  Before the Holidays (an Anticipation) Really nothing so pleasant as packing. Such fun to see how many things you can get into a portmanteau. Won't take any books as the "Continong" will be enough for amusement. Capital carriages to Dover. Everything first-rate. Civil guards. Time-table not a dead letter. Splendid boats, smooth sea, and a first-rate buffet at Calais. Dear Paris! Just the place for the inside of a week. Boulevards full of novelties. Theatres in full swing. Evenings outside the cafÉs perfect happiness. Splendid! En route. Swiss scenery, as ever, lovely. Mountains glorious, passes, lakes. Delightful. Nothing can compare with a jaunt through the land of Tell. Italy—dear old Italy. Oh, the blue sky and the tables d'hÔte! What more glorious than the ruins of Rome? What more precious than the pictures of Florence? What more restful than the gondolas of Venice? And the people even! The French the pink of And all this to take the place of hard work. Well, it is to come. Bless everybody! After the Holidays (a Retrospect) What can be worse than packing? And after Beastly journey from Paris to Calais, and as for the crossing afterwards—well, as long as I live I shall never forget it! Dear Paris! Emphatically "dear," with the accent on the expense. Glad to be out of it. Boulevards deserted. Theatres playing "relÂche." CafÉs deathtraps in the service of the influenza. En route! Who cares for Switzerland—always the same! Eternal mountains—yet coming up promising year after year! Sloppy passes, misty views. Beastly monotonous. The Cantons played out. Italy! Who says Italy? Blue sky not equal to Wandsworth. Rome unhealthy. Art treasures at Florence not equal to collection in South Kensington. Mosquitoes at Venice. And the people! Cheeky French, swindling Swiss, and dirty Italians! And yet this is all to be supplemented by the same hard work. In the collar again. Oh! hang everybody! ALTOGETHER SATISFACTORY ALTOGETHER SATISFACTORYAunt Fanny. "I do like these French watering-places. The bathing costume is so sensible!" Hilda. "Oh, yes, auntie! And so becoming!" A MOUNTAINEERING A MOUNTAINEERING INCIDENTVoice from above. "For heaven's sake be more careful, Smith. Remember, you've got the whiskey!" TOURING IN ALGIERS TOURING IN ALGIERSArab (as Mr. and Mrs. Smith appear). "Sh! You vant a guide! I am ze best guide in Alger! For five franc I take you to Arab cafÉ vare Inglees not 'lowed. For ten franc I show you ze street vare it is dangerous for ze Inglees for to go. And for twenty franc—sh!—I stand you on ze blace vare ze last Inglees tourist vos got shot!" [Mr. and Mrs. Smith wish they were back in England. MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE, ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE, ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY'Arry Belville. "Yes! I like it extremely. I like the lazy ally sort of feeling. I like sitting at the door of a caffy to smoke my cigar; and above all (onter noo) it's a great comfort to wear one's beard without bein' larfed at!" MONSIEUR, MADAME, ET BÉBE MONSIEUR, MADAME, ET BÉBE |
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