Essence of boredom! stupefying Theme!
Whereon with eloquence less deep than full,
Still maundering on in slow continuous stream,
All can expatiate, and all be dull:
Bane of the mind and topic of debate
That drugs the reader to a restless doze,
Thou that with soul-annihilating weight
Crushest the Bard, and hypnotisest those
Who plod the placid path of plain pedestrian Prose:

Lo! when each morn I carefully peruse
(Seeking some subject for my painful pen)
The Times, the Standard, and the Daily News,
No other topic floats into my ken
Save this alone: or Dr. Clifford slates
Dogmas in general: or the dreadful ban
Of furious Bishops excommunicates
Such simple creeds as Birrell, hopeful man!
Thinks may perhaps appease th’ unwilling Anglican.

Lo! at Society’s convivial board
(Whereat I do occasionally sit,
In hope to bear within my memory stored
Some echo thence of someone else’s wit),
Or e’er the soup hath yielded to the fish,
A heavy dulness doth the banquet freeze:
Lucullus’ self would shun th’ untasted dish
When lovely woman whispers, “Tell me, please,
What are Denominational Facilities?”

From scenes like these my Muse would fain withdraw:
To Taff’s still Valley be my footsteps led,
Where happy Unions ’neath the shield of Law
Heave bricks bisected at the Blackleg’s head:
In those calm shades my desultory oat
Of Taxed Land Values shall contented trill,
Of Man ennobled by a Single Vote,—
In short, I’ll sing of anything you will,
Except of thee alone, O Education Bill!