The kitchen-door was half-open. She pushed it open and entered. Then sharply she drew back. It was raining and the place was in semi-darkness. Only a red glow from the great open fireplace lighted it, throwing into strong relief the old black rafters. And in this glow, seated at the table facing her, but with his head upon his hands, was a man. He did not stir at her entrance. It was evident he did not hear her, and for a moment her impulse was to go as suddenly and silently as she had come. But something in that bowed silvered head checked her. She stood still, and in a second a whine of greeting from under the table betrayed her. Arthur sat upright with a jerk, and Roger came smiling out from his place at his master’s feet to welcome her. It was Roger who saved the situation. She stooped to fondle him, and in so doing recovered her self-possession. Standing up again, she found that Arthur also was on his feet. They faced each other once more in the firelight, and the beating of the rain upon the thick laurel bushes outside mingled with the dirge-like monotony of the dripping eaves filled in that poignant pause. Arthur spoke, his voice low and constrained. “Come and sit down! I’m just going.” The awful pallor of his face, the misery of the eyes that avoided hers, went straight to her heart. She moved forward, urged by the instinct to help, forgetful of everything else in the rush of pity that surged through her. “Don’t go because I am here!” she said. He had turned already to the outer door. He paused with his back to her, and took up his cap from a chair. “It was not my fault you were sent for,” he said. “It was done against my wish—without my knowledge.” The words were curt, emotionless. Why did she feel as though she were in the presence of a sorely-wounded animal? “Don’t go!” she said again, and somehow the words seemed to utter themselves; she was not conscious of any effort of her own by which they were spoken. “There is no need for you to go.” “No need!” He still stood with his back to her. His hand was on the door, but he did not go. “Did you say that?” he said, after a moment. “Yes.” She came forward slowly, and still it did not seem to be of her own volition that she moved or spoke. “I haven’t come back to make trouble—only to try and help—if I can.” “Yes. I understand,” he said, and his voice came half-strangled, as though he fought some obstruction in his throat. “Square told me.” She stopped at the table. “Have you been having tea? I thought Maggie was here.” “She has gone out with Elsie. Milly went upstairs to Dolly. I don’t know where the others are.” Again curiously something in his voice pierced her. It had a deadened quality—was it utter weariness—or smothered pain? “Have you had tea?” she asked. His hand wrenched at the door-handle. The door opened and a drift of rain blew in. But still he paused. “I haven’t had mine,” said Frances. He turned almost with violence and the door shut behind him. “Why haven’t you had yours? I thought Elsie brought it to you. I told her to.” He looked at her, heavily scowling, for a moment, then again averted his eyes. “Don’t be angry!” she said gently. “She did bring it, but I didn’t stay to drink it because your mother said the doctor was here. Do you mind if I have some now?” She looked round the table that had been cleared, then turned to the fire. “The kettle is quite hot. It will soon boil.” He came back into the room. There was something about him at that moment upon which she could not look. He went to the dresser, and she heard the clatter of cups and saucers. She knew he was laying the table behind her, but she remained with her face to the fire. Suddenly he was beside her. He took up the simmering kettle and forced it down into the heart of the fire, keeping his hand upon it. “You will burn yourself!” she said. He answered nothing, merely stood doggedly bent over the glow till the kettle spluttered and boiled. Then he lifted it, and turned back to the table. Frances turned also. Mutely she watched him pour water into the old metal tea-pot. The haggardness of his face, the grim endurance of his set jaw, struck her afresh. She wondered if he were ill. He set down the kettle and drew up the horse-hair chair with the wooden arms that she so well remembered. “Sit down!” he said. She obeyed him, finding no words. He cut a slice from a loaf and began to toast it, Roger pressing closely against his gaitered legs. Very suddenly his voice came back to her again, hollow, strained, oddly vibrant. “I should like you to know one thing. Though you have come back here against my will, you have—nothing to fear. I recognize it was—an act of—charity—and, so far as I am concerned, you are safe. I will never get in your way.” “Thank you,” Frances said quietly. “I am not afraid of that.” He made a jerky movement, but instantly checked himself, and turning the bread upon the fork, maintained his silence. She wondered what was passing behind that tensely restrained front, what torment was at work within him to produce the anguish of suffering which she sensed rather than saw. But he gave her no clue of any sort. He remained bent and silent till his task was finished. Then he brought the toast and set it before her. “Can you pour out your own tea?” he said. She looked up at him, gravely resolute. “Mr. Dermot, please join me!” He made a sharp gesture that was more of protest than refusal. “Afraid I can’t stay. I’ve got to see Oliver.” “You can if you will,” she said steadily. “That isn’t your reason. You can see Oliver afterwards.” He gave in abruptly, in a fashion that surprised her. He dropped down on to the wooden chair he had occupied at her entrance, and propped his head on his hands. “My God!” he said, under his breath. “My God!” Then she knew that his endurance was very near the breaking-point, and the woman’s soul in her rose up in strength to support his weakness. She got up to take another cup from the dresser, then poured out some tea and took it to him on the other side of the table. He did not attempt to stir at her coming, but the hands that supported his head were clenched and trembling. She bent over him, all thought of fear gone from her. “Here is your tea,” she said. “Can you drink it?” He moved then, reached out suddenly and grasped her wrist, drawing her hand over his face till her palm was tightly pressed upon his eyes. “My God!” he said again, almost inarticulately. “Oh, my God—my God!” A dreadful sob broke from him, and he caught his breath and held it rigidly till the veins in his temples stood out like cords. Frances looked on mutely till she could bear it no longer. Then very gently she laid her other hand upon his shoulder. “Ah, don’t!” she said. “Don’t! Let it come! It will be easier to bear afterwards. And what do I matter?” She felt a great shiver go through him. His hold upon her hand was as the clutch of a drowning man, and suddenly she felt his tears, slow and scalding, oozing between her fingers. He bent his head lower and lower, striving with himself, and she instinctively turned her eyes away, averting them from his agony. So, for what seemed an interminable space of time, they remained. Then at last the man spoke, jerkily, with difficulty, yet with returning self-mastery. “It’s no good crying out. It’s got to be endured to the end.” He paused; then: “I don’t often cry out,” he said and she thought she caught a note that was almost of appeal in his voice. “We are all human,” she said. “Are we?” He raised himself abruptly with the words, and leaned back in his chair, looking straight up at her, her hand still grasped in his. “Are you human?” he said, as if challenging her. “I don’t believe you are.” His eyes were burning. They had the strained look that comes from lack of sleep. A brief misgiving assailed her, but she put it firmly away. She met his look unflinching. “Yes, I am human,” she said. “Then how you must hate me!” he said. She shook her head in silence. “Why do you do that?” he said. “Are you afraid to tell me so?” “No,” she said. “I don’t hate you.” “Why not?” he said. She hesitated momentarily. Then: “It may be because I don’t know you well enough,” she said. There was something in his eyes that besought her. Again involuntarily she thought of a wounded animal. “Not well enough to hate me?” he said. “Not well enough to judge,” she answered quietly. She saw his throat move spasmodically. His eyes left hers. “I would rather be hated—than tolerated—by you,” he said, almost under his breath. His hold upon her had slackened; she slipped her hand away. “Won’t you have your tea?” she said. “I am sure you will feel the better for it.” He made an odd sound that might have been an effort at laughter, and stretched out his hand for the cup. She stood beside him while he drank, and took it from him when he had finished. “Eat some toast while I pour you out some more!” she said. “I made the toast for you,” he said. “It doesn’t matter,” she returned. “It does matter.” He leaned across the table for the loaf. “Bread will do for me. And you will drink some tea yourself before you give me any more.” She heard the dominant note returning in his voice. “I shall do as I think best,” she said, but she complied, for something in the glance of those fevered eyes compelled. They ate and drank together thereafter in unbroken silence until he rose to go. Then, his cap once more in his hand, he paused, looking across at her. “So you have decided to reserve judgment for the present?” he said. She met his look steadily, though her heart quickened a little. “For the present—yes,” she said. He still looked at her. “And if you find—some day—that I can behave other than as a brute-beast, will you perhaps—manage to forget?” To forget! The word, uttered so humbly, brought the quick tears to her eyes. She turned her face aside. “Why don’t you ask me to—forgive?” she said, her voice very low. “Because I won’t ask the impossible,” he answered. “Because you tell me you are human, and—well, some things are past forgiveness. I know that.” He swung round with the words. She heard him open the door, heard again the drip and patter of the rain outside, heard the heavy tread of his feet as he went out. Then, when she knew that she was alone, her strength went from her. She covered her face and wept. In that hour she knew that she was chained indeed, beyond all hope of escape. Brute-beast as he described himself—murderer at heart as she believed him to be—yet had he implanted that within her heart which she could never cast out. Whatever he was, whatever he did, could make no difference now. She loved him. |