Oh, whence, oh, where

Is Vanity Fair?

I want to be seen with the somebodies there.

I've money and beauty and college-bred brains;

Though my 'scutcheon's not spotless, who'll mind a few stains?

To caper I wish in the chorus of style,

And wed an aristocrat after a while

So please tell me truly, and please tell me fair,

Just how many miles it's from Madison Square.

It's here, it's there,

Is Vanity Fair.

It's not like a labyrinth, not like a lair.

It's North and it's South, and it's East and it's West;

You can see it, oh, anywhere, quite at its best.

Dame Fashion is queen, Ready Money is king,

You can join it, provided you don't know a thing.

It's miles over here, and it's miles over there;

And it's not seven inches from Madison Square.