  (A Page from a Diary) Monday.—Delightful news! My sister Nellie is engaged to be married! It came upon us all as a great surprise. I never had the slightest suspicion that Nellie cared twopence about old Goodbody St. Leger. He is such a staid, solemn old party, a regular fossilised bachelor we all thought. Not at all the sort of man to give way to emotions or to be in love. However, it's a capital match for Nellie as St. Leger's firm are about the largest accountants in the city. My wife thinks it will be a good thing in another way, too, as my other six sisters may now have a chance of going off. It seems that when once this kind of epidemic gets into a family, all the unmarried sisters go popping off like blazes one after another. Called with my wife this afternoon to congratulate Nellie. Rather a trial for the poor girl, as all sorts of female relatives had called full of enthusiasm and congratulations. Goodbody was there (Nellie calls him "Goodie") and seemed rather overwhelmed. He went away early and didn't kiss Nellie. I thought this funny, and chaffed Nellie about it afterwards. She said she'd soon make that all right. Tuesday.—Goodbody is getting on. We had a family dinner at home to-night. He came rather late and entered the drawing-room with an air of great determination, marched straight up to Nellie and kissed her violently. It was splendidly done and we all felt inclined to cheer. He kissed her again when he went away, and lingered so long in saying good-night to my mother that we all thought he was going to kiss her too. But he didn't. My wife said that the suspense of those moments was dreadful. Wednesday.—He has kissed my mother—on both cheeks. I must say the old lady took it extraordinarily well, though she was not in the very least prepared for it. It happened at five o'clock tea, in an interval of complete silence, and those two sounding smacks simply reverberated through the room. Mother was quite cheerful afterwards, and spoke to Nellie about the trousseau in her usual calm and collected frame of mind. Still I can see that the incident has made a deep impression upon Thursday.—It has been Maggie's turn. Goodbody called at home on his way from the City, and set to work as soon as he got into the drawing-room. He first kissed Nellie, then repeated the performance with my poor mother, and, finding that Maggie was close behind him, he kissed her on the forehead. Where will this end? Friday.—He has regularly broken loose. He dined at home to-day, and, without a word of warning, kissed the whole family—my mother, Nellie, Maggie, Alice, Mabel, Polly, Maud, and little Beta. He quite forgot he had begun with my mother, and, after he had kissed Beta, got confused, and began all over again. At this moment my wife and I came in with Aunt Catherine, whom we had brought in our carriage. Saturday.—The engagement is broken off. A great relief. It has been a lesson for all of us. Man and wife talking. THE RETORT DISCOURTEOUS She. "Ah, it was very different before we were married. Then my word was law!" He. "And a very vulgar word, too, my dear." Man and wife talking. SO CONVENIENT! Young Wife. "Where are you going, Reggie dear?" Reggie Dear. "Only to the club, my darling." Young Wife. "Oh, I don't mind that, because there's a telephone there, and I can talk to you through it, can't I?" Reggie Dear. "Y-yes—but—er—you know, the confounded wires are always getting out of order!" Two men talking. PAST AND PRESENT Serious and much-Married Man. "My dear friend, I was astonished to hear of your dining at Madame TroisÉtoiles!—a 'woman with a past,' you know!" The Friend (bachelor "unattached"). "Well, you see, old man, she's got a first-rate chef, so it isn't her 'past,' but her 're-past' that I care about." Man and woman talking. "Good-bye, Alfred darling. You have cheered me up. If I get lonely and depressed again, I'll just look at your dear photo—that's sure to make me laugh, and laugh, and laugh!" Man and wife talking. She. "I told you that your old aunt had a will of her own." He (tired of waiting). "I know she has. I only wish she'd enable us to probate it!" Man and wife with dog. "That's Mrs. Fitz-Jones. You never see her without her husband and her Dachshund." "Well, they make a very good pair." Couple talking to a man. A FAIR AVERAGE Visitor. "Lady Evelyn tells me, Dan'l, that you have had four wives." Dan'l (proudly). "Ess, zur, I 'ave—an' what's more, two of 'em was good 'uns!" Man and wife talking. Adolphus (penitently). "So sorry, dearest, that I was angry with you yesterday evening, and lost my temper." Olivia. "Pray don't mention it, Dolly. It wasn't a very good one, and I'm sure you can easily find a better." |
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