  Air—“Ye banks and braes.” Ye banks and mines a’ ganging doon, How sma’ the sum ye fetch per share! How flat ye’ve got, ye railway lines, And a’ the Change sae fu’ o’ care! Thou’lt break my heart, thou civic crash, That made my paper fit to burn, Thou mind’st me o’ departed cash, Departed never to return! Oft hae I purchased shares gane doon, When panic bade a’ stocks decline, And waited for them to improve, When muckle profit aye was mine. Wi’ lightsome heart I stored the gain Fu’ safe in the Per-Centies Three; Aweel, when Trust resumes his reign, The rise may mak’ amends to me! DIPLOMACY First Boatman (sotto voce). “That’s only the weeds he’s caught.” Second Boatman. “Haud yer tongue, ye muckle sumph! It’s a glass of whusky we’ll be gettin’ if the body thinks he’s lost a fush!” Country Gentleman (who thought he’d got such a treasure of a new gardener). “Tut, tut, tut! Bless my soul, Saunders! How——what’s all this? Disgracefully intoxicated at this hour of the morning! Ain’t you ashamed of yourself?!” Saunders. “’Sh-hamed! (Hic.) Na, na, ’m nae sae drunk as that comes t’! Ah ken varra weel what a’m aboot!!” “SHOUTHER TO SHOUTHER!” Obstinate Juryman (Licensed Victualler). “What! Gie a vardict agyen Mr. McLushy? Not if aw sit here a’ nicht! Aw’ll see ye a’ starved first! He’s one o’ the finest gen’lemen i’ the toon, an’ comes to ma billiard-table every nicht, and a’ nichts whiles!” |
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