  On Clothes (1)On Clothes.—"Why not employ local talent? Saves half the money, and no one can tell the difference." try to pull it out (2) If the thong of your whip gets under your horse's tail, just try to pull it out! Don't buy a horse (3) Don't buy a horse because he is described as being "Well known with the—— Hounds." It might be true. a bit out of hand (4) If at a meet your horse should get a bit out of hand, just run him up against some one. opening a gate for the huntsman (5) If opening a gate for the huntsman, don't fall into the middle of the pack! ExcusableM.F.H. (justly irate, having himself come carefully round edge of seed-field.) "Blank it all, Rogerson, what's the good o' me trying to keep the field off seeds, and a fellow like you coming slap across 'em?" Hard-Riding Farmer. "It's all right. They're my own! Ar've just come ower my neighbour's wheat, and ar couldn't for vary sham(e) miss my own seeads!" Anxious to SellDealer (to Hunting Man, whose mount has NOT answered expectations.) "How much do you want for that nag o' yours, sir?" Hunting Man. "Well, I'll take a hundred guineas." Dealer. "Make it shillings." H. M. (delighted.) "He's yours!" NOT A LADIES' DAY NOT A LADIES' DAYMiss Scramble. "Now, Charles, give me one more long hair-pin, and I shall do." CasualOwner of let-out hunters (to customer just returned from day's sport.) "Are you aware, sir, that ain't my 'orse?" Sportsman. "Not yours! Then, by Jove, I did collar the wrong gee during that scrimmage at the brook!" At our Opening MeetStranger from over the water. "I guess you've a mighty smart bunch of dogs there, m'lord!" Noble but crusty M.F.H. "Then you guess wrong, sir. This is a pack of hounds!" Must be Hungry"Wish you'd feed your horse before he comes out." "Eh—why—hang it!—what do you mean?" "He's always trying to eat my boots. He evidently thinks there's some chance of getting at a little corn!" Have you seen my hare THE RETORT COURTEOUS(A Reminiscence of the past Harrier Season) Major Topknot, M.H. (to butcher's boy.) "Hi! Hulloah! Have you seen my hare?" Butcher's Boy. "Ga-a-rn! 'Ave you seen my whiskers?" Disinterested KindnessSportsman (just come to grief, to Kindhearted Stranger who has captured horse.) "I say, I'm awfully obliged to you! I can get on all right, so please don't wait!" Kindhearted Stranger. "Oh, I'd rather, thanks! I want you to flatten the next fence for me!" EncouragingNervous Man (who hires his hunters.) "Know anything about this mare? Ringbone tells me she's as clever as a man!" Friend. "Clever as a man? Clever as a woman more like it! Seen her play some fine old games with two or three fellows, I can tell you!" Voice from bottom of ditch NUNC AUT NUNQUAMVoice from bottom of ditch. "Hold hard a minute! My money has slipped out of my pockets, and it's all down here somewhere!" A REFORMED CHARACTER A REFORMED CHARACTERJohn. "Goin' to give up 'untin'! Deary! deary! An' 'ow's that, missie?" Little Miss Di. "Well, you see, John, I find my cousin Charlie, who is going to be a curate, does not approve of hunting women, so I intend to be a district visitor instead!" Something like a CharacterHuntsman (on being introduced to future wife of M.F.H..) "Proud to make your acquaintance, miss! Known the Capting, miss, for nigh on ten seasons, and never saw 'im turn 'is 'ead from hanything as was jumpable! Knows a 'oss and knows a 'ound! Can ride one and 'unt t'other; and if that ain't as much as can be looked for in a 'usband, miss, why, I'll be jiggered!" A Liberal AllowanceHuntsman (who has just drawn Mr. Van Wyck's coverts blank.) "Rather short of cubs, I'm afraid, sir!" Mr. Van Wyck (who has very recently acquired his country seat.) "Most extraordinary! Can't understand it at all! Why, I told my keeper to order a dozen only last week!" go home at once Scene—As above. Time—Mid-day. Sport—None up to now. Stout Party (about to leave.) "Most extr'ordinary thing. Whenever I go home, they always have a rattling good run." Candid Friend. "Then, for goodness' sake, go home at once!" MOST EXTRAORDINARY MOST EXTRAORDINARYDismounted Sportsman. "Now, how the deuce did my hat manage to get up there?" StraightHuntsman (to Boy, who is riding his second horse.) "Hi, there! What the doose are yer doin' of with that second 'oss?" Boy (Irish, and only just come to the Hunt stables from a Racing Establishment.) "Arrah thin, if oi roides oi roides to win! and divil a second is he goin' to be at all, at all!!" ForbearanceMember of Hunt (to Farmer.) "I wouldn't ride over those seeds if I were you. They belong to a disagreeable sort of fellow, who might make a fuss about it." Farmer. "Well, sir, as him's me, he won't say nothing about it to-day." Extract from a letter (Extract from a letter received by Mr. Shootall on the morning when hounds were expected to draw his covers) Leadenhall Market, Thursday. Sir,—Your esteemed order to hand. We regret that we are quite out of foxes at present; but, as you mentioned they were for children's pets, we thought guinea pigs might do instead, so are sending half a dozen to-day. Hoping, &c., &c. Too Much(Pity the Sorrows of a poor Hunting Man!) Sportsman (suffering from intense aberration of mind in consequence of the weather, in reply to wife of his bosom.) "Put out? Why, o' course I'm put out. Been just through the village, and hang me if at least half a dozen fools haven't told me that it's nice seasonable weather!" At the Hunt BallMr. Hardhit. "Don't you think, Miss Highflier, that men look much better in pink—less like waiters?" Miss Highflier. "Yes, but more like ringmasters—eh?" [Hardhit isn't a bit offended, but seizes the opportunity. Go on away Second Whip. "G-aw-ne away!" Middle-aged Diana. "Go on away, indeed! Impertinence! I'll go just when I'm ready!" CASE OF REAL DISTRESS A CASE OF REAL DISTRESSFox-hunter. "Here's a bore, Jack! The ground is half a foot thick with snow, and it's freezing like mad!" The Huntsman's Point of View.One of the best runs of the season. Good scent all the way. Sir Heavistone Stogdon unfortunately fell at a stiff bank and broke his collar-bone. At the last moment, I regret to say, the fox got away. He encounters a coomb BUGGLES WITH THE DEVON AND SOMERSETHe encounters a "coomb," and wonders if it is soft at the bottom. THE DEVON AND SOMERSET WITH THE DEVON AND SOMERSETSportsman (from the bog.) "Confound you, didn't you say there was a sound bottom here?" Shepherd. "Zo there be, maister; but thou 'aven't got down to un yet!" Fools and their Money—Jones (who has been having a fair bucketing for the last half-hour, as he passes friend, in his mad career.) "I'd give a fiver to get off this brute!" Friend (brutally.) "Don't chuck your money away, old chap! You'll be off for less than that!" With the Queen'sLeading Sportsman. "Hold ha—rd! Here's some more of that confounded barbed wire! Dashed if I don't think this country is mainly inhabited by retired fishing-tackle makers!"
His OpinionJenkinson (to M.F.H., who dislikes being bothered.) "What do you think of this horse?" (No answer.) "Bred him myself, you know!" M.F.H. (looking at horse out of corner of his eye.) "Umph! I thought you couldn't have been such a silly idiot as to have bought him!" A BLANK DAY A BLANK—BLANK—DAYA VIEW HALLOO A VIEW HALLOO(Hounds at fault) Whip (bustling up to young Hodge, who has just begun to wave his cap and sing out lustily.) "Now then, where is he?" Young H. "Yonder, sir! Acomin' across yonder!" Whip. "Get out, why there ain't no fox there stoopid!" Young H. "No, sir; but there be our Billy on his jackass!" I dropped my whip Miss Nelly (to her Slave, in the middle of the best thing of the Season.) "Oh, Mr. Rowel, do you mind going back? I dropped my whip at the last fence!" SevereM.F.H. (to Youth from neighbouring Hunt, who has been making himself very objectionable.) "Now, look here, young man. I go cub-hunting for the purpose of educating my own puppies. As you belong to another pack, I'll thank you to take yourself home!" HUNTING MEMORANDUM HUNTING MEMORANDUMAppearance of things in general to a gentleman who has just turned a complete somersault! * &c., &c., represent sparks of divers beautiful colours. Too sleepy "CUBBING EVENTS CAST THEIR SHADOWS"Half-awakened un-enthusiastic Sportsman (who wished to go out cub-hunting, but has entirely changed his mind, drowsily addressing rather astonished burglar.) "Awright, old boy. Can't come with you this morning. Too sleepy." [Turns round and resumes deep sleep where he left off.] A BROKEN PLEDGE A BROKEN PLEDGESportsman on bank (to Friend in brook.) "Hallo, Thompson, is that you? Why, I thought you had joined the 'No Drinks in between Meals' Party!" "In the Dim and Distant Future"First Sportsman (cantering along easily.) "I say, we shall see you at dinner on the nineteenth, shan't we?" Second Ditto (whose horse is very fresh, and bolting with him.) "If the beast goes on like this—hanged if you'll ever see me again." LIFE IN THE OLD DOG YET THERE'S LIFE IN THE OLD DOG YETEx-M.F.H. (eighty-nine and paralytic.) "Fora-a-d! Fora-a-d! Fora-a-a-d!" Don't ride over the line Huntsman (making a cast for the line of the fox, near a railway.) "Hold hard, please! Don't ride over the line!" Would-be Thrusters. "Oh, no, we won't. There's a bridge farther on!" it's a new hare "RANK BLASPHEMY"Squire Oldboy, M.H. (enjoying a long and very slow hunt.) "There she goes! Afraid it's a new hare though." Bored Sportsman. "How lucky! The other must be getting doosid old." Seen the fox A CHECKHuntsman. "Seen the fox, my boy?" Boy. "No, I ain't!" Huntsman. "Then, what are you hollarin' for?" Boy (who has been scaring rooks.) "'Cos I'm paid for it!" EASIER SAID THAN DONE EASIER SAID THAN DONESixteen-stone Sportsman (who has been nearly put down from a "rotten" landing, to little Bricks, 9st. 2lb.): "Do you mind putting me back in the saddle, sir?" TROUBLES OF AN M.F.H. THE TROUBLES OF AN M.F.H.M.F.H. (to stranger, who is violently gesticulating to hounds.) "When you have done feeding your chickens, sir, perhaps you will allow me to hunt my hounds!" Mr. Tinkler and his inamorata Nobody was near hounds in the big wood when they pulled down the cub except Mr. Tinkler and his inamorata. He rashly volunteers to secure the brush for her! What a beastly day "Morning, Tom. What a beastly day!" "It ain't a day, sir. I call it an interval between two bloomin' nights!" A BAD LOOK-OUT A BAD LOOK-OUTSportsman (to Friend whom he has mounted.) "For goodness' sake, old chap, don't let her put you down! She's certain to savage you!" ECHOES OF THE CHASE ECHOES OF THE CHASEHuntsman (who has been having a very bad ride.) "Either master wants some new 'orses or a new 'untsman!" HINTS ON HUNTING HINTS ON HUNTINGAlways see that your bridle reins are sound. There are times when they have a considerable strain on 'em! Extraordinary position SO FAR, NO FARTHERExtraordinary position assumed by Mr. Snoodle on the sudden and unexpected refusal of his horse. HARD LUCK HARD LUCKSmall Child (to Mr. Sparkin, who had come out at an unusually early hour in order to meet his inamorata at the guide-post, and pilot her out cub-hunting.) "I was to tell you she has such a bad cold she couldn't come. But I'm going with you instead, if you promise to take care of me. I'm her cousin, you know!" A PSEUDO-THRUSTER A PSEUDO-THRUSTERFarmer (to Sportsman, returning from the chase.) "Beg pardon, sir, but ain't you the gent that broke down that there gate of mine this morning?" Mr. Noodel (who never by any chance jumps anything—frightfully pleased.) "Er—did I? Well, how much is the damage?" THE WATER TEST THE WATER TESTWhip (bringing on tail hounds, in the rear of the field.) "Hulloah! Who've you got there?" Runner (who has just assisted sportsman out of a muddy ditch.) "Dunno. Can't tell till we've washed 'im down a bit!" MOST UNFORTUNATE MOST UNFORTUNATEHorrible catastrophe which happened to Captain Fussey (our ladies' man) on his arrival at the opening meet. New coat, new boots, new horse, new everything! Hard luck! A SEVERE TEST A SEVERE TESTMiss Sally (who has just taken off her mackintosh—to ardent admirer.) "Look! they're away! Do just stuff this thing into your pocket. I'm sure I shan't want it again!" STUDY IN EXPRESSION A STUDY IN EXPRESSIONIrate M.F.H. (who has had half an hour in the big gorse trying to get a faint-hearted fox away, galloping to "holloa" on the far side of covert.) "Confound you and your pony, sir! Get out of my way!"
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