VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly lo' th' Sabbath nor ony other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly, an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It's Sunday." It may nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th' time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th' rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored up pleasant memories an' fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th' furst time sin he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid mornin', he called me Sammywell asteead o' Sammy, an' if it hadn't been for him sayin' ("Aw wonder ha they'll be gooin on at hooam? if it's a day like this mi mother'll be run off her feet;—shoo should tak between four an' five paand to day for ale, to say nowt abaat cheese an' breead an' cold beef; but happen if it runs owt short to day we'st be able to mak it up next wick, for shoo'll nooan forget to let fowk know whear aw am, an' they'll be sewer to call after aw get back to hear ha aw've getten on. What are we to do wi' ussen, Sammywell?") Aw should ha thowt'at he'd th' same sooart o' feelins as me; but use is second natur they say, soa aw made noa moor remark abaat it.

"Well, aw thowt aw should like to goa to one o' th' cemetaries for they tell me they are beautiful places."

"Awm reight for onywhear if there isn't mich trailin' abaat, but mi legs feel rayther stiff this mornin' What a racket all them bells keep up! They've been at it ivver sin aw wakkened this mornin'. They must goa to church i' gooid time i' theas pairts."

"They do, an' aw should ha gooan misen but aw couldn't ha understood owt they'd sed, but if tha's a mind we'll start aght nah for it's a pity to loise this grand mornin'."

When we went into th' street, ivverything lukt breeter an' cleaner nor usual—th' fowk wor hurryin' along i' opposite ways, all weel-dressed an' cleean, an' throo ivvery pairt o' th' city th' bells wor ringin' an' nubdy could mistak'at it wor th' time for Payris to be at church. Th' lanlord wor stood at th' door lazily smookin' his pipe, an' aw ax'd him which cemetary he considered best worth a visit, but he sed he didn't know for he'd nivver been to one but he'd heeard a gooid deeal said abaat Pere la Chaise, an' th' best way wor to get a carriage an' ride thear for we should have plent o' walkin' abaat at after. "What time do yo expect to land back?" he sed, "we shut up at eleven on Sundays soa yo'll know."

"Why," aw says, "aw hardly know but couldn't yo let us have a latch-kay soas if we should be lat we can get in?"

"We've noa latch kays, but as yor two chaps aw can trust, awl let yo have th' kay for th' back door an' then yo can come in what time yo like, an' awl leeav th' gas burnin' an' a bit o' supper ready for yo."

We tell'd him we wor varry much obleeged to him, an' aw put th' kay i' mi pocket an' we wor sooin comfortably seated in a carriage drivin' along. It's cappin ha different streets luk when th' shops are shut up! we'd gooan ovver a lot o' th' same graand befoor but us een had seldom or ivver been lifted higher nor th' furst stoory, but nah we wor surprised to see what a lot o' things ther wor aboon'at wor worth nooatice. Awd nivver enjoyed a ride better an' aw felt ommost sooary when we gate to th' entrance. We paid th' cabby an' walked in, an' when aw tell yo'at we wor content to spend th' mooast pairt o' th' day thear yo may be sewer ther wor summat worth stoppin' for. To me th' graves an' th' monuments wor th' leeast interestin' o' owt we saw, but th' walks under th' trees an' between beds o' th' richest coloured flaars, set like brilliant gems ith' midst o' emerald green velvet, carried mi thowts back to what awd seen at th' Crystal Palace, but it worn't to compare one wi' t'other but to contrast'em, for this wor as mich superior to that as that had been to owt awd seen befoor.

"What does ta think it luks like, Billy?"

"Aw dooan't know what it's like, but it's as unlike a cemetary as owt aw ivver saw; let's sit daan an' have a rest."

They seem to think a deeal moor o' ther deead nor we do, for ther wor hardly a stooan or a grass covered grave but what had wreaths o' flaars strewn over'em, yet amang all th' craads'at passed us aw could find no trace o' sorrow or sadness, an' them'at had flaars i' ther hands to lay ovver th' remains o' one'at had been dear to'em when livin', wor laffin an' chattin' away as if they wor gooin' to a gala, but yet they all wor dressed in the "habiliments of woe"—fashion an' show,—nowt else!

"What impious mockery, when, with soulless art,

Fashion, intrusive, seeks to rule the heart;

Directs how grief may tastefully be borne;

Instructs Bereavement just how long to mourn;

Shows Sorrow how by nice degrees to fade,

And marks its measure in a ribbon's shade!

More impious still, when, through her wanton laws,

She desecrates Religion's sacred cause;

Shows how the narrow road is easiest trod,

And how, genteelest, worms may worship God."

Th' place had getten soa full o' fowk wol we thowfc it wor time to be movin', an' nivver had aw seen sich a change as had takken place wol we'd been in. We gate into a ricketty cab an' telled him to drive to Champs Elysees, net'at we'd owt particular to goa for but aw knew if we wor set daan thear'at aw should be able to find mi way hooam an' have a chonce to see ha one pairt o' th? city spent Sundy. Th' streets wor fairly filled wi' fowk, the cawseys wor ommost blocked an' moor cabs an' carriages wor ith' streets nor we'd ivver seen. It wor hardly to be wondered at on sich a afternoon'at fowk should be tempted aght for a ride or walk; an' it made up a seet moor gay nor owt we'd witnessed befoor. Th' Cafes an' shops wor oppen, (net all th' shops but mooast on'em,) an' it seemed to bi far th' busiest day ith' wick. Ther wor noa church bells ringin' nah, th' fowk had getten throo ther religious nomony for th' day, an' them'at hadn't had time to: goa back hooam an' leeave ther prayer-books had'em stickin' aght o' ther pockets as they sat ith' front o' th' drinkin' shops playin' cards an' laffin' an' smok'in' Awm net able to argefy as to whether it's reight or wrang, but it isn't my noation o' "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy."

Old England has a lot to answer for i' that respect, maybe a deeal moor nor we're apt to admit, still Payris licks all places aw ivver did see for th' amaant o' religion it can booast an' for th' want o' Christianity'at characterizes it.

We'd had noa dinner soa we went into a place an' ordered Cafe au lait, bifteck, Champignons, pain an' beurre, an' if yo cannot tell what that is awd advise yo to get to know befoor yo goa, for yol find it's nooan a bad pooltice for a empty stummack. Aw noaticed'at other fowk sittin' raand rayther stared when th' chap browt it, but they stared far moor when he tuk th' empty plates away in abaat ten minutes at after. When we'd squared up we went aghtside agean, an' pickin' aght a little table'at wor as far removed as onny throo th' craad'at wor sittin' ith' front, an' one'at wor grandly shaded wi' a young sycamore tree, we ordered brandy an' watter an' cigars, an' sat daan intendin to enjoy th' richness an' th' beauties ov an evenin' sich as it mud be a long time befoor we should have th' chonce ov enjoyin' agean. Sittin' under a tree has it's advantages, but ther's allusa drawback to all pleasures i' this life. Th' French fowk as a nation are varry perlite, but they dooant seem to have eddi-cated th' burds up to th' same pitch, an' aw suppooas burds will be burds whether they're i' Payris or i' Pudsey; at onyrate, when aw pickt up mi brandy an' watter aw saw ther'd been an addition to it sin th' waiter put it daan,'at caused me to teem it daan th' gutter asteead o' daan mi throit. Billy tuk warnin' bi my mishap an' he made sewer o' his. It wor noa serious loss for aw railly didn't want it, but yo cannot sit at sich places withaat havin' to spend summat. Th' sun wor settin' an' th' sky lukt all aflame for a while, an' then it faded away an' a soft purplish Ieet crept ovver th' heavens, an' th' day went to sleep an' neet drew th' curtain ov his bed. Th' lamps wor sooin aleet but their glories wor sooin at an end, for th' mooin coom smilin' up, an' flingin' her silvery rays, turned ivverything into fairyland. "We nivver see moonleet as breet as this at hooam, Billy."

"Noa, aw wor just thinkin' it ud be grand to have a bit o' poachin' ov a neet like this; awl bet ther's two-o-three chaps sittin' i' yond haase o' mine to neet'at ud give a wick's wage for a mooin like that i' November."

"Billy!" aw sed, disgusted, "aw believe tha's noa poetry i' thi soul!"

"Varry likely net, but aw've getten a pain i' mi back wi' caarin' o' this peggifoggin' stooil, th' top on it's nobbut abaat big enuff to mak a sealin' wax stamp on."

We made a move towards hooam then, but we didn't hurry for it wor soa cooil an' pleasant, an' for fear o' landin too sooin we tuk a bit ov a raand abaat way'at we felt sewer ud land us at th' same spot. It's just as fooilish a thing for a chap to tak a raand abaat rooad to a place i' Payris if he doesn't know it, as it is for a stranger to try to tak a short cut i' Lundun, for he's sewer to get wrang. Billy an' me kept walkin' on an' tawkin' abaat what arrangements we'd to mak abaat gettin' hooam, an' aw heeard a clock strike eleven.

"It's a gooid job aw browt this kay wi' mi," aw sed, "for we'st be lockt aght. This rooad's takken us farther nor awd ony idea on, an' awm blest if aw can tell whear we are."

"It's just like thi! an' nah when tha's trailed me abaat wol mi feet's soa sooar aw can hardly bide to put'em daan aw expect tha'll find aght'at we're two or three mile off hooam."

"We cannot be far away nah," aw sed, tho awm blessed if aw knew ony better nor a fooil whear we wor or whear we wor gooin; "an' if th' warst comes to th' warst tha knows Billy we can do as we've done befoor—get a cab."

"If tha'd to wark for thy brass same as aw've to do for mine tha'd nooan be soa varry fond o' payin' it for cabs."

Aw wor a bit put aght an' aw knew he wor, soa we nawther on us sed another word but kept marchin' on an' aw wor i' hooaps o' meetin' a poleeceman to see if he could tell us whear we wor, but th' poleece are th' same all th' world ovver, for they're nivver thear when they're wanted. Aw felt sewer we should meet with a cab or summat, but th' streets seemed as if ivverybody'd gooan to bed all at once. It'll be a long time befoor aw forget that walk, aw lukt all raand an' up an' daan but aw couldn't see a thing awd ivver seen befoor except th' mooin an that couldn't help me ony; th' clock struck twelve—Billy gave a sigh but sed nowt—all at once aw heeard th' clink ov a metal heel on th' causey an aw stopt. It wor a gaily dressed young woman hurryin' off somewhear. Aw stopt anent her an' shoo stopt, an' aw tried to mak her understand what we wanted but shoo could mak nowt on it, an' as sooin as shoo saw it wor noa use tryin' to coax us to goa her way unless we'd been sewer her way wor awrs shoo sailed away an' left us. It wor a fit o' desperation'at caused me to seize hold o' Billy's arm an' march daan a narrow street, but it wor a stroke o' gooid luck as it happened, for at th' bottom o' th' street wor th' river. Aw lukt to see which way th' watter wor runnin' an' then cheered up wi' hooaps we set off agean. We didn't need to mak ony enquiries nah, soa we met plenty o' poleece, but noa cabs, but it wor a long walk befoor we coom to owt we knew, but at last we did, an' th' clock struck one. We'd abaat two miles to walk then, for it wor evident we'd been altogether astray—but aw mun gie Billy credit for patience that time for he nivver grummeled a bit, although he limped a gooid deeal. We gat hooam at last an' as we expected all wor shut up an' i' darkness. Nah we'd nawther on us ivver been awther in or aght o' th' back door but we went to seek it an' as ther wor nobbut one ther worn't mich fear on us makkin a mistak, an' we could see th' leet'at wor inside shinin' throo th' winder shutters. Aw put th' kay i'th' hoil an' th' door wor oppened in a sniff an' a welcome seet it wor at met us. A bit o' fire wor burnin' i'th' range, an' at that time o' th' mornin' a bit o' fire's alluswelcome, an' aw turned th' leet up, an' thear on th' table wor a grand set aght for two. Ther wor fish an' a joint o' cold beef, a big dish o' sallit an' some nice butter an' breead, an' two bottles o' Bass' ale an' a bottle o' claret; an' th' raam wor a deeal nicer fitted up nor th' big shop we'd alius been used to havin' us meals in. "This is a change for th' better," aw sed, "aw wish we'd known abaat this be-foor."

"It's all ov a piece is thy wark,—tha allusfinds ivverything aght when it's too lat! Here we've been all this time, as uncomfortable as ivver we could be caarin i' that big raam, when we mud ha been enjoyin' ussen in here if tha'd nobbut ha oppened thi maath! but aw can just do justice to it to neet, soa let's start."

He drew all th' three bottles an' he supt th' ale aght o' one befoor he touched owt to ait, but it didn't interfere wi' his appetite, an' aw can't say'at aw could find ony fault wi' mi own. Th' fish sooin disappeared, an' th' beef grew smaller hi degrees, an' we didn't leeav a drop o' ale nor claret, an' when we'd finished Billy propoased a smook befoor we went to bed, but when he pooled his watch aght to see what time it wor, he saw it wor standin', an' as aw hadn't one aw gate up to oppen th' door'at led into th' big raam whear we'd been used to sit, for aw knew ther wor a clock thear; but by-gow! aw lawpt aght o' that shop sharper nor aw went in. "Billy!" aw says, "Bi th' heart, lad! we'st be put i'th' hoil for this! We've getten into th' wrang haase!"

"Then awm one'at's baan to get aght," he sed, an' seizin' his booits off th' harthstun he aght o' th' door like a shot—he didn't limp then, awl awarrant yo! Aw sammed up my booits an' seizin' th' kay aw after him in a twinklin' When we gat into th' street ther worn't a soul stirrin' Aw lukt up at th' winders to mak sewer we wor anent us own lodgins an' then aw went to th' end o' th' buildin', an' aw saw a door'at we'd missed befoor. "Here we are, Billy!" aw shaated in a whisper. Aw oppened th' door an' we went in pratly, an' we sooin saw'at we wor ith' reight shop this time. A supper wor thear but we wanted nooan on it, we lockt th' door an' turned aght th leet an' crept up stairs o' tippy-tooa, an' befoor yo could ha caanted ten we wor booath i' bed. Yo may be sewer we wor booath wide enough awake, an' when in abaat fifteen minits we heeard two wimmin skrikin an' some men shaatin', an' fowk runnin' up an' daan th' Street, an' somdy brayin' at th' door at th' place we lodged at, we'd a varry gooid noation o' what wor up, an' as we didn't think'at we should ha gained ony moor information nor what we knew already, we thowt'at it wor awr best plan to stop whear we wor, an' if we couldn't sleep we could snoor, an' we at it i' hard eearnest, an' when th' maister coom an' knockt gently at furst one door an' then t'other an' heeard th' music'at we wor makkin' aw think he thowt th' same as we did, an' couldn't find in his heart to disturb us. Ha th' fowk went on at wor aghtside we could nobbut guess, but th' sun wor shinin' breetly befoor all wor quietened daan; then we did fall asleep an' it wor nine o'clock when Billy coom to my door to wakken me. He shoved his heead in an' says, "Sammy! Sammywell!"

"What's up?".

"Has ta heeard owt abaat thieves braikin' into th' haase next door?"

"Thieves? what thieves? Aw've nobbut just wak-kened! aw know nowt abaat it!"

"No moor do aw," he sed. "Awm baan daan to mi braikfast an' tha can coom as sooin as tha'rt ready."

Th' events o th' neet befoor flashed across mi mind in a minit—aw saw his meanin', an' when aw'd getten donned aw went daan to join him prepared to act gawmless abaat all it wouldn't be wise to know.

Original