Edward Greey

The Stinger steamed up the river, and in due time arrived off the city of Canton, where Woodward was directed to anchor, and await instructions from the commander-in-chief, the day of attack being kept a profound secret. Yeh obstinately refused to listen to the numerous deputations sent him by influential corporations belonging to the city, who knew full well what would be the result of the combined attacks of the English and French forces.

In vain did old Ho-qua himself seek an interview, and with tears in his eyes, beg that the great Tartar would listen to reason and make terms with the fierce invaders, even offering Yeh a good round sum of money if he would allow him to negotiate with the outside barbarians; but the well-advertised tea-dealer, like the rest of the remonstrants, was ignominiously driven out of the governor's presence. Yeh looked upon the whole affair from a Chinese point of view, and could not understand why he, the governor of Kwan-tung—a Tartar of great literary ability—should so far humiliate himself as to sue for peace, because, forsooth, a few red-haired barbarians were thundering at the gates. Let them thunder,—the walls were thick enough: and, as his omens were all propitious, he imagined himself secure; but took the wise precaution of sending his household and private treasure away out of reach of ill-disposed persons belonging to the city.

Finding him inexorable, the principal merchants fled to their country residences, leaving their stores in charge of faithful servants; but the bulk of the population, influenced by the governor's bombastic proclamations, went on with their work as coolly as ever, and ridiculed all idea of the combined forces being able to take Canton.

The allies, finding that the Chinese population did not heed the warnings posted and distributed by an armed party among the houses near the water's edge, determined to send a trusty agent actually into the city; but the plan was somewhat a difficult one, as none of the renegades would undertake such a hazardous task. It now seemed impossible to save them, and it was feared that thousands of innocent people would fall victims to Yeh's ignorance and indifference to bloodshed, when some one happening to think of Thompson, Captain Woodward received instructions to sound him upon the matter.

"Do you think you could manage the business without detection, Mr. Thompson?"

"Bless you, sir, I can post several thousand bills in a couple of nights."

"How will you go about it? Mind, we should be very sorry indeed for you to lose your life."

"Leave it to me, sir. Of course there's risk in it, but it ain't no worse than I've run before for mere fun. Provided no soul but us knows about it I'll do it, and be back in a few days, as right as a trivet."

"Very well, Mr. Thompson; you ought to know how far you can go."

"Yes, sir, I means to go right in and come out again; and please goodness if I've any luck. I'll stick a programme right before old Yeh's front door."

The acting boatswain left the ship about dusk, and shortly afterwards returned with a suit of scavenger's clothes and a hat, both very dirty, two filthy pails, and a bamboo bearing-pole, also a Chinese pass, which, being translated, ran as follows:—

"Chuy, Bearer of garbage from the city of Kwan-tung to boats on the river, by this enters and departs from The Gate of Eternal Purity and Joy between the hours of sunset and sunrise."

"Respect this.
"(Signed) Chih-fa,
"Ho-po-so" (Director of Boats),
"Kwang-chow-foo" (City district of Canton).

The ship's barber—a marine named Reece—was called into Thompson's cabin, and in a short time the acting warrant-officer once more appeared in his old character of Lew; then having besmeared his person with some clay brought on board for the purpose, the upper deck was cleared, and, under cover of the night, Jerry landed and wandered about until he came across other scavengers, with whom he proceeded to "The Gate of Eternal Purity and Joy," that being the sweet name of the dirtiest gate in the city, through which all the rubbish was carried in tubs and pails, underground sewerage being one of the modern improvements unknown to the Celestials.

Upon arrival at the gate, which was guarded by a considerable number of Tartar soldiers, each man was stopped and searched, and Thompson feared they would find the six thousand small proclamations which he had secreted under his jacket, but at that moment the guard was relieved, and as the man deputed to search him felt weary, he merely gave him a kick, and in a few moments Jerry found himself inside the outer wall. Like all other large cities, Canton had its day and its night population; the latter being composed of night watchmen, who struck the hour on bamboos, scavengers, and the people who supplied them with refreshments, or assisted them in their vocation.

Having proceeded some distance, he came across a blind woman selling a kind of thin paste made of boiled rice, used as food by the night watchmen; of this Jerry purchased about a dozen pints, and dumped it into one of his pails, after which the crone sung herself into a doze. Knowing the old woman would not be able to inform against him, he put down his pails and relieved himself of one of the twelve packages which were bound round his body. These were printed upon thin Chinese paper, six inches long by three wide, and were so light that but for fear of discovery he might have carried double the number. He took care not to detach more than one parcel at a time, and even that he kept out of sight, by hiding it in the band of his dress. The proclamation ran as follows:—

"To the Inhabitants of Kwan-tung.
"Your city is in danger of
destruction by the guns of
the Western men. Heed not
the voice of your rulers, but
flee all of you who are not
fighting men. Let these who
are in Yeh's service stay and
defend the walls, but you
innocent people leave the
city, which will shortly be
destroyed by fire.

"Respect this notice, which is sent out
of pity for the aged, women, and
children."

Thompson, knowing it would not do to placard the spot near where he purchased his paste, shaped his course for the inner or Tartar city, and by good luck passed the guard there as safely as the last, he being taken for one of the numerous scavengers who perambulate the place at all hours of the night, in pursuit of their repulsive calling. Once inside, he commenced the business upon which he came, and ere the day dawned had posted about half of the notices, taking particular care to stick them upon the walls before the entrance of large buildings; and when the city awoke he had the satisfaction of seeing hundreds of the poorer classes congregating about the bills, upon which they passed remarks not very complimentary to their ruler.

When the shopkeepers began to unpack their wares Thompson retired to the ruins of a government building, which had been destroyed by "barbarian's" shell the preceding year, and, having found a nice out-of-the-way hole, thrust in his buckets and bearer, then got in himself and in a few moments fell sound asleep, and dreamt he was anywhere else but inside the Tartar portion of the city of Canton. When he awoke he found it was getting dusk; so, after shaking himself, he fished out his stock-in-trade, placed the pole upon his shoulder, slung his buckets, and trotted out into the streets, crying, "Ah-ho—Ah-ho—Ah-ho," in the most approved scavenger style. His greatest difficulty was to avoid being engaged by some person who had rubbish to get rid of, but by dint of pretending to be deaf, he succeeded in getting away from all such inconvenient patrons.

Jerry found no trouble in obtaining food, which he ate as he stood with the buckets slung from his bearing-pole, after the manner of other carriers, but even at such times he was busy in slyly pasting the notices upon the garments of those with whom he came in contact.

That night he completely "did" the Tartar quarter, getting safely outside the inner wall before daybreak, when he again sought the friendly shelter of some ruins, and spent the day as before. At dusk he once more sallied forth, and wandered all over the city, posting an immense number of placards, and sometimes narrowly escaping arrest by the Tartar sentries, who were beginning to be very vigilant, but his unsavoury aspect threw them off their guard.

Having affixed his last paper but one, he determined to retrace his steps, but ere he reached "the Gate of Eternal Purity" he was stopped, and ordered to follow some Tartar soldiers. Knowing resistance to be useless, and finding that they arrested every scavenger they came across, he followed his captors with a cheerful air, when, to his horror, he found they were conducting him to Yeh's ya-mun, his knowledge of the Canton dialect enabling him to understand their conversation.

When they had secured about two hundred of the "fragrant fraternity," the imperial soldiers ceased their arrests, and bidding the captors not to think of escaping, drove them towards the governor's palace, and when inside directed them to deliver their buckets to a guard, who gave each in exchange a billet of wood marked with a number, by which they could recover their property. They were directed, however, to retain their bearing-sticks.

After a short delay, during which the guard served out to them warm tea and rice spirit without stint, they were marched into the interior of the palace, where sat the angry Yeh surveying a huge pile of silver bars, which he wished carried out of the city. They were part of the imperial treasure, but the governor, who thought it as well to secure himself in case of emergency, determined to remove some portion of it, as, notwithstanding his bombast, he looked out for his own future, and for that purpose deputed two trusty mandarins to convey the silver to a country residence in the White Cloud mountains, where they had orders to bury it, until the disturbances were over.

Thompson was greatly relieved on finding how matters stood; and that instead of being, as he feared, immediately hurried off to execution, he would simply be detained for no very long period, as the Tartar soldiers had pressed more scavengers than were necessary to convey the treasure.

Yeh was in a great rage, swearing at his officers like a madman. By some means a number of spurious bars had been brought out and mixed with the pile, upon seeing which the governor flew at his assistants, and used Chinese oaths which would have turned a Dutchman pale with envy.

When the scavengers found they were in the presence of the great man who had sent so many thousands to their last account they fell upon their knees, upon which he roared at them to stand up, saying, "I am only the governor's aide-de-camp," but the full face and cunning eye were too familiar, and all of them knew that they were before the dreaded Yeh-ming-chin himself. The governor was in a terrible passion; and when the keeper of the treasures made his appearance he rushed towards him, and in the usual Celestial fashion slapped his face.

"Take that, you thieving dog. You dare attempt to pass off such rubbish upon me."

"My Lord Yeh, it is a mistake."

But Yeh would not hear a word of explanation, so the victim rubbed his face, and looked round at the scavengers, who gaped at him with stolid faces, expressive of neither pity nor amusement, being fully aware of the danger of manifesting either. As the governor darted about he sometimes thrust the scavengers to the wall; and so near did he go to Thompson on one occasion, that the latter contrived to slip his remaining proclamation into an open tobacco pouch which was swinging from the great man's girdle, shortly after which feat he and the rabble who were not wanted received orders to clear off.

Having picked out his buckets, and received a red paper, granting him exemption from all enforced labour for the next twenty-four hours, he bent his steps towards the gate, taking care to obtain a load of rubbish on his way. But what a contrast to the night on which he entered the city! then the place was comparatively deserted, save by brother scavengers who would go limping by towards one of the gates softly crying, "Ah-ho! Ah-ho!" but upon this night, where formerly sat the solitary vendor of boiled rice, from whom he purchased his supply of paste, the ground was covered with refreshment-stands, and thousands of Cantonese were pouring out of the city in consequence of having read the notices he had so liberally posted. Jerry heard on all sides how thankful the people were to the foreign devils.

"They don't fight US, these western barbarians, they only seek to punish Yeh!"

"Bah! They have nothing to do with it. This proclamation is the work of the Tai-ping-che-houi (Peace society). Those western devils never do any good. They are accursed of the genii, and only live to commit evil acts."

"How like a fool you talk! Why, I worked for those same Fanquis, and they paid me like men. Imagine me getting twelve hundred cash a day from them for carpenter's work. Indeed, they are an honourable people."

"You ought to be reported to the inspector of crimes for such a speech. You side with the enemies of your country."

Ere he reached "the Gate of Eternal Purity and Joy" Thompson was compelled, by the pressure of the crowd, to stop before a mandarin's residence, where the night before he had posted several of his warnings alongside the ordinary city official documents; and he was very much amused to hear the people read the various notices, offering rewards for the capture of live Fanquis, or the production of their heads.

"To brave men.

"All heads of the dastardly dogs, called Fanquis, brought to me, Ho-pin, who keeps the Pawnbroker's Hall, near 'The Gate of Benevolent Intent,' will be paid for in silver. Ten taels per head for common men, and twenty taels for superiors of the yellow badge. I deal in all sorts of charms against death by bullets or fire. Cash paid for all heads ten days after delivery. Note given for the same on receipt. I am a reliable man.

"HO PIN MOKH."

"Hear! Hear! Hear!

"Listen, all ye who burn with desire to avenge the insult offered to our beautiful city. All of you unite with me to purchase the (fresh) heads of Fanquis brought, by our brave soldiers. Five taels for each blue devil's (sailor's) head. Ten for each red devil's (soldier's) head. I pay money down, and don't give notes payable in a moon, as some do. I live in the street of the yellow girdle, overlooking the Temple of Agriculture.

"LAO-CHOW.

"Only fresh heads paid for. None but white Fanquis paid for."

It will be seen that, in their desire to possess the heads of their enemies, the clever Chinese did not forget to advertise their business; indeed if we except the wealthy classes, who purchased the visages of enemies they dared not face in person, only a few of the city fathers indulged in such luxuries, and the articles thus obtained were exhibited as a lure to draw customers to their shops.

After a time Jerry was pushed on by the mob, and passed through the outer gate without even the semblance of a challenge. It was a wonderful exodus, as nearly all the people were of the middle class, and had left their property protected only by bolts and locks, the secrets of which were known to every thief in the country; but the little notices had frightened them, and as Yeh did not care whether all the inhabitants left, provided his soldiers remained, the guards at the gates had secret orders to wink at the emigration, but to be very cautious not to admit disguised Fanquis into the city. A proclamation like the one posted by Mr. Thompson would have shown weakness on the part of the governor, but he did not care a fig for the notices when they were once posted, although he raised a great disturbance upon finding one in his tobacco-pouch.

"What? A Fanqui proclamation in my tobacco-pouch. Treason, by Fo! Send for my secretary; send for the chief of the Tartar guard; send for everybody; send for my executioner!" he cried.

"Gracious Yeh, why are you so disquieted?" observed his physician, who at that moment entered the apartment. "Pray do not be annoyed by trifles."

"Trifles! you withered old anatomy, you miserable compound of cunning and conceit, you—you go to—"

"Yes, your excellency; but what is the trouble about? What has the usual serenity of your most excellent excellency's mind been disturbed about?" mildly inquired the patient and long-suffering "man of many remedies."

"Look at this!" cried the irascible governor, thrusting the offensive document under the nose of the last speaker, in a manner which totally prevented his reading it. "Look at that. Do—you—call that a trifle, eh?"

Without taking notice of the offensive manner in which Yeh spoke and acted, the old fellow calmly re-adjusted his horn spectacles, scratched his shaven pate, and then delivered himself as follows:—

"My vision's not quite as good as it was sixty years ago, but from a casual inspection I judge this to be a prescription for the prevention of heart-burn, it being about the size of the papers I dispense for that disease."

"Hum! and you're the official who has charge of my valuable person? Go, sir, you are dismissed; I physic myself in future."

"Great Fo, hear him," cried the old fellow, falling upon his hands, and kow-towing before the now calmed governor. "Oh, mighty Yeh, don't be angry with an old man. I confess I am almost blind, but believe me I am still possessing my other faculties. Who will prescribe for you when I am gone? Who knows your constitution as I do? Oh, gracious governor, don't discharge me."

"Go, sir!"

"Then I give thee a parting present, my lord; for the day may come when you will wish me back. Two at night before going to bed, and you'll never want another physician," saying which he handed Yeh a small bamboo-box, then kow-tow'd and having collected his treasures, made the best of his way towards the White Cloud Mountains.

"Two at night. What does the fool mean? Two gold-leaf pills. Poison; So he thinks these foreign barbarians may take me, does he? I'll keep them; they may be useful if luck goes against me."

After much pushing and jostling, Thompson arrived at an open space where he deposited his buckets: and, walking away, mingled with the crowd, who were struggling towards the water's edge, where the boatmen were reaping a fine harvest by carrying passengers at about ten times the ordinary fare. No one who could not pay was taken across; and although a tremendous crowd was waiting, the calculating sampan men would not lower their demands a sapeck.

Finding his chances of obtaining a passage rather small, the shrewd sailor walked further down the river, and at length came to a place where a number of sampans were actually waiting for fares, and he without difficulty got one to take him across. Stepping into a boat steered by a pretty girl, he motioned her to pull him over to Honan. When about half way he suddenly seized the girl from behind, and before she could offer much resistance, secured her hands and feet, and tied a cloth across her mouth, then taking the scull, propelled the sampan down the river in the direction of his ship.

It was just about daybreak when he got alongside, and having released and paid his boat-woman, was preparing to climb the ladder, when a surly marine looking over the gangway, told him to get into his boat again, as no one was allowed on board until the pipe went for breakfast.

"Hill! here! don't you see who it is?"

"You get back into your sampan, will ye?"

"James Hill, don't you see it's me—Mr. Thompson?" cried the now irritated acting boatswain. "Are you mad or drunk? can't you recognize an acting warrant-officer in disguise?"

Upon hearing this, the well-fed marine leaned over the gangway, until his cheeks became the colour of a cabbage rose,—then after surveying Thompson for several moments, he turned his head and called to the sergeant, who was chatting with the carpenter near the main hatchway.

"If you please, sir, here's a Chinee who reports he's the acting boatswain."

"Let him come aboard, then."

"You Chinee," whispered the sentry to the amused Jerry, "you ken come aboard, d'ye hear?"

"I hear, Hill; but who set up this main rigging?"

"I don't know, Chinee, Mi, ain't you a good un to talk English? Why, it's really Mr. Thompson! Lord, sir! how you do disgust yourself. I didn't know you."

There was a smile of satisfaction upon the acting boatswain's face when he walked aft, and reported himself to the officer of the watch, who, after assuring himself that it was actually Thompson, and not a Chinese, went below and informed the captain. Jerry looked round at the crew who were bringing aft the sand and holy stones preparatory to washing decks, but none of them recognized him; however, upon seeing one of the boys attempt to screw on a hose without the necessary implement, he cried, "You boy Arnold, get a spanner."

"Who are you a calling boy Arnold?" replied the youth.

At that moment the officer of the watch returned with orders for Mr. Thompson to go below to the captain's cabin, but when the disguised warrant-officer presented himself at the door, the sentry at first refused to let him pass; however, the captain hearing the altercation, came to his assistance.

"Well, Mr. Thompson, I'm exceedingly glad to see you back safe. Your disguise is perfect. I can only see in you the Chinaman who came on board at Foo-choo."

I'm real proud to see you agin, sir; real proud, sir. I thought once or twice it was a gooser—beg yer pardon, all over with me, sir."

"How did you get through? Have you posted all the proclamations?"

"Every one of 'em, sir. The last I slipped into old Yeh's backker-pouch. They hauled me up to carry specey, and I took the opportunity when he was a giving the supers fits, to drop my last paper into his pouch. He must find it when he goes to take a draw at his pipe."

The captain laughed at the account of his warrant-officer's adventures which followed, and having lavished many encomiums upon his daring and ability, dismissed Mr. Thompson to take a bath and rest as long as he felt inclined. As he left the cabin, Jerry stopped at the door, and after fidgetting about for a few moments, walked back to the place where Captain Woodward was seated, and begging he would excuse him for the liberty he was taking, asked if the captain had not such a thing as a wig among his baggage.

Woodward laughed when he heard the request, but upon sending for his servant, the required article was procured, and proved to be a theatrical wig of brilliant red hue, which the captain had once purchased for some amateur performance, and which had remained unheeded by him in his wardrobe ever since.

"You can take that and welcome, Mr. Thompson, but don't you think it will look rather odd?"

"Well, sir, I'm used to old wigs. When I were on the stage I wore almost anything, and this is a star's wig, an' no mistake. It's as nateral as life."

"Very well," replied the captain with a shrug. "After having sacrificed your growing crop for your country's good, I will allow you to wear even that wig, but shall order a darker one from Hong-Kong for you. I don't think that suits your complexion."

"Maybe it don't, sir, but it's a wig. I've a horror of being regarded as a Chinese by the men forward."

Mr. Thompson having secured the glowing head-dress, proceeded to his cabin, where he had not been long ensconced before Tom Clare found him out. Instead of going to sleep, after he had taken a bath and dressed himself once more in his warrant-officer's uniform, Thompson proceeded to give his friend a full account of his adventures when acting as bill-sticker in Canton.

"Well, Mr. Thompson, your mother says you're a genius, and she spoke true. How you could find courage enough to enter that ere city beats me."

"It wasn't courage."

"No?"

"It was cheek—cheek, old friend, an article wot will carry a feller a deal further than genuwine courage. I don't say I'm afraid of much, but it wern't bravery as led me on,—it were cheek. Why, I consider my slipping that last proklemation into old Yeh's bakker-pouch the werry axme of cheek. I must ask the new paymaster to strike off a pictur of that. Old Yeh was a-blowing up his fellers like one o'clock, when sudden he backs upon me, and pointing to a pile of stuff says, 'You fools, you duffers, you thick-headed swine, that's not treasure, that's only make-believe silver; leave that in the treasury, you geese.' As he screamed this out, his bakker-pouch bobbed up agin me, and I slipped the proklemation into it."

"But didn't you feel afraid?"

"Not much. I felt as if it were the gayest game in the world; the only drawback on it was my being a scavenger. All the people bullied me to carry their rubbish; which not being my little game, I were somewhat puzzled to refuse them; but I felt glad when I got safe aboard agin, I can tell ye."

"I began to think you were never a-coming back. Three days away, and no signs of you when I turned in last night."

"By the way, Tom, it's Christmas-day. Don't you know it?"

"Captain's compliments to Mr. Thompson, and will he dine with him this evening at six o'clock?" said a voice outside the door.

"My respects to Captain Woodward, and I am werry much honoured by the inwite, and accept it with thanks," promptly replied the acting boatswain.

"Now you turn in, Jerry, and have a real good sleep. Why, what is that?" said Tom, as his eye fell upon the bearing-pole which Thompson had brought on board with him.

"That's my pole wot I carried my buckets slung from."

"How did you get that rig, Jer—Mr. Thompson?"

"Blow your politeness, Tom. When we're off duty call me Jerry. Mr. is a deal too civil. Well, old man, I were told to get a disguise, so I took the Chinese bum-boat,—old Chumpee's,—landed at the place where the scavengers shoot their rubbish into the tanks ready for floating down the river, and watched until I saw a feller all by himself. Well, having singled out my man, I grabbed hold of him, and when the bum-boat fellers had secured him, stripped off his clothes; put on a pair of old pants, and gave him in charge of Chumpee, who has him all right now, stowed away under the bottom boards of his boat. Well, I secured his pails, stick, and clothes, besides his pass, which was what I pertickler wanted, then come aboard and got my head shaved, arter which I went on shore in a sampan."

"Well, now go to sleep, Jerry; I'll wake you at eight bells in the afternoon watch."

Six o'clock arrived, and Mr. Thompson upon hearing the dinner bugle, marched aft in company with the gunner and carpenter, who were both well-educated men, and his very good friends. When they arrived at the cabin door, they were duly announced by the steward; and, to the delight of the captain, the acting boatswain not only appeared in his red wig, but had painted eyebrows to correspond, his own having been shaven off, to complete his disguise when he visited the city. The operation was well done, but the effect was to give his face a slightly intoxicated appearance.

"Good-evening, gentlemen," exclaimed the commander. "Help yourselves to bitters."

In a short time the various officers invited upon the occasion made their appearance, and, to their surprise, found the acting boatswain not only well behaved, but positively au-fait in the courtesies of the table; and after the novelty of his wig and eyebrows wore off a little, they took wine with him as gravely as with the others. It was a proud moment for Mr. Thompson when the captain challenged him, and he felt he was some one of importance, and half resented a kindly hint from the carpenter "not to empty his glass at every toast," particularly as that gentleman prefaced the remark by the familiar term "Jerry." The roast beef and turkey were splendid, the plum-pudding first rate, the champagne delicious, and everything grand, dazzling, and magnificent in the eyes of the acting warrant-officer. "Ain't it like a banquet in a play?" he whispered to the gunner. "I can't believe it's real."

When dinner was over, the party adjourned to the upper deck, and the delighted fellow was again reminded of his new position, by the captain offering him a cigar. "Drink bitters with the captain; dine in the cabin; ax me to take wine with him, and now offers me a cigar to smoke on the quarter-deck. I must go aft and find out if it ain't all a dream," thought he. Finding, when he got aft, that he was not dreaming, his test being a question to Tom Clare, who was getting some boat's gear out of a locker abaft, Jerry proceeded to smoke his cigar, surrounded by those who, a few months ago, he thought as far above him as the masts from the deck. From that day Thompson became a more reserved man. He still retained his friendship for Clare, but held the crew at a distance; and while always ready to oblige any of them off duty, treated them like men when on service, considering his position required a certain amount of respect from them, and consequently did not allow his former shipmates to take advantage of him. But the wig! When he appeared on duty in it the day after, it created such a sensation among the men, that Woodward was obliged to send for the doctor, and consult with him as to the means of getting the acting boatswain to take it off. Wherever he went the eyes of the crew were upon him, and the Stingers virtually knocked off work to stare at Thompson's head.

"Did you ever see sich a fee-nomer-nile?" observed the captain of the foretop. "Vy, it's a regler red-hot swab. Did he go ashore to av his edd dyed?"

"No; he's got a wig on, can't ye see? It's the capting's wig, wot the steward airs sometimes. It's a theatre wig."

"Pshaw! Do you think the captain is agoin' to lend the acting bosun his 'ed dress. Besides, whoever heerd of a captain in the Rile Navy wearin' a red wig?"

These and similar observations caused the commander to seek the advice of the little surgeon, who thereupon sent for Mr. Thompson, and after a few preliminary remarks asked him why he wore a wig.

"Well, you see, sir, I don't like looking like a Chinaman on duty; and as the captain has been good enough to lend me this, I wear it until I can get one more suited to me."

"That's right enough, but it is a very poisonous colour, and will ruin the growth of your hair. It would be a thousand pities to spoil that—"

Mr. Thompson looked at the doctor for a moment, but as no smile illuminated his face, Jerry concluded he was serious in his advice.

"But is it pisonous to wear for a few hours every day?"

"Deadly. I can show you the picture of a case, if you like to step down to my surgery."

"No thankee, sir; I don't like that place, with all politeness to you. I'll just take this wig back to the steward, as I don't care to pison my hair."

Mr. Thompson accordingly doffed his conspicuous adornment, and went about his duty with his uniform cap pulled tightly over his forehead, which gave him the appearance of having been bonneted.

The mail arrived that evening, and to his astonishment, Jerry received the following mysterious communication:

"No name. No date. Portsmouth postmark. This is a rewiwer from Mary Ann," cried Thompson. "Well, if she waits until I get home, she'll have a warrant-officer instead of an able seaman for a husband. But I ain't pleased with her going into poetry; besides, she don't mention my name. However, I'll write her a line by way of reply," saying which he proceeded to scrawl off the following:

This elegant effusion he addressed—

Miss Mary Ann Ross,
Care of Mrs. Shever,
Portsmouth.

And having posted it, turned his attention to official matters, and thought no more of his old flame.

Mrs. Shever, having written the stanzas, which Thompson supposed came from her sister, did not scruple to appropriate the reply to herself; so Mary Ann never received this last love-offering from her old admirer, who was still in blissful ignorance of her being "his no more."