  Euston, 8 P.M. I'm sick of this sweltering weather. Phew! ninety degrees in the shade! I long for the hills and the heather, I long for the kilt and the plaid; I long to escape from this hot land Where there isn't a mouthful of air, And fly to the breezes of Scotland— It's never too stuffy up there. For weeks I have sat in pyjamas, And found even these were de trop, And envied the folk of Bahamas Who dress in a feather or so; But now there's an end to my grilling, My Inferno's a thing of the past; Hurrah! there's the whistle a-shrilling— We are off to the Highlands at last! Callander, 4 p.m. The dull leaden skies are all clouded In the gloom of a sad weeping day, The desolate mountains are shrouded In palls of funereal grey; 'Mid the skirl of the wild wintry weather The torrents descend in a sheet As we shiver all huddled together In the reek of the smouldering peat. A plague on the Highlands! to think of The heat that but lately we banned; Oh! what would we give for a blink of The bright sunny side of the Strand! To think there are folk that still revel In Summer, and fling themselves down, In the Park, or St. James? What the d—— Possessed us to hurry from town? "Out of Tune and Harsh."—First Elder (at the Kirk "Skellin'"). "Did ye hear Dougal? More snorin' in the sermon?" Second Elder, "Parefec'ly disgracefu'! He's waukened 's a'!" OVERHEARD IN THE HIGHLANDS OVERHEARD IN THE HIGHLANDSFirst Chieftain. "I say, old chap, what a doose of a bore these games are!" Second Chieftain. "Ah, but, my dear boy, it is this sort of thing that has made us Scotchmen what we are!!" SERMONS IN STONES "SERMONS IN STONES"Tourist (of an inquiring and antiquarian turn). "Now I suppose, farmer, that large cairn of stones has some history?" Highland Farmer. "Ooh, aye, that buig o' stanes has a gran' history whatever!" Tourist (eagerly). "Indeed! I should like to—— What is the legend——?" Farmer. "Just a gran' history!" (Solemnly.) "It took a' ma cairts full and horses sax months to gather them aff he land and pit them ther-r-re!!" JETSAM AND FLOTSAM JETSAM AND FLOTSAMSmith being shut out from the Continent this year, takes a cottage ornÉe on Dee-Side. Scotland. The children are sent up first. The house is described as "conveniently furnished"—they find it so! WILDS OF THE NORTH IN THE WILDS OF THE NORTH.Hungry Saxon (just arrived, with equally hungry family). "Well, now—er—what can you give us for dinner, as soon as we've had a wash?" Scotch Lassie. "Oh, jist onything!" H. S. (rubbing his hands in anticipation). "Ah! Now we'll have a nice juicy steak." Lassie. "A—weel. We'll be haein' some steak here maybe by the boat i' the morn's morn!" H. S. (a little crestfallen). "Oh—well—chops then. We'll say mutton chops." Lassie. "Oh, ay, but we've no been killin' a sheep the day!" [Ends up with boiled eggs, and vows to remain at home for the future. |
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