  (A Story of Yesterday for To-morrow and To-day) "What, Brown, my boy, is that you?" said Smith, heartily. "The same, and delighted to see you," was the reply. "Have you heard the news, my dear fellow?" asked Smith. "You mean about the position of the Bank of England? Why, certainly; all the City is talking about it." "Ah, it is absolutely grand! Never was the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street in such a strong position. Marvellous! my dear friend; absolutely marvellous!" "Quite so. Never were we—as a people—so rich!" "Yes, prosperity seems to be coming back by leaps and bounds." "You never said anything so true," observed Smith. "Right you are," cried Brown. And then the two friends shook hands once "Smith," said Brown, "I have to ask you a trifling favour." "Brown, it is granted before I know its purport." "Well, the truth is, I am penniless—lend me half-a-crown." Smith paused for a moment. "You surely do not wish to refuse me?" asked Brown in a tone of pained surprise. "I do not, Smith," replied his friend, with fervour. "Indeed, I do not!" "Then produce the two-and-sixpence." "I would, my dear fellow, if in the wide world I could raise it!" And then the ancient comrades shook hands once again, and parted in sorrow, but not in anger. They felt that after all they were only in the fashion. A NEGLECTED INDUSTRY A NEGLECTED INDUSTRY"'Ow are yer gettin' on, Bill?" "Ain't gettin' on at all. I'm beginnin' to think as the publick doesn't know what they wants!" Too Common a Thing.A member of a limited liability company in a bad way, said he should turn itinerant preacher. He was asked why? He said he had had a call. Country Cousin Country Cousin. "Do you stop at the Cecil?" 'Bus Driver. "Do I stop at the Cecil!—on twenty-eight bob a week!" Frightful Levity Frightful Levity.Bus-Driver. "Hullo, gov'nour; got any room?" Policeman, Driving Van (with great want of self-respect). "Just room for one; saved a place a purpose for you, sir." Bus-Driver. "What's yer fare?" Policeman. "Bread and water; same as you had afore!" A Misunderstanding A Misunderstanding.Old Gent. (evidently from the Shires). "Hi! hoy! stop!" Conductor. "'Old 'ard Bill!" (To Old Gent.) "Where are yer for, sir?" Old Gent. (panting in pursuit). "Here!—let's have a—box o' them—safety matches!" [Objurgations!ON THE SPECULATIVE BUILDERHe's the readiest customer living, While you're lending, or spending or giving; But when you'd make profit, or get back your own, He's the awkwardest customer ever you've known. Favourite Song on the Stock Exchange.—"Oh! what a difference in the morning!" The Real "Bitter" Cry of London.—The demand for Bass and Allsopp. Cabby calls the new auto-cars his motormentors. Hair cut, sir Thorough!Hairdresser (to perspiring Customer during the late hot weather). "'Hair cut, sir?" Stout Party (falling into the chair, exhausted). "Ye——" Hairdresser. "Much off, sir?" Stout Party. "(Phew!) Cut it to the bone!" DIVERTING THE TRAFFIC DIVERTING THE TRAFFIC!The Thing to Throw Light on Spiritualistic SÉances.—A spirit-lamp. The Ruling Passion.—A great financial reformer is so devoted to figures that when he has nothing else to do he casts up his eyes. Bubble Concerns.—AËrated water companies. |
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