  Those Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels Are fit for princes and for swells; But their high charges don't agree With humbler travellers like me. Twelve shillings daily for my board Is more than I can well afford, For this includes nor ale nor wine, Whereof I drink some when I dine. Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six, A price that in my gizzard sticks: And if I want a pint of port, A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't. For service, too, I have to pay, Two shillings, as a rule, per day: Yet always, when I leave the door, The boots and waiter beg for more. So, till a fortune I can spend, Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend; Far cheaper there, experience tells, Is living than at Scotch hotels! DIFFERENT MATTER A VERY DIFFERENT MATTERSouthern Lord (staying at Highland castle). "Thank you so much. I—ah—weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place." Sandy the piper. "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lordship be needin'?" Southern Lord. "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy." Sandy (sniffing). "Och! Inteet!—Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lordship, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!" THE ENDBRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE. |
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