  At first I loved thee—thou wast warm,— The porter called thee "'ot," nay, "bilin'." I tipped him as thy welcome form He carried, with a grateful smile, in. Alas! thou art a faithless friend, Thy warmth was but dissimulation; Thy tepid glow is at an end, And I am nowhere near my station! I shiver, cold in feet and hands, It is a legal form of slaughter, They don't warm (!) trains in other lands With half a pint of tepid water. I spurn thy coldness with a kick, And pile on rugs as my protectors, I'd send—to warm them—to Old Nick, Thy parsimonious directors! Different Ways of Travelling.—Man travels to expand his ideas; but woman—judging from the number of boxes she invariably takes with her—travels only with the object of expanding her dresses. "The Best of Motives."—Locomotives. A LIBERAL MEASURE "A LIBERAL MEASURE"Rude Boy (to stout party on weighing-machine, which is out of order, and won't work). "Shove in another penny, guv'nor. It's double fare to chaps o' your size!" Foxhunter's Definition of a Mail-Train.—A Post and Rails. As a Rule.—"Signal Failures"—Railway accidents. Three Railway Gauges.—Trains are made for the Broad Gauge, the Narrow Gauge, and the Lug-gage. ZOOLOGY ZOOLOGYRailway Porter (to old lady travelling with a menagerie of pets). "'Station-master say, mum, as cats is 'dogs,' and rabbits is 'dogs,' and so's parrots; but this ere 'tortis' is a insect, so there ain't no charge for it!" LOGIC LOGICStout Party. "What! no room! Ain't that man just got out? If people can get out, people can get in!" The Quickest of all Express Trains.—The train of thought. Startling Railway Accident.—A punctual train. Keep Your Temper.—Avoid entering into an argument with a deaf man in a railway carriage, as it is sure to lead to high words. "Don't Touch me, or I'll Scream!" as the engine whistle said to the stoker. |
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