  By the use of names we designate Some particular thing, person or state. The naming of animals in the first place, Was put upon Adam as father of the race. This job imposed upon him no great task, Because no one’s permission he had to ask, Whether the name suited mule or cow, Or the name horse he might to kid allow. Now the names of animals who came Before him in a long-extended train, They had to take those which for them he did book Because they did not have a list over which to look. All proper names men can find, Have been so often used by men of their kind, That when a child is about to be born, Into the world, the name it shall adorn Has to be taken from the long list Of those gone before, or who still persist. Although we have quite a long catalogue, We still have to search and our memory jog To ascertain the character of the ones Who bore the name about to be given to our sons; Because any name may have been soiled By its owner around whom might be coiled The evidence of some offense the name to suffuse Before the time we it did choose. The likes and dislikes for names we take, Come mostly from the character of the namesake. A lot of names might be brought to view: Like Jennie, Sallie, Mollie, Kate and Sue; Or Perkins, Phelps, Pickering, and Penn, And a whole book full of names for women and men. The others need not here be enrolled, In this little volume, or by me polled. The things that did once make names great Generally were acts done for the state, Mostly in war, e. g., Alexander the Great, Or Caesar, or even Napoleon the Sedate. Sometimes names receive much eclat At home, as well as near and far, Like Washington, or our Jefferson, And also Cleveland and Lincoln, By statesmanship with head and brain For the public good when peace did reign. There used to be a time, now almost past, When patriotism was then in full blast, That men would sometimes almost actually do things With no other pay than the consolation it brings, Simply to be esteemed just, good and true, With no other motive than to bless me and you. But now of late men look upon the state Simply as a fat goose for them down, As o’er them her wings may spread around, To hover and her blessings bring down. The offices men fill to uphold the law, Or collect our revenues to fat their maw Are held mostly by ones we did not choose, Who with politicians by some sharp ruse Got nominated and elected against our views; And when elected frame up bills For legislation that their own pocket fills, Regardless of the trouble and all the ills, That fall upon the public that foots the bills. New bureaus are made about everything To which a gang of leaches can cling; With their matrons, clerks and superintendents, All hangers-on and their bunch of dependents, Disgracing all over our broad land, On every hand, the very name of man: I fear that our present civilization cannot stand, To live down the iniquity by them thus began. The euphonious name of Guggenheimer, Sipniski, Schradski, or even Joe Reimer, Now is fine if their amounts in bank, Stood their drafts and never shrank Below the balance they had on hand With the banks throughout the land. A good name is appraised above riches, But to keep that good to which one hitches, When anyone can claim any name he likes And ruin it forever, when off he hikes To Canada or Old Mexico to get away From the crimes he did in his day; Making the name disgraceful he wears, And none of the same name spares From sharing the shame brought on the name, To us, innocent and free from blame, Except for the acts he did against our name. Ambition leads us to attempt undying fame, That after we are dead and in our grave Our name shall live that we did engrave Among the world’s heroes on every page Of history that dies not with old age. But everything to make us famous or great Has been by someone, somewhere in every state Of civilization accomplished and achieved, So no chance is left for us, though grieved. So let us not try to make our names great; But instead, unite to rescue our own state, From the clutches of the vultures at its heart; And if we succeed at that, when we depart, Those left behind will bear us in mind, And write our names in the highest place they find.
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