  (Culled by Dumb-Crambo Junior)
A Conundrum to fill up a Gap in the Conversation.—Why is a person older than yourself like food for cattle? Because he's past your age (pasturage). Everything comes to the Man who waits.—Country Rector's Wife (engaging man-servant). And can you wait at dinner? Man. Aw, yes, mum; I'm never that hoongry but I can wait till you've done. VESTED INTEREST A QUESTION OF VESTED INTERESTVicar. "Well, gentlemen, what can I do for you?" Spokesman. "Please, sir, we be a deputation from farmers down Froglands parish, to ask you to pray for fine weather for t'arvest." Vicar. "Why don't you ask your own Vicar?" Spokesman. "Well, sir, we reckon 'e be'unt much good for this 'ere. 'E do be that fond of fishin'." A Rustic Moralist.—Rector (going his rounds). "An uncommonly fine pig, Mr. Dibbles, I declare!" Contemplative Villager. "Ah, yes, sir: if we was only, all of us, as fit to die as him, sir!!" Query.—Has the want of rain this summer, and consequent failure of the hay crops, affected the market for Grass Widows? TRIALS OF A NOVICE TRIALS OF A NOVICEThe Boy (to Brown, who has just taken a "little place" in the Country). "Plaze, zur, wot be I to start on?" Brown. "Oh—er—er—let's see——Oh, confound it!—er—er—make a bonfire!" Village Fiasco A Village Fiasco.—Gifted Amateur (concluding pet card trick). "Now, ladies and gentlemen, you have seen the pack of cards burnt before your eyes, and the ashes placed inside the box, which mysteriously transformed itself into a rabbit, which, in turn, disappeared into space. I will now ask this gentleman to name the card he selected, when it will at once appear in my hand. Now, sir, what card did you select from the pack?" Giles (who has been following the trick most intently). "Blessed if I recollect!" |
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