TAFT, William Howard, a former fat, and last Republican, president of the United States who worshipped the trusts, the Constitution, the Supreme Court, and Theodore Roosevelt. The love he bore the latter resulted in his election. The two brothers quarreled because Bill would not step aside and let Teddy run things all over again. The two brothers fought and another ran away with the election. Principal events during T.'s administration: Roosevelt's trip, The Outlook, Oyster Bay, Standard Oil, That election. Ambition: 1916. Recreation: Golf, messages to Congress. Address: Cincinnati, O. Epitaph: How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth It Is To Have A Thankless Predecessor.

TANGLEFOOT, he was the man who first stuck flies on flypaper.

TANGUWAY, Eva, an actress who did not care even if those on the front row did.

TENNYSON, Lord, an English poet who turned a perpetual light on a charging brigade.

TERRY, Ellen, a dear old lady whom the world wishes the footlights might always shine upon and upon whom the curtain would never descend.

THAW, Harry K., famous lawyer endower. Entered life as the rich son of a wealthy father. Became interested in the stage at an early age, but only got as far as the chorus. Later performed on a New York roof garden. Alienists say he was the sanest crazy man and the craziest sane man who ever lived. Also obtained some publicity by expensive exploring in Canada and New Hampshire. Ambition: Wreaths for Jerome. Recreation: Straightening jackets. Address: See this morning's paper.

THEMISTOCLES, a Greek warrior who fought, but did not run a marathon.

THIRD, Richard the, a king of England who showed how much he thought of the country by offering to exchange it for any kind of a horse.

THUMB, Thomas, a white pygmy who enriched himself through his misfortunes and the curiosity of the world.

TIBERIUS, just a Roman emperor who fitted the job.

TIFFANY,(12) of New York City, London, and Paris. Introduced high prices into the jewelry business. Greatly admired by fiance's and millionaires. Has gained considerable fame, as his products will pawn on a good margin. Ambition: A man in love.

(12) Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement, as the editor is not an actress.

TIME, Father, a very old man who has been introduced to everybody. Very unpopular with the ladies. A great wound and sorrow healer, but unkind to the old. He went about the world changing babies into men and women, and placing gray hair and wrinkles where they were never wanted. Author: Of tears. Recreation: Reaping. Address: Your home. Epitaph: Ad Finem.

TINTORETTO, a Venetian painting manufacturer. Together with P. P. Rubens he held the record for covering canvas and wearing out brushes. Recreation: He never had any.

TITIAN, another painter of Venice. His works have always been popular with the men. They are exhibited in all European galleries, and cause consternation among clergymen and school teachers. T. certainly could paint. Ambition: Models. Recreation: Models.

TOLSTOY, a voice out of the dark.

TOM. (See Richard and Harry.)

TOM, Uncle, an old negro actor who appeared in every city, town, village, and hamlet in the United States north of the Confederate States. His history was written by Mrs. H. B. Stowe, and was the match which kindled the Civil War. The Northerners have since learned that all negroes are not Uncle Toms, and are wondering whether any mistakes were made back in 1861.

TOURISTS, T. H. E., a man and woman who carried a camera, bought post-cards, read Baedekers, visited Cook's office, rode in carriages, and then told their friends all about the trip. Ambition: Just one look at everything. Address: Principally Europe. Epitaph: They Came, They Saw, They Vanished.

TROY, Helen of, a peach of a girl who eloped with a man and caused the longest siege in history to make her elope back again.

TURNER, J. M. W., an English painter whose paint exploded on canvas.

TWAIN, Mark, an American who wore long white hair, made after-dinner speeches, received university degrees, and made people laugh.

TWINS, Siamese, two men who were closer than brothers.

TWIST, Oliver, one of those unfortunates whose history had to be divulged for the financial gain of a great writer and many theatrical mangers.