  An almond-eyed maiden was pretty Jes-So, Her effort in life was to please; A Geisha was she, and she handed the tea In a costume bewitching as ever could be, And a style which was best Japanese; And she often served bowls of exceptional size To a Japanese warrior called Li-Kwize. In their artless and Japanese way, 'Neath the Gom-bobble trees rubbed their hands o'er their knees, Saying flattering things, such as over the seas, It's the proper and right thing to say: Little wonder, in sooth, that Li-Kwize fell in love, While the Japanese turtle-birds twittered above. But 'tis said that the course of true love ne'er ran smooth, And a rival appeared on the scene, He'd a glass in his eye, and his collar was high, His gloves were immaculate, so was his tie, And his legs were excessively lean; A descendant was he of a long line of "Dooks," And his name was Lord Algernon Perkyns de Snooks. In Japan,—on a tour,—he'd arrived with his ma, On the tea gardens stumbled by chance, And directly he saw all the girls he said "Haw! I—aw—wish, don't you know, that I'd come here befaw"— And he gave them a languishing glance; To his feeble moustache he gave several twirls, Declaring that Geishas were "Doocid fine girls!" And he ogled the pretty Jes-So, While the warlike Li-Kwize stared in angry surprise At the flirtation going on under his eyes, And he wished that Lord Algy would go; But, oh! dear me, no, he continued to stop All the long afternoon in the pretty tea-shop. On the morrow he came there again, and again He appeared on the following day, And it made Jes-So sad to hear language so bad As Li-Kwize employed, as he "went on" like mad In a grotesque, and Japanese way; For he raved and he stormed as they do in Japan. (You have seen how, no doubt, on a Japanese fan.) He thrust, and he slashed at the air with his sword, And he shouted aloud at each blow; There is, really, no doubt he was greatly put out, But he didn't do what you are thinking about: He didn't slay Lord Algy—no: For Li-Kwize he was subtle, as subtle could be, He'd a far better plan up his sleeve, don't you see. A stern, and a haughty old dame, Was staying, and, tho' it was all in dumb show, He managed—somehow,—that the lady should know Exactly her son's little game, The equivalent Japanese noise for a kiss He expressed,—its significance no one could miss. In pantomime glibly he told the whole tale, While the lady grew pale, and irate: "Ha! what's that you say? Takes tea there each day? Geisha? Tea-shop indeed! Come, show me the way! We must stop this before it's too late." And she pounced on her son, with a terrible frown, At the pretty tea-shop at the end of the town. Lord Algernon Perkyns de S.; She turned him about, and she marched him straight out— An undignified exit, altho', without doubt, An effectual way to suppress A thing which no mother could view with delight, And, for one, I contend the old lady was right. * * * The pretty Jes-So, and the warlike Li-Kwize "Made it up," I am happy to say, And the almond-eyed miss, with a Japanese kiss, Filled the warrior's heart with a Japanese bliss, In quite the conventional way; While the turtle-birds sang in the Gom-bobble trees All their prettiest songs in their best Japanese.
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