Mr. Cole, the Census Taker. Mrs. Almira Johnson, a “Cullud Lady.”

Alexander Johnson, her Young Son.

Mrs. Johnson’s home. Mrs. Johnson winding yarn which Alexander holds for her.

Mrs. J. Now yo’ jes’ stop yo’ wigglin’, Alexandah, caze yo’ got to hole dis yahn till yo’ mammy git it all winded up in a big ball fo’ to knit yo’ wintah stockin’s wiv. Keep it straight, now. No, don’t straitch is so! Jes’ hole it easy.

Alex. But mah ahms is tiahd, Mammy, an’ mah han’s ache.

Mrs. J. Dat don’ make a bit o’ diffunce. Yo’ hole dat ar yahn good. Does yo’ heah?

Alex. Caint I hole it bimeby, an’ res’ a while now, Mammy?

Mammy. No, yo’ caint! Yo’ jes’ want to git out an’ play baseball wiv dem no-count white chilluns. I don’ want yo’ should ’sociate wiv sech trash. Sit up, does yo’ heah?

Alex. Yaas, but——

Mrs. J. (Getting a switch from the corner.) Alexandah Xerxes Napoleon Washin’ton Johnsing, does yo’ see dat switch?

Alex. I’m a-holdin’ it, Mammy. I’m a-holdin’ it good.

Mammy. Yo’ jes keep on a-holdin’ it good, an’ don’ yo’ fuss no moah. (A loud rap is heard.) Mah goodness, who dat? (She walks to door, still winding yarn, and opens it.)

Mr. C. Good afternoon, Madam.

Mrs. J. Good aftahnoon, sah. Will yo’ walk in?

Mr. C. Thank you, I will. I have here the census report blanks and I am taking the census.

Mrs. J. We-all hasn’t no moah senses dan we needs, ouah selves, sah, an’ we don’ p’etend dat we has.

Mr. C. I mean I am taking the vital statistics, Madam.

Mrs. J. Vital stickses! Yo’ caint steal no wood here, an’ yo’ caint puffo’m no suhgicla-opahrations, needah. My vitals is inside o’ me, an’ dare dey am a-gwine to merain. Does yo’ heah? We-all don’ need no suhgeons, ’tall. No, yo’ needn’t stayah at dat boy. Yo’ caint speriment wiv his insides.

Mr. C. But I am not a surgeon, Madam. I am the census man.

Mrs. J. Yo’ suttinly am a senseless man, but don’ try any capers heah, fo’ mah eyes is on yo’, an’ de carbin’ knife am mighty handy. Alexandah, yo’ drap dat yahn, and go find a p’licemans. Tell him we-all has got a luniac heah. Hump yo’se’f, now, whilst I watch him. (Exit Alex.)

Mr. C. (Calling.) Come back here, boy. It’s all right.

Mrs. J. (Calling.) Go ’long dare, yo’ heah me? (To Mr. C.) Now yo’ sit down an’ keep still, an’ dar shan’t nuffin huht yo’. But don’ yo’ come a ’step nighah.

Mr. C. I assure you, Madam, you are mistaken. I only want to ask a few questions, and write down your answers.

Mrs. J. Dat’s all right. Might as well ’muse yo’se’f dat way as any odah. What yo’ tink yo’ wan’ to know?

Mr. C. (Opening book.) What is your husband’s name?

Mrs. J. Gawge Washin’ton Pompey Caesar Johnsing.

Mr. C. Born?

Mrs. J. Co’se he war bohn! Yo’ don’ t’ink he growed on a melon vine, does yer?

Mr. C. I mean, where and when was he born?

Mrs. J. In his daddy’s cabin, in watermillion time.

Mr. C. Where was his daddy’s cabin?

Mrs. J. In de quahtahs, on ole Massa Johnsing’s place, down in Souf Ca’liny.

Mr. C. Before the war?

Mrs. J. Shuah. De yeah dey took Fort Sumter. I disremembah de numbah.

Mr. C. ’61. What is his occupation?

Mrs. J. Why I isn’t quite shuah, not to be sartin, sah. I t’ink he’s a bandmastah, but he may be jus’ a coalheavah.

Mr. C. But they are not at all alike. Where does he work?

Mrs. J. Dat’s jes’ it, sah. Ef I knowed dat, I’d know what he done be doin’.

Mr. C. But doesn’t he ever say?

Mrs. J. He nebah has, sah, not one bressed wohd, dough I’m a savin’ up to go to a mid-dle-um some day, and den I know.

Mr. C. A middle-um?

Mrs. J. Jes’ so. One ob dese yer hoodoo womans what conjer an call up de ha’nts to speak to dare folkses.

Mr. C. Oh, a medium! Then your husband is dead?

Mrs. J. He am dat.

Mr. C. How long?

Mrs. J. ’Bout fibe foot eight, sah.

Mr. C. I mean, how long has he been dead?

Mrs. J. Las’ wintah, sah, jes’ arter Chris’mus.

(Enter Alexander, alone. He has been running.)

Alex. De p’licemans say dat it all right, Mammy. De gubmint sent him, an’ yo’ mus’ answer what he ax yo’ to.

Mrs. J. He’s drefful ’quis’tive, but if de Pres’dint send him, we-all mus’ put up wiv him, I spec’.

Mr. C. What is your name?

Mrs. J. Missus Johnsing, ob co’se.

Mr. C. What was your maiden name? (She looks puzzled.) I mean, before you were married.

Mrs. J. Oh, I war Miss Birdie Apple-Blossom. I war de bell ob de ball when I war a gal.

Mr. C. And where were you born?

Mrs. J. In de no’f, sah, in Philadelphy, de yeah Mars Aberaham Lincum made de darkies free. Dat nex’ summah, sah.

Mr. C. What is your occupation?

Mrs. J. Ise a laundry lady, sah——a do-uppah. I does up de ladies’ fine t’ings——laces, and lingry and sech.

Mr. C. How many children?

Mrs. J. ’Leben, sah. Dars Gawge Washin’ton Pompey Caesah, named fo’ his daddy——he’s daid; an’ dars Celia Agnes Rosabelle, she am mah’ied, an’ libes in Virginny. Den dar am Thucydides Plato an’ Aristides Pluto, de twins. Dey wo’k in a bah-bah shop in Newark, an’ Thomas Jefferson Jackson, he am a bell boy in a hotel in Washin’ton, an’ Lily Pearl Beryl, she am a lady’s maid, an’ trabels obah lan’ an’ sea in an ottah mower beely—one ob dem ar debble wagons, yo’ know. Less see, dat am how many?

Mr. C. Six.

Mrs. J. Nex’ am de triplets, Pollyanna, Susieanna and Roxieanna, dey am at school jes’ now, an’ Birdena Philopena Maud, she am at school, too, an’ dis yere pickaninny Alexandah Xerxes Napoleon Washin’ton, who am at hum, caze he been a habin’ de measles, an’ I don’ wan’ him to study ontwell Ise shuah his eyes are strong ’nuff. Teachahs am drefful hahd on chillun’s eyes. Now don’ yo’ go a-axin’ how old all dem chillunses is, caze I dunno.

Mr. C. Have you any property?

Mrs. J. Is yo’ all a tax-c’lectah?

Mr. C. No.

Mrs. J. Den it’s none ob yo’ bus’ness, an’ Ise tiah’d ob ans’in’ yo’ foolish questions so yo’ c’n jes’ take yo’ foot in yo’ han’ and go ’long.

Mr. C. But my dear—

Mrs. J. Don’ yo’ try to flirt wid me, you pasty-faced white man.

Mr. C. I have no such intentions, but—

Mrs. J. Den yo’ was in earnest when yo’ called me yo’ deah? Yo’ a-huntin’ fo’ a wife?

Mr. C. No indeed, madam.

Mrs. J. Yo’ mahied?

Mr. C. No, but—

Mrs. J. Den it all right, deah. I axcep’ yo’! Yo’ is shuah a fine lookin’ man, an’ Ise proud to be yo’ wife.

Mr. C. But my dear madam—

Mrs. J. Dat’s so, Ise yo’ deah, an’ yo’s mah honey. Let me hug yo’ once.

Mr. C. (Rising precipitately.) I must be going.

Mrs. J. Don’ yo’ hurry, honey boy. I wants ter ax yo’ some questions now. I’ll sit in yo’ lap while I does it.

Mr. C. (Going hastily out.) Excuse me, I see some one I must speak to.

Mrs. J. (Laughing heartily.) Ha, ha, ha! Did yo’ see me get rid ob dat fella wid his fool questions, Alexandah? Ho, ho, ho! As if I’d take a washed out white man in yo’ deah daddy’s shoes. Ho, ho, ho! He t’ought I was a-gwine ter kiss him! Run give him his book, sonny; he clean furgot it. Ho, ho, ho! Dat’s de way to get rid ob de Senses mans! He done made tracks libely when he t’ought I want him. Dat’s de besses joke dis yeah. I mus’ go tell Ca’liny Jackson, fo’ he gets to her house a-axin’ questions an’ peekin’ into her pribate ’fairs. Ho, ho, ho! But dat war a good one on de Senses man! (Goes out, laughing.)

A CORNER IN HEARTS. By Edna Randolph Worrell. Parlor play for 4 young men and 1 lady, or 5 men. Very amusing. All the lovers propose to the same girl. Rich humor; pleasing situations. Excellent for any time. 25 minutes. 15 cents.

A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL. By Lettie Cook VanDerveer. A new play of the “Deestrick Skule” type. Up-to-date wit and clever drolleries. A city automobile party in contrast with rural youngsters. Lots of fun. Songs, etc., may be introduced. A capital play to make money for church or school. 25 cents.

A GOOSE AND SOME GEESE. By Eleanor Stinchcomb. A Jolly Mother Goose play with a very pointed climax. For 5 girls and 7 boys. Time, 15 minutes. 15 cents.

A HALLOWE’EN ADVENTURE. A lively play, by Effie Louise Koogle. Full of ghostly excitement and spooky frolic. Specially suited for social occasions. 8 males and 8 females, or more. 3 scenes. 1 hour. 15 cents.

A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION. A play for all ages. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A little girl is sent ostensibly to play with a friend, but really to carry a message to General Marion. She is captured by the British, but by her cleverness deceives them, and reaches her destination. Full of historic interest. 10 males, 5 females. More boys may be added as soldiers, if desired. 25 cents.

AL MARTIN’S COUNTRY STORE. A burlesque for from 15 to 30 participants, by Archibald Humboldt and Martelle Everett. Unsurpassed for merriment, taking qualities and ease of production. A country store with all its peculiar environments is depicted. The loafers, the small customers, the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers, all have parts. There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the play proceeds and culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the greatest success as a popular entertainment. 25 cents.

CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE. A spectacular play or cantata, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations compete for the laurel crown. It embraces a fine march; splendid songs by Archibald Humboldt. Very effective. 13 ladies. 25 cents.

CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL. A humorous play for children or young people, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Presents the trials of a new “skewl-marm” on the opening day, and the performances of the pupils in the presence of august visitors on closing day. A veritable mirth-provoker. Full of the richest humor. 10 males, 16 female characters (or less). 25c.

CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN. A spectacular play by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Children go Maying, select and crown a queen, wind the Maypole, and have a merry time. The frolic is quickly changed to great excitement by the appearance of a gypsy, who attempts to abduct them. A very clever plot and a happy arrangement. 9 boys and 8 girls, or 17 girls. 25 cents.

CUPID’S JOKE. A charming little drama in which Cupid plays an important part. A splendid society play for St. Valentine’s Day, or any social occasion. 5 male and 5 female characters, and Cupid. 3 scenes. 45 minutes. By Effie Louise Koogle. 15 cents.

DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME, ORIGINAL. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. Interesting and amusing. May be given in any room with very few property requirements, by primary and intermediate grades. The author’s name is a guarantee of their excellence. They are witty, spicy and lively. 25 cents.

DISPELLING OF BIG JIM, THE. A negro farce in one act, by Sterling C. Brewer. Decidedly humorous. Big Jim is being tried by the officials of Big Bethel Church for some misdemeanor. The trial is full of interesting occurrences and culminates in an exciting event. Full of darky humor. 8 male characters. 30 minutes. 15 cents.

DOCTOR AND PATIENT. By John M. Drake. 2 male characters. Very funny. 5c.

DOIG’S EXCELLENT DIALOGS. By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four excellent dialogs for the primary grades. “Keeping Store,” 3 girls, 1 boy. “Guessing,” 3 girls, 2 boys. “Playing School,” 4 boys, 4 girls. “Christmas Eve,” 3 girls, 2 boys. 10 cents.

DOLL DIALOG. This is a very instructive dialog for 4 little girls. 5 cents.

DOLLY SHOW, THE. A dialog in rhyme for 7 little girls and 2 boys. The girls have a baby show with their dollies, and each “mother” shows her baby off to the best advantage. The judge is unusually wise, awarding the prize to the satisfaction of each one. The sayings of the little ones are cute, and the whole performance a great success. 15 cents.

DOLLS’ SYMPOSIUM, THE. A most unique and captivating play, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills, clever burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children impersonate the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a surprising fun maker. For any number from 16 to 50. One-half to one and one-half hours, as desired. 25 cents.

GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE. A dialog by Mrs. Hunt. For 1 male and 3 female characters. 5 cents.

THE GOLDEN GOBLET. An exceedingly clever farce, with female cast, for Bachelor Girls’ and Women’s Clubs, Sororities, etc., by Louise Rand Bascom, author of “The Masonic Ring.” Uproariously funny with absurd situations and comical elaborations. A “hit” for any occasion. Easy to produce. Any number of characters, but 12 required. 1 hr. 35c.

HEIR OF MT. VERNON, THE. A Colonial Society Play for any occasion, in which Washington’s social life, sterling manhood and courteous manners are portrayed. In one scene Christmas is celebrated in rare plantation style. Lively with old plantation melodies and pranks. By Effie Louise Koogle. For grammar grades or adults. 4 scenes, 8 boys and 8 girls, or more will be better. 1 to 2 hours. 25 cents.

By Effie Louise Koogle. The “totally different” Christmas entertainment. Add to the attractiveness of the minstrel show idea the distinction of having “His Royal Nibs” as Interlocutor, with equally unique personalities as End Men, endow them with a program flashing with fun, brilliant with beauty, enlivening with song and teeming with specialties, and you have a scream of delight from start to finish. The most novel novelty of the age. 25 cents.

By Edith Palmer Painton. A class play in four acts and an epilog. 6 males, 6 females. We have prevailed upon the author to allow us to publish this remarkably successful commencement play, which has been leased in manuscript for several years, and which always scores a brilliant success. It is the highest type commencement play. Acting rights free to purchaser of 12 copies. 35 cents.

By Louise Rand Bascom. 4 males, 5 females. This accomplished author has done nothing better than this absorbing story of a summer vacation and the marvelous transformation of a grouchy father into a genial friend. The summer boarders are every one eccentric characters and the opportunities are immense. Clean, wholesome, elegant. Strongly recommended. 25c.

By Misses Rice and Clark. 14 females. A boarding school episode lively with vivacious pranks and interesting situations. The plot is strong, and culminates in a happy surprise. Stunts and specialties introduced. A splendid class play. 25 cents.

A capital collection of the spiciest comic dialogs, comedies and farces by the best known writers in America. These plays are short, strong, pithy and witty, easy to give, and require only from two to six characters. Just right for schools. 30 cents.

The cleverest humor of modern times. Monologs, readings and recitations, portraying the funny side of present-day notions and doings. Fresh, crisp, snappy. For all ages. 25 cents.

THE RAG SOCIABLE. A Quaint old fashioned entertainment which is always sure to please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotson. Music by various Composers. The dialog is very spicy and interesting, and humor and pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical selections. The characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria, Miss Jemima Rush, Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the Allen twins (elderly), Mrs. Martha Ann Hall, Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The list of characters may be extended ad. lib. to meet local conditions.

A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls, Ladies’ Aid, Christian Endeavor and Epworth League Societies, etc. Price, 25 cents per copy.

LOVE FINDS THE WAY, or The Detective That Father Hired. Music by Chas. H. Gabriel. Words by Rev. Wm. Danforth, author of “The Old District School,” etc. A highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four characters: A Determined Young Lover, an Irate Father, a Daughter with a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother—parts: tenor, basso, soprano and alto.

This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will serve to enliven any entertainment. The music is moderately easy, melodious and should be available in practically all communities. This work consists of some 12 pages in sheet music form. The story is as follows: A father, who objects to his daughter having a beau, believing that she is planning to elope with an unknown young man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young lover answers the advertisement, and the father hires him to detect the culprit, promising to pay him “anything within reason.” When the young lover’s true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for having detected himself, the hand of the daughter. The irate father objects. The daughter eventually convinces him that true love was the real detective in the case, and the parental consent is given. Price, $1.50; 50 per cent discount.

THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL. A farce in two acts (new version). Book by Wm. Danforth. Music arr. by Geo. F. Rosche. This is a burlesque on the district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is the central character. His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with brass buttons, or a worn and faded “claw-hammer” coat, colored vest cut low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, “high-water,” with a patch of other color on one knee; well-worn shoes. Bald gray wig and “side” whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those of the teacher. The characters all read their lines from the book, so that there is very little to be memorized and for this reason this work can be prepared in a very short time. Price, postpaid, 50 cents per copy.

THE CHAPERON. A humorous Operetta in three Acts. Libretto by Wm. Danforth. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Chaperon” is a humorous operetta designed for church choir and young people’s societies. It will be found available in all communities in which seven young men and seven young ladies who sing can be found. The music is bright, tuneful, easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is witty, clean, wholesome and entertaining. Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copy.

THE VISION OF HENSEL. An evening with the old songs. The old songs of childhood, youth, love, war and home. Libretto by Ellan N. Wood. There is no friend like an old friend and after all there are no songs we love quite so much as the old ones. This cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the old songs which we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to the work to form a continuous chain of thought throughout, and we know of no cantata that will afford such a pleasing entertainment at such a small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if only to secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor and pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. Price, 30 cents per copy, postpaid; $3.00 per dozen, not prepaid; add 3 cents per copy for postage.

THE SPINSTERS’ CLUB. A humorous operetta in two acts. Libretto by Harriet D. Castle. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. “The Spinsters’ Club” is a humorous operetta designed for church choirs and young people’s societies. It will be found available in all communities in which a church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and yet easy to learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining. Price, postpaid 60 cents per copy.

NEARER MY GOD TO THEE. Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. This is a particularly fine production and lends itself admirably for a twelve-minute addition to an evening’s entertainment in the church or hall. The instructions are very clear so that this pantomime may be prepared by anyone with ordinary talent or ability. The fourteen full figure halftone illustrations will be found an excellent help.

The music is very complete. The regular hymn tune is printed for mixed voices; also an original quartet for voices of women and an original setting for voices of men and an original duet for soprano and alto by J. S. Fearis, thus furnishing a variety of music found in no other publication of this sort. Price, 40 cents postpaid. “Not sent on examination.”

IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR. Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. This pantomime will be particularly interesting during the winter season for a twelve-minute addition to church or other entertainments. The directions are very elaborate, enabling any person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete, consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for voices of both women and men: also a very fine duet soprano and alto; the latter by Chas. H. Gabriel. Price, 40 cents per copy postpaid. “Not sent on examination.”

By Elizabeth F. Guptill

The School at Mud Hollow. A burlesque in two parts. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents.

PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by Miss Arabella Pinkham, who has come to “Mud Hollow” to assume the responsible duties of “Teacher” in the school. In selecting “Mud Hollow” she seeks a change from the city life she is accustomed to, and finds plenty of it in the manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. From start to finish there is nothing but fun.

PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class by the Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the pupils. Part II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the finest fun possible.

“The School at Mud Hollow” may be given in one evening, but for those who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or to give only one part, we offer the same work announced below under the title of “The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School” and “The Last Day at Mud Hollow School” either of which can be given as a complete entertainment without regard to the other one.

The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.

The Last Day at Mud Hollow School. Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.

Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, one being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the inscription on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by placing the papers together they have the message that the “Old Witch” of the North has captured “Santa” and holds him in an ice prison at the North Pole. Of course there could be no “Merry Christmas” without their “patron saint”, so guided by the “Fairy Godmother” they start for the North Pole to rescue him. The “Old Witch” endeavors to block the rescuers’ way by the assistance of “Old Zero” and the “Snow Fairies” but when they learn that the snow drifts they are piling up are to aid in keeping “Santa” from his usual Christmas activities they get the “Sunbeam Fairies” to come to their aid and melt the snow, while they bind with a frozen cord the “Old Witch,” who is found indulging in a nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the “Old Witch” powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter.

Tho’ belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the children are glad to become his “aides” in spreading a “Merry Christmas” through all the world. This is a very clever plot, well worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 Boys and 5 Girls with any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents.

Taking the Census. Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. Almira Johnson, a “cullud lady,” and her young son Alexander. Three characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents.

Answering the Phone. Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most trying experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in their absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special reference to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora makes a date with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.

The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister. They have a delightful time telling family secrets to the “New Minister,” who has called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their mother to find out from her if she is “In,” for so often she is “Out” when she is “In” and “In” when she is “Out.” 2 Males and 1 Female. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents.

NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT “ON EXAMINATION”