How Come?

(From Cedar Rapids Gazette)

Found—Lady’s lingerie and stockings with auto cushion in pasture on Oak Blvd., two miles south Vernon road near the Morgan farm called “Buenos Aires.”

Need a Steno?

(Tucson, Ariz., Star)

Competent stenographer without local references excepting polkadot reputation, wants job. Masons and Christians need not answer. Phone 1009-M.

No Restrictions

For Rent—8-room house. Family of 6 or 7 wild children. Mrs. Minnie Zenft.—From Oelwein (Ia.) Register.

Take Your Turn, Boys

(From Times Herald, Dallas, Tex.)

A lady presser, experienced preferred. Brannon’s Cleaning Co.

Here’s Another

(From Kansas City Star)

LAUNDRY HELP—Girl to operate bosom press. The Bachelor’s Laundry Co., 2004 Broadway.

(From San Francisco Examiner)

Man for pressing forms; no experience necessary; good pay while learning. 541 Market st.

An Old-Timer

A Cambridge under-graduate, contrary to regulations, was entertaining his sister, when they heard someone on the stairs. Hastily hiding his sister behind a curtain, he went to the door and confronted an aged man who was revisiting the scenes of his youth, and was desirous of seeing his old rooms.

Obtaining permission, he looked around, and remarked, “Ah, yes, the same old room.” Going to the window, he said, “The same old view”; and peeping behind the curtain, he exclaimed, “The same old game!”

“My sister, sir,” said the student.

“Oh, yes,” said the visitor, “the same old story!”—Tit-Bits.

But, My Dear—

Florine: I won’t marry a man who won’t look me straight in the eye while he is talking to me.

Chlorine: Then wear ’em longer, dearie.

Girls no longer love to dance. They dance to love.

The old fashioned girl used to stay home when she had nothing to wear.

The feminine half of the world may not know how the masculine half lives, but it never tires of trying to find out.

The Luck of the Irish

An Irishman at confession noticed that the priest had a watch on a fob. As it was easy he nicked it. Continuing his confession he said, “And Father, I stole a gold watch and fob from a man, but I will give it to you.” The priest was horrified by the suggestion and said, “No, you must give it to the man you took it from.” Pat replied, “But, Father, I offered it to him and he would not take it.” Then, said the priest, “You may keep it.”

Love As An Appetizer

Any emotion that gives pleasure acts healthily on the heart and other organs, certain scientists have recently discovered. Brisk circulation, gnawing appetite and health ensue. Love, hope and happiness all produce these emotions and, contrary to the accepted notion, the ardent lover ought to enjoy his meals thoroughly. Despair, grief and fear are declared to have quite the opposite effect. They make the heart slower, and enfeeble the nervous system, often upsetting digestion.

Many a girl looks sweet on the outside, but so does a sugar-coated pill.

You may have more brains than a dog, but the dog is the happiest.

Could Explain Readily

An enthusiastic temperance proponent was lecturing vigorously on his pet theme when someone in the audience asked him how he could account for the miracle of the turning of the water into wine. “That,” he piped up in all seriousness, “was the one act performed by the Founder of the Christian religion which He ever after regretted.”

“My tear! Isn’t he brilliant!” “It’s the goods, Maurice, just so brilliant like a glass diamint.”

The Other View

Mrs. Justso—“Is my gown cut too low in the back? I can just feel that those men behind us are staring at me.”

Mr. Husband—“Aw, turn around and show ’em your face and they’ll quit staring.”

No Use

The Only Rings You Gave Me

(By Jack Gould)

She Was All Ready

Jack (ready for the party)—Dorothy, the taxi will be here any minute. Slip on your evening gown quick.

Wifie—Now, don’t be funny, Jack, it’s on.

Most Assuredly

“Where shall I find ladies’ waists?”

“Between the neckwear and the hosiery, madam.”

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