THE CHASTE ADVENTURES OF JOSEPH A COMEDY

LEGEND A ROMANCE TO KIRAH MARKHAM

SWEET-AND-TWENTY A COMEDY

POOR HAROLD! A COMEDY

Title: King Arthur's Socks and Other Village Plays

Author: Floyd Dell

Edition: 10

Language: English

Produced by Mary Wampler, David Moynihan, Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.

KING ARTHUR'S SOCKS AND OTHER VILLAGE PLAYS

BY FLOYD DELL

PREFATORY NOTE

These plays, with one exception, were written in Greenwich Village, and, with another exception, first performed there—some at the old Liberal Club, and others by the Provincetown Players. They are souvenirs of an intellectual play-time which, being dead, deserves some not-too-solemn memorial.

F. D.

CONTENTS

HUMAN NATURE: A Very Short Morality Play,

THE CHASTE ADVENTURES OF JOSEPH: A Comedy,

THE ANGEL INTRUDES: A Comedy,

LEGEND: A Romance,

SWEET-AND-TWENTY: A Comedy,

A LONG TIME AGO: A Tragic Fantasy,

ENIGMA: A Domestic Conversation,

IBSEN REVISITED: A Piece of Foolishness,

KING ARTHUR'S SOCKS: A Comedy,

THE RIM OF THE WORLD: A Fantasy,

POOR HAROLD: A Comedy,

HUMAN NATURE

A VERY SHORT MORALITY PLAY

TO ARTHUR DAVISON FICKE

This is a much changed version of "A Five Minute Problem Play," originally given at the Liberal Club, New York City, in 1913.

Boundless blue space. Two celestial figures stand in front of it, talking. One of them carries a pointer, such as is used in class-room demonstrations at the blackboard. The other has a red-covered guidebook under his arm.

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE (the one with the pointer) Well, I think that is all. You've seen everything now.

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE (the One With the guidebook) It has all been very interesting, and I don't know how to thank you for the trouble you've taken.

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Don't mention it. That's my business, you know—to show young and curious Spirits what there is to see in the universe. And I must say that you've been an exceptionally patient pupil. I don't usually take as much time with youngsters as I have with you. But when I find someone as interested in the universe as you are, I don't mind spending a few more eons on the job. We've been all around, this trip. I don't believe we've missed anything of any importance. But if there is anything else you can think of that you'd like to see—

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. (hesitantly) Well, there is one place . . . It's only mentioned in a footnote in the guide-book, but for that very reason I thought perhaps—

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. You have the right attitude. There's nothing too small or insignificant to know about. Do you remember the name of the place?

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. No, but—(He turns the leaves of the guide-book.) Here it is. (He holds the book closer so as to read the fine print at the bottom of the page.) Earth, it's called.

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Ah, yes, there is such a place. . . .

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. The guide-book doesn't give any information about it. Just mentions its name.

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Well, there isn't very much to say about it. After what you've seen, you wouldn't be impressed by its art or its architecture, . . . Still, it has one curious feature that perhaps you'd be interested in. It's—

He pauses.

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. Yes?

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Perhaps I had better just show you, and let you make what you can of it.

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. (deferentially) As you say.

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Here, then—look for yourself!

He raises the pointer, and boundless space rolls up like a curtain, disclosing a comfortable drawing-room. The two celestial figures stand aside and look. A man and woman are sitting on a sofa, kissing each other. From time to time, in intervals between the kisses, they speak.

THE MAN. No! No! I must not!

But he does.

THE WOMAN. No! No! We must not!

But they do.

THE MAN. We must not—

The second celestial figure turns to look inquiringly at the first, and boundless space falls like a blue curtain between them and the scene.

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. It is strange. I've seen nothing like that anywhere in the universe. But why do you suppose—

THE FIRST CELESTIAL FIGURE. Oh, as to that, I really cannot say. It's what is called "Human nature."

THE SECOND CELESTIAL FIGURE. Oh!

They walk off thoughtfully.