Before I commence mi short history o’t Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaht Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little knawn, if onny, it history o’ England, though ther’s no daht but its as oud as Methuslam, if not ouder, yet with it being built so far aht at latitude ov civilized nashuns, nobody’s scarcely knawn owt abaht it wal latly. T’ finders ov it are sed to be people fra’t Eastern countries, for they tuke fearful of em e Haworth it line o’ soothsayers, magishuns, an’ asstrologers; but whether they com fra’t east or’t west, they luke oud fashun’d enuff. Nah t’ city is situated in a very romantic part o’ Yorkshur, and within two or three miles o’t boundary mark o’ Lancashire. Some foak sez it wer t’last place at wer made, but it’s a mistak, for it lukes oud fashun’d enuff to be t’first ’at wer made. Gert travellers sez it resembles t’ cities o’ Rome and Edinburgh, fer ther’s a deal o’ up-hills afore you can get to’t top on’t; but e landing you’d be struck wi’ wonder and amazement—what wi’t tall biggens, monniments, domes, hampitheaters, and so on; fer instance, t’Church, or rather the Cathedral, is a famous biggen, and stands majestically o’t top at hill. It hes been sed at Oliver Cromwell that wor so struck wi’t appearance at Church an t’ City, altogether, wal he a mack a consented to hev it the hed-quarters for the army and navy.

The faander o’ t’ Church is sed to be won Wang-be-Wang, won et Empror’s o’ China as com ower in a balloon an’ browt we him all his relations, but his granmuther; the natives at that toime wur a mack a wild, but i mixing up we t’ balloonites they soin become civilized and big’d t’ Church at’s studden fra that time to nah, wit exepshun o’ won end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. Sum sez west and an t’ saath end wur destroyed, but it’s a mack a settled on wit wiseuns it wur wichcraft; but be it as it may Haworth, an’ t’ folk a’tagether is as toff as paps, an’ hez stud aht weel, an’ no daht but it wod a flerished before Lunden, Parriss, or Jerusulum, for sentries back, if they’d hed a Railway; but after nearly all Grate Britten and France hed been furnished we a Railway, the people i Haworth began to be uneazy and felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they were bahn off liks. And besides, they thout it wur high time to begin and mack sum progress i’ t’ wurld, like their naburs ’t valley. So they adjetated for a line down the valley as far as Keighley, and after abaht a hundred meetings they gat an Act passed for it i Parlement. So at last a Cummittee wur formed, and they met wun neet a purpose to decide when it wod be t’ best convenient for em to dig t’ furst sod to commerate and start the gert event. And a bonny rumpus there wor yo mind, for yo may think ha it wor conducted when they wur threapin wi wun another like a lot o’ oud wimen at a parish pump when it sud be. Wun sed it mud tak place at rushberring, another sed next muck-spreading toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind-day e memory o’ oud Jack K—. Well, noan et proposishuns wod do for t’ lot, and there wur such opposistion wal it omust hung on a threed, wether the railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, wun o’ the committee-men, we a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aht, I propose Pancake Tuesday. So after a little more noise it wor proposed and seconded at the Grand Trunk Railway between the respective tahns of Keighley and Haworth sud be commemorated wi diggin t’ furst sod o’ Pancake Tuesday, it year o’ our Lord 1864; and be t’ show o’ hands it usual way it wor carried by wun, and that wor Ginger Jabus, and t’tother cud a liked t’bowt him ower, but Jabus worn’t to be bowt that time, for he hed his hart and sowl i the movement, and he went abaht singin—

Cum all ye lads o’ high renown
At wishes well your native town,
Rowl up an’ put your money down
An’ let us hev a Railway.
We Keighley folk we are behind,
An’s sed to wauk agin wur mind;
But sooin t’ crookt-legg’d uns they will find,
Weel kap em we a Railway.

Well, hasumivver public notice wur made nawn, be the bellman crying it all ower t’taan, wich he did to such a pitch, wal he’d summat to do to keep his hat fra flyin off, but he manijed to do it at last to a nicety, for the news spread like sparks aht of a bakehus chimla; and wen the day com they flocked in fra all parts, sum o’ the crookt-legged uns fra Keighley com, Lockertown and the Owertown folk com, and oud batchelors fra Stanbury and all parts et continent o’ Haworth; folk craaded in o’ all sides, even the oud men and wimen fra Wicken Crag and the Flappeters, and strappin folk they are yo mind, sum as fat as pigs, wi heads as red as carrots, and nimble as a india-rubber bouncer taw; and wat wur t’ best on’t it happened to be a fine day; for if it hed been made according to orders it cudn’t a been finer. Shops wur all closed and ivverybody, oud and young, hed a haliday aht o’ t’doors, for they wur all flade a missin the Grand Processhun, wich formed itsel at the top o’ Wuthren, when it wur messured, it turn’d aht to be two miles six inches long—it moved as follows:—

ORDER OF PROCESSHUN.

The Spring-head Band wi their hat-bruads turn’d up so as they mud see their way clear.

Lord et Manor i full uniform a fut back bearing Coat of Arms for Haworth, a gert wild cratur wi two tails on, one et awthur end.

Two citizens wi white cravats raand their hats.

The Members et Corporashun one-abreast singin “a nuttin we will go, brave boys.”

Big Drums and Triangles.

A Mahogany Wheelbarrow and a silver trowel on a cart trail’d wi six donkeys, and garded wi ten lazy policemen all sober.

A pair of crakt bag-pipes.

The Contractor in a sedan carried wi two waggoners i white smocks.

All the young maidens fra fourteen to thirty-nine, six-abreast, drest i sky blue, and singin throo combs.

Twenty oud wimin knittin stockings.

Twenty navvies i their shirt sleeves weeling barrows, wi workn tooils.

Taan skavengers wi shoulder’d besums decorated wi ribbons.

Bellman and Pinder arm-i-arm drest I full uniform, and the latter now and then bawlin aht wats bahn to tak place.

All scholars at female line laking at duck-under-watter kit, and the males laking at frog-loup, and jumping o’ one another’s backs.

Taan chimla sweeps maanted o’ donkies wi their face white.

All the furiners fra the continent o’ Haworth, and crookt-legged uns fra Keighley followed up.

Bulk o’ the inhabitants wauking wun-abreast, wi their hats off, and singing and shouting

“The Railway! the Railway!”

In fact, the Railway wur e ivverbody’s maath, what we singing and shouting, them at cud do nawther whisper’d in wun another’s ears—Railway! But getting to where the ceremuny wur to tak place the processhun halted and formed itseln into a raand ring, and cheers wur geen wi shakin hats and handkerchiefs, which lasted wal their showders and arms warkt wal they’d hardly strength to shut their maaths and don their hats on. But hasumivver they manijed to get reight agean, and then a parson called Ned Oufield gat up and made the following narashun—

Fellow countrymen and citizens o’ Haworth,—It gives me gert plezur to see such a gert event as this tak place i the city o’ Haworth, namely, digging t’ furst sod o’ wat’s called Grand Trunk Line between Keighley and yor native element, and reight pleased I am to offishiate as chairman on this occashun. Perhaps sum on yo maint naw what I mean wi yer native element; but I mean yer oud mountain side, and aw naw yor like yer forefathers, yo love it dearly, tho’ yor ancestors wor nowt but barbarians in the fourth and fifth sentries, yet they were the furst to embrace Christianity, which they did it yer 600, be the Latin inscripshun on the church steeple.—(Loud cheers).—And although yo been behind we yor Railway, ye been up i different arts and sciences. Wat nashun, my frends, can boast of a majishun like yor oud Jack K—.—(Loud cheers). He wur a credit to yo all, and yo wur sadly indebted to him; he proffesied twenty yer sin at this event wud cum to pass (a voice,—ha wish he wur alive he sud be contractor), and if he’d been livin to this day, its a hundred to wun but the Railway wud hev been made to some where else ner Keighley, for ha feel convinced et Keighley is not worthy of amalgamashun wi a respectable city like Haworth.—(Hear, hear.) For look wat insultin langwidj they’ve used to yo at different times.—(Groans.) Furst, they said yo muckt church to mak it grow bigger. Then yo walked rahnd tahn’s post office at Keighley and thout it wur the cemetery, and to make up for the lot, they call us wild craturs and mock wur plezant dialect, which is better English ner theirs.—(Groans, wich lasted for ten minits.) Yes, my fella citizens, you’ve hed to put up wi a deal o’ slang fra theas uncultivated rascals.—(We have.) And wat’s war nur all, yah’ve hed to wauk wet and dry, thro thick and thin, i all sorts o’ weather to Keighley, wen you’ve wanted to go on the continent or Lundun. But soin yo can wauk slap to the train in a jiffey.—(Loud cheers.) Mr. Oufield then thenkt his fella taansmen and wimen and ended his speech wi expressin his delight in the loyalty of the people for the railway, and as the time was fast waxin, he begged leave to sit dahn, wich he did t’ midst lahd enthusiastic shouting.

This been dun and ivverybody gotten their maaths shut agean, Ike Ouden gat up and made a speech, and a grand un it wor yo mind, for if the arkangel hed dropt streyt dahn fra heven and let o’ t’top o’ t’platform, it cuddant a suited t’ folk better, for he began as follows:—

Fella-citizens and tahnsmen o’ Haworth,—Wen I see before me so many smiling faces and so many distingwisht citizens, I awn ha felt a pang as to my unfitness for appearing afore yo on this occashun; but yor committee wor so urgent in their appeal to me that I wor certainly induced to akcept the honnor of diggin the furst sod o’ the Grand Trunk Railway, wich will be the gratest blessin that ivver will be i Haworth. But yet its not for me to say wat is kalkulated or unkalkulated for the people o’ Haworth to do in the 19th sentry, yet I may ventur to say at this glorious muvment nah bahn to tak place will shortly prove the gratest blessin ivver witnessed it city o’ Haworth.—(Loud applause). Look at the export and import of the city, and compare the spaven’d horse and cart wi the puffin willyams and all the fine carriages. Look et difference between wen it tuk a week to go to Liverpool, and a month to Lundun, in a oud coach, and hev to mak wur wills afore we went.—(Enthusiastic cheering.) Yes, my frends, we stud good chance e being robbed and plundered if net summat war. Besides wat an immense diffrence it will mak to Haworth, wen shoo can export her own mannifacturs to all the civilised and uncivilised wurld, and by means o’ steam find their ways into rejuns nivver trod but by feet o’ wild craturs and beasts o’ prey. But to mak t’ story short ha mean to say it will be a grate cumfort and a blessin to both the lame and lazey, and speshally to the latter. But as the time was gettin on fastish, as it allus dus when there’s out to be dun, so Mr. Ouden finisht his speech as follows:—

Put yor shoulders to work, lads, and ne’er be danted,
Think yer behint and there’s no time to dally,
For nah is the time yor assistance is wanted
I makin yor railway along the Worth Valley.

The Spring-heead Band then played sum of their favorite tunes, “Oud Rosen the Bow,” “Jessey’s Pig,” and ended wi “God save the Queen,” and all departed to their homes wi smiling faces.

CHAPTER II.

Gather fra Stanbury, lads we yor carrot heeads,
Cum dahn fra Locker tahn, lads, be the railway;
Cum we yor wives, yor dowters, and relatives,
Shout lads, shout for the Worth Valley Railway.

Heard you Ned Oufield mak his noration,
Yoh’l say in yohr conshunce he spak it reyt fairly,
He said poor Haworth nivver yet hed fairashun,
And spak of the thing that will flurish it rarely.
Railway, &c.

Saw yoh Icholden wi his mahogany wheelbarrow,
Cum dig the first sod wi his trowel o’ silver,
He wheeled it dahn t’ plenk as streyt as an arrow,
And tipt it as weel as a navvy or delver.
Railway, &c.

Saw yoh the church so anshent in history,
Read yoh the Latin words high in the steeple,
Hear to the sounds that arise from the belfry,
It seems to be shaating along wi the people,
Railway, &c.

Nah then, lads, for wark; nout but wark al do, and these at can’t work mun plan. This wor the cry all up and dahn Haworth next mornin, and for weeks all wor vary bizzy. Won man made a weel-barra it chamber but it wor so big wal it couldn’t be gotten aht withaht takin the haase side dahn. Another invented a koulin-masheen to koul t’ muck up both sides to save wheelbarras and work tooils for the navvies. Some started a practicing for porters at the railway, wi oppenin and shutting the oven doors wi a bang, shating aht at the same time, “All aht for Haworth.” Wun man wor trying the dodge on, and the cat wor it ovan, and poor thing, expecting that it wor it the wrong place, jumpt aht just at time at he wor whistling to start, and wor catcht bi the tail and the poor thing lost it, for it wur cut off as clean as a whistle. A crookt legg’d pedlar com fra Keighley wun day wi winter-edges, and they tuke him for a sapper and miner et hed cum to mezhur for the railway, and mind yoh they did mak summat on him, they thout that the winter-edges wur the apparatus to mezhur by. But hasumivver, the reyt uns com at after, and a sore disaster they hed yo mind, for they laid the plans o’ t’railway dahn at green swarth, and a oud kah belanging to Blue Beard swallowed t’ job; they tried ta save em but all i vain: a sore do wur this for both folk and the railway, for it put em a year or two back, and folk wur raging mad abaht t’ kah, and if it hednt a been a wizzen’d oud thing they’d a swallowed it alive—the nasty greedy oud thing.

They hed a meeting tother neet,
Fair o’ t’top o’ Wutherin Street,
To see what things they’d got complete,
Concerning Haworth Railway.

Wen Penny Wabbac tuke the chair,
He lukt to be i grate despair,
He sez, good folk, are yoh aware,
Wat’s happened to the Railway.

We persperashun on his brah,
He sez, good folk, al tell yoh nah;
Oud Blue Beard’s nasty wizened kah
Hes swallowed plan o’ t’ Railway.

Wi these remarks poor Wabbac sat,
Wen Jonny Broth doft off his hat,
His een they blazed like sum wild cat
Wi vengence for the Railway.

He sed my blud begins to boil,
To think et we sud work an’ toil,
And ev’n the cattle cannot thoyle
To let us hev a Railway.

On hearing this the Haworth foak
Began to swear it wur no joak,
An wisht at greedy cah ma choak,
At swallowed t’ plan o’ t’ Railway.But hasumivver they gat ower this, and wur not long at after afore they hed more disasters, such as tunnils shutterin, and chapels sinkin, and law suits, and so on, wal Haworthers thout be t’ hart at both the fouk and the grund wur soft dahn at Keighley, and threttened to comb sum o’ the crookt-legged ens their heeads if they insinuated; and the Volunteers threttened to tak their part if there wur owt to do; and farther ner that, they vowed that they were ready to go to war wi onny nashun that sud insult awther them or ther railway under the present difficulties.

But sighs and tears and doubts and fears,
Prevails with greatest folly,
For ’t sinagog has cockt its clog,
And ’t parson’s melancholy.

Tunnils sink and navvies drink,
And chapels are upsetting;
For Railway Shares nobody cares,
And iverybody’s fretting.

The iron horse they curse of course,
And fane wud it abandon;
And loyers fees their pockets ease,
A thousand pound e Lundun.

Misfortunes speed as rank as weed,
An’ puts on sich a damper;
Wal t’ foaks declare e grate dispair,
Its up wi’t iron tramper.

The volunteers prick up their ears,
An mak a famos rattle;
Thay want ta run ta Wimbleton,
Or onny field o’ battle.

Their black cravats an toppen’d hats
Are causing grate attraction;
Against Boneypart thay want ta start,
E reglar fightin action.

The raw recuits hev got ther suits,
Thay brag ta wun another:
Ta’t first campaign thay’l tak the train,
Withaat the sliteist bother.

But t’ oud foak thinks thair’l be some stinks,
At menshun of invazhun;
An hopes et taan will ride em daan,
E cabs ta Howorth Stashun.

But hasumiver toime works wonders wi it an perseverance its gotten ta’t last stage na, an foak is varry impashent fer it ta cum up, an tha’re preparin ta give it a grand recepshun; wun oud woman hes a peggy tub full o meyl an’ saar swillins for th’ ingen, and they are preparin another puddin for th’ passengers fra Keighley.

They’re standing i’ groups and they’re living i’ hopes,
And more disappointments they dread,
Wi’ they’re ears touching th’ grand, they’ve harken’d for th’ saand,
Wal they’ve omust gone wrong i’ ther head.

Sez Dick o’ Grate Beckers, just keep up yor peckers,
Yo hevn’t much longer to wait
For blue milk and porridge, yol get better forridge,
Wen the railway gets fairly agait.

For its labour i’ vain to harken for th’ train
When all’s goin on varry steady;
So pray yo be calm its takin no harm,
They’ll bring it as soin as its ready.

For th’ rails are all laid, and there’s nowt to be made,
Nobbut th’ navvies to clear off all th’ muck;
Then all al be goin, for th’ Cowinhead mooin
Is bahn to be browt on a truck.

So Sam o’ Blue Bills, wi’ thi’ pints an’ thi’ gills,
Its bahn to be better for thee,
To Keighley an’ back tha ma go in a crack,
When tha’s bahn on a bit of a spree.

And John o’ Pot Anns tha mun alter thi plans,
For tha nivver can get him i’ force;
For I’m happy to tell at steead o’th’ canal
They’re bahn to try th’ big iron horse.

There’s oud Jim o’ Kyas is bahn to be wise,
An’ th’ folk sez at he’s takkin a hig;
He’ll see it first tried afore he will ride,
He’s dahn abaht the Paper Mill Brig.

He sez he’ll be sure, it dropt in before,
And it might do again for a pinch;
For he sez they’ll be kapt if sum on em trapt,
So he’s blest if he’ll trust it an inch.

There’s oud Mally Brook hez been dahn to look,
And shoo’s sore disappointed they say;
Shoo’s omust goan crackt for shoo sez it weant act,
For they nobbut can run it wun way.

Sho sez at high class ats laid dahn all th’ brass,
Just nah they’re beginnin ta craw;
To mak up for th’ trouble they’re bahn to charge double,
For bad speckulashun it law.

So to sattle em dahn, Sir Chrestofer Brahn,
Hez tould em it wur his intent,
If they’d nobbut be quiet till things wur all reight,
He’d give em a trip to Chow Bent.Yes, and besides a trip to Chow Bent, they gat several more trips promised bi th’ diffrent distingwisht citizens o’ Haworth. Wun promised to give em trip to Bullock’s Smithy, anuther to Tingsley Bongs, wal they wur getting quite up o’ thersels and th’ railway. Or else they’d been for many a year and cudn’t sleep a wink at neet for dreamin abaht th’ railway ingens, boilers, and so on, and mony a time they’ve wakken’d i’ ther sleep shakkin th’ bed posts, thinkin they wur setting th’ ingen on or stoppin it. But they’d gotten reight and thout they wur bahn to hev no more trouble; but alas! it wur a mistak, for on th’ morning of the 14th o’ November an’ oud skyologer went aht a weather-gazin and planet-ruling, and woful news and bad omens he browt back wi’ him, for he sed at th’

Stars wur shoiting in and aht,
And gravel ratches wur abaht,
And th’ folk, he sed, they little knew
What mischief it wur bahn ta brew.
And news he spred abaht the tahn,
What lots o’ rain wud tumble dahn;
And like his anshent sires he spoke,
The shockin news withaht a joke.

For soin the rain i torrents fell,
And O what awful news to tell,
It lookt as th clahds wur bahn to shutter,
For every dyke, and ditch, and gutter,
A reguler deluge did resemble,
Which made Haworth folk to tremble.
Some tried to stop its course wi’ stones,
And some dropt on their marrow bones,
And hoped at if the wurld wur drahnd,
The railway wud be safe an’ sahnd;

But prayers like these hed no avail,
For th’ waters deluged all the dale;
And th’ latest news et I hev heerd
Th’ railway’s nearly disappeared;
But if its fun withaht a flaw,
Wha, folks, I’m like to let yo know.

CHAPTER III.

“Work boys, work, and be contented.”

Ha, its all varry weel for the poit to sing that, but if he hed a railway at stake he wud happen alter his tune, an espeshully if he wur an eye-witness nah, for th’ storm wur ragin at heyest, and the folks wur waiting wi’ pashent expectashun to knaw whether they wur bahn to be at an end or not, for th’ flooid wur coming dahn thicker an’ faster, and there look’d to be monny a hundred mile o’ watter in the valley. Hasumivver they muster’d all t’ energy they cud, for they wur determined to knaw th’ warst, so they went to see if they could find th’ oud weather gazer at hed proffesied th’ flooid; and after a good deal o’ runnin abaht, they fan him peepin thru summat at shap of a tunnel. Sum sed he wur lookin at th’ mooin, others sed he wor looking into futurity, hasumivver they asked him to come dahn an’ look at the railway, and tell em whether th’ flooid wur bahn to tak it away or not, but th’ saucy oud hound refused at first, for he said at he wur flaid at sum on em wodn’t be able to stand th’ shock if he tell’d em th’ warst, so th’ oud lad sed

If my advice yoh want, poor things,
An cannut do withaht it,
Go arm yor seln to th’ teeth, he sed,
An’ doant be long abaht it;
Both rakes an’ powls an’ props an’ ropes
Yo cannot get ta sooin,
An’ take the Cowinheeader’s plan
When they discuver’d the mooin,
Doant gape abaht, but when yor arm’d
Take each a diffrent rowt;
And let yor cry be ivvery man,
Th’ poor railway’s up the spout.

It wurnt long afore they gat arm’d—sum wi clothes props, muk forks, ropes, and so on, and there wor some competition yo mind, for they wur all trying which could mak best movement so as they could immortalise their names it history of Haworth, for there wur one Joe Hobb, a handloom weaver, browt his slay boards, and as he wor going dahn th’ hill he did mak some manoevures, an’ talk abaht fugal men it army when they throw their guns up into th’ air and catches em again, they wur nowt to Joe, for he span his slay boards up an’ dahn just like a shuttlecock. But wal all this wur going on the storm began to abate, and th’ water seem’d to get less, but still they kept at it. Wal at last a chap at they call Dave Twirler shahted aht he saw summat, and they look’t way at he pointed, and there behold it wur won o’th’ ribs o’th’ railway sticking up (here a dead silence tuk place which lasted for abaht three hours) for nobody durst open their mahths, flaid a’th’ wind wud mak th’ current stronger, and sum at wimen held their tungs to that pain and misery wal their stockings fell dahn ower their clog tops; but hasumever th’ silence wur broken by a Haworth Parish chap at they call Bob Gimlet, he happened to be there and he said nah lads, look down th’ valley for I think I see th’ skeleton at onny rate, and Bob wur reight for it wur as plain to be seen as an elephant in a shop window.

And this wur a fact this wur th’ railway they saw,
And at th’ first sight o’ th’ spectre they all stood in awe,
For it wur smashed all i’ pieces ashamed to be seen
As tho’ it hed passed thro’ a sausidge masheen;
Wi horror some fainted, while others took fits,
Aud these at cud stand it wur piking up t’bits.

But after a while when they all becum calm,
They gathered together like bees in a swarm,
Resolvd to pick up all fragments and th’ wood,
And splice ’em together as weel as they cud,
Hasumever thay started a putting it streyt,
And wi’ spelking and braying they soon made it reight.

Six months nah elapsed and th’ gert job wur done,
And th’ next thing to argue wur wen it sud run,
So they sent Joe a-Stirks arahnd wi’ his bell,
And gave him strict orders at he wur to tell,
At th’ inspector hed been and examined it thro’,
And cum to th’ conclushun et th’ railway wud do.

So to wark wi a vengance, the bellman set to,
To warn up a meeting to meet a’th’ Black Bull,
It wud dun yo all good to hear Joey shaht,
For they heard him distinctly for miles all abaht,
And i’ less ner ten minits, they flockt in so fast,
While Jonny Broth horses they couldn’t get past.

So they fram’d on wi’ th’ meeting an’ th’ chairman spak first,
And tell’d ’em at th’ railway wur finish’d at last;
And declared at th’ inspector hed passed when he com,
Both viaducts and bridges as sahnd as a plum;
As for sinkin agean they wud do nowt et sort,
For they sailed thro’ the arches i’ Marriner’s boat.

So he hoped i’ this meeting they all wud agree,
And settle when th’ oppening o’ th’ railway sud be.
He thout for his part tho’ he nobbut wur won,
At first day o’ April wur fittest to run,
Wen a voice sed, sit dahn or I’ll pelt thee wi’ spooils,
Duz ta think at wur bahn to be April fooils?

Then up on to th’ platform jump’d Red Dicky Brook,
Along wi’ his uncle Black Tom at Dyke Nook,
Determined to sattle and bring things arahnd,
As th’ railway wur finished both proper and sahnd;
So they pitched on a day—this wur April the fourth.
To oppen th’ grand railway fra Lunden to Haworth.

It wur carried as usual, bi’ th’ showing o’ hands,
Amidst grate rejoicing and playing o’ bands,
Both oud men and wimen hed a smile on their face,
For all wur dead certain this wur bahn to tak place,
So they fled to their homes like bees to a hive,
Impashent and anshus for th’ day to arrive.

Hasumever th’ day com at wur menshun’d before,
And folk wur all flocking fra mahntan and th’ moor,
And little they thout when they set off that morn,
Anuther disaster would laff ’em to scorn;
For Joe Stirk wur sent out to tell ’em to stop,
For poor Haworth Railway hed gotten i’ pop.

Nah this wur a damper and th’ biggest i’ th’ lot,
And th’ folks they declared this wur a Keighley plot,
But one Jack o’ Ludges sed he’d stop ’em their prate,
He’d learn ’em i’ Keighley to insinuate,
They’st hev no excurshuns for nout but their lip,
And Shipley and Bradford should hev the first trip.

He sed he’d been quiet, but he’d nah interfere,
He’d wauk up to Derby and tell em up there,
Hah they hed been skitted, sin first they begun,
And nah when this wur finished they wurnt to run;
But hah he went on I never did hear,
But won thing I’m certain he must a been there.

For th’ tenth day of April bills wur put aht,
That th’ railway wud oppen withaht any daht,
And a famous excurshun fra Bradford wod run,
And call at all stashuns wi’ th’ excepshun o’ won;
For nowt aht o’ Keighley to Haworth sud ride,
For that day all th’ luggage wur left o’ won side.

Scarce Keighley crookt-legg’d ens heard o’ the news,
And wur just bahn to give ’em the gratest abuse,
When a order cum aht fra sum unknawn source,
That Keighley crookt-legg’d ens cud go up of course,
They thowt it wur best, and wud cause the least bother,
For wun sud be welcum as weel as anuther.

Hasumever their hopes hes not been i’ vain,
For the day’s arrived and yonder’s the train,
And thahsands o’ folks is flocking to th’ spot,
The gent fra his hall, the peasant fra his cot,
For all are determined as th’ weather is fine,
To hev an’ excurshun up th’ Worth Valley Line.

They land up i’ Haworth, and sports et is seen,
Wur nivver yet equalled it reign o’ the Queen,
Such processhuns wi music yo ne’er saw the like,
They wur bands fra all nashuns excepting Black Dyke,
And Sham o’ Blue Bills sed he’d kick up a shine,
For nah they hed oppen’d the Worth Valley Line.

There wur Jim o’th’ Damems, and Will o’ th’ Gooise Coit,
And the lads at wur in that puddin exploit,
There wur Ned dahn fra Oakworth, and Ike fra Loin Ends,
Along wi their aristocratical friends,
They repair’d to Black Bull, of sahnd puddin to dine,
That day at they oppen’d the Worth Valley Line.

I’ all nooks and corners and chimla tops,
Wur floating gert banners wi’ mighty big props,
And stamp’d on each flag i’ figures so nice,
Sum an’ inscripshun and sum a device;
But th’ nicest i’th’ lump at swung on a band,
Wur welcum to Haworth fra ivvery land.

Yor welcum, yor welcum, all men upon earth,
Yor welcum to the valley of Worth,
Fra th’ Humber to th’ Mersey, fra th’ Thames dahn to th’ Tyne,
Yor welcum to travel the Worth Valley Line.

CHAPTER IV.

“Th’ last Scene of all that ends this strange eventful history.”

Fra th’ Corrispondent o’ th’ Hoylus End Mercury.

Good folks you’ve inkwired at home an’ abroad,
Ha we’re gettin on wi wur famous railroad;
And when I’ve tell’d yo the disasters we’ve hed,
Yo’ve greeved monny a time wal yo’ve tain to yor bed,
But ha yo will gape when yo read farther dahn,
What famons big stirrins we’ve hed up i’th’ tahn.

I knaw yo’d be mad as soin as yo heard,
Abaht that oud kah at belong’d to Blue Beard,
For I like as I saw yo just hod of its tail,
And braying it rump wi’ the end o’ yor flail;
For I wisht monny a time at yo hed been here,
For swallowing the plan yo’d a geen it what cheer.

Ha ivver good folk I’ll try to be breef,
For I knaw you’re i’ pain and I’ll give yo releef—
So to tell yo the truth in a plain, honnest way,
The railroad is finish’d an oppen’d to-day;
And I’ve tain up my pen for ill yo’d a taint,
If I hednt a geen yo a truthful ackahnt.

Hasumivver this morning, as I tell’d yo before,
I wur wakken’d wi hearin a awful uproar,
What wi’ the prating o’ wimen and the shahtin o’th’ folk,
And the bells at wur ringin, they wur past onny joke,
For ivvery two minnits they shahted hurrah,
We are nah bahn to oppen the Haworth Railway.

So I jump’d up i’ bed, an’ I gat on the floor,
I slipt on my cloas and ran out at door,
And the first at I met, it wur one Jimmy Peg,
He cum’d up fra Bocking and brout a gert flag,
And just at his heels wur the Spring-headed band,
Playing a march—I thout it wur grand.

So I fell into the step for I knaw how to march,
For I’ve been stiffen’d up wi’ guvernment starch;
And first smell o’ music it maks me fair dance,
And I prick up my ears like a trooper his lance,
Hasumivver, I thout as I’d gotten i’ th’ scent,
I’d follow this music wharever it went.

Then I march’d up erect, wal I come to the grand stand,
And that wur a’ th’ stashun where the train hed to land;
There wur flags of all nashuns fra the Union Jack
To Bacchus and Atlas wi’ the globe on his back,
For the Inspector and conductor and all sorts o’ fray
Wur expected directly to land at the railway.

So I star’d wal both een wur varry near bleared,
And waited and waited—at last it appear’d,
It wur filled full o’ folk as eggs full o’ meat,
And it tuk four ingens to bring it up reight,
Two hed long chimlas and th’ tuther hed noan,
But they stuck weel together like a dog to a bone.

They wur gruntin and growling wur the folks at gat aht,
So I made some inquiries what it wur abaht;
And i’ all my born days I ne’er heard nout so call’d,
For three or four times they sed it hed stall’d,
Wal some o’th’ crookt-legg’d ens bethout of a scheam,
And they went back to Keighley for a hamper o’steam.

And my word and honour it did mak a gert din,
For I stud by and heard it, and saw it come in;
I expected it coming as quiet as a lamb,
But no daht at the noises wur nobbut a sham;
But what’s the use o’ telling yo ha it did come,
I’d forgotten yo’d ridden to Wibsey begum.

There wur fifty i’ number invited to dine,
All us at hed acted reight loyal to the line;
So I thout that I’d go, for I knew weel enuff
At the puddings this time wud be made at reight stuff,
And noan o’ that stuffment they gav the Keighley band,
Toan awf on it rubbish and the other awf sand.

For twelve stone o’ flour (3lbs. to a man)
Wur boiled i’ oud Bingleechin’s kah lickin pan,
Wi gert lumps o’ suet at the cook hed put in’t,
At shane like a ginney just new aht at mint;
Wi’ knives made a purpose to cut it i’ rowls,
And the sauce wur i’ buckets and mighty big bowls.

They wur chattin and taukin and souckin ther spice,
And crackin at dainties they thout at wur nice,
Wal the oud parson gat up and pull’d a long face,
And mutter’d some words at they call saying th’ grace,
But I nivver goam’d that, cos I knew for a fact
It wur nobbut a signal for the puddin attack.

And aw’l tell yo wot, folk tho’ yo maint beleeve,
But yo tauks abaht Wibsey fooak heytin horse beef,
Yo sud a seen Locker-taaners brandishing ther nives,
An choppin an cutting ther wollopin shives;
An all on em shaatin thay lik’d th puddin th best,
Fer nout wur like th puddin for standin th’ test.

An while thay wor cutting an choppin away,
The gallant Spring-Heeaders wor order’d ta play,
But thay didn’t mich loike it fer ivvery wun,
Wur flaid at thayd play wol th puddin wor dun;
But as luck wor thay tice’d em, wi a gert deeal to do,
Ta play Roger the Plowman an Rozzen the bow.

Ike Ouden wor th chairman at com to preside,
An Will Thompson o Guiseley wor set by his soide,
Na Will’s a director o’th Midland line,
An as deeacent a chap as sat dahn ta dine;
Along wi Jin Sugden at held th Vice-chair,
Wor won Billy Brayshaw, Bradford Lord Mayor.

Their wor Jonathan Craven, Mic Morrell and me,
And a lot o more lads at wur for a spree;
There wur Nedwin o George’s and Pete Featherstone,
They sat side by side like Darby and Joan;
And I hardly can tell yo, but yor noan to a shade,
But I knaw they wur Ingham and little Jack Wade.

So he says, be silent, all the folk i’ this hall,
So as any won on yo can hear a pin fall;
And Jone o’ Bill Olders just shut up thi’ prate,
For I’ve summat to say and I mun let it aht;
For I mun hev silence whativer betide,
Or I’ll cum aht oth loom and some o’ yo hide.

Three years hes elapsed and we’re going on the fourth,
Sin we first started th railway fra Keighley to Haworth
What wi’ dreamin by neet, and workin by day,
Its been to poor Haworth a dearish railway.
And monny a time I’ve been aht o’ patience
Wi’ the host o’ misfortunes and miscalculations.

The first do at we hed wur th kah swallowing th plan,
And then wur bad luck and misfortunes began;
For before Ginger Jabus cud draw us another,
All went on wrong and we’d a gert deal o’ bother;
He must a been dreamin, a silly oud clahn,
For three fields o’ Oud Doodles he nivver put dahn.

As for thee, Jonny Broth, it’s a pity I knaw,
For thart one o’ the best drivers at ivver I saw;
And nobody can grumble at what tha hes dun,
If thi buss driven wearisome race it is run;
For who nah cud grumble, ha fine wur thur cloth,
To ride up to Haworth wi oud Johnny Broth.

So Johnny, my lad, don’t thee mak onny fuss,
I shuttin thi horses, or sellin thi buss;
For if the railway hes done thee, there’s wun thing I knaw;
Tha mud mak ’o th’ oud bus a stunnin peep show,
And if I meet thee at Lunden, tho two hundred miles,
I sall patronise thee if it be in St. Giles.

So strike up yor music and give it some mahth,
And welcum all nashuns fra north to the sahth;
The black fra the east, and the red fra the west,
For they sud be welcum as weel as the rest:
And all beyond the Tiber, the Baltic or Rhine,
Shall knaw at we’ve oppen’d the Worth Valley Line.