  THE later drafts of some lines I wrote recently called CYNICS AND ROMANTICS, and contrasting the sophisticated and ingenuous ideas of Love, give a fairly good idea of the conscious process of getting a poem in order. I make no claim for achievement, the process is all that is intended to appear, and three or four lines are enough for illustration: 1st Draft. In club or messroom let them sit, Let them indulge salacious wit On love’s romance, but not with hearts Accustomed to those healthier parts Of grim self-mockery.... 2nd Draft. (Consideration:—It is too soon in the poem for the angry jerkiness of “Let them indulge.” Also “Indulge salacious” is hard to say; at present, this is a case for being as smooth as possible.) 3rd Draft. (Consideration:—No, we have the first two lines beginning with “In.” It worries the eye. And “sit, indulging” puts two short “i’s” close together. “Contraversial” is not the word. It sounds as if they were angry, but they are too blasÉ for that. And “love’s romance” is cheap for the poet’s own ideal.) In club or messroom let them sit At skirmish of salacious wit Laughing at love, yet not with hearts Accustomed.... 4th Draft. (Consideration:—Bother the thing! “Skirmish” is good because it suggests their profession, but now we have three S’s,—“sit,” “skirmish,” “salacious.” It makes them sound too much in earnest. The “salacious” idea can come in later in the poem. And at present we have two “at’s” bumping into each other; one of them must go. “Yet” sounds better than “but” somehow.) In club or messroom let them sit With skirmish of destructive wit Laughing at love, yet not with hearts Accustomed.... 5th Draft. (Consideration:—And now we have two “with’s” which don’t quite correspond. And we have the two short “i’s” next to each other again. Well, put the first “at” back and change “laughing at” to “deriding.” The long “i” is a pleasant variant; “laughing” and “hearts” have vowel-sounds too much alike.) In club or messroom let them sit At skirmish of destructive wit Deriding love, yet not with hearts Accustomed.... 6th Draft. (Consideration:—Yes, that’s a bit better. But now we have “destructive” and “deriding” too close together. “Ingenious” is more the word I want. It has a long vowel, and suggests In club or messroom let them sit At skirmish of ingenious wit Deriding love, yet not with hearts Accorded etc. (Consideration:—It may be rotten, but I’ve done my best.) The discussion of more radical constructive faults is to be found in PUTTY and THE ART OF EXPRESSION. |
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