THE dinner is the most important and the most delightful of social functions. It is the most civilized of entertainments, and to say of a town that it is a dinner-giving town means that it has arrived socially. This flower of hospitality blooms slowly. In many western places where the reception, the afternoon tea, the theater party and the ladies’ luncheon flourish like a green bay tree, the dinner is an unknown function. A young hostess is often afraid of attempting it, as is also the unaccustomed diner-out. Yet it is not a formidable entertainment, rightly considered, and when happily managed the return it brings far outweighs the outlay of time and trouble.

The dinner, height of hospitality as it is, is yet within the reach of most of us as far as expenditure is concerned. The cost of a dinner may be much or little. The menu may be simple or elaborate. Five courses is enough for a dainty satisfying meal, yet eighteen and twenty are sometimes served. The table decorations may be of the most expensive sort; yet a half-dozen roses and candles in keeping are sufficient to give a properly festive touch.

The number of servants required depends, of course, upon the elaborateness or simplicity of the menu and upon the number of guests to be served. The size of the dinner party is elastic, though eighteen at the table is usually regarded as the maximum.

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The little dinner party has the advantage of being in some ways a more attractive function than the big one, as well as one in which people of small incomes may safely indulge. When a dinner is so large that general conversation is impossible, it defeats its own purpose. Eight guests are a good number. Why it should be that ten guests are still so few as to form a little dinner party and that twelve guests undoubtedly make a big dinner party is one of those inscrutable truths that it takes something more than arithmetic to explain. But so it is. If the guests are properly chosen for a small dinner there should be in the atmosphere a combination of pretty formality and agreeable familiarity about this function that no other can give in so large a degree.

The choice of guests is, of course, the first and most important consideration. Upon this more than upon any other consideration depends the success of your party. It does not do to invite people together for commercial reasons simply or from any other purely selfish motive. It does not do to go through one’s list and invite people, by instalments, straight through the alphabet. The hostess must exercise all the tact and discrimination of which she is possessed. It is not always necessary that the people chosen should be friends and acquaintances but it is necessary that they have interests, broadly speaking, of the same sort, that they have enough in common to make a basis for easy informal talk. If the people chosen like one another or have the capacity for interesting and diverting one another, the hostess should feel that the weightiest business is off her hands.

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Dinner invitations should be sent out at least a week before the date of the function. In places where social life is of a strenuous character and people are likely to have many engagements ahead, two weeks should be allowed. In New York and Washington, invitations for formal dinners are issued four weeks before the event. The invitation to a dinner should be answered immediately. As the number of guests invited in any case is small, the hostess should know as soon as possible the intention of those invited, so that, in case of a regret, she may fill the place so quickly that the person next chosen may not realize that he is an alternate. The letters R. s. v. p. should not be put on a dinner invitation. Any one who receives such a card or note is supposed to understand that an answer is expected.

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When the guests are selected, the invitations delivered and the proper number of acceptances received, the hostess may then turn her attention to the other arrangements. The important matter of deciding upon the menu is next in order. If the hostess has an admirably trained cook or is in a position to engage an expert cateress, a consultation with one or the other settles the affair. In case she has not the one and is not financially able to engage the other, she must depend upon her own resources. She must select a menu which she and her maid can together carry out successfully.

The composition of a dinner menu is an employment that gives scope for talent and originality. The range of possible dishes is large, the variety in the way of combination inexhaustible. To plan a dinner that is at once palatable and pleasing to the eye requires no mean ability. To a woman who has a genius for culinary feats, this sort of accomplishment may be an exercise of the artistic faculties; and the effect produced upon the partakers of the feast goes far beyond mere physical satisfaction. If one is in the habit of studying cook-books, which make more interesting reading than they are generally given credit for, the opportunity afforded by a dinner party for the display of one’s knowledge should be as eagerly welcomed as the opportunity offered a violinist for the exhibition of his art. Novelties are to be indulged in sparingly. Queer highly-colored dishes make the guests nervous as to the hygienic results.

Sometimes fashion decrees that a square or oblong table is the appropriate form. Again she approves the round table. At the present time the round table has the preference and, as far as the present writer can see, with reason. The round table puts all the diners on an equal footing instead of establishing a sometimes embarrassing distinction between guests and hosts. Its use makes it possible for each guest to have a good view of every other guest and this promotes general conversation. Added to these merits is another of importance, namely, that a round table is more susceptible of attractive decoration.

Many people who employ a square table for family use, employ on formal occasions a round top, capable of seating twelve or fourteen people, which top can be placed above the table commonly in use. This top when not in use folds together on hinges in the center. On occasion it can be clamped to the table in ordinary so that it holds perfectly firm.

One should not ask more guests than the table will roomily accommodate. A woman guest will often be glad of a footstool.

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On the morning of the dinner the silver and china necessary should be looked over and later in the day properly placed. The table should be arranged with cloth, the napkins, the various knives, forks and spoons, the flowers, the candles, and the service plates, if such are used. The china to be employed for the various courses should be placed, before the dinner, in the butler’s pantry in a way to promote, as far as possible, swift and deft service with the maid. She should be instructed exactly where she can lay her hands on the dishes for each item in the menu so that her attendance may be expert and noiseless. For her benefit it is well also to make out in good legible writing, the menu for the meal and hang it in the kitchen in full view of her and any other servants employed for the occasion. In giving a dinner nothing should be left to chance. Every emergency should be taken into consideration and planned for. In small households where only one maid is employed, a trained waitress may be hired at small expense to help serve.

The flowers to be used should have some relation to the color of the candles if candles are used. A few flowers skilfully arranged are sometimes quite as effective as a profusion. A clear glass jar which shows stems and leaves as well as blooms is a good investment for the woman whose love of beauty goes further than her ability to pay. The importance of foliage is not always appreciated. One of the cleverest minor inventions for making a few blossoms appear to their best advantage is the cross-bar of wire which one finds now in the shops, in various sizes and fitted to the tops of various ornamental vases. By the use of this device each flower stands out in individual beauty. The effect of no single blossom is lost.

Avoid a centerpiece that is so high as to obstruct the view across the table.

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The table-cloth and napkins should be of pure white and of the finest napery that one can afford. Silk and lace contraptions that will not stand washing are in bad taste. The table-cloth is not starched and preferably is never folded by the laundress but rolled so that when used it shows no creases except one down the center. First on the table is laid a heavy felt cloth known as the silence cloth, which, besides deadening sounds, serves to make the damask lie more smoothly and gives it a richer, handsomer appearance than if it were spread on the bare boards. If the game or joints are to be served from the table, a carver’s square should be laid at the head of the table and beneath it a thick mat for the protection of the table surface. Beside this square are laid the carving knife and fork, a table spoon and a gravy ladle. At each guest’s place, is set a “service plate,” insisted on by the punctilious who choose to obey the unwritten rule of hospitality that a guest once seated is never without a plate. This plate is exchanged by the waitress for the one bearing the food when it is served. To the left of this plate will be arranged the forks, tines upward. These will ordinarily consist of two large forks for the main meat course and the salad, then a third fork for the fish and outside of these a small oyster fork if there is to be a course of raw oysters. At the right of the plate will be two dinner knives with the edges of the blades turned toward the plate, a fish knife, and the spoons, including first a small spoon for the after-dinner coffee. The spoon that will be used first is placed on the outside for obvious reasons. The soup spoon with the bowl uppermost will be placed either at right angles to the knives or from right to left back of the plate. The water glass and the glasses for wine, if these are used, stand to the right and back, a little beyond the knives. As butter is not served at formal dinners the bread and butter plate and butter spreader are omitted. The folded napkin containing the dinner roll is laid to the right of the knives or on the service plate. Fancy foldings of the napkin are not approved.

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When the waitress hands a dish from which the guest must serve himself she offers it on the left so that he may use his right hand freely. However, when she puts a plate before him, she should do it from the right. Many hostesses decree that on clearing the table, the large meat and vegetable dishes should be taken first and the soiled plates last. A reversal of this procedure would seem to be an improvement as the untidy plates are the least sightly things about the table. If the maid is skilful she will notice whether any guest has by chance already used the spoons or other silver required for the dessert course and supply those without a request being made.

In clearing the table the maid must not stack the dishes. She should take a plate in each hand and no more.

Avoid using heavily scented flowers on a dinner table.

Menu cards do not belong in private houses. They have the somewhat vulgar effect of laying too much stress on the food. The ideal dinner is, indeed, a delightful repast, but it should be first of all what has been wittily described as “a feast of reason and a regular freshet of soul.”

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A fruit centerpiece is not often seen but it is handsome. A large silver plate or basket heaped with pink and white winter grapes or even with rosy apples and “glove” oranges is most effective.

If candles are used these should be kept on ice until near the dinner hour, then lighted and the wicks cut, to prevent smoking and dripping. Many persons who like to put shades on their candles have difficulty in preventing them from catching fire. It is worth knowing that this is more likely to occur when the holders are fitted to the top of the candle than where they clasp it below the heated part.

When a dessert dish is placed on a larger plate, or a finger-bowl is set before the guest, a small lace paper mat may be laid between plate and dish.

If the dining-room floor is of hard wood rubber tips may be bought at any department store and put on the chair-legs to prevent the noise of scraping.

The table should be carefully set so that the centerpiece is exactly in the center and the guests’ places precisely opposite each other.

As a rule the china used throughout a dinner exactly matches, but if a hostess prefers she may use different sets for different courses.

In serving soup be careful not to give too much. A half ladleful is an “elegant sufficiency.”

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If a dinner is very formal and several wines are to be served, it is correct to use white wine with the fish, sherry with the soup, claret with the roast and champagne or Burgundy with the game. The white wine, sherry and champagne should be kept cold; champagne, indeed, should be very cold and is served from a bottle wrapped in a napkin. Claret and Burgundy are most agreeable at a temperature of about seventy. All these wines are served from the bottle except claret and sherry, which are usually decanted, that is to say, they are poured from the original bottle into a cut-glass bottle or decanter intended especially for table use.

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Much of the success of a dinner depends upon the serving. A well-trained maid or man is indispensable, and it is not to be denied that the training, for this purpose, of the average servant to be found in the West is difficult. But with patience it can be done. If one is in the habit, as one should be, of insisting that the home dinner be served with proper formality, the extra duties involved in the service of a larger number of people and of a greater range of dishes need not be viewed with terror.

If there are ten or twelve guests the services of two maids or men become necessary, lest the portions on the plates become cold before the sauces and vegetables that are to accompany them can be passed. For elaborate dinners the rule is one waiter to every three guests.

In punctilious households the unwritten law that a guest should never be without a plate before him is observed, and this is known as the service or place plate. At an informal meal this plate may be dispensed with.

A maid should be taught to move quietly, to keep her eyes and thoughts on what she is doing, and in an emergency to go directly to her mistress for a quiet word of instruction. It is particularly important that the domestic in the kitchen should also be as quiet as possible in her movements. Nothing is more annoying during a dinner conversation than a crash of crockery in the culinary regions.

As a rule dinner is served in most American cities at seven o’clock. In New York, however, where long distance makes it difficult for men to reach home, dress for the evening and arrive at any stated place, eight o’clock is frequently the hour.

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In not a few houses the fine old fashion of saying grace is still observed and the guest should carefully watch his hostess for a cue as to how to conduct himself. A young woman who happened to be visiting in one of the older New England families chanced to take her first meal at the dinner hour. After a moment’s pause she was asked by her hostess to start the meal, and with best intentions she did so by passing a bread plate near her. To her dismay she afterward learned that she had been expected to say grace. Of course, such an incident could occur only at an informal dinner, but it serves to bring up the point that many a hostess embarrasses a guest by directly asking him to perform this service which a natural timidity or his being unaccustomed to it may make an ordeal for him. If a clergyman is present, respect to his position, whatever one’s own religious convictions or want of them, demands that he be asked to say grace.

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At informal dinners the roast may be carved at the table if the hostess prefers this plan and if the host can be persuaded to do the carving and is able to do it skilfully and quietly. This plan, which is English in its origin, seems more hospitable in a way than the more formal custom of serving everything from side-tables, a la Russe. Undoubtedly there is a flavor of the hotel and restaurant about the Russian style that is less agreeable, though simpler and more expeditious. It may be remarked, however, that while it is of first importance that a dinner service should move promptly and that it should not at the outside take up more than two hours, anything that actually suggests haste is contrary to the spirit of the occasion.

When the meats are carved at the table the vegetables should be passed by the maid, as the guests may have a choice. For the person at the head of the table to serve both meat and vegetables is permissible only at a family dinner. In some households the host or hostess makes a specialty of salad dressing, and this course, also, is served at the table. As the salad bowl may be so arranged as to present a beautiful, as well as a delicious sight, the custom has more than one reason to recommend it.

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As to who is served first there has been considerable discussion. The plan has recently come into favor in some houses to hand the first plate in each instance to the hostess in the thought that if there is anything wrong with the dish she may detect it before the guests are served. The usual plan, however, is to serve first the lady sitting at the host’s right hand, then all the other ladies, and lastly the men. Or, if two maids are serving, one may take one side of the table and one the other. The maid should hand the dishes on the left side of the guest. A clever maid can wait on eight people, provided the dinner is not too elaborate.

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The dress of a maid waiting at dinner should be in winter of a plain black stuff, in summer of plain white. Over this is worn a white bib apron with bands going over the shoulders. The skirt of the apron should be large so that the front of the dress is protected. A plain white collar and white cuffs and a white cap without strings or crown complete this costume. No ornaments of any sort are permissible.

A butler should wear the ordinary dress suit with a white tie. It is a matter of wonder to the thoughtful why society has not yet found a way to clothe her butlers and waiters in some manner that shall prevent strangers from taking them for guests, but as yet no such way seems to have been found. In default of a butler many families keep what is known as a house-man, who performs the duties of both butler and footman; that is to say, he opens the door and also assists at table. Such a servant has a white linen jacket and dark trousers, though some women who have negro house-men and a taste for the picturesque prefer that they shall wear dark colored coats with brass buttons and a scarlet or other bright colored waistcoat. While one sees in certain nice houses white gloves on the hands of a house-man when he is waiting at table, the best taste is against their use, as they undeniably suggest that they are worn to hide dirty hands.

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At formal dinners a woman is expected to wear a dress cut moderately low in the neck, while for men what is known as evening dress is imperative. Sometimes an invitation contains the word “informal,” but unless one has explicit direction to the contrary, no departure should be made from the usual method of dressing.

When a dinner is hastily arranged for an out-of-town guest, who is perhaps passing through the city for the day only, or for some distinguished man or woman on a tour of lectures, the hostess may particularly request the guests not to wear evening clothes out of consideration for the guest of honor who, not expecting any social courtesies, is not prepared so to dress himself. In such cases the men will wear their day clothes, though a woman is always privileged to make her evening toilet somewhat more dainty and elaborate than her daytime one. Not to appear in one’s best when the occasion is suited to happy raiment is to do both one’s self and the occasion an injustice. Most people are at their best when they have the consciousness of being attractively attired, and one may be sure that the hostess always appreciates any effort made by her guests toward increasing the charm of the social picture which she has composed. A dark or dowdy dress is an ugly note in such a group and reveals in the woman who causes it an insufficient sense of the compliment that has been extended to her.

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The dinner coat, or Tuxedo, was designed to be worn only on the most informal occasions, though there is a tendency to widen its field of usefulness. The theory is that it should never be worn where there are ladies, but the modern practise has broken the theory down so that at small dinners, the theater, club affairs, etc., the dinner coat is worn by men who give the subject of dress intelligent consideration. With the dinner coat a black silk string tie should be worn; this the wearer should tie in a bow, tightly drawn at the center. Gray ties have been urged by the fashion makers, but they are not so good as the black. The white lawn tie should never be worn with the dinner coat. Gold studs and gold link cuff buttons, or the newer dark enamel should be used, in shirts of plaits or tucks of various widths. These softer styles of shirts are now in high favor and are a sensible and proper innovation. Extremes of styles should be avoided, and many men of conservative tastes still wear the stiff plain linen or piquÉ bosoms. A black waistcoat of the same material as the coat is preferable to the fancier forms.

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It is gratifying to note that in the best houses neither the hostess nor any woman guest is seen to appear with a dress improperly low. A woman, not long used to the better social circle into which she married, was once invited to meet an actress at a private dinner party. To the amazement and distress of her hostess she appeared in a gown that evidently carried out her idea of what is “Bohemian.” She had quite clearly been determined not to be outdone by the actress. To her chagrin she found this woman in a gown much higher than her own and wholly modest in every particular. To govern one’s dress or conduct in society by any notion of outdoing some one else is an indication of the parvenu and likely to meet with dire results.

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Those who entertain often soon learn to discriminate between the guest whose presence helps to make a dinner a success and one who is an undigested lump in the social leaven. The desirable guest is not necessarily a wit or a beauty but she comes with a glad mind and heart, arrayed in her prettiest and with the sincere intention of trying to give pleasure. She realizes the compliment of her invitation and that it can not be acknowledged merely by extending a similar one. She must, as some one recently put it, “pay her scat” before she leaves the house. If her dearest enemy is present nothing in her manner will betray that fact to the hostess.

The meal should be announced by the servant in charge opening the door or doors leading into the dining-room and saying, “Dinner is served.” It saves confusion even at a small dinner to mark the places at table by cards inscribed with the appropriate name, but this is not obligatory.

The host, with the lady who is to sit at his right, is the first to leave the drawing-room. The order of the other couples does not matter, except that the hostess, with the man who is to sit at her right, leaves last. The places of honor are those at the right of the host and the hostess. If the President were a guest, the hostess would lead the way to the dining-room with him, the President’s wife coming immediately after with the host. If two ladies are entertaining, one must play the part of host. At very large and formal dinners trays on which are small envelopes are placed in the men’s dressing-room, each envelope bearing the name of the woman the guest to whom it is addressed is to take in, and indicating by the letter L. or R. in the corner of the card on which side the two will sit.

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A dinner party demands that the guest be not more than ten minutes early, and ordinarily not a half-minute behind the time mentioned in the invitation. In large cities, however, on account of the great distances, ten or fifteen minutes’ grace is allowed. After that interval has passed, the hostess—or her butler if she have one—should see that the cover laid for this person is removed, and the usual announcement made that “Dinner is served.” The servant at the door directs the women to their dressing-room, the men to theirs. In the dressing-room the women leave their wraps, but do not remove their gloves. Each woman, accompanied by her escort, descends to the drawing-room, greets the hosts, and the man who is to take her out to dinner is then introduced to her.

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Where there are many courses a guest may, if he wish, sometimes decline one or more of these. He may also show by a gesture that he will not take wine, or, if his glasses are filled, he may simply lift them to his lips, taste the contents, then drink no more. As a glass will be filled as soon as emptied, the guest may say in a low voice, “No more, please!” when he has had enough. None of these refusals should be so marked as to attract the attention of his entertainers. A wine-glass should never be turned down.

After the ladies have removed their gloves and the dinner-roll or slice of bread has been taken from the folded napkin and the napkin laid in the lap, the dinner conducts itself. The chapter headed “At Table” will answer any doubtful questions as to the manner of eating at home or abroad.

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After the dinner is ended, the hostess gives a slight signal, or makes the move to rise. The gentlemen stand while the ladies pass out of the room, then sit down again for their cigars, coffee and liquors. The chairs, on rising from a dinner-table, should not be pushed back in place. Coffee and cordials are served to the ladies in the drawing-room, where they are soon joined by the gentlemen.

When the time for departure approaches it is the place of the woman who goes first to rise, motion to her husband, and then as soon as she and he have said good night to the host and hostess, they bow to the other guests, and retire to the dressing-rooms. After this they go directly from the house, not entering the drawing-room again. If there are guests of honor they should be the first to go.

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In saying good night it is perfectly proper, extremists to the contrary notwithstanding, to thank the entertainers for a pleasant evening. Such thanks need not be profuse, but may be simply—“Good night, and many thanks for a delightful evening!” or “It is hard to leave, we have had such a pleasant time!” One need never be afraid to let one’s hosts know that the time spent in their presence has passed delightfully.

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Given well-prepared food, whether simple or elaborate, proper service, a room not too warm and a current of fresh air that does not blow on any one, guests sympathetically chosen, the dinner can not fail to be a success. A young married belle of a western city who was visiting in a smart New York set was asked at her first dinner what people in the West did for after-dinner entertainment. “They talk,” she said. The people present looked at her as if they thought that a dull way of spending the time, and to a query of hers regarding their methods of entertainment, replied that they usually “had in” a professional or professionals of some sort for the amusement of the guests after the eating and drinking were over. To her taste this indicated an unenviable mental poverty, as it will to most sensible people. The best flavor of a successful dinner party lies not in the food, however grateful that may be to the palate, but in the talk. A dinner is the entertainment at which sprightly natural talk counts for the most; and this is probably the reason that the world over the dinner is considered the most elegant and distinguished form of entertainment.

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