedies; and she perswaded me to be patient, and desired him to deal kindly with me, using this Proverb; Gently, John, the Girls Young, She left us, and then with somewhat more Patience I permitted him to take his pleasure with me.

Thus was I marryed, and came off with all Credit imaginable; but afterwards it did not proceed as we expected; for my Husband being very fond of my company, would not by any means be perswaded to leave me for the Sea; but intended, now he had gained money enough, to live on shore. This resolution of his was very unpleasing; but I was forced to be contended, and to provide against the time of my delivery of my great Belly, which now came on a pace, and indeed was somewhat sooner than I expected; for I was taken one day with a suddain pain, which much surprized my Mother; for my Husband was in the House, and hearing my cryes, would needs force his way into my Chamber; where I was accompanyed by my Mother, who was instructing me what to do; on his approach to the Bed, my pains encreased, and a Child was born into the World; but, that he might not discover the fallacy, by the crying of the Child, I smothered it; and lying still for some space, my Mother perswaded him to depart; he being gone, my Mother fell to work; and removed the Child, playing the Midwife in the best manner she could; and all being buried, and I put into order, she told her Son in law, that these were extream fits of the Chollick, and would now they had begun, continue for some dayes; wherefore she desired him to take another Lodging, and let her lye with me: to this he hardly consented; but at length, at both our importunities, he was content, and in ten dayes time, I still every day counterfeited fits of groaning, but he seeing I sensibly amended, would no longer forbear lying with me.

Thus did I escape this misfortune, and came off with flying Colours, without the least suspition; so that I was encouraged to proceed in further Roguries; which was the ruine of my Husband, and in which I had like to have been involved. I told you our house was for all Guests; and now by the addition of my Husbands money, which was employed in my Fathers Trade, to encrease his stock, our house the best furnished, was the best customed house in the Town; amongst the rest, there came a Person of Honour, who had been a Traveller, and among his Attendants a Negro, or Black-man, which he had brought from Guiana. This Black-more was reported by his Master and others, to be the Son of a Prince in his own Country; I look’d on him with an affectionate and smiling countenance; which he perceiving, and also that I was handsome, much desired my company; and being Master of money enough to spend on me, he had many opportunities of courting me; at the first, I examining what I was about to do drew back, thinking it a very strange thing to be kiss’d by a Black-more, but use brought it into Custom; and I endured not only that, but also methought I had a minde to taste of his flesh, perswading my self, that there would be more than ordinary satisfaction in that enjoyment; and he finding me coming, so prosecuted his suit, that it was not long ere I enjoyed him: I must confess much to my content, for nothing but his sparkling eyes was to be seen in the dark, which indeed were as shining, as two stars in a clear night; and he was as much delighted with me: so that we promised to take all opportunities for enjoyment. The Lords business kept him there so long, that we had so much sport in jest, as turned to earnest; for I found my self to be with child, and I did absolutely believe that my Black-friend was the Father of it: this consideration put me into a deep melancholly; for we carried our business not so privately, but that we were taken notice of, and suspected by my Mother; but much more by my Husband, whose extreme love to me was converted into as extreme a jealousie; and he looked on my Black-friend with a great deal of horror.

I finding my self with Childe, and doubting it was by him, a fancy possessed me, that I should bring forth a Black-More like the Father: this, I say put me to a very great non-plus; and I endeavoured by all means to blind my Husband, and take all suspition from him: I told him, I believed I was with Child, this pleased him; but I also added, I doubted, I should not render him compleatly satisfied: for that I had a very great fancy that the Child would be black, and I could give no reason, but that the sight of my Lords Black-More was deeply imprinted in my fancy: I told him, I had read the story of a Black Queen and King, who had a Child that was white; and being so born, was thrust out of the King his Fathers Dominions, for no other cause but because he was white; and the Queen his Mother hardly escaped the fury of her Husband, who shrewdly suspected her guilty of Adultry with some white-man, because the Child was so. This said I, was the Crime laid to her charge; and it seemed so reasonable to him and all his Nobility; that notwithstanding the Queen was alwayes esteemed to be a vertuous woman, yet she hardly escaped with her life. But at length, a wise man of that Kingdome coming to the Court, and hearing of the matter, and that the Queen was banished as well as her Son; he, said I, walking about the Court, and coming into the Kings Bed-chamber, there saw the Picture of a fair white-woman, which had, as great rariety, been presented to the King he then remembring the unfortunate case of the Queen, did really believe that the sight of that white Picture had occasioned the Queen to conceive and bring forth a white Child. Being thus convinced, and perswaded in his own opinion, he was not long before he perswaded the King to the same; and the Queen having been alwayes of an unblemisht reputation, it was concluded by the King, and all the Nobility, that the Queen was innocent: and thereupon the banishment was repealed, and both received home with great joy, state, and honour; and this Son, after his Fathers decease, was crowned, and reigned King of the Place. Now sweet-heart, said I, this being so, and fancy having so strong an operation in the womb by the only site of a Picture, I cannot but imagine that the real presence of one may work much more and greater effects, especially since I find a very great inclination not only to love, but long for black things; black cherries, I affect extreamly, as also damsons, sloes, & black-bullies; I chiefly feed on black puddings; and it is not very long, said I, since I longed for a black hat, and did eat it up every bit: and now I have lately had a great desire to a dish of butter’d char-coal.

This discourse wrought variously with my Husband, who, although he did somewhat suspect me, yet would he take no great notice at present, but told me, that surely this was but fancy, and would in the end amount to nothing: I was content with his answer; but knowing his mind stood thereto bent, I first propounded, that the Black-more should depart our house, or else that I might remove from home to some other place, to see, if by his absence the fancy would leave me: to this he willingly agreed; and in regard to move for the Black-more’s departure until his Lord went also, would not only raise suspicious Discourses, but turn to our disadvantage, by reason they were good Guests; we therefore resolved that I should remove four or five miles from home; the which I did the next day; but my departure was not so secret, but that I gave notice thereof to my beloved Black-more, who promised not to be long before he took the opportunity of giving me a visit; the which he did unseen of any, I letting him in at a back Garden door; and thither he usually came to me once in two or three days: we sometimes spent some hours together in a Banqueting-house in the Garden; and at last grew so bold, as to spend whole nights in bed together; so that my Husband, who sorely suspected me, was resolved to watch my waters; and one Evening missing the Black-more, who was then come to me, he at midnight departed; and coming to the back door whereat the Black-more entred, he finding it open, entered, saw the Candle in my Chamber, and I believe could hear our voyces, but knew not how to enter without great noise; wherefore, now resolving in his mind what to do, he waited till the morning, walking about the Garden; but in regard the Black-more had some affairs of his Lords that morning to dispatch, he arose early, and left me; I shut fast the door, and left him; no sooner was he down, but my angry Husband with a drawn sword meets him; he seeing and knowing him, guessed his purpose, likewise quickly draws; and they running upon one anothers swords, soon bereft each other of life.