The Wedding-Day--What is expected of (1) The Bride; (2) The Bridesmaids; (3) The Bridegroom; (4) The Best Man; (5) The Bride's Parents--At the Bride's House--Dressing--Starting for the Church--The Tying of the Knot--Social Aspect--Reception or Breakfast.

The Wedding-Day.

"Happy is the Bride that the Sun shines on!" runs the old adage, but we may hope that the lives of all English brides are not as grey as the skies under which they are often married. We can also hope that every bride will have the sunshine of joy in her heart on her wedding-day. Most weddings now take place at 2 o'clock or 2.30, in consequence of the extension of the marriage hours, and this has in a great measure abolished the old "breakfast," which was a rather trying affair for all concerned. Now, a more informal reception takes place on the return from church, with champagne, tea, ices, and all sorts of pretty light refreshments. Those who, from choice or force of circumstances, decide upon the morning for the ceremony, would naturally give a luncheon, but the smarter section of society has spoken in favour of the reception.

I know of a capricious couple who played their friends a very shabby trick. The invitations had been issued for a Wednesday, and at the last moment they decided to be married on the Tuesday morning. They went quietly to church in the early hours, left the town separately during the day, met in London, and started for the honeymoon. The next afternoon their friends assembled to find that the objects of their congratulations were away across the Channel. This was a most serious breach of etiquette, as there was no reason for such rudeness.

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What is Expected of the Bride.

However long and frequent the visits of the fiancÉ have been to his sweetheart's home, tradition decrees that he must not sleep under the same roof with her the night before the wedding, nor is he supposed to see her on the day, till he meets her in all her bridal beauty. She is supposed to keep in retirement even from the members of her own household during the early part of the day; but this is a matter of opinion, and all old ideas are giving way to more modern views.

On her wedding-day, at least if it is to be a smart affair, the bride is handicapped as well as adorned by her clothes, as seems to be the general lot of women on all important occasions. Let us hope that every care has been taken to minimise the minor anxieties as to the fit of her frock, the set of her veil, the comfort of shoes and gloves. She must feel something like a dÉbutante dressing for her presentation at court; but while the latter is only making her entry into society, the bride is entering upon a condition that will affect her eternally, and one that ought to have the blessing of God upon it. One would therefore like the bride to be free from such inconveniences as will drag her down mentally. Let her be free to respond to the high inspirations and holy desires that best become a woman on this great day of her life. She will probably be nervous, and small wonder, but she will be none the less attractive for a little maidenly diffidence. The bride who marches triumphantly through her wedding does not show the best taste. In the rush and excitement of the wedding morning some one must make a point of seeing that the bride has proper food to sustain her through her part in the day's proceedings. Her appearance will not be improved by the look of strained weariness that combined fatigue and exhaustion will bring even into the youngest face. She is expected to look her best and to have her emotions under control nowadays. The weeping bride is out of date. She is expected to look happy, for is she not completing the choice which she freely made? If her shoes pinch, or she is faint from hunger, those expectations cannot be fulfilled.

The Bridesmaids.

These attendant maidens must be at the church awaiting the bride, ready to follow her up the aisle, and the chief one {88} takes her place so as to be prepared to receive the gloves and bouquet from the bride before the putting on of the ring. One or more of them will help the bride, later in the day, to change into her travelling costume, and they can be of assistance in countless ways, both to the hostess and her guests. Sometimes, however, a bridesmaid is too occupied preparing for another wedding, in which she will play the chief part, to have much time for any one else.

The Bridegroom.

Though of the highest and most vital importance, the bridegroom never seems quite so much to the fore as the bride. It is probably a mere matter of clothes. He is expected to have the ring in readiness, to provide a conveyance to take himself and the best man to the scene of the ceremony, and, above all, to be in good time, waiting in proud anticipation for the bride's arrival. He does not always look happy or quite at his ease with the eyes of the curious congregation upon him, but that is only his modesty. He has to give the bridesmaids a present (generally some trinket is chosen), and the bride receives her bouquet from him. Sometimes the best man gives the bridesmaids their bouquets, but it is generally the bridegroom, unless they are all related together.

The Best Man.

I have heard it said that the office of the Best Man is to see that the bridegroom does not run away at the last moment. We will hope he does not often have hard work in that case. He certainly has to see that love does not make the bridegroom oblivious to the practical details of life. He escorts him to church and supports him through the service. He pays the fees of clerk and clergyman and calls the carriages when the register is signed. He is a very busy and useful person, if he does his duty, and much of the success from a social point of view may lie in his hands.

The Bride's Parents.

The heaviest burden of responsibility falls upon the shoulders of the bride's mother. She has to arrange with a caterer for the refreshments, unless she prefers to have all the trouble of {89} preparing them at home; she must order the carriages, arrange the meals for guests staying in the house, and settle the order in which the wedding party is to go to church. She has to see about floral decorations wherever they are wanted, and now flowers play such an all-important part in every festivity. She will be the one to whom every one will go for instructions, and it may be her own heart will be very sore at the thought of parting with her daughter. Where there are other grown-up girls they would naturally take some portion of the work off her hands, but she is nominal head of affairs in most households.

The father has to escort his daughter to church and bestow her upon her husband. In the event of his being prevented from doing this, her mother would drive with her, and the relation or friend who was acting as her father's deputy would meet her at the church door. The bride's father pays all the expenses of music or decoration in the church in addition to those of entertainment at home and conveyances. He will find the bill a large one in these days of lavish display and increased luxury. The idea that a reception is much cheaper than a luncheon is balanced by the facts that a far larger number of people can be included in the former and that champagne cannot be dispensed with.

At the Bride's House.

Before the appointed hour, bustle and possible confusion will reign in the bride's home. The young people will take a pride in decking the reception-rooms with flowers. The presents will be in a room by themselves, and will probably have been arranged the day before, but there are always a hundred little finishing touches to be put to everything. The caterer will, if required, supply all needful glass, china, tables, and attendance for the reception or breakfast. Everyone should be dressed in good time. There will be belated presents, telegrams of congratulation, and all sorts of minor distractions.

Dressing the Bride.

In many cases the dressmaker who has created the wedding gown comes to see it put on, but where such skilled help is not required the loving hands of mother, sister, or friend would deck the bride. One thing I would suggest. It is a risk {90} to dress the hair to suit the veil rather than the face. I remember seeing a bride quite spoiled by having her pretty hair dragged up under her veil, when as a rule she wore it in soft, natural waves round her face and ears. The less jewellery a bride wears the better, and some recent leaders of fashion have exchanged the bridal bouquet for a prayer-book, which they carried in ungloved hands. A bride who is married in the veil of a happy wife is supposed to be lucky. It is a pretty idea for a girl to wear her mother's bridal veil.

The Tying of the Knot.

When she is ready and all the others have started for the church, the bride drives with her father or mother, as the case may be, away from her old home and her maiden name. These few moments are too sacred for an outsider to speak of. Upon her arrival the bells ring out, the choir and clergy form the head of the procession, and she goes up to the chancel step on her father's right arm to take her place on the left side of her expectant bridegroom. It seems almost an impertinence to tell her how she should look at this solemn time, but it is not necessary or seemly for her to smile and nod to her friends in the church. She should remove both gloves on taking her place, so that she may be prepared to take the bridegroom by the hand and to receive the ring.

Arrangement of Seats.

The brothers or cousins of the bride show the guests to their seats in church. The bridegroom's family and friends sit on the right as they enter, the bride's party on the left. Parents and nearest relations occupy the front seats, then others in order of kinship.

As soon as the service is over, the newly-wedded pair, and such of their relations and friends as have been asked to do so, withdraw to the vestry, where the register is duly signed and witnessed.

The Social Side.

The bride and bridegroom drive off first from the church, so as to be in readiness to receive the congratulations of the {91} guests, who greet them immediately upon returning to the house. They are the principal people for the time being. The parents follow in the next carriage, her father taking his mother. Where there are many guests, no one should expect to take up much of the bride's attention, as she will have to divide her favours among the company. If there is a sit-down meal, she would be between her husband and father. The newly-married pair would either take the head of the table or sit in the centre of one side of the festive board. The practice of making long speeches has fallen into disuse, and every bride must be thankful for the relief. At an informal reception, where there is a chance to move about, the strain is not so great; but whichever form of entertainment is chosen, the bride must cut the cake, and every one is invited to partake of it.

Some Items of Expense.

The supply of carriages should be sufficient to enable all the guests to be conveyed to and from the church with as little delay as possible, and each carriage and pair will cost from 12s. 6d. to 15s., while a guinea is charged for the bride's special equipage. Grey horses are extra, but few people have them now, as it gives the situation away. Each driver will expect a tip of a few shillings.

A simple 5lb. wedding-cake can be had for 8s. or 10s., but the larger and more elaborate ones run up to £5 and £8, the ornamental stands being extra. Of course there is practically no limit to expenses if people wish to throw money about. One American wedding cost over a million dollars. At another the wedding-cake was stuffed with expensive gewgaws, and as it weighed a quarter of a ton it was conveyed on silver tram lines up and down the table or buffet.

The bouquets for the bridesmaids cost anything from 15s. to £5, while that for the bride may run from £4 to £10, or as much more as the bridegroom likes to give.

Many people who do not want their homes turned upside down or whose houses are not convenient for a wedding, entertain their friends at an hotel or a restaurant. This has its advantages, but is not so homelike for the bride's farewell to her old associations and home life.

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