Bagdad, Oct. 15th, 1831.

The Lord has just raised me up from a typhus fever, which, for the last month, has been pressing a little hard on my strength, but more on my spirits. The loss of my dearest Mary was so deeply felt by my poor desolate heart, that, at times, I bore up with difficulty; but the Lord shewed me that my sorrow was so selfish, so earthly, so unworthy of his love, and poured in besides such hopes and prospects as to my future work, that sustained and comforted me.

I send with this a Journal of four months, from which you will see what has been passing amongst us.

I have lately received many letters from my dear brethren at Aleppo, and I think either Mr. Cronin or Mr. and Mrs. Parnell will come to me the first opportunity, which will be an unspeakable relief to my mind; for I long for some one to whom I may unburthen my soul; for although my Lord is always near, yet, as I see in Paul, so I find in myself, that the society of Christian brethren and sisters, so long as we are in the flesh, will always afford a sweet consolation. I feel that Jesus meant his Church to be a body, not isolated members. We have each a little ministry essential to the happiness and building up of the mystical body—that there should be no schism, but that all the members might love and care one for the other.

This place has been governed by Georgians, Apostate Christians, just as the Memelukes, another race of Apostate Christians, formerly governed Egypt. The Sultan has extirpated the first, and now the second, and the Janissaries who had a somewhat similar origin, have, at Stamboul, experienced a similar fate. Those of the Georgians who have had their lives spared will be sent to Stamboul. It is certainly the design of Ali Pasha and the Sultan, to make many changes here, and I wait to see the Lord’s goings. It appears to me probable that most important openings may be afforded by these changes to our operations in these quarters: but I have seen such things these last twelve months, that my soul rests only upon God, to see how he will move. His ways are so deep, so out of sight, that what we think likely, He, in a month, brings to nothing, and yet in his own good time, will bring the most wonderful and unexpected things to pass. I have never ceased to bless God for the sweet assurance of his unchanging love, for the sake of Him who is our life, our dear and blessed Jesus. He has supplied me, I know not how, in the midst of famine, pestilence, and war; and though I have heard from none in England for more than a year, especially from those that supply my wants, the Lord has not suffered me to want, or to be in debt, and though the necessaries of life have amounted to almost twenty times their value during our late trials, he has not suffered me personally to be much affected by it. His loving-kindness and care have been wonderful.

Of all the political and religious agitations of England, I have heard only whispers; but I am very anxious to receive a full account. For many months all communication has been entirely cut off; not a message has come though the road has now been open a month.

The Lord has graciously allowed me to see the signs of spiritual life in three souls of late, through my instrumentality; and as the Lord gives me utterance, I trust I shall be able to speak to many others. The difficulties of the language are fading away one by one. I had occasion to translate a public document from the new Pasha to the Resident at Bussorah, concerning business of the utmost importance and secrecy, in which the Resident, who is a most competent judge, tells me I succeeded fully.

I often think my dear friends in England will be sadly discouraged at the Lord’s dealings with our mission: so difficult is it to act faith in dark seasons. However, should their faith and hope fail, the Lord will either raise up others or find me some little occupation by which I may live. His goodness in the way of provision has been so wonderfully manifested, that my heart feels quite easy that He will find a way for the support of his servant.

Oct. 24.—Since writing the above, I have received your letter of March last, by Bombay. Oh! how welcome it came! Oh! how it refreshed me! Surely there exists not in the world a more loving little Church than these dear believers amongst whom the Lord has brought us into one fellowship. I assure you, widely as I am separated from this beloved family in body, I am truly one with them in spirit, and am greatly refreshed by the springs of the Lord’s grace, that run amongst them.

I received several letters with yours, from England and Ireland; and the zeal of those dear friends who had provided for my school, made me finally determine, the Lord willing, and supplying me masters, to try again. I have sent one of the bigger boys round, and I trust, with new boys, I shall begin with thirty.

The Bible Society have sent me a number of Books with a generous letter, nobly generous as to the principles of distribution. And there appears a prospect of great changes which may open a much wider door of usefulness here than I now have: I had thoughts of leaving this place, but the Resident entreats me not to go, and promises, should any thing happen to me, that he will be a father to my dear boys, till he can send them by an unexceptionable opportunity to England. All these things make me feel that the Lord still means me to stay here, and see his salvation.—Infidelity is making open and manifest strides amongst the Mohammedans on the other side of the desert, and in Persia, and we shall soon see the same spirit that is working in Europe working here: amidst these tempests, I sometimes think ’tis hard to live. Yet, my dear friend, it is sweet to live hardly for Jesus.

After all my sufferings and all my sorrows, my heart is not discouraged. We have first the clods of the language to break up, then to prepare the ground, then to sow the seed, and through all to look for the precious showers from on high, and lastly for the fruit. Let us, then, like the husbandman patiently wait.

The evil of the pressure of the world on the soul I feel as fully as you can do; not the luxurious worldliness of Europe, yet the pursuit of the language, and the absolute uncongeniality of all around, disorders the soul greatly. During Mary’s life, or rather pilgrimage, I never wanted spiritual refreshment; I sometimes used to fear it stole away those hours that the language and other calls demanded; but now whilst I am sensibly proceeding in the language, my soul knows not that animated joy of heavenly communion with the saints on earth which I once enjoyed. Jesus still is near, still comforts and supports; but yet I feel he meant his Church to be a body. The miserable substitute of man’s ordination for the Holy Ghost’s, has destroyed the true unison and order of the Church of Christ, by substituting that which is artificial for that which is of God; by appointing man to be the artificer of a work God alone can accomplish. Now the Church presents a monstrous aspect, a great mis-shapen head called the clergy, and as mis-shapen a body called the laity. All the members being crowded into the head, and leaving the body without office or service, this did not the Spirit. How blessed it is among all these disorders to know that the Lord cares for his own, and will keep them as the apple of his eye, watching day and night lest any hurt them. Thus, were we preserved when we little thought it, by our Shepherd’s care. There is something, I think, in this view of the body being thus composed of members of various orders, various services, from the most minute to the most important, all tending to the one great end, the glory of the only Head and the Church’s glory in him, that greatly comforts the weak. When the Lord first led me to feel interested in the service of his cause abroad, I framed to myself some beau-ideal of a missionary that if I now entertained would destroy all happiness. Since the Lord has led me to see how truly low my place is in his holy blessed body, amidst all this humiliation he makes me feel happy in the thought I am a member, though embracing little that pride would lead to aim at. If I am but allowed to minister to my dear and holy brethren on the other side of the desert I shall feel happy and thankful. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the condescension that he should allow me to feel part of his mystical body, though so weak so useless.

On the subject of baptism all the dear brethren at Aleppo have finally agreed and been baptized; thus the last little difference that I know between us is closed. How gracious the Lord is!

The Lord has laid his hand heavily on them. Dear Newman is but just raised from a bed of sickness. The schoolmaster whom they brought is so unwell, that dear John Parnell and his wife have taken him for the change of air to the water’s side; they too have both been very ill. Mrs. Cronan is daily getting weaker and weaker, so they are prevented joining me now from ill health, as before from the disturbances, and in a short time Mrs. Parnell expects to be confined, which will still delay them, as well as the expectation of a friend or two from England and Ireland. Should the Lord not remove these difficulties to their coming before the spring, and my Bibles and Testaments arrive from Bussorah, I purpose, the Lord willing, perhaps even in about two months, going by the way of Mosul, Merdin, Diarbekr, Orsa, and Beer to Aleppo, there to consult and to be refreshed, should the Lord graciously smile upon us, and in my way to distribute his word and see the state of the places above mentioned.

When Mr. Newman was at the worst, and they had given up all hopes of him, they anointed him with oil according to the 14th of the 5th of James, and prayed over him, and the Lord had mercy on them, yea, and on me also, and restored him. It seems to me truly scriptural, and if the Church of Rome has perverted it to superstitious ends, ought we therefore to cast aside so plain a precept? By many it would be called plain popery, but this we must bear. I can feel a happiness in submitting to these directions of the Lord by the Spirit; they seem to us little, but surely whatsoever is of sufficient importance for the Spirit to command or direct, is sufficiently important for us worms to obey. With regard to miracles my mind is not at present prepared to embrace them fully: but this I do feel that the Apostle Paul, in Corinthians 12 and 14, when speaking of supernatural gifts for the edifying the Church and doing the work of God, points them out as things to be desired and prayed for then, and if they were desired to be prayed for then, why not now? I look on the argument from experience in the churches as of no weight, for unless it can be proved the churches have received faith on these powers, their not possessing the power is according to the whole analogy of faith. That distinguishing between apostolic times and present times is to my mind so dangerous a principle, and puts into the hands of any one so disposed, a sword that seems to me to reach the very vitals of the Gospel.

I would have you pray for me, especially that Christ may be in me daily, my glorious loving Lord and satisfying portion, whose presence can make even this waste howling wilderness like the garden of Eden. Little did I think how poor I was in the anointed Lamb of God till he stripped me bare, and left me here to stand months alone with himself, and then I saw how much of that apparent love and zeal I felt flowed from human fountains. I bless his name, he left me yet a little while untainted to cheer, support, and comfort me, but my stature, my dear friend, I pray I may not again, mistake nor think I am approaching towards manhood when a very child in spiritual growth. When surrounded by all the love and kindness I experienced amongst you, encouraged by your sympathy and prayers, those thousand weaknesses I since have felt I hardly know the smart of. Amidst dangers, sorrows, and death I have walked for many months; and these scenes have tried the very foundation, yet it was most gracious of the Lord, when he let the plague reach me and laid me on my couch to give me the sweetest comfort from a full assurance of his favour and forgiveness, when there was as I thought but a step between me and death. Yet whilst he has never left me without the sense of being his, He has shewn me how much I have to aim at, how earnestly to desire to be filled with all his fulness.

Bagdad, Dec. 25th, 1831.

Your most kind and welcome letter arrived this day, together with several others from my beloved friends in England, all by Bombay. It does, indeed, truly refresh my heart, to hear of the Lord’s love to you all. Do you not praise God for these dear brothers and sisters he has given us? How rich we are in our sweet little church; a more loving, holy, and blessed little family cannot surely be found upon earth. Unworthy as I am to be one of you, yet I bless God that I am one. My heart is running over with thankfulness at the Lord’s goodness to you all, and to me through you, and be not discouraged because I am blasted, and my bough no longer green, as it once was, the Lord has yet dealt most bountifully with me. In all but my dear Mary’s place my path is opening again. I have hired one schoolmaster, and expect another. My English boys are most zealous and attached: my prospects of Bible circulation in Persia much opening. To the Jews here I have sold all my Hebrew Bibles, at about 3s. 6d. each: this is more to them than 12s. would be in England, and though it seems little, it answers an end of getting God’s word amongst them. I had an Armenian bishop with me the other day, asking for Persian Testaments to send to Ispahan; and a Roman Catholic merchant has promised to take a parcel for me to Teheran, and to distribute them there. Besides these there are others whom I hope to find subservient to this end. For some days I had been making preparations to cross the desert, in order to consult with my dear brethren there about our future measures; but when I came to put together all the items of expense, I found I had not money enough, so I gave up the plan of going with my dear boys, and proposed waiting till Major Taylor came, and leaving them in the Residency, under his and dear Mrs. Taylor’s kind care, to go alone. Your letter, however, has relieved all my pecuniary difficulties, and we shall now go altogether or remain together. The love of you all in thinking of and caring for me quite overwhelms me, as I see it to be the Lord’s love in and through you all. He not only feeds us in this wilderness, but also provides for the school, so as to overwhelm me with a sense of his care over the most unworthy of his servants. My wonder is, how it is possible for me to love him so little. Since I left England, this is the first purpose I really thought desirable, that the want of sufficient money has put a stop to; and this you see but for a moment; not but that I can get money at any time, but I am determined not to borrow money till my affairs come to the utmost straits, and then only for the simplest necessaries.

I have received a letter from England, which gives me a painful impression of the state of most of the religious societies. Indeed, I fear they cannot stand on their present basis. May the Lord gently lead them right. The spirit of compromise to gain the world has ruined all; yet are there some sweet spirits amongst them. I would rather have the love that could love amidst a thousand faults, than the zeal that will endure but one. Some, I know, would call this a sickly sort of feeling, but the more I see of their fiery condemnation and sarcastic scorn, the more I am sure it is not of Christ. It is only turning the truth of God into a sort of chimney for the escape of nature’s pride and passion.

My second plan for going to Aleppo has been defeated by my having heard a very bad account of the Arab Sheikh of the Caravan. The Lord graciously gave me an opportunity of seeing his true character before I was alone involved with him in the desert, where, indeed, you are fearfully at their mercy, and where they have so many means of oppressing you.

Dec. 29.—How gracious it was of the Lord to send me your letter, just before expense became inevitable, for either for the journey, or for shutting up; you must expend money, as during the time of the plague raging, you can obtain nothing, not even bread, and, if you could, you would be afraid to use it. What unspeakable peace it brings to the soul to have Jesus to look to, and to know that his eye is not averted, though all seems dark. Blessed doctrines of grace! how they comfort when the soul would sink under sin: to know that for Christ’s sake we are pardoned. Yea, though we have played the harlot with many lovers, the Lord has restored us, and decked us for his bride against the day of his espousals. Oh what a day, the day of the marriage supper of the Lamb will be, may our hearts be waiting for it, with holy expectation. Pray for me that my faith fail not, nor my Lord’s love even appear little in my eyes; but that I may always be enabled to say, “Though he slay me yet will I trust in him.” If it be, that all my hopes finish, may his holy blessed will be done. I often wonder how he keeps up my hope as he does; but still I do hope even against hope: and I would call upon you, and all my dear friends, brethren, and sisters in Christ, to rejoice with me at the prospect of that blessed day which is dawning upon us, when we shall see our beloved as he is, and dwell with him for ever, when our vile bodies will be changed and made like unto his glorious body, when the whole number of his elect family will be completed, and we shall reign with him in glory.

Jan. 16, 1832.—My dear little boy, Frank, is just laid down in a fever, so I cannot now go to Aleppo. Thus the Lord frustrates all our plans and purposes.