1. She was born in Atlanta, Georgia, on September 30, 1902, where she has lived ever since and is now well known.
2. Franklin was kindly, shrewd, and capable, and was the representative of the United States in France.
3. She said that Mrs. Brown was ill and that she was just caring for the baby, she loved babies anyway, she said.
4. One Sunday afternoon there was an excursion to Beaver and several of us decided to go and take our lunches and return on the eight o'clock car.
5. He gave me the dimensions of the room. The dimensions were ten by twelve feet.
6. Good grades may be obtained in two ways: by honest work, and by cheating; however any one who cheats is doing himself more harm than good.
7. The wall studding is made of two-by-fours. These two-by-fours are placed sixteen inches apart.
8. The returning Crusaders brought with them oriental learning, and found the peasantry impoverished.
9. The articles in this magazine are of high quality. The articles are well written and attractively illustrated.
10. A Japanese woman going abroad at night must carry a lighted lamp and must not speak to any one, women do not have much freedom in Japan.
11. The sugar beets are irrigated by river water. They are irrigated by means of furrows. The furrows run between the rows of beets. The beets are irrigated once a week.
12. The referee asked each captain if his men were ready, after which he blew the whistle, and the game was on, and within five minutes our team scored a touchdown.
13. The ground should be harrowed as soon as possible after it is plowed. It is a good plan to harrow the ground on the same day that it is plowed, or on the day following.
14. Choose the middle of the prepared ground, which is about eighty-five by fifty feet, as your starting point, measure twenty-four feet east and west and set the net posts; then, after marking off the different courts with tape, you are ready for a good game of tennis.
15. There are two places on the island suitable for plays: one in the bungalow and the other down on the sandy point; the latter lends itself to the purpose readily, there are two trees which make a splendid support for wires on which to hang the curtain, and just east of these the ground slopes enough to make a natural amphitheater.

C. Excessive CoÖrdination

1. Chris has a new coat and it is double-breasted.
2. I had a dog, and his name was Scratcher.
3. He gave a laugh but it was forced.
4. The woodcock is so foolish and deliberately walks into a trap.
5. The engineers fastened rafts to the piles, and which were pulled up when the tide rose.
6. Students often sit all doubled up, and raising their feet high on the table.
7. Dunlap is carrying a palette, but without any paint on it.
8. The government has been successful in its suit, and the tobacco trust was dissolved.
9. The British troops had no protection against poisonous gas and the use of gas by the enemy was unexpected.
10. I make it a rule to study one thing at least an hour and no long rest between.
11. The concrete is spread in a layer, and this is about nine inches thick, and the width being ten feet.
12. Rockwell is our postmaster, and is accommodating, but he has a disposition to be curious.
13. At the Gatun Dam there are concrete locks, and the purpose of these is to lift vessels into the lake.
14. They say to tourists that objects are historic but which are not historic at all.
15. I was lying quietly in the hammock, and I happened to look up in the tree, and there was a green bird and eating a cherry.
16. They disputed for a time, and afterward the officer became angry, and whipped out his sword.
17. A mirage is an illusion and the traveler thinks he sees water when there really is none.

D. Upside-down Subordination

1. I spoke to her on the street, when she did not answer.
2. She thanked me for my assistance, also asking me to come and visit her the following Sunday.
3. The water froze in the buckets, although they did not burst.
4. The crows cawed angrily and circling around in one place.
5. He is threatened with tuberculosis, although he will not sleep in the open air.
6. We had hacked the bark, the tree dying after a few months.
7. One of the contestants was from Wendover College, who received the prize.
8. You ask a person what a spiral staircase is, when he will go to showing you by motions of his hand.
9. It was about three o'clock, and we decided to return home, which we did.
10. The plumber came, stopping the leak as soon as he arrived.
11. Benton sold stamps, in which business he grew rich.
12. The sun's heat beats down upon the brick tenements, which is terrible.
13. The chemist tested the purity of the water, but which he found unfit to drink.
14. Montaigne wrote an essay on "Solitude," where he pointed out the disadvantages of travel.
15. The house is set close to the edge of the bluff, overlooking a wide bend of the Alleghany River.
16. Things had been going from bad to worse among the Indians, and some Sioux were entertaining a few Chippewas, and murdered them, when the government took a hand in the affair.
17. The slight knowledge of metals and wide-awake observation of an inexperienced miner discovered gold in Arizona.

CLEARNESS OF THOUGHT

• Reference (20-23)
• Coherence (24-28)
• Parallel Structure (30-31)
• Consistency (32-35)
• Use of Connectives (36-38)

REFERENCE

Divided Reference

20. A pronoun should be placed near the word to which it refers, and separated from words to which it might falsely seem to refer. If this method does not secure clearness, discard the pronoun and change the sentence structure.

• Uncertain reference of which: He dropped the bundle in the mud which he was carrying to his mother. [The reader for a moment refers the pronoun to the wrong noun. Bring which nearer to its proper antecedent bundle.]
• Right: He dropped in the mud the bundle which he was carrying to his mother.
• Vague reference of this: My failure in mathematics was serious. My grades in English, history, and Latin were good enough. But this brought down my average. [This? What this? Five nouns intrude between the pronoun this and its proper antecedent failure.]
• Right: In English, history, and Latin I received fairly good grades. But in mathematics I received a failure. This brought down my average.
• Remote reference of it: If you want to make a good speech, take your hands out of your pockets, open your mouth wide, and throw yourself into it.
• Right: If you want to make a good speech, take your hands out of your pockets, open your mouth wide, and throw yourself into what you are saying. [Or, better] Take your hands out of your pockets, open your mouth wide, and throw yourself into the speech.
• Ambiguous reference of he: John spoke to the stranger, and he was very surly.
• Right: John spoke to the stranger, who was very surly. [Or] John spoke in a surly manner to the stranger.

Note.—The reference of relative and demonstrative pronouns is largely dependent upon their position. The reference of a personal pronoun (he, she, they, etc.) is not so much dependent upon its position, the main consideration being that the antecedent shall be emphatic (See the next article.)

Exercise:

1. He was driving an old mule attached to a cart that was blind in one eye.
2. There is a grimy streak on the wall over the radiator which can be removed only with great difficulty.
3. The feet of Chinese girls were bandaged so tightly when they were babies that they could not grow.
4. He gave me a receipt for the money which he told me to keep.
5. After the pictures have been taken and the film has been removed, they are sent to the developing room where it is developed and dried.

Weak Reference

21. Do not allow a pronoun to refer to a word not likely to be central in the reader's thought; a word, for example, in the possessive case, or in a parenthetical expression, or in a compound, or not expressed at all. Make the pronoun refer to an emphatic word.

• Wrong: When a poor woman came to Jane Addams' famous Hull House, she always gave help. [Poor woman and Hull House are the emphatic words, to which any pronoun used later is instinctively referred by the reader.]
• Right: When a poor woman came to Jane Addams' famous Hull House, she always received help. [Or] When a poor woman came to Hull House, Jane Addams always gave help.
• Wrong: In biology, which is the study of plants and animals we find that they are made up of unitary structures called cells. [Since the words plants and animals occur only in a parenthetical clause, the reader is surprised to find them used as an antecedent.]
• Right: In the study of biology we find that plants and animals are made up of unitary structures called cells.
• Wrong: This old scissors-grinder sharpens them for the whole neighborhood. [The center of interest in the reader's mind is a man, not scissors.]
• Right: This old scissors-grinder sharpens scissors for the whole neighborhood.
• Wrong: I always liked engineers, and I have chosen that as my profession.
• Right: I always liked engineering, and I have chosen it as my profession.
• Absurd: When the baby is through drinking milk, it should be disconnected and put in boiling water. [The central idea in the reader's mind is baby, not milk-bottle. The writer may have been thinking about the bottle, but he did not make the word emphatic; in fact, he did not express it at all.]
• Right: When the baby is through drinking milk, the bottle should be taken apart and put in boiling water.

Note.—Ordinarily, do not refer to the title in the first line of a theme. The reader expects you to assert something, and face forward, not to turn back to what you have said in the title.

• Faulty:

  Color Photography

  I am interested in this new development of science. For a long time I ...

• Right:

  Color Photography

  Taking pictures in color has long appealed to me as an interesting possibility ...

Exercise:

1. In Shakespeare's play Othello he makes Iago a fiend.
2. The noodle-cutter is a kitchen device which saves time in making this troublesome dish.
3. The life of a forester is interesting, and I intend to follow that profession.
4. He took down his great-grandfather's old sword, who had carried it at Bunker Hill.
5. I was always making experiments in science, and I naturally acquired a liking for periodicals of that nature.

Broad Reference

22. Do not use a pronoun to refer broadly to a general idea. Supply a definite antecedent or abandon the pronoun.

• Wrong: The tapper strikes the gong, which continues as long as the push button is pressed. [The writer intends that which shall refer to the entire preceding clause, but the reference is intercepted by the word gong.]
• Right [supplying a definite antecedent]: The tapper strikes the gong, a process which continues as long as the push button is pressed. [Or, abandoning the pronoun] The tapper strikes the gong as long as the push button is pressed.
• Wrong: Read the directions which are printed on the bottle and it may save you from making a mistake.
• Right [supplying a definite antecedent]: Read the directions which are printed on the bottle. This precaution may save you from making a mistake. [Or, abandoning the pronoun] Reading the directions on the bottle may prevent a mistake.
• Wrong: The managers told him they would increase his salary if he would represent them in South America. He refused that.
• Right: The managers told him they would increase his salary if he would represent them in South America. He refused the offer.

Exception.—It cannot be maintained that a pronoun must always have one definite word for its antecedent. Many of the best English authors occasionally use a pronoun to refer to a clause. But the reference must always be clear.Note.—Impersonal constructions must be used with caution. "It is raining" is correct, although it has no antecedent. We desire that the antecedent shall be vague, impersonal. But unnecessary use of the indefinite it, you, or they should be avoided.

• Faulty: It says in our history that Columbus was an Italian.
• Right: Our history says that Columbus was an Italian.
• Not complimentary to the reader: You aren't hanged nowadays for stealing.
• Right: No one is hanged nowadays for stealing.
• Faulty: They are noted for their tact in France.
• Right: The French are noted for their tact.

Exercise:

1. You use little slang in your paper which is commendable.
2. They had no reinforcements which caused them to lose the battle.
3. The carbon must be removed from pig iron to make pure steel, and that is done by terrific heat.
4. Our stenographer spends most of her spare time at a cheap movie theater, which is in itself an index of her character.
5. It says in the new rules that you aren't allowed in the building on Sunday.

Dangling Participle or Gerund

23. A participle, being dependent, must refer to a noun or pronoun. The noun or pronoun should be within the sentence which contains the participle, and should be so conspicuous that the participle will be associated with it instantly and without confusion.

• Wrong: Coming in on the train, the high school building is seen. [Is the building coming in? If not, who is?]
• Right: Coming in on the train, one sees the high school building.

A sentence containing a dangling participle may be corrected (1) by giving the word to which the participle refers a conspicuous position in the sentence, or (2) by replacing the participial phrase by some other construction.

• Wrong: Having taken our seats, the umpire announced the batteries.
• Right: Having taken our seats, we heard the umpire announce the batteries. [Or] When we had taken our seats, the umpire announced the batteries.
• Wrong: She was for a long time sick, caused by overwork. [The participle caused should not modify sick. A participle is used as an adjective, and should therefore modify a noun.]
• Right—using an adjectival modifier:
  She had a long sickness,

  • caused by
  • due to

  overwork.
• Right—using an adverbial modifier:
  She was for a long time sick

  • because of
  • owing to
  • on account of

  overwork.

When a gerund phrase (in passing, while speaking etc.) implies the action of a special agent, indicate what the agent is. Otherwise the phrase will be dangling.

• Faulty: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, he told me that you intend to buy a car.
• Better: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, I learned that you intend to buy a car.
• Faulty: The address was concluded by reciting a passage from Wordsworth.
• Better: The speaker concluded his address by reciting a passage from Wordsworth. [Or] The address was concluded by the recitation of a passage from Wordsworth.

Note.—Two other kinds of dangling modifier, treated elsewhere in this book, may be briefly mentioned here. A phrase beginning with the adjective due should refer to a noun; otherwise the phrase is left dangling (See 5 Note). An elliptical sentence (one from which words are omitted) is faulty when one of the elements is left dangling (See 3).

• Faulty: I was late due to carelessness [Use because of].
• Ludicrous: My shoestring always breaks when hurrying to the office at eight o'clock [Say when I am hurrying].

Exercise:

1. Coming out of the house, a street car is seen.
2. While engaged in conversation with my host and hostess, my maid placed upon the table a steaming leg of lamb.
3. A small quantity of gold is thoroughly mixed with a few drops of turpentine, using the spatula to work it smooth.
4. After being in the oven twenty minutes, open the door. When fully baked, you are ready to put the sauce on the pudding.
5. Entering the store, a soda fountain is observed. Passing down the aisle, a candy counter comes into view. The rear of the store is bright and pleasant, caused by a skylight.

COHERENCE

General Incoherence

24. Every part of a sentence must have a clear and natural connection with the adjoining part. Like or related parts should normally be placed together.

• Bring related ideas together: Little Helen stood beside the horse wearing white stockings and slippers.
• Right: Little Helen, in white stockings and slippers, stood beside the horse.
• Keep unlike ideas apart: The colors of purple and green are pleasing to the eye as found in the thistle.
• Right: The purple and green colors of the thistle are pleasing.
• Distribute unrelated modifiers, instead of bunching them: I found a heap of snow on my bed in the morning which had drifted in through the window. [Subject verb—object—place—time—explanation.]
• Right: In the morning I found on my bed a heap of snow which had drifted in through the window. [Time—subject verb—place—object—explanation.]
• Bring related modifiers together: When he has prepared his lessons, he will come, as soon as he can put on his old clothes. [Condition—main clause—condition.]
• Right: When he has prepared his lessons and put on his old clothes, he will come. [Condition and condition—main clause.]

Exercise:

1. He was gazing at the landscape which he had painted with a smiling face.
2. She turned the steak with a fork which she was cooking for dinner every few minutes.
3. Dickens puts the various experiences he had in the form of a novel when he was a boy.
4. If the roads are made of dirt, the farmer has to wait, if the weather is rainy, till they dry.
5. We received practically very little or none at all experience in writing themes.

Logical Sequence

25. Place first in the sentence the idea which naturally comes first in thought or in the order of time.

• Faulty: We went to the station from the house after bidding all goodby.
• Right: We said goodby to all, and went from the house to the station.

Do not begin one idea, abandon it for a second, and then return to the first. Complete one idea at a time.

• Faulty: She looked up as he approached and smoothed her hair. [The writer begins a main clause, changes to a subordinate clause, and then attempts to add more to the main clause. Unfortunately the last two verbs appear to be coÖrdinate.]
• Right: She looked up and smoothed her hair as he approached. [Or] As he approached she looked up, and smoothed her hair.

Ordinarily, let a second thought begin where the first leaves off.

• Faulty: An orange grove requires plenty of water. The young trees will die if they do not have plenty of water. [The order of ideas is: "Grove ... water. Trees ... water." Reverse the order of the second sentence.]
• Right: An orange grove requires plenty of water. For without water the young trees will die. [Now the order of ideas is: "Grove ... water. Water ... trees."]

Exercise:

1. I boarded the train, after buying a ticket.
2. I dropped my pen when the whistle blew and sighed.
3. Unless the bank clerk has ability he will never be successful unless he works faithfully and hard.
4. I remember the days when Rover was a pup. Now he is not half so interesting as he was then.
5. A chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, and there is plenty of room between the opposing armies for a terrific battle, since each army occupies only sixteen squares.

Squinting Modifier

26. Avoid the squinting construction. That is, do not place between two parts of a sentence a modifier that may attach itself to either. Place the modifier where it cannot be misunderstood.

• Confusing: I told him when the time came I would do it. [When the time came is said to "squint" because the reader cannot tell whether it looks forward to the end of the sentence, or backward to the beginning.]
• Right: When the time came, I told him I would do it. [Or] I told him I would do it when the time came.
• Confusing: Some friends I knew would enjoy the play. [I knew squints.]
• Right: Some friends would enjoy the play, I knew.
• Confusing: The orator whom every one was calling for enthusiastically hurried to the platform. [Enthusiastically squints.]
• Clear: The orator whom every one was enthusiastically calling for hurried to the platform.

Exercise:

1. The man who laughs half the time does not understand the joke.
2. Playing football in many ways improves the mind.
3. When she reached home much to her disgust the door was locked.
4. When the lightning struck for the first time in my life I was afraid.
5. The landlord wrote that he would if the rent were not paid in thirty days eject the tenant.

Misplaced Word

27. Such an adverb as only, ever, almost, should be placed near the word it modifies, and separated from words which it might falsely seem to modify. Such a conjunction as nevertheless, if required with a clause, should usually be placed near the beginning.

• Illogical: I only need a few dollars.
• Right: I need only a few dollars.
• Illogical: I don't ever intend to go there again.
• Right: I don't intend ever to go there again. [Or] I intend never to go there again.
• Illogical: She has the sweetest voice I nearly ever heard.
• Right: She has nearly [or almost] the sweetest voice I ever heard.
• Tardy use of conjunction: I intend to try. I do not expect to accomplish much, however.
• Right: I intend to try. I do not, however, expect to accomplish much.

Exercise:

1. Students are only admitted to one lecture.
2. This is the smallest book I almost ever saw.
3. He is so poor he hasn't any food, scarcely.
4. She had one dress that she never expected to wear.
5. The difficulties were tremendous. He said that he would do his best, nevertheless.

Split Construction

28. Elements that have a close grammatical connection should not be separated awkwardly or carelessly. These elements are: (a) subject and verb, or verb and object; (b) the parts of a compound verb; and (c) the parts of an infinitive.

• Awkward: One in the struggle for efficiency should not become a machine.
• Better: In the struggle for efficiency one should not become a machine.
• Awkward: What use of an education could a girl who married a penniless rogue and afterwards knew nothing but hard labor, make?
• Better: What use of an education could a girl make who married a penniless rogue and afterward knew nothing but hard labor?
• Crude: He was unable to even so much as stir a foot.
• Better: He was unable even to stir a foot.

Note.—It is often desirable to separate the forms enumerated under (a) and (b) above, either for emphasis (See 40) or to avoid a bunching of modifiers at the end of a sentence (See 24). The whole point of rule 28 is not to depart from a natural order needlessly.

Exercise:

1. One thing the beginner must remember is to not get excited.
2. Ralph, when he heard the news, came flying out of the house.
3. The president called together, for the need was urgent, his cabinet.
4. Bryce said that it is more patriotic to judiciously vote than to frantically wave the American flag.
5. About the time Florence Nightingale had to give up her plans, a war between Turkey, England, and France on one side and Russia on the other, broke out.

29. EXERCISE IN CLEARNESS OF THOUGHT

A. Reference of Pronouns

1. Brown wrote to Roberts that he had made a mistake.
2. We heard a voice through the door which told us to enter.
3. There is a walk leading from the street to the house which is made of thin slabs of stone.
4. A milking stool was beside the cow on which he was accustomed to sit.
5. Should a community, such as a small village, spend the money they do on roads?
6. This magazine prints many special articles on politics and social reforms that are always instructive.
7. I wish I could do something for the protection of birds in our country which is neglected.
8. After a man has failed in one business, it is no sign he will fail in every other.
9. Sometimes cane syrup is mixed with the maple syrup, which reduces the value of the product.
10. It means hard and diligent work to study Latin, but it strengthens our brain or at least it gives it good exercise.
11. In the class room the students become acquainted, which may develop into lifelong friendships.
12. He was delighted with a ride on horseback, which animal he had been familiar with in his childhood on the farm.
13. It says in our history that the battle of New Orleans was fought after the treaty of peace had been signed.
14. Sparks flew about in the air, and it reminded me of a huge Fourth of July celebration.
15. The doctor gave me medicine to stop the dull pain in my head. This made me feel much better.

B. Dangling Modifiers

1. Having planned the basement, the next thing considered was the first floor.
2. Glancing around the room, the ugly wall paper at once confronted me.
3. After ringing the bell, and waiting a few moments, a maid came to the door.
4. When selecting a site for an orchard, it should be well drained.
5. Not being a skilled dancer, my feet moved awkwardly.
6. Having no watch, the clock must be consulted.
7. He was sick, caused by eating too much dessert.
8. Radium is very difficult to get, making it the most valuable metal.
9. One man goes home and beats his wife, resulting in internal injuries.
10. Over the paper and kindling a few small chunks of coal are scattered, taking care not to choke the draft.
11. In speaking of character, it does not mean to be a governor or a general.
12. This town draws trade for a radius of twenty miles, thus accounting for the large volume of business.
13. While talking to Ralph yesterday, he spoke about his recent success in the hardware business.
14. The bus holds fifteen people, and when full, the bus man shuts the door.
15. If bright and pleasant, the rabbit will be found sitting at the entrance of his burrow.

C. Coherence

1. I have a lot for sale near the city limits.
2. Many men can only speak their native tongue.
3. I saw yesterday, crossing the street, a beautiful woman.
4. They entered the room, and sitting on the floor they saw a baby.
5. I put down my book when the clock struck and yawned.
6. She dropped the money on the sidewalk which she was carrying home.
7. The horse did not notice that the gate was open for several minutes.
8. It was worth the trouble. I do not wish to have the experience again, however.
9. My first trip away from home, of any distance, was made on a steamboat from St. Louis to New Orleans.
10. He gazed at a young man who was waving his hands violently, called a cheer leader.
11. Any soil will grow some variety of strawberry, except sand and clay.
12. I turned triumphantly to Will, who was still gazing at the place where the muskrat sank with a beaming face.
13. Only the interest, the principal being kept intact, is spent.
14. A student should see that external conditions are favorable for study, such as light, temperature, and clothing.
15. Draw a heavy line using a ruler to connect New York and San Francisco across the map.

PARALLEL STRUCTURE

Parallel Structure for Parallel Thoughts

30. Give parallel structure to those parts of a sentence which are parallel in thought. Do not needlessly interchange an infinitive with a participle, a phrase with a clause, a single word with a phrase or clause, a main clause with a dependent clause, one voice or mode of the verb with another, etc.

• Faulty: Riding is sometimes better exercise than to walk.
• Right: Riding is sometimes better exercise than walking. [Or] To ride is sometimes better exercise than to walk.
• Faulty: He had two desires, of which the first was for money; in the second place, he wanted fame.
• Right: He had two desires, of which the first was for money and the second for fame. [Or] He had two desires: in the first place, he wanted money; in the second, fame.
• Faulty: His rival handled cigars of better quality and having a higher selling price.
• Right: His rival handled cigars of better quality and higher price.
• Faulty: When you have mastered the operation of shifting gears, and after a little practice you will be a good driver.
• Right: When you have mastered the operation of shifting gears, and had a little practice, you will be a good driver. [Or] After you master the gears and have a little practice, you will be a good driver.
• Faulty. These are the duties of the president of a literary society:
  1. To preside at regular meetings,
  2. He calls special meetings,
  3. Appointment of committees.
• Right: These are the duties of the president of a literary society:
  1. To preside at regular meetings,
  2. To call special meetings,
  3. To appoint committees.
• Faulty: She was actively connected with the club, church, and with several organized charities. [Here parallelism is obscured by the omission from the second phrase of both the preposition and the article.]
• Right: She was actively connected with the club, with the church, and with several organized charities.
• Faulty: He was red-faced, awkward, and had a disposition to eat everything on the table. [The third element is like the others in thought, and should have similar form.]
• Right: He had a red face, an awkward manner, and a disposition to eat everything on the table. [Or] He was red-faced, awkward, and voracious.

Note.—Avoid misleading parallelism. For ideas different in kind, do not use parallel structure.

• Wrong: He was hot, puffing, and evidently had run very hard. [The third element is unlike the others in thought; hence the and is misleading.]
• Right: He was hot and puffing; evidently he had run very hard.
• Confusing: He was admired for his knowledge of science, and for his taste for art, and for this I too honor him. [The last for gives a false parallelism to unlike thoughts.]
• Better: He was admired for his scientific knowledge and for his artistic taste. I honor him for both these qualities.

Exercise:

1. The duties of the secretary are to answer correspondence, and keeping the minutes of the meetings.
2. This process is the most difficult; it costs the most; and is most important.
3. I make it a rule to be orderly, spend no money foolishly, and keep still when I have nothing to say.
4. The cotton is put up in bales about five feet in length and three feet wide and four thick, and one of them weighing about five hundred pounds.
5. Considerations of economy that one should bear in mind when planning a house are: first, a rectangular ground-plan; second, a one-chimney plan; third, to have only one stairway; fourth, eliminate as many doors as possible; fifth, the bathroom should be above the kitchen so as to reduce the cost of plumbing; and lastly, the rooms should be few and large rather than small and many of them.

Correlatives

31. Correlatives should usually be followed by elements parallel in form; if a predicate follows one, a predicate should follow the other; if a prepositional phrase follows one, a prepositional phrase should follow the other; and so on.

• Faulty: He was not only courteous to rich customers but also to poor ones. [Here the phrases intended to be balanced against each other are to rich customer's and to poor ones. As the sentence stands, it is the word courteous that is balanced against to poor ones.]
• Right: He was courteous not only to rich customers but also to poor ones.
• Faulty: She could neither make up her mind to go nor could she decide to stay.
• Right: She could neither make up her mind to go nor decide to stay. [Or] She could not make up her mind either to go or to stay.
• Faulty: I talked both with Brown and Miller. [Here one conjunction is followed by a preposition and the other by a noun.]
• Right: I talked with both Brown and Miller. [Or] I talked both with Brown and with Miller.

Exercise:

1. He was courteous to both friends and his enemies.
2. Such conduct is not only dangerous to society but becomes a national disgrace as well.
3. She had neither affectation of manners nor was she sharp-tongued.
4. After reading Thoreau's Walden I appreciate not only the style but also I am inclined to believe in his ideas.
5. The good that the delegates derive from the convention not only helps them, but they tell others what happened.

CONSISTENCY

Shift in Subject or Voice

32. Do not needlessly shift the subject, voice, or mode in the middle of a sentence. Keep one point of view, until there is a reason for changing.

• Faulty: In the stream which the road led over, fish were plentiful. [Here the first mental picture is of a stream. Then the thought is jerked away to the road above. Then it returns to the fish in the stream.]
• Right: In the stream which flowed under the roadway, fish were plentiful.
• Faulty: Mark Twain was born in the West, but the East was his home in later years. [The change of subject is uncalled for.]
• Right: Mark Twain was born in the West, but lived in the East in his later years. [Or] The West was the birthplace of Mark Twain, and the East was his home in his later years.
• Faulty: A careful driver can go fifteen miles on a gallon of gasoline, and at the same time very little lubricating oil is used. [The shift from active to passive voice is awkward and confusing.]
• Right: A careful driver can go fifteen miles on a gallon of gasoline, and at the same time use very little lubricating oil.
• Faulty: When a problem in chemistry is given, or when we wish to calculate certain formulas, we find that a knowledge of mathematics is indispensable.
• Right: When a problem in chemistry is given, or when certain formulas are to be calculated, a knowledge of mathematics is indispensable. [Or] When we face a problem in chemistry, or wish to calculate certain formulas, we find that a knowledge of mathematics is indispensable.
• Faulty: Next the ground should be harrowed. Then you sow the wheat. [The subject changes from ground to you. One verb explains what should be done, the other what somebody does.]
• Right: Next the ground
  • is
  • should be
  harrowed. Then it
  • is
  • should be
  sown to wheat. [Or] Next you should harrow the ground. Then you should sow the wheat.

Exercise:

1. One end of a camera carries the film, and the lens and shutter are in the other end.
2. When an athlete is in training, good healthful food should be eaten.
3. An engineer's time is not devoted to one branch of science, but should include many.
4. By having only five men in charge of our city government, they would have more power, and we could then fix responsibility.
5. There are two main classes of cake, sponge and butter. We are taught to make both in cooking school. I like the sponge cake. The butter cake is preferred by most persons.

Shift in Number, Person, or Tense

33. Avoid an inconsistent change in number, person, or tense.

• Faulty change in number: One should save their money.
• Right: People should save their money. [Or] A man should save his money.
• Faulty change in person: Place the seeds in water, and in a few days a person can see that they have started to grow.
• Right: Place the seeds in water, and in a few days you will see that they have started to grow.
• Faulty change in number: Take your umbrella with you. They will be needed today.
• Right: Take your umbrella with you. You will need it today.
• Faulty change in tense: Freedom means that a man may conduct his affairs as he pleases so long as he did not injure anybody else.
• Right: Freedom means that a man may conduct his affairs as he pleases so long as he does not injure anybody else.
• Faulty change in tense: When he heard the news, he hurries down town and buys a paper.
• Right: When he heard the news, he hurried down town and bought a paper.

Note.—A change of tense within a sentence is desirable and necessary in certain instances, for which see 55.

Sometimes, for the sake of vividness, past events are described in the present tense, as if they were taking place before our eyes. This usage is called the historical present. A shift to the historical present should not be made abruptly, or frequently, or for any subject except an important crisis.

Exercise:

1. A person should be careful of their conduct.
2. Sentences should be so formed that the reader feels it to be a unit.
3. One should make the best of their surroundings and their possessions, provided they cannot better them.
4. When he sees me coming, he looked the other way.
5. Silas Marner lost many of his habits of solitude, and goes out among his neighbors.

Mixed Constructions

34. Do not make a compromise between two constructions.

• Faulty: I cannot help but go.
• Right: I cannot help going. [Or] I cannot but go. [Or] I can but go.
• Faulty: They are as following:
• Right: They are as follows: [Or] They are the following:
• Faulty: He tried, but of no avail.
• Right: He tried, but to no avail. [Or] He tried, but his effort was of no avail.
• Faulty: There is no honor to be on this committee.
• Right: It is no honor to be on this committee. [Or] There is no honor in being on this committee.
• Faulty: Sparks from the chimney caught the house on fire.
• Right: Sparks from the chimney set the house on fire. [Or] The house caught fire from the sparks from the chimney.

Note.—The double negative and kindred expressions (not hardly, not scarcely, etc.) are an especially gross form of mixed construction.

• Wrong: He isn't no better now than he was then. [Logically, not no better means better. The two negatives cancel each other and leave an affirmative.]
• Right: He isn't any better now than he was then. [Or] He is no better now than he was then.
• Wrong: She couldn't see her friend nowhere.
• Right: She couldn't see her friend anywhere. [Or] She could see her friend nowhere.
• Wrong: We couldn't hardly see through the mist.
• Right: We could hardly see through the mist. [Or] We couldn't see well through the mist.

Exercise:

1. He doesn't come here no more.
2. I cannot help but make this error.
3. I remember scarcely nothing of the occurrence.
4. I would not remain there only a few days.
5. John would not do this under no circumstances.

Mixed Imagery

35. Avoid phrases which may call up conflicting mental images. When using metaphor, simile, etc., carry one figure of speech through, instead of shifting to another, or dropping suddenly back into literal speech.

• Crude: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the heart of the cotton belt.
• Right: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the South.
• Crude: He traveled a rough road and climbed with his burden the ladder of success, where he is a glowing example and guide to other men. [The suggestion which a reader with a sense of humor may get is, that a man starts out as a traveler, suddenly becomes a hod-carrier, and is then transformed into a bonfire or a lighthouse.]
• Right: He traveled a rough road, but found success. Other men followed in his steps.
• Incongruous: Spring came scattering flowers, and there was rain a great per cent of the time. [This sentence mingles the language of poetry with the language of science. It should be fanciful, or else literal, throughout.]
• Right: Spring came scattering flowers and rain. [Or] Spring came with much rain and many flowers.
• Inconsistent use of irony: The phonograph was shrieking, "Waltz me around again, Willie." I am sure I love that beautiful song. The taste of the people who attend these cheap theaters is deplorable. [The three sentences should be ironical throughout, or not ironical at all.]

Exercise:

1. We should meet the future from the optimistic point of view.
2. General Wolfe put every ounce of his life into the capture of Quebec.
3. A key-note of sincerity should be the mainspring of a well-built speech.
4. He went drifting down the sands of time on flowery beds of ease.
5. The blank in my mind crystallized into action.

USE OF CONNECTIVES

The Exact Connective

36. Use a connective which expresses the exact relation between two clauses. Distinguish between time and cause, concession and condition, etc. Do not overwork and, so, or while.

• Misleading: While he is sick, he is able to walk. [Use though.]
• Misleading: Miss Brown sang, while her sister spoke a piece. [Use but.]
• Faulty. Work hard when you want to succeed. [Use if.]
• Faulty: They will be sorry without they do this. [Use unless.]
• Faulty: Little poetry is read, only at times when it is compulsory. [Use except.]
• Faulty. The early morning and evening are the best times to find ducks, and we did not see many flying. [Use and for that reason.]
• Faulty: Corbin says: "In America sportsmanship is almost a passion," and in England "the player very seldom forgets that he is a man first and an athlete afterward." [Use whereas.]

Note.—So is an elastic word that covers a multitude of vague meanings. Language has need of such a word, and in many instances (especially when the relation between clauses is obvious and does not need to be pointed out) so serves well enough. Use it, but not as a substitute for more exact connectives. Beware of falling into the "so-habit."

• Abuse of so as a vague coÖrdinating connective: So I went to call on Mrs. Woods, and so she told me about Mrs. White's new gown; so then I missed the car, and so of course our supper is late. [Strike out every so.]
• Abuse of so as a subordinating connective: You may go, so you keep still. [Use provided.] So you do only that, I shall be satisfied. [Use though.]
• Permissible: I was excited, so I missed the target.

So may sometimes be used to express result. But when a clause of result is important and needs emphasis, it is perhaps better to strike out so and subordinate the preceding clause.

• Right: In my excitement I missed the target.
• Right: Because I was excited, I missed the target.
• Right: Being excited, I missed the target.

List of Connectives

A. With CoÖrdinate Clauses, expressing

1. Addition: and, besides, furthermore, again, in addition, in like manner, likewise, moreover, then too, and finally.
2. Contrast: but, and yet, however, in spite of, in contrast to this, nevertheless, notwithstanding, nor, on the contrary, for all that, rather still, but unhappily, yet unfortunately, whereas.
3. Alternative: or, nor, else, otherwise, neither, nor, or on the other hand.
4. Consequence: therefore, hence, consequently, accordingly, in this way, it follows that, the consequence is, and under such circumstances, wherefore, thus, as a result, as a consequence.
5. Explanation: for example, for instance, in particular, more specifically, for, because.
6. Repetition for emphasis: in other words, that is to say, and assuredly, certainly, in fact, and in truth, indeed it is certain, undoubtedly, for example, in the same way, as I have said.

B. With Subordinate Adverb Clauses, expressing

1. Time: when, then, before, while, after, until at last, as long as, now that, upon which, until, whenever, whereupon, meanwhile.
2. Place: where, whence, whither, wherever.
3. Degree or Comparison: as, more than, rather than, than, to the degree in which.
4. Manner: as, as if, as though.
5. Cause: because, for, as, inasmuch as, since, owing to the fact that, seeing that, in that.
6. Purpose: that, so that, in order that, lest.
7. Result: that is, so that, but that.
8. Condition: if, provided that, in case that, on condition that, supposing that, unless.
9. Concession: though, although, assuming that, admitting that, granting that, even if, no matter how, notwithstanding, of course.

C. With Adjective Clauses. Adjective or relative clauses are introduced by who, which, that, or an equivalent compound.

Exercise:

Insert within the parentheses all the connectives that might conceivably be used, and underscore the one which you consider to be most exact: