  The laws of nature appear to have possessed but little force, permanency, or reliability in the days of Moses, as they were often brought to a dead halt, and set aside on the most trivial occasions, according to Bible history; and nothing could be learned of the character, habits, or natural powers of animals by their form or physical conformation, if they possessed, as represented, minds and reasoning powers supposed to be peculiar to the human species. Hence the study of natural history must have been useless. When naturalists at the present day find animals without the organs of speech, they assume they do not possess the ability to talk and reason. But the absence of the vocal organs in the days of Moses appears to have furnished no criterion, and interposed no obstacle to becoming a fluent speaker and an able reasoner, as is illustrated in the case of a serpent and an ass talking and arguing like a lawyer. Hence natural history could have possessed no attraction, as nothing certain could have been learned by studying it. 1. It is a singular reflection that the Christian plan of salvation is based on a serpent, and with about as little show of sense as the Hottentot tradition of the earth resting on the heads of four turtles. 2. The idea of God creating a serpent to thwart and defeat his plans and designs, or permitting him to do it, is absolutely ridiculous. 3. If God knew, when he created the serpent, that his machinations would bring "death and sin and all our woe" into the world, the act would prove him to be an unprincipled being. 4. And, if he did not know it, he must have been ignorant and short-sighted, and not fit to be a God. 5. It would imply that he made a wonderful mistake in creating a being that "turned right round," and made war on his own kingdom, crippled it, and defeated its success. 6. To assume that God could be outwitted by a serpent is to place him lower in the scale of intelligence than a snake. 7. It would seem that the serpent was superior to Jehovah either in knowledge or veracity; for his statement relative to the effect of eating the fruit proved to be true, while that of Jehovah proved to be false (Gen. iii. 3). 8. And, as we have shown in chapter liii, he was a greater friend and benefactor to the human race than Jehovah, as a number of benefits and blessings were conferred upon Adam and Eve and their posterity by yielding to his advice instead of obeying the mandates of Jehovah. 9. It would doubtless be a source of gratification to naturalists of the present age to learn what species of snake that was which possessed such a remarkable intellect and reasoning faculties and powers of speech; and also whether Hebrew was its vernacular. 10. Why is it that ladies of the present day possess none of the nerveless intrepidity and moral courage of old mother Eve, who could stand and listen to a serpent talking without any signs of fainting, and with a perfect nonchalance, when our modern ladies would probably scream or run if a snake they should meet should assume the liberty to address them even in the most polite manner? Mother Eve must have been familiar with oddities. 11. If serpents and asses could talk in the days of Moses, why not now? Why have they lost the power of speech? 12. The species of serpents and asses which furnished such distinguished reasoners and orators should have been preserved, both as natural curiosities and on account of their practical benefits. It would be a source of instruction as well as amusement for a traveler, while journeying astride the back of an ass, to be able to enter into a friendly chitchat and exchange views with him, especially if the ass should be well posted on the topics of the day. 13. It seems singular that the heathen prophet Balaam should be able to enlighten infinite wisdom when he called on him for information concerning Balak, King of Moab, or that he should have been better posted in the matter. 14. The circumstance of Jehovah advising Balaam to go at the call of Balak to curse Israel, then becoming very angry at him because he did go, and employing an ass to intercept his journey, evinces him to have been a fickle-minded and changeable being. (Num. xxii. 20, 22.) 15. It appears that, with all of Balaam's superior intelligence, he was inferior in spiritual discernment to that of his ass, as she could see the spirit standing in the road when he could not. 16. It has been contemptuously suggested as a slur on spiritualism, that perhaps the ass was a spiritual medium. But the fact that asses (of the biped species) can now be found endowed with the power of speech, renders the conclusion more rational that the ass talked without the aid of a spirit. Such are some of the ridiculous features of these ridiculous stories. The expedient of disposing of these foolish stories as allegories, as some have attempted, will not avail any thing: for such figures are too low and groveling to be employed even as metaphors; and there is no hint in the Bible that they are to be understood in an allegorical or metaphorical sense. II. THE STORY OF CAIN, ABSURDITIES OF.1. Did not Eve dishonor God when, at the birth of Cain, she said, "I have got a man from the Lord" (Gen. iv. 1), inasmuch as he turned out to be a murderer? 2. Did not God know that Cain would become a murderer? If he did not, he is not an omniscient God. 3. And, if he did know it, would it not make him accountable for the murder? 4. Why did God set a mark on Cain that "whosoever should find him should not slay him" (Gen. iv. 15), when there was no "whosoever" in existence but his father and mother? And it can not be supposed they would have to hunt to find him, or that they would kill him when found. 5. And how could "whosoever" know what the mark meant? 6. Where did or where could Cain have gone when he "fled from the presence of the Lord" (Gen. iv. 16), as David says he is present everywhere, even in hell? 7. How could Cain find a wife in the land of Nod (see Gen. iv. 17), when he himself had killed the whole human race excepting his father and mother? There were then no women to make wives of. 8. Why did Cain build a city (see Gen. iv. 17), when there was nobody to inhabit it? 9. As there were "workers of iron and brass" in this city, does it not furnish evidence that there was a race of people who had attained a high state of civilization before Adam was made? 10. And as brass is not an ore, but a compound of copper and zinc, does it not furnish evidence that the mining business and the mechanic arts were carried on long before Adam's time? 11. If Cain did find a wife in the land of Nod, is it not evidence that some ribs had been converted into women before Adam's time? 12. Where did Cain find carpenters and masons to build his city, if his father and mother constituted the whole human race? 13. Did not Jehova know when he accepted Abel's offering and rejected Cain's, that he was sowing the seeds of discord that would lead to murder? 14. And did he not set a bad example by showing partiality, as there is no reason assigned for preferring Abel's offering? 15. Had not Cain just ground for believing that his offering of herbs would be accepted, inasmuch as Jehovah had ordered Adam to use herbs for food? 16. Must we conclude that Jehovah had a carnivorous appetite, which caused him to prefer animals to vegetables for sacrifices? 17. What sense was there in dooming Cain to be a vagabond among men, when there was but one man in the world, and that his father? III. THE ARK OF THE COVENANT, ABSURDITIES OF.—1 SAM. CHAP. VI.We find no case in any history of superstition reaching a more exalted climax than that illustrated in the history of the Jewish ark of the covenant. It appears that up to the time of Solomon the Jews had no temple for their God to dwell in, but for some time previous hauled him about in box, about four feet long by thirty inches deep, known as the "ark of the covenant". Let it not be supposed that we misrepresent in saying that Jehovah was supposed to dwell in this box; for it is explicitly stated that he dwelt between the cherubims, which constituted a part of the accoutrements of the ark. (See 1 Sam. iv.) One of the most singular and ridiculous features connected with this story is, that Jehovah, in giving instructions for the construction of the ark, told the people they must offer, among other curious things, badger-skins, goat's hair, and red ram's skins (i.e., ram's skins dyed red). What use God Almighty could have had for the hides and hair of these dead animals is hard to conjecture. Could superstition descend lower than this? As minute a description is given of the whole affair by Jehovah and Moses as if there were some sense in it. The box was hauled about by two cows; and it was enjoined that those selected by the Philistines should be cows that had never been worked or harnessed, and that their calves should be shut up and left at home. This is descending to a "bill of particulars." The calves must have suffered, as their dams were driven far away and then slaughtered. What became of the calves is not stated; but we are told that the cows kept up a continual bellowing, or "lowing." Perhaps this was designed as a kind of base or tenor for the music which accompanied them; and this accounts for the calves being left at home. It is curious to observe that the cows were not yoked to the cart on which the ark was drawn, but tied to it,—probably by their tails. The Jews did not seem to possess sufficient mechanical skill or genius to invent an ox-yoke. Another singular part of this singular story is, that the Philistines constructed six golden mice to accompany the ark; and yet we are told that the Jews were not allowed to have images of any thing (Ex. xx. 4). The most serious consideration connected with this affair was the vast destruction of human life. In the first place the Philistines, in a battle with the Lord's people, slew thirty thousand of them, and captured this box, as we must presume, with the Lord in it. It seems strange that, when Jehovah had fought so many successful battles, he would allow himself to be captured. It was some time, too, before he was recovered from the Philistines. When this was effected, as the ark was being conveyed back under the superintendence of David, with a company of thirty thousand people, while passing over some rough ground, the cart jostled, and the ark came near being thrown off, with the Lord Jehovah in it, who would probably have been considerably bruised by the fall. But a very clever man by the name of Uzzah clapped his hand upon the cart to prevent this awful catastrophe; and, although probably actuated by the best and most pious motives, he was immediately killed for it. This part of the story has a bad moral. On another occasion, on the arrival of the ark at Bethshemesh, because one or two persons attempted to gratify a very natural curiosity by looking into the ark, Jehovah became so much enraged that he killed fifty thousand of the people of Bethshemesh. Here is another of the many cases in which thousands of innocent people were punished for the sin of one man or a few persons. How can any good grow out of the relation of such unjust, unprincipled, and superstitious doings recorded in a book designed for the moral instruction and salvation of the world? We are told that at every place to which this box was carried, while in the hands of the Philistines, it caused death and destruction, or some other serious calamity. At Ashdod it produced disease and destruction among the people to an alarming extent; and similar results followed while the ark was at Ekron. Assuming that there is any truth in the story, the thought is here suggested that the box might have been affected with some malarious disease. While at Jagon it caused the God of that place to fall down in the night from his resting-place; on the second night he lost both his hands. Who that is acquainted with Jewish history can not sec that this circumstance is related to show that the God of the Jews was superior to other Gods, as he excelled them in working miracles, in Egypt and other places? That it was a borrowed tradition is quite evident from the fact that the Hindoos and Egyptians had practiced similar rites and customs anterior to that period. The Hindoo ark was carried on a pole by four priests; and, wherever it touched ground, it wrought miracles in the shape of deaths and births, or the outgushing of springs of water. The Egyptian ark was constructed of gold, which probably made the box more valuable than the God within. All such wooden or metal Gods were supposed to operate as talisman, or protection against evil. When will the believers in divine revelation and divine prodigies learn that all such superstitious customs and inventions were the work of men, and not of God? IV. KORAH, DATHAN, AND ABIRAM, ABSURDITIES.—NUM. CHAP. XVI.These three leading men of Israel, growing tired of the tyrannical usurpations of Moses, concocted a mutiny, in which they succeeded in enlisting some two hundred and fifty persons. When Moses learned what was on foot, this "meek man" became very angry, and reported the case to Jehovah, and requested him not to accept their offering when they came to make their usual oblations. The Lord took Moses' advice, and not only refused their offering, but split the ground open where they stood, so that they fell in, and were seen no more. And, when their two hundred and fifty followers saw this, they fled, fearing they might share the same fate. But that expedient did not save them: "a fire came out from the Lord," and consumed the whole number. It must have been a fearful fire to consume so many while they were running. The fire came from the Lord; but where the Lord was at the time we are not informed,—whether sitting on his throne in heaven, or standing beside the altar, as he frequently did. Hence we can not tell whether the fire came from heaven, as it did on some other occasions, or from below. It must have been a very aggravated case of rebellion; for God and Moses both got angry at once, which was something rather unusual. It was customary, when Jehovah got angry and made severe threats of what he would do, for Moses to interfere, and intercede for his people, and try to cool him down; and, by the power of his logic and eloquence, he mostly succeeded in convincing him that he was wrong, and got him to desist from carrying his threats into execution. But, on this occasion, Moses, being angry himself, let him take his own course. But the most unjust and unmerciful act in the whole transaction was that of Jehovah sending a plague, and destroying fourteen thousand more, merely because they mourned for their destroyed friends, and ventured to complain of the course he and Moses were pursuing. It was certainly cruel to destroy them for so slight an offense. It appears that, by Aaron's standing "between the dead and the living, the plague was stayed." But for this timely interference of Jehovah's high priest, there is no knowing when or where the plague would have stopped. Now, is it not something near akin to blasphemy to charge such nonsense—ay, worse than nonsense, cruelty, injustice, and malignity—to the just God of the universe? V. THE STORY OF DANIEL AND NEBUCHADNEZZAR.We shall not attempt to present an exposition of all the absurdities which abound in the Book of Daniel, but will merely notice a few of its most incredible statements. The most amusing chapter in the history of Daniel is his interpretation of the dreams of King Nebuchednezzar. It appears that on one occasion the king had forgotten his dream, which made it ostensibly necessary for Daniel, before interpreting it, to reproduce it. But who can not see it was not necessary for him to do either to save his reputation and his life, both of which it appears were at stake? If he were possessed of an active, fertile imagination, he could invent both, and palm them off on to the king as the original, who would be perfectly unable to detect the trick, as he knew nothing about either. It is stated that one of the dreams consigned the king to the fate of eating grass like an ox for three years. In all such incredible stories which abound in the Christians' Bible, we find glaring absurdities, which a little reflection would reveal to the reader if he would allow himself to think. There is a palpable absurdity in this story which shows that, the conversion of the king into an ox us a punishment could not have achieved that end. If he were converted into an ox, his reason was gone, and he was unconscious of his condition; and hence it was no punishment at all. Or, if he still retained his reason, he had nothing to do but to walk away, and find food more congenial to his appetite than grass. And thus the story defeats itself. It is stated his hair became like eagles' feathers, and his nails like the claws of a bird (Dan. iv. 33),—a very singular-looking ox surely. It would have been more appropriate to call such a being an eagle or a dragon. Such is the careless and disjointed manner in which all Bible stories are told, as if related by mere ignorant children. The most conclusive "knock-down argument" to the truth of this story is found in the fact that no allusion to this astounding miracle can be found by any of the historians of that or any other nation. Had the king been transformed into an ox, the history of his own nation (the Persians) would abound in allusions to the marvelous fact. Its silence on it settles the question. We will occupy sufficient space to allude to one incident in the story of "the three holy children," which we find related in the Book of Daniel. It is stated that a being who looked "like the Son of God" was seen by the king walking in the furnace. To be sure! We are quite curious to know how he found out how the Son of God looks. How long had he lived in heaven with him so as to become familiar with his countenance? What silly nonsense! VI. SODOM AND GOMORRAH.Story of Sodom and Gomorrah. We are seemingly required by this story to believe that God keeps a manufactory of brimstone in heaven; for we are told that "the Lord rained upon Sodom and Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven" (Gen. xix.). If we credit this story, we may infer that the Lord keeps a supply of the article on hand, perhaps to be let down occasionally to replenish the bottomless pit. The science of chemistry has demonstrated within the present century that the air is composed of nitrogen and oxygen; and it has also demonstrated that oxygen gas and sulphur or brimstone, when brought into contact, are, with a moderate amount of heat, dissolved, united, and converted into oil of vitriol. Hence, if fire and brimstone rained from heaven in that climate, it is scientifically and chemically certain that the people were pelted with a shower of the oil of vitriol. One square mile of the earth's surface in that locality would be supplied with about thirteen thousand million pounds of oxygen. The requisite amount of brimstone to convert this into oil of vitriol would be about ten thousand million pounds, making in the whole twenty-three thousand millions of pounds. This would have been sufficient to spoil all the Sunday garments of the people, but could not have burned them up; for cold oil will not burn, and the fire and brimstone would have been converted into oil long before they reached the earth, and become too cool for the heat to injure any thing. We are told that several cities were destroyed by this divine judgment. And pray how many cities could exist in a hot and arid desert, where there was not a drop of water that a human being could drink? VII. TOWER OF BABEL.Of all the stories ever recorded in any book, disclosing on the part of the writer a profound ignorance of the sciences,—embracing, at least, astronomy, geography, and philosophy.—that of the Tower of Babel was probably never excelled. A brief enumeration of some of its absurdities will disclose this fact. 1. We are told (in chap. xi. of Genesis), that, after God had discovered by some means that "the children of men" were building a city and a tower to reach to heaven, he "came down to see the city and the tower" (Gen. xi. 6). The statement that he "came down" implies that he was a local being, and not the omnipotent and omnipresent God. 2. If he were not already present, and had to travel and descend in order to be present, we should like to know what mode of travel he adopted. It appears from the story that, if he came down, he must have returned almost immediately, and descended a second time; for, after this, he is represented as saying, "Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language" (Gen. xi. 7). 3. Who was this "us?" The use of this plural pronoun "us" implies that there were several Gods on hand. 4. And, if he came down, who did he leave in his place? Must we assume there is a trinity of Gods? But it would be superlative nonsense to assume that the three Gods could be one (as Christians claim) if one of them could leave the kingdom. 5. How did the writer know that he or they talked in this manner, as he could not have been present in person to hear it? 6. In this same chapter the "inspired writer" tells us, "The whole earth was of one language and one speech" (Gen. xi. 1). In the preceding chapter there is a long list of different tongues, or languages, and nations; and it is declared they were "divided in their lands, everyone after his tongue, families, and nations." How contradictory! 7. What a childish and ludicrous notion the writer entertained with respect to heaven when he cherished the belief that a tower could be erected to reach it! 8. According to St. Jerome the Tower of Babel was twenty thousand feet high. A Jewish writer says it was eighty thousand. In the first case it would be nearly four miles in height; in the other, over fifteen miles,—nearly three times the height of the highest mountain on the globe! No method has ever yet been discovered for elevating building materials to such a height. 9. Taking St. Jerome as authority, the hod-carriers, in ascending and descending, would have to perform a journey of more than seven miles each trip. 10. As the air becomes rarefied in proportion to its distance from the earth, the lungs of the workmen would have collapsed, and their blood have congealed, before they climbed half-way to the top. They could not have breathed at such a height. 11. As the earth is constantly revolving on its axis, the crazy tower-builders would only be in the direction of the point at which they aimed once in twenty-four hours, and then moving with a speed one hundred and forty times greater than that of a cannon-ball. It would require dexterous springing to leap into the door of heaven as they passed it. 12. And as the earth, in its orbit, moves at the rate of sixty-eight thousand miles an hour, it would soon carry them millions of miles beyond any point they might be aiming to reach. 13. After all, we can not see any possible objection Jehovah or any other God could have had to such an enterprise. 14. If the Babelites had succeeded in climbing into heaven, what of it? Was Omnipotence afraid they would dispossess him of his throne, and seize the reins of government? If not, what could have been the objection? 15. And then it would not have taken the "heavenly host" fifteen minutes to tumble them out, as they did Michael and the dragon. 16. The truth is, the imaginary God of the Jews was a. suspicious, cowardly, and jealous being. He was constantly getting into hot water. He appeared to live in perpetual fear day and night that some other God, or some of his own creatures, would encroach upon his rights. In this case he seemed to be alarmed for fear those ignorant, deluded tower-builders and wild fanatics would succeed in reaching the heavenly home, perhaps bind him, and cast him out of his own kingdom. What superlative nonsense is the whole story! And yet millions believe it to be divinely inspired, and many thousands of dollars have been spent in printing it, and circulating it over the world. VIII. STOPPING THE SUN AND MOON,—ABSURDITIES OF THE STORY.Of all the stories that ever taxed the brain or credulity of a man of science, that of Joshua stopping the sun and moon stands pre-eminent. Think of bringing to a stand-still that magnificent and immense luminary which constitutes the center of a solar system of one hundred and thirty worlds, all of which move in harmony with it. Such a catastrophe would have broken one hundred and thirty planets loose from their orbits, and dashed them together in utter confusion, and would thus have broken up our solar system. The shock produced upon this earth would have thrown every thing on its surface off into boundless space. For a pun, man, on a little planet like this, to command the mighty sun, which is fourteen hundred thousand times as large as the earth, to stop in its grand career, would be comparable to an ant saying to a mountain, "Get out of my way." And, when we look at the cruel and wicked purpose for which this stupendous miracle is said to have been wrought, we are shocked at the demoralizing effect such lessons must have upon the millions who look upon it as the work of a just and righteous God. It savors too much of blasphemy to assume that a God of infinite justice would perform an act attended with such direful consequences, merely to allow the little, bloody-minded Joshua more time to blow out the brains and tear out the hearts of his enemies, guilty of no crime but that of believing in a different religious creed. Farewell to reason, justice, and morality, if we must subscribe to such moral lessons as this! And why did he have the moon stopped at midday, when it could not be seen, and was, perhaps, on the opposite side of the globe? Egypt, India, Greece, and Mexico all have traditions of the sun stopping, but, in most cases, have too much sense to stop the moon. Fohi of China had the sun stopped eight hundred and fifty years before Joshua, the son of Nun, ever saw the sun. Bacchus and other God-men of Egypt had it stopped four times. While in Greece Phaethon was set after it to hurry it up, and increase its speed. A "poor rule that will not work both ways!" The Chinese annals state that the sun stopped ten days during the reign of the Emperor Yom. Argoon of India stopped it several days for his own accommodation. But, unfortunately for the cause of religion, or rather religious superstition, no man of science, in any of these countries, has as much as noticed these world-astounding phenomena; and no writer, but one religious fanatic in each case, has spoken of them,—a circumstance of itself sufficient to render them utterly incredible. IX. THE STORY OF SAMSON,—ITS ABSURDITIES.Were the story of Samson found in any other book than the Christian Bible, it would be looked upon by Bible believers as one of those wild and incredible legends of heathen mythology with which all the holy books of that age abound. But it is accepted as true because found in the Bible; and the Bible is considered to be true, partly because it tells such marvelous stories. It is assumed that they prove each other. Perhaps it is upon the presumption that "it is a poor rule that will not work both ways." 1. We are told (Judg. chap. xiii.) that an angel appeared to the wife of Manoah, and promised her a son; and Manoah seemed to be as well pleased about the matter as his wife, and seemed to care but little whether the father was a man or an angel or a God, and we are left in the dark as to which it was. 2. It is rather a notable circumstance that the Jewish God and his angels seemed to have a great deal to do in trying to accommodate and aid old women in becoming mothers, as in the case of Abraham's wife and Manoah's wife, also Elizabeth and Mary in the New Testament, and other cases. 3. The man or angel or God, whichever it was (for he is called by each name), that appeared to Mrs. Manoah, advised her to abstain from strong drink, and to eat no unclean thing. Very good advice to be observed at any time; but it seems to imply that she was in the habit of using such pernicious articles. 4. And, when her child was born, he was called Samson, and was remarkable for his great strength, which is said to lie in his hair. The mighty denizens of the forest interposed no obstacle to his march; and houses were but playthings, to be tossed in the air like balls. He is reported to have seized a lion and slain him when yet a boy, without a weapon of any kind. It would have been well if this mighty hero had been present when Jehovah had a battle with the Canaanites (Judg. i. 19), as he would not probably have been defeated so easily because they had chariots of iron. Those vehicles of iron would have been mere straws for Samson. If their respective histories be true, he excelled Jehovah, both with regard to strength and courage, in a severe contest. 5. It is stated that, a short time after this young bachelor-hero had slain the king of the forest, as he was returning home from a visit to his lady-love, he observed that a swarm of bees had taken possession of the carcass, and filled it with honey. Those bees must have been very much less fastidious in their tastes and habits than the bees of modern times; for the latter shun a carcass as instinctively as death. 6. Another remarkable circumstance connected with this case is, that the long-haired bachelor thrust his hands through the bees, and tore out the honey, regardless of their stinging mode of defending their rights. His skin must have been as remarkable for toughness as his muscles for strength. 7. One of the most cruel, ungodly, and fiendish acts of this young hero was that of murdering thirty men to get their garments, as a recompense to those thirty persons who solved his riddle; thus massacring thirty innocent persons in order to strip them of their garments,—an unprovoked and wanton murder. And yet it is declared, "the spirit of God was with him." What shocking ideas of Deity! 8. Samson was evidently a "free-lover," as he had intercourse with a number of women of doubtful character. 9. His next great feat consisted in chasing and catching three hundred foxes, and tying their tails together, and making a firebrand of them. It must have been a good time to raise poultry after so many foxes had disappeared, but certainly not before that event, if foxes were so numerous. 10. It seems strange that these "tail-bearers" of fire did not take to the woods, instead of running through all the fields in the country, and setting them on fire. 11. The next feat was the breaking of two strong cords, with which his arms had been bound by three thousand men. (See Judg. xv. 4). It is difficult to conceive how three thousand men could get to him to tie them, as it is intimated they did. His mode of being revenged after he had snapped the cords was to seize the jaw-bone of an ass, and slay a thousand men; and, after he had killed these thousand men with the bone, there was enough of it left to contain a considerable amount of water. It is related that the Lord clave a hollow in it, and there came out of it water to quench Samson's thirst. 12. Asses seem to figure quite conspicuously in Bible history. Sometimes they talk and reason like a Cicero, as in the case of Balaam; and they serve other important ends in the histories of Abram and Job (who had a thousand) and Samson, and also that of Jesus Christ, who is represented as riding two at once. In the hands of Samson the jaw-bone of an ass was more destructive than a twenty-four pound cannon, besides furnishing him with water sufficient to supply his thirst. 13. Another feat of this young Hercules was that of carrying away the gate and gate-posts of the city of Gaza, in which the keepers had shut him up while lodging with a harlot. Most of his female companions seem to have been licentious characters; and yet "the Lord favored him"! 14. It is said "the spirit of the Lord moved Samson" (Judg. xiii. 25). It would seem that the spirit of the Devil did also; for he had a terrible propensity for lying. He lied even to his own wife three or four times. He once deceived her by telling her that his strength could be overcome by tying him with green withes; and yet he snapped them like cobwebs. He then virtually confessed to her that he had lied, but told her that new ropes would accomplish the thing; and yet he was no sooner bound with them, than he freed his limbs as easily as a lion would crawl out of a fish-net. The next experiment in lying and tying appertained to his hair. He told his sweet Delilah, that, if she would weave his seven locks of hair into the web in the loom, he would be as weak as another man; but he walked off with the web and the whole accouterments hanging to his head, as easily as a wolf would with a steel trap dangling to his foot. Why did not the hair pull out by the roots? he then told her the truth, as was assumed, but which was evidently the biggest falsehood he had uttered,—that his strength lay in his hair, and that his strength would depart if his hair were to be shorn off. But if there were any physical strength incorporated in the hair, so that it would flow into the brain and down into the muscles when wanted to be used, men would not frequent barber-shops, as they now do, but let it grow ten feet long if necessary. 15. The last great act in this drama of physical prowess was that of overthrowing a house with three thousand people on the roof. (Modern architecture don't often produce a roof large enough or strong enough to sustain three thousand people. This feat would require more strength than to conquer the battalion armed with chariots of iron!) 16. And in all this unholy and wicked business of lying, cheating, and murdering, "the Lord was with him." This is a slanderous imputation upon Divine Perfection and Holiness. 17. No good that we can discover, but much evil, was accomplished by the practical life of this extraordinary man. He was ostensibly raised up to redeem Israel; and yet, immediately after his death, the Philistines gained a complete victory over the Israelites, and took prisoner the ark of the Lord, and reduced them to a worse condition than they were in before. 18. We can not escape the conviction that such stories have a demoralizing effect upon those who read them, and believe they have the divine approval. 19. For seeming to treat the subject in a spirit of ridicule, I will cite a Christian writer as authority, who says, "He who treats absurdities with seriousness lowers his own dignity and manhood." 20. Such stories as the foregoing can certainly do nothing toward improving the morals of the heathen by placing the book containing it in their hands. X. STORY OF JONAH,—ITS ABSURDITIES.The history of Jonah is so much like numerous stories we find in heathen mythology that we are disposed to class it with them. Its absurdities are numerous, a few of which we will point out:— 1. It represents Jonah as claiming to be a Hebrew; but as it says nothing about the Jews or Hebrews, and treats entirely of the heathen or Gentiles, that is probably its source, and it was perhaps intended as a fable. 2. The ship he boarded, when making his escape, was a heathen vessel, which implies that he had some affinity for that class of people. 3. It seems very singular, that if Jonah did not believe Jehovah to be a mere local personal deity, rather than the Infinite and Omnipresent God, he should entertain the thought of running away from him or escaping from his presence by flight. 4. The heathen who had charge of the vessel were evidently possessed of more humanity and more mercy than either Jehovah or the leading men of Israel, who seem to have made it a point to kill nearly all the heathen they could lay their hands on; as did Abram, Moses, Joshua, &c. For it is stated, that after they had cast lots to find who was the cause of the storm which overtook the ship, and in this way discovered it was Jonah, they strove with all their might to get the vessel to the shore, rather than resort to the desperate expedient of throwing Jonah overboard. This bespeaks for these heathen a feeling of mercy and humanity. 5. We learn by the language these heathen used in their prayer to stop the storm, "We beseech thee, O Lord," &c., that they believed in one supreme God. Where, then, is the truth of the claim of the Jews that they alone believed in one God, or the unity of the Godhead? In this way their own Bible often proves this claim was false; that the nations they had intercourse with believed in one supreme and overruling God. 6. It is stated, that after Jonah was thrown overboard, and was swallowed by a fish, he prayed to the Lord. How was this discovered? Did he pray loud enough to be heard through the sides of the whale? or did the fish open its mouth for his accommodation? 7. As for the prayer, it appears to have been made up of scraps selected from the Psalms of David without much connection, or relevancy to the case. 8. It is stated that the Lord spake to the fish, and it vomited Jonah upon the dry land. It must have been a very singular fish to understand Hebrew or any human language. 9. In another respect the whale must have been a peculiar one, or of peculiar construction. The throat of an ordinary whale is about the diameter of a man's arm. It must therefore have been very much stretched to swallow Jonah, or Jonah must have been very much compressed and elongated. 10. The gourd that sheltered Jonah must also have been of a peculiar species to have a vine that could grow several yards in one night, and stand erect so as to hold the gourd in a position to shelter the prophet; and the gourd would have to be as large as a cart or locomotive, or it would soon cease to afford him shade. 11. Jonah seems to have been a very proud and selfish man, with but little of the feeling of mercy, as he preferred that the whole nation of Ninevites should be destroyed rather than that his prediction should not be fulfilled, for he became very angry when he found the Lord was going to spare them. 12. The reason the Lord assigns for sparing Nineveh is a very sensible one,—because "there are more than threescore thousand persons that can not discern between their right and their left hand." This is certainly very good reasoning; but why did he not think of this when millions of innocent persons perished in the act of drowning the whole human race, excepting four men and four women, or when Sodom and Gomorrah were swallowed up, or when seventy thousand were killed for a sin committed by David, or in the numerous cases in which a war of extermination was carried on against whole nations, with the order to slay men, women, and children, and "leave nothing alive that breathes"? Why such partiality? But this is one of the two thousand Bible inconsistencies. 13. This is a very poor story, with a very bad moral. It indicates fickleness, short-sightedness, and partiality on the part of Jehovah; and selfishness and bad temper on the part of his prophet. 14. There are other absurdities in this story which we will bring to view by a few brief questions. 15. Why did Jehovah care any thing about the salvation or welfare of Nineveh, a heathen city, when usually, instead of laboring to save the heathen, he was plotting their destruction? 16. What put the thought into the heads of the mariners, that the storm was caused by the misconduct of some person on board? Can we suppose they ever knew of such a case? If the misconduct of human beings could produce storms or a disturbance of the elements, the world would be cursed by a perpetual hurricane. 17. We are told the sailors cast lots to ascertain who was the cause of the storm. Rather a strange way of investigating the cause of natural events. 18. Is it not strange that Jehovah would bring on a violent storm on Jonah's account, and continue it for hours, and let him sleep during the time; and still stranger that Jonah was so indifferent that he could sleep in such a storm? 19. Jonah must have been the most considerate and merciful sinner ever reported in history to propose himself that he should be thrown overboard as a means of allaying the storm, and saving a set of gambling heathen. What a wonderful freak of mercy and justice! But it seems to have been all exhausted on the mariners, so that he had none left for the poor Ninevites; for he became very angry when he found Jehovah was not going to destroy them, the innocent and guilty and all together. This was inconsistent, to say the least. 20. What must have been the astonishment of the crew of the hundreds of ships sailing on the same sea to observe a sudden storm to arise and stop without any natural cause! And when they afterwards learned that the whole thing was brought about by the misconduct of one man in one of the vessels, perhaps hundreds of miles distant, they must have abandoned all idea of ever looking again for natural causes for storms after that occurrence. How repressing such events would be to the growth and cultivation of the intellect, and the study of the natural sciences! 21. How could Jonah remain three days in the whale's stomach without being digested, as fish have astonishing digestive powers? And, if he were not digested, both he and the fish must have been extremely hungry at the end of the three days' fast. 22. As a fish large enough to swallow Jonah could not swim through the shoal-water to reach the land, it becomes an interesting query to know how it got Jonah on to "the dry land." It must have required the use of a powerful emetic to inspire the fish with force sufficient to throw him fifty or a hundred feet. 23. Is it not strange that Jonah's message to the Ninevites should have had such a marvelous effect upon the whole city, when it was evidently delivered in a language that none of them understood? 24. We are told the king issued orders for everybody, including men, women and children, and beasts, to stop eating and drinking, and to be covered with sackcloth. What sin can we suppose the beasts had committed that they must be doomed to starve, and be covered with sackcloth as an emblem of repentance? It must have required an enormous amount of sackcloth to cover two millions of people, and probably as many domestic animals. Where it all came from, the Lord Jehovah only knows. And it seems singular that all of the animals should stand quietly while such an uncouth covering was thrown upon them. 25. It is also difficult to comprehend why a nation of people, who probably never heard of Jehovah before, should all repent in sackcloth and ashes. It is the most effective missionary work we have ever read of. In modern times it requires two hundred missionaries a whole century to make half that many converts. 26. But the most conclusive argument against the truth of the story is found in the fact that it is falsified by the testimony of history. According to her history by Diodorus, Nineveh was destroyed by Arbaces sixteen years before Jonah's time. 27. I have noticed this senseless story at some length, because Christian writers have invested it with great importance, and because it is indorsed by nearly all the New-Testament writers. Even Christ himself indorses it, and compares Jonah's case to his. Their extreme ignorance is evinced by the foregoing exposition. 28. Several similar stories are found in heathen mythology, a few of which we will briefly sketch here. The Hindoo sacred book, the Purans, states that Chrishna was swallowed by a crocodile, and, after remaining three days in its stomach, was thrown upon dry land, much to his relief and also to that of the crocodile. A Grecian demi-God (Hercules), according to Gales, was swallowed by a dog, and remained in his stomach three days. But the story entitled to the premium is one preserved in the legends of some of the Eastern islanders. A man, for some misdemeanor on a voyage across the Indus, was thrown over-board, and swallowed by a shark; but, as the fish still followed the vessel, it was finally caught, and search made for the man, when, to the surprise of the whole crew, he was found sitting bolt upright, playing the tune of "Old Hundred" on a fiddle he had in his possession when he went down the throat of the sea-monster. This was rather a pleasant way of putting in the time. Jonah, it appears, was not so fortunate as to have a fiddle in his possession while in the stomach of the whale. The foregoing ten stories, from that of the serpent to Jonah, have been for hundreds of years printed by the thousand, struck off in almost every known human language, and sent off by ship-loads to almost every nation on the globe, to be placed in the hands of the heathen as being productions of Infinite Wisdom, the inspirations of an All-wise God, and calculated to enlighten them and improve their morals. What sublime nonsense! what egregious folly! And what a deplorable and sorrowful mistake has been thus committed by the blinded disciples of the Christian faith!
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