Getting Rid of Grandma

(From the Mount Horeb, Wis., Times.)

Krohen Bros. have been doing a land-office business butchering hags for individual families in town.

Objection Sustained?

(From the Clarendon (Eng.) Mercury.)

WANTED—A really plain but experienced and efficient governess for three girls, eldest 10. Music, French and Latin required. Brilliancy of conversation, fascination of manner, and symmetry of form objected to, as the father is much at home, and there are grown-up sons.

Arise, Ye Dead, and Walk

(Sign in Seattle Street Car.)

The beautiful mausoleum at Washelli cemetery affords a royal resting place for those that sleep in death. For directions to get there, phone Ballard 1850.

They Feel Nice on Your Cheek

(Advertisement in Indianapolis Star.)

Oh, so warm! Ankle length satin bloomers, with the prettiest shirred cuff. It’s the quality of soft satin you like to feel against your cheek.

All Soldiers Invited

(From Keene, N. H., Democrat.)

There will be a bean supper, at the First Unitarian Church, on Saturday night, followed by a musical programme.

Models, Cars and Otherwise

(From the Des Moines Tribune.)

If party who stole Cadillac car Saturday will return pictures and films taken from car he can keep car. Pictures are priceless and impossible to replace. Mail to Des Moines Photo Materials Co.

A Noiseless Roomer

(From New Orleans Times Picayune.)

With private uptown or Carrollton, by young man. When at home I read or sleep, both quietly.

Reserve Us a Sand Hole, Please

(From Honolulu Star-Bulletin.)

WANTED—Young woman to share apartment on beach.

What Every Woman Ought to Know

(From the Davenport Democrat and Leader)

Rev. Mr. Rewlands gave his address following the supper hour, and about 75 women of the congregation were present to hear him. His subject was: “The Kind of Service Men Can Render to the Church and to the World.”

Oh, My Dear, You Should Have Seen Him!

(From the Hampton, Iowa, Chronicle)

The thieves took everything else he had in the room. Mr. Ferris borrowed a pair of pants from the housemaid while he went out to a store and secured a pair of shoes, socks, etc.

Man proposes—but not always marriage.

Scotch Thrift

Sandy, the office manager, approached Annie, the stenographer, for another loan of $10. It was a weekly occurrence and always had been granted.

“Well, Miss Laurie, here I am again to borrow the usual ten spot,” he said. “Funny isn’t it? Here I am making three times as much money as you, and yet I have to borrow from you every week. You always have money on hand, and I feel ashamed to ask you for another loan.”

“Oh, that’s all right,” replied Annie, “I haven’t as much money as you think, but I have borrowed from the boss and always manage to hoard a little bit.”

“The deuce you do!” exclaimed Sandy. “That’s what I have been doing with your ten spots.”

Perfect Cleanliness

“Martha, have you wiped the sink dry yet?” asked the farmer as he made ready for bed.

“Yes, Joshua, why do you ask!”

“Well, I did want a drink of water, but I guess I can wait until morning.”

Miss Allison’s Sensation

We’ve heard lots of gossip from Hollywood, but it takes a Philadelphia “questions and answers” editor to win the rubber medal, in the following:

A Nice Neighborhood

Two neighbor women were having a word battle over the backyard fence.

Mrs. Brown—“I know more about your husband than you do.”

Mrs. Jones—“Then you had better keep silent, as I know more about you than your husband does.”

Within the Law

Izzy was seen with an enormous diamond pin. His friend Moe couldn’t understand where Izzy got a thousand dollars to pay for it, so Izzy explained. “My uncle died and left one thousand dollars for a stone to his memory. I was the executor, and this is the stone.”