XIII THE CONVERSATIONAL REFORMER When Theo: Roos: unfurled his bann: As Pres: of an immense Repub: And sought to manufact: a plan For saving people troub:. His mode of spelling (termed phonet:) Affec: my brain like an emet:. And I evolved a scheme ( pro tem ) To simplify my mother-tongue, That so in fame I might resem: Upt: Sinc:, who wrote "The Jung:," And rouse an interest enorm: In conversational reform. I grudge the time my fellows waste Completing words that are so comm: Wherever peop: of cult: and taste Habitually predom:. 'T would surely tend to simpli: life Could they but be curtailed a trif:. For is not "Brev: the Soul of Wit"? (Inscribe this mott: upon your badge). The sense will never suff: a bit, If left to the imag:, Since any pers: can see what's meant By words so simp: as "husb:" or "gent:." When at some meal (at dinn: for inst:) You hand your unc: an empty plate, Or ask your aunt (that charming spinst:) To pass you the potat:, They have too much sagac:, I trust, To give you sug: or pep: or must:. If you require a slice of mutt:, You'll find the salfsame princ: hold good, Nor get, instead of bread and butt:, Some tapioca pudd:, Nor vainly bid some boon-compan: Replen: with Burg: his vacant can. At golf, if your oppon: should ask Why in a haz: your nib: is sunk. And you explain your fav'rite Hask: Lies buried in a bunk:, He cannot very well misund: That you (poor fooz:) have made a blund:. If this is prob:--nay, even cert:-- My scheme at once becomes attrac: And I (pray pard: a litt: impert:) A public benefac: Who saves his fellow-man and neighb: A large amount of needless lab:. Gent: Reader, if to me you'll list: And not be irritab: or peev:, You'll find it of tremend: assist: This habit of abbrev:, Which grows like some infec. disease, Like chron: paral: or German meas:. And ev'ry living human bipe: Will feel his heart grow grate: and warm As he becomes the loy: discip: Of my partic: reform, (Which don't confuse with that, I beg, Of Brander Math: or And: Carneg:). "'Tis not in mort: to comm: success," As Add. remarked; but if my meth: Does something to dimin: or less: The waste of public breath, My country, overcome with grat: Should in my hon: erect a stat:. My bust by Rod: (what matt: the cost?) Shall be exhib:, devoid of charge, With (in the Public Lib: at Bost:) My full-length port: by Sarge:, That thous: from Pitts: or Wash: may swarm To worsh: the Found: of this Reform. ....*....*....*....* Meanwhile I seek with some avid: The fav: of your polite consid:.