  AMERICANSDrawn by THIS is the fifth book in the regular series of Mr. Gibsons published drawings, consisting of
Each book contains eighty-four of Mr. Gibson’s best cartoons, and all are uniform in size, shape and binding. Thanks are due Messrs. Mitchell & Miller and Charles Scribners Sons, for their co-operation in making this volume as representative and complete as possible. Copyright by MITCHELL & MILLER. THE book is published in Great Britain by especial arrangement with Mr. James Henderson, the proprietor of the English copyright of some of the drawings. Printed in the United States of America. Entered at Stationers Hall. PRESS OF THE J. W. PRATT CO., NEW YORK. [Image unavailable.] OF COURSE YOU CAN TELL FORTUNES WITH CARDS. FOR INSTANCE, IF THE JACK OF CLUBS COMES BETWEEN THE FOUR AND THE TEN OF DIAMONDS, AND THE FOLLOWING CARD HAPPENS TO BE THE DEUCE OF SPADES, IT MEANS THAT THE NEXT OFFER OF MARRIAGE SHOULD BE ACCEPTED. [Image unavailable.] A SENSELESS AFTER-DINNER CUSTOM. SO THINKS THE YOUNG MAN WHO MUST LISTEN TO HER FATHER’S FRIENDS DURING THE NEXT HOUR. [Image unavailable.] Manager: UNLESS YOU BRACE UP I’LL HAVE TO BREAK OUR CONTRACT. “DON’T SAY THAT! I HAVE A CHILD AND TWO HUSBANDS TO SUPPORT.” [Image unavailable.] Enthusiastic Young Miss: TO THINK OF YOUR BEING A REAL LITERARY MAN! I DO SO LONG TO KNOW HOW YOU WRITE THINGS. CANT YOU EXPLAIN IT? Venerable Hack: IT IS THE SIMPLEST THING. YOU HAVE A MIND SUITABLY PREPARED. YOU GET AN IDEA. THE IDEA BEING INTRODUCED INTO THE MIND CAUSES FERMENTATION, DURING WHICH A SCUM RISES TO THE TOP AND IS CAREFULLY REMOVED, LEAVING A RESIDUE OF CLEAR THOUGHT. THIS YOU BOTTLE UP FOR YOUR OWN USE. THE SCUM YOU SELL TO A PUBLISHER. [Image unavailable.] TO BACHELORS WHO WISH TO AVOID COMPETITION. THERE ARE SOME ADVANTAGES IN TAKING YOUR VACATION EARLY IN THE SEASON. [Image unavailable.] He: YES, DEAREST, I HAVE LOVED BEFORE WE MET; BUT LET US NOT DIG UP THE PAST. “OH, ALL RIGHT, THEN; IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DIG UP THE PAST, WHY, LET’S NOT DIG UP THE FUTURE EITHER.” [Image unavailable.] “HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL IN THE HUMAN BREAST; MAN NEVER IS, BUT ALWAYS TO BE BLESSED.” [Image unavailable.] “MIND HIS KISSING YOU? NO, NOT IF YOU DON’T. IT SHOWS AFFECTION, AS ONE’S NEPHEWS SHOULD BE AFFECTIONATE. BUT IF I WERE DISPOSED TO BE CRITICAL, I SHOULD SAY THAT GROWN-UP NEPHEWS WHO KISS THEIR AUNTS BY MARRIAGE SHOULD KISS THEM SOMEWHAT MORE DEFERENTIALLY AND PERFUNCTORILY—MORE LIKE A TIMID FLY WHO APPROACHES A PIECE OF ROCK-CANDY, AND NOT QUITE SO MUCH LIKE A HUNGRY ORPHAN TURNED LOOSE IN A BAKE-SHOP. I’D TELL HIS MOTHER, AMELIA, IF I WERE YOU. HE NEEDS TRAINING.” [Image unavailable.] ADVICE TO CADDIES. YOU WILL SAVE TIME BY KEEPING YOUR EYE ON THE BALL, NOT ON THE PLAYER. [Image unavailable.] HIS WIFE. HIS SON-IN-LAW. HIS DAUGHTER. PEOPLE WHO WILL HAVE THEIR OWN WAY. THE MAN WHO WANTED TO GET RICH. [Image unavailable.] MATRIMONIAL MISFITS. 12:20 A. M.: THE HUSBAND WHO WANTS TO GO HOME AND THE WIFE WHO DOESN’T. [Image unavailable.] THE MAIDEN AND THE MISTLETOE. A SOLILOQUY. “NOW, IF I HANG YOU OVER THIS DARK CORNER, HE WONT SEE YOU; AND IF I HANG YOU IN THE LIGHT, HE WONT DARE.” [Image unavailable.] A LITTLE INCIDENT. SHOWING THAT EVEN INANIMATE OBJECTS CAN ENTER INTO THE SPIRIT OF THE GAME. [Image unavailable.] Young Widow: HOW LONG SHOULD I WEAR MOURNING? “I’M UNABLE TO SAY. I WASN’T ACQUAINTED WITH YOUR HUSBAND.” [Image unavailable.] ECONOMY. She musing: IT SEEMS A PITY TO SPEND TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS TO HAVE A GOWN MADE OVER, WHEN I CAN GET A NEW ONE FOR TWO HUNDRED. [Image unavailable.] “DON’T UNDERVALUE LOVE, DEAR CHILD. LOVE IN A FLAT—A good FLAT—ON TWENTY, YES, EVEN ON FIFTEEN-THOUSAND A YEAR, MAY EASILY BE PREFERABLE TO RICHES WITHOUT TRUE AFFECTION.” [Image unavailable.] IN “SOCIETY.” DO WE SEE SO MUCH OF OLD AGE AND YOUTH BECAUSE THE MIDDLE-AGED MEN HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO? [Image unavailable.] A CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE. She: IT TELLS HERE OF A MAN IN CHICAGO WHO HASN’T SPOKEN TO HIS WIFE IN FIFTEEN YEARS. “PERHAPS HE IS WAITING FOR A CHANCE.” [Image unavailable.] A CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE. She: WHY SUCH A HURRY TO MARRY, DICK? WE’VE ONLY BEEN ENGAGED THREE MONTHS. “YES; I KNOW; BUT I AM AFRAID YOU WILL GET TIRED OF ME.” [Image unavailable.] Mrs. J. Brassey Pushe: I CONFESS I’M DYING TO GET MY DAUGHTER MARRIED. The Brute: ER—WHAT OTHER INDUCEMENTS DO YOU OFFER? [Image unavailable.] “COME ALONG, MARTIN, LET’S GO TO THE HANGING.” “HANGIN’? HANGIN’? WHO’S GOIN’ TO BE HANGED?” “JIM SANDERS. COME ALONG.” “NO; THANKS. HE’S NO FRIEND O’ MINE.” [Image unavailable.] “I SEE THE GOVERNOR COMMENDS WAR AS A MEANS OF KEEPING ALIVE ‘THE GREAT FIGHTING VIRTUES,’ AND, OF COURSE, WAR is A GOOD THING WHILE IT LASTS. BUT, AFTER ALL, CHARLES, DO YOU FEEL THAT WAR IS TRULY PROFITABLE? AS FOR ME, UNATHLETIC AS I AM, AND NEAR-SIGHTED, I COULD HARDLY DO EXCELLENT WORK IN WAR. I MIGHT BRAIN A CHILD OR TWO, AND MAYBE SHOOT SOME WOMEN, BUT I OWN I DON’T FIND THE IDEA WHOLLY ENGAGING, AND IN THE SPRING MONTHS I CAN HARDEN MY HEART MORE AGREEABLY BY RIDING A BICYCLE IN THE AFTERNOON DOWN FIFTH AVENUE. IT’S A GOOD HAZARD ALL THE WAY, AND THERE’S THIS ADVANTAGE ABOUT IT, THAT YOU DON’T CATCH FEVERS, AND, IF YOU’RE NOT KILLED, YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH.” [Image unavailable.] FINANCIAL PREDICAMENT. THIS NOBLEMAN CANNOT RECALL WHICH HEIRESS ACCEPTED HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE. [Image unavailable.] THE WATCHFUL EYE OF CAUTION. “ISN’T YOUR MOTHER WORRIED BY CAPTAIN SHORTHOUSE’S ATTENTIONS TO YOU?” “OH, NO; SINCE I GAVE JACK HIS FREEDOM AFTER THE HIDE TRUST SLUMP, MAMMA SAYS I’M A REAL MOTHER MYSELF, AND NOW SHE NEVER WORRIES.” [Image unavailable.] “I THOUGHT I HEARD MR. SQUEESICKS KISSING YOU LAST NIGHT, ETHEL. I HOPE YOU DID NOT ENCOURAGE HIM.” “I DIDN’T NEED TO.” [Image unavailable.] HIS BEGINNING. “I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME.” “NEITHER HAD I, UNTIL I PROPOSED AND YOU REJECTED ME.” [Image unavailable.] Mrs. Dimpleton: I AM GOING TO SEE THE DOCTOR TO-DAY, AND I KNOW HE WILL INSIST UPON MY GOING ABROAD THIS SUMMER. Dimpleton: NO, HE WONT. I MET HIM YESTERDAY AND TOLD HIM IF HE SENT YOU ABROAD I COULDN’T PAY HIS BILL. [Image unavailable.] She: IF I LET YOU KISS ME THIS ONCE, WILL YOU PROMISE NEVER TO ASK ME AGAIN? He: CERTAINLY, DEAR, IF YOU CONSIDER IT UNNECESSARY. [Image unavailable.] A RECEIPT FOR KISSES. TO ONE PIECE OF DARK PIAZZA ADD A LITTLE MOONLIGHT—TAKE FOR GRANTED TWO PEOPLE. PRESS IN TWO STRONG ONES A SMALL, SOFT HAND. SIFT LIGHTLY TWO OUNCES OF ATTRACTION, ONE OF ROMANCE; ADD A LARGE MEASURE OF FOLLY; STIR IN A FLOATING RUFFLE AND ONE OR TWO WHISPERS. DISSOLVE HALF A DOZEN GLANCES IN A WELL OF SILENCE; DUST IN A SMALL QUANTITY OF HESITATION, ONE OUNCE OF RESISTANCE, TWO OF YIELDING; PLACE THE KISSES ON A FLUSHED CHEEK OR TWO LIPS; FLAVOR WITH A SLIGHT SCREAM, AND SET ASIDE TO COOL. THIS WILL SUCCEED IN ANY CLIMATE, IF DIRECTIONS ARE CAREFULLY FOLLOWED. [Image unavailable.] “I OFTEN WONDER WHY YOU DON’T GET MARRIED.” “BECAUSE I’M TOO FOND OF MEN’S SOCIETY.” [Image unavailable.] THE PROPER EDUCATION. Daughter (home from a seminary): WE NO SOONER LEARN A LITTLE ABOUT ONE SUBJECT. MAMMA. THAN WE STOP AND TURN TO ANOTHER. “YOU MUST REMEMBER, DEAR, THAT I AM FITTING YOU TO ENTER SOCIETY.” [Image unavailable.] Charles (loquitur): IT IS QUITE TRUE, FATHER, AS YOU SAY, THAT OUR RELIGIOUS DUTIES ARE OF SIGNAL MOMENT. BUT THEY ARE OFTEN PERPLEXING, AND SOME OF THEM OFTEN SEEM TO ME TO CONFLICT WITH OTHERS. PERHAPS YOU AND I COULD COVER THE GROUND BETTER IF WE USED SOME JUDICIOUS PLAN OF CO-OPERATION. SUPPOSE, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT YOU OBEY THE INJUNCTION “GIVE TO HIM THAT ASKETH,” AND LEAVE ME TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR EFFORTS BY TAKING NO THOUGHT FOR THE MORROW. [Image unavailable.] HE DOUBTED IT. Mrs. Henrypeck: YOU HAVE BEEN VERY AGGRAVATING AT TIMES, AND WE HAVE NOT ALWAYS GOT ALONG VERY WELL TOGETHER; BUT STILL, IF I HAD TO DO IT OVER AGAIN, I’D MARRY YOU JUST THE SAME. MR. H. (under his breath): I’M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT. |
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