  Next door the summer roses bloom And breathe their hearts out day by day To please a gentle gardener whom 'Twere happiness to thus obey: For her each rose a fragrance gives That roses grudge to common labour, And there, next door, among them lives My neighbour. I watch her in her garden fair, And think what joy my life would bless Could she and I but wander there, A shepherd and a shepherdess, As blithe as those of ancient myth That danced and sang to pipe and tabor: Who would not thus be happy with My neighbour? Blue eyes, and hair of sunny brown, A form of such exceeding grace, And features in whose smile and frown Such tender beauty I can trace That here to sketch her free from flaw Defies the pencil of a Faber, And yet I yearn so much to draw My neighbour! I'm keeping one commandment—an Epitome of all the ten— So if I, when my life began, Was born in sin like other men, To innocence that shames the dove, I've mellowed since I was a babe, or How could I so devoutly love My neighbour? Two women talking. First Young Wife. "Do you find it more economical, dear, to do your own cooking?" Second Young Wife. "Oh, certainly. My husband doesn't eat half so much as he did!" The Snub Connubial.—Loving Wife. "Charles, dear, I wish you would put down that horrid novel and talk to me; I feel so dull; and—oh, Charles! my foot's asleep——" Charles. "Hush—sh! my dear, you might wake it!" The Oldest and the Shortest Drama in the World.—He. "Will you?" She. "Oh! I do not know!" (Which "know" meant that she said "yes.") ADVICE TO GIRL GRADUATES(After Charles Kingsley—at a respectful distance) Dress well, sweet maid, and let who will be clever. Dance, flirt, and sing! Don't study all day long. Or else you'll find, When other girls get married, You'll sing a different song! Faults on Both Sides.—Man and wife are like a pair of scissors, so long as they are together, but they become daggers so soon as they are disunited. Partnership without Limited Liability.—Marriage. Two men talking. BRUTES! Jones. "Did you ever see a volcano in course of eruption?" Smith. "No—but once I remember I came home very late from the club, and my wife——" [They understand one another Man on runaway horse. A MAN OF MANY WOES READING BETWEEN THE MARRIAGE LINES(By a Recent Victim) One of the first troubles to be faced by the young wife is the difficulty of getting servants. It will be found that a cook is almost indispensable. Rather than be without one, take time by the forelock and, during the engagement, try the following advertisement (one is bound to offer additional attractions nowadays):—"Wanted, at once, a good plain cook. If necessary, advertiser would be willing to make her a bridesmaid. Must be able to wear blue." Or again:—"Newly married couple require cook and parlour maid. All china, glass, &c., in house new and unused and never been broken before." In taking a house, remember that it is absolutely necessary to have an attic—in which to You cannot be too careful in giving instructions for your house decoration. "In the dining-room I think I would like a dado," I said one day to the paper-man. The paper-man's face turned almost white at the suggestion. "You cannot, sir," he said in a hushed voice, "the dado is extinct." Then he explained that persons of taste have friezes nowadays, both in summer and winter. To avoid a rush at the end, it will be worth the bride's while to write out beforehand a large number of letters of thanks for wedding-presents. The most handy form is, "Dear——, We both thank you so very much for your—— present." When the present arrives you can fill in the missing word as circumstances require. On no account leave the blank. Another happy form is, "Dear——, Thank you so much for your charming and useful present. Please, what is it for?" But beware of the following form, as some persons do not take it in the way in which it is meant, "Dear——, Many thanks for your present. It is very good of you to have sent anything." Nothing looks so solidly generous in the list of presents as the vague word, Cheque. Many mean people now send as a present a cheque for ten-and-six. A novelty at wedding-receptions, and very chic, is to have in the present-room, in place of a detective, a parrot which has been trained to cry out every now and then, "Put that back! Put that back!" Another novelty is to have a stall for the sale of duplicate articles. The custom by which the bridegroom, on the night before the wedding, gives a farewell dinner to his bachelor friends is falling into desuetude. As a consequence one sees less frequently the announcement:—"On the —— instant, by the Rev. Mr. ——, assisted by the Rev. Mr. ——, &c." Sweep proposing marriage. SPORTING EVENT—A RECORD Two ladies talking. ILLUMINISM The Hon. Muriel. "Oh yes, I suppose I could get married, if I could find a man I simply couldn't live without." The Hon. Maude. "My dear girl, the difficulty is to find a man you can live with!" Man and woman talking. IN LEAP YEAR Hopeless Widower. "Nothing can mend a broken heart." Hopeful Widow. "Except re-pairing." Man and woman talking. THE LAST CONGRATULATION Fair Guest (who, having had a desperate flirtation with the bridegroom a short time ago, wouldn't be absent from the ceremony on any account). "Well, Algey, it's all over now! Aren't you pleased?" [Uncomfortable position of Algey. WAIT FOR AGE.Seventeen. "Is marriage a failure? I should like to know!" Seven-and-Twenty. "My dear, when as long as myself you have tarried, You will not need much demonstration to show That the only true failure is—not getting married!" Female Definition of Leap Year.—Miss Understood. Man and woman talking. A PLEASANT PROSPECT Miss Kitty Candour (who has just accepted dear Reggie, and is now taking him fully into her confidence). "I must tell you, Reggie dear, that the great fault of my character is that after I have taken any resolution—it doesn't matter what it may be—I always bitterly repent it!" |
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