The fear of ridicule is a terrible and powerful weapon in the eyes of many people. Cleverly handled by those who are slaves to custom and fashion, this fear of ridicule often prevents our obeying our true feelings, and leads us to act against our own interests.

Many persons whose social position is uncertain, or whose moral force is but little developed, have their days embittered by the thought of “what people will say.”

If these persons could only comprehend that nothing which is simple and sincere can be ridiculous, if vanity and amour-propre would permit them to understand that criticism is inevitable, that it increases self-confidence in well-balanced people, and in many cases helps us towards the end we wish to attain, they would not only cease to fear the observation of others, but no longer wish to suppress the personality of a neighbour.

They would say with Emerson: “That which I ought to do concerns my personality, and not what people think I ought to do.”

They would remember these words of La BruyÈre’s: “‘We must do as others do’ is a suspicious maxim, signifying nearly always ‘We must do wrong’ as soon as it extends beyond the purely outward things which result in nothing, and which depend upon custom, fashion, and manners.”

A modern thinker, under the veil of anonymity, remarks wittily: “If one wishes to be in good society, even with those who are not of it, need one give up being oneself? Good society, pushed to this excess, is only folly and trickery. What on earth have you done with your amour-propre on these occasions? Dare to say what you think, if you do think.” I add to this: Dare to do what seems to you good, useful, and sensible; flee preconceived opinions, do not let yourself be influenced by the ideas of others, keep your independence in the face of new suggestions, convince yourself of your own value, call your perceptions into play, suppress your self-love—in a word, get rid of the fear of ridicule, which, carried to excess by people, has spoilt fine careers, ruined the noblest hopes; destroyed for one his dawning happiness, for another possible fortune. Why this mean respect for what is done, and absurd fear of what is not done? Why this foolish imitation, this holding back of your real self? Why don’t you eat and drink what you like? Why spoil your behaviour in public by hypocrisy? Where is the sense of this perpetual dressing up of things which ties you down to convention not in keeping with the real impulses of your heart and mind?

There is so much fear of ridicule in the world that one may see a man miss an interview which might be morally or materially useful to him because he is afraid to appear unfashionably dressed, because he has not the latest hat, or the shoes which snobbism has decreed the correct thing.

Women, in whom the fear of ridicule is so strong, so intimately linked with the taste of the moment, will willingly risk their health rather than go down in the estimation of others.

If, for example, fashion decrees thin summer clothing, a woman will brave bronchitis and the after-effects to wear it; and she acts in a similar spirit with regard to winter fashions, because it is not the right thing to think with one’s own mind, feel with one’s own heart, or live according to one’s own means, nerves, or senses!

This passive life by rule is a curious thing, and Montaigne was right—for folly belongs to all periods—in thus speaking of it for his own epoch: “In some sort all the opinions we have are taken on authority, or on credit, ... Everyone is richer than he thinks, but we go about borrowing and seeking; it suits us better to make use of others than of ourselves.... We neither essay nor know our own faculties; we invest in those of others, and let our own lie idle....”

Yes, truly, the fear of ridicule is one of the worst shortcomings of education, for it destroys character, leads all our impulses towards folly, and often incites to irreparable wrong.

How many marriages which might have been happy are prevented because of difference in fortune, age, or birth! The fear of ridicule brings a disintegrating element even into the quest after happiness, which is a law of Nature.

It is the same with the fear of ridicule as with morality; everyone should base his individual action on some good to be gained, get rid of all constraint—in a word, be himself without depending on custom and outward circumstances; preserving the balance between his conscience, trained by experience and reason, and his personal faculties.