  (With acknowledgments to the "World and his Wife") HOW TO MAKE OLD PICTURES LOOK NEW. Many houses have pictures darkened with age which only need a little drastic treatment to make them as fresh and bright as new oleographs. The surface should first be soaked in a strong solution of hydrochloric acid and then rubbed with an old nail-brush. Any paint that should chance to be removed can easily be supplied by a local artist for a few pence. We heard of a Sir Joshua Reynolds which was treated like this the other day in its owner's absence, and on his return was mistaken by him for a Christmas supplement. TO REVIVE KID. Give the kid a stiff brandy-and-soda. A PRETTY USE FOR OLD BOOTS. It is a mistake to throw away old boots as useless, or to waste them on newly-married couples. A most charming effect can be obtained by planting a fern in the heel and hanging the boot from the ceiling in the window. Any kind of fern will do. No Doubt of it.—Daughter of the House. "Here come Mrs. Massington and her husband." Lady Smart. "Ah, she's strong-minded, of course!" Daughter of the House. "Can you tell that by just looking at her?" Lady Smart. "No—by looking at him!" TO REMOVE STAINS ON THE CEILING. The best thing to do is to re-whitewash the whole surface, which is done by lying on one's back on the top of the bookshelves and dabbing away steadily. But if the stain still shows through it is best to spill water systematically on the floor of the room above until you have stained the ceiling uniformly, leaving it a russet brown. After all, why should ceilings be white? TO REDDEN LOBSTER. Take a saucepan of boiling water and plunge the lobster in. It will emerge quite red and lovable. TO RENOVATE BLACK LACE. Wash in beer, beat between the folds of a linen cloth, and, when nearly dry, iron with a cool (not cold) iron. It is not advisable to drink the beer unless you are very thirsty. Good housewives find a way of getting it back into the kitchen cask. Resource!—Young Mr. Softly. "Er—Miss Ethel, there is something I—er—particularly want to say to you. Er—when could I have a minute with you alone?" Miss Ethel. "Oh, that's all right! Something from Wagner, please, Lucy! Now, Mr. Softly!" TO REMOVE INK STAINS FROM THE FINGERS. Fill your mouth with spirits of salt and then suck the fingers thoroughly. TO REMOVE STAINED PATCHES FROM THE WALL PAPER. This cannot be done. The only things to do are (a) re-paper entirely, or (b) re-arrange the furniture to hide the places. TO REVIVE OSTRICH FEATHERS. Soak the feathers in the best Australian wine (Emu brand), and then bury them up to the hilt in the sand. If the feathers still remain unconscious apply a hot-water bottle. TO EXTRICATE MOTH FROM FUR. Stimulate the moths by smelling-salts, and when they begin to show signs of activity remove the furs into a dark room lit by several strong wax candles. The moths will immediately quit the furs and rush into the flames of the candles. Son of the House. "Won't you sing something, Miss Muriel?" Miss M. "Oh, I daren't after such good music as we have been listening to." Son of the House. "But I'd rather listen to your singing than to any amount of good music!" TO REMOVE MARMALADE FROM VELVET. Immerse in a lather of white soap in hot water, and, after rinsing and dabbing firmly for five minutes, apply benzoline with a nutmeg-grater. If the marmalade then refuses to go, send for the police. HOW TO LIGHT A FIRE WITH CELLULOID COLLARS. Heat the collar over a gas jet until it begins to crack, then apply a fusee and thrust the collar between the bars of the grate. THE AMENDE HONOURABLE Quoth Will, "On that young servant-maid My heart its life-string stakes." "Quite safe!" cries Dick, "don't be afraid— She pays for all she breaks." A "TIMES" QUERY ANSWERED Say, "Who controls Policeman X?" Why, look'ee, He—so devoted to the sex, And ever wary Near an "airy"— Is oft controlled by "Cooky." TRUE HUMILITY Right Reverend Host. "I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr. Jones!" The Curate. "On no, my lord, I assure you! Parts of it are excellent!" |
|
