The old chronicler says, “Manners maketh man.” “Manners are not the character, but they are the dress of character,” adds a modern writer. Manners are not the pure gold of the mind, but they set the mint stamp upon the crude ore and fit it for circulation, and few there be who may dare to set aside their valuation. To genius only is this privilege granted, and genius is exceeding rare.

It should be remembered that more people can give the list of Dr. Samuel Johnson’s sins against good manners than can quote from his “Rasselas” and “Rambler,” while there will always be more who can descant upon the selfish, tyrannical ill-breeding of Thomas Carlyle than can estimate the value and immensity of his literary labors.

The essence of all etiquette will be found in that Golden Rule from Holy Writ that enjoins upon us to “do unto others as we would that they should do unto us,” and whereon Lord Chesterfield based his maxim for the cultivation of manners:

“Observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others, and be persuaded that, in general, the same things will please or displease them in you.”

The social code, even in its smallest particulars, is the outgrowth of a kindly regard for the feelings of others, even in the little things of life, and a kindly sympathy for all that interests your companions.

“Be hospitable toward the ideas of others,” says Dr. George Ripley, “Some people,” he asserts, “only half listen to you, because they are considering, even while you speak, with what wealth of wit they will reply.” Such people may be brilliant, but they can never be agreeable. You feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come, and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own ego that rebels against their egotism.

It is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends, and

Our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners. We designate him from the first glimpse of his face, first sound of his voice, as an affable, agreeable and sincere individual; or as crabbed, cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament, and are attracted by, or repelled from him, according to the characteristics with which his manners have clothed him.

The Influence of Good Manners.

So potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle sway of manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care we put forth for the attainment of all gracious, pleasant things, and to their possessor is given the key to which all doors open.

Emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners that culture has ever produced, and he wrote: “The longer I live the more I am impressed with the importance of manners. When we reflect upon their persuasive and cheering force, how they recommend, prepare and draw people together; when we think what keys they are, and to what secrets; what high and inspiring character they convey, and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine telegraphy, we see what range the subject has.”

Manners, with some, are the gracious legacy of inheritance, education and environment; with others they are the growth of the careful cultivation of years, and carry with them the calm self-poise of the man who has conquered circumstances and established his own position. In such as these there inheres a certain power that impresses itself upon all who come in contact with its influence.

The self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a man who inherited, or won for himself, the sure and perfect armor of good-breeding, is but the outer stamp of the man himself.

Manners are profitable as well as pleasant. They carry with them a measureless weight of influence. A gentleman once brought into his library a costly subscription book. “My dear,” said his wife, “you already had a copy of that work.” “I knew I did,” he replied, “but the manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was a pleasure to purchase it.”

The charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to any particular station in life, for, to the poor and unlettered oftimes may be traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature’s noblemen. Education, wealth and social station do not always confer them, but the outer grace may be acquired by all.

In this way it has come to be known that a refinement of laws in any country indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led up towards, and finally crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and the laws of the people.

The Marks of True Politeness.

True politeness is always known by its lack of assumption. President Tyler, in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her position as lady of the White House, used these noteworthy words: “It is, I trust, scarcely necessary to say that, as upon you will devolve the duty of presiding at the White House, you should be equal and untiring in your affabilities to all. You should remember that nothing shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of airs or assumptions under any circumstances.”

The minor observances have much to do with the polishing and perfecting of the manners of men. These little things that mark one as being “to the manor born” are not the growth of moments but the slow accretions of years; neither can their use be dropped in the privacy of home to be assumed at pleasure for the outside world to admire, else they will fit but illy, as borrowed plumes are wont to do.

The best-intentioned and best-hearted people that the world has ever known are too often careless in the slight observances that mean so much to the cultivated. Thoreau says, “I could better eat with one who did not respect the truth or the laws than with a sloven and unpresentable person. Moral qualities rule the world, but at short range the senses are despotic.”

“The code of society is just a little stronger with some individuals than the code of Sinai, and many a man who would not scruple to put his fingers in your pocket, would forego peas rather than use his knife as a shovel.”

The Great Value of Courtesy.

“Be courteous,” is an apostolic command that too many earthly followers of the Twelve would do well to consider. They are just, they are truthful, sometimes aggressively so; they are conscientious, they weary not in well-doing, but—they are not courteous. They are not good mannered, and by so much as they sin in this regard do they lose their power to win.

“Good manners,” says one, “are more serviceable than a passport, than a bank account, than a lineage. They make friends for us; they are more potent than eloquence or genius without them.” They add to beauty, they detract from personal ugliness, they cast a glamour over defects, in short, they work the miracle of mind over matter exemplified in the case of the extremely plain Madame de StaËl, who was reputed to “talk herself beautiful in five minutes.”

They teach us the beauty of self-sacrifice, they constrain us to listen, with an appearance of interest to a twice-told tale, they teach the wife to smile over the somewhat worn jest of the husband, as she smiled in like fashion in the days of auld lang syne, or, harder still, they enjoin upon us to follow the Duc de Morny’s definition of a polite man, as “one who listens with interest to things he knows all about, when they are told by a person who knows nothing about them.”

They impress upon us to guard the feelings of others, they warn us to avoid the familiarity that breeds contempt, and, above all, they are contagious!

There is much to be said as to the true definition of those beautiful but abused terms, lady and gentleman, each with its strong, sweet meaning.

“A lady is one who, to inbred modesty and refinement, adds a scrupulous attention to the rights and feelings of others, and applies the Golden Rule of doing as she would be done by, to all who are connected with her, both at home and in society.”

While a gentleman has been described as: “Whoever is true, loyal and candid; whoever possesses a pleasing, affable, demeanor; whoever is honorable in himself and in his judgment of others and requires no law but his word to make him fulfil all engagements.”

Such men and such women are “ladies” and “gentlemen” whether they are found in the peasant’s hut or the prince’s palace.

Rules of Etiquette.

The following rules, published some time ago as a receipt for that beauty of expression so much more lasting and attractive than mere beauty of feature, were written originally for the guidance of woman, but they are equally applicable to the needs of man.

“1. Learn to govern yourself and to be gentle and patient.

“2. Guard your temper, especially in seasons of ill-health, irritation, and trouble, and soften it by a sense of your own shortcomings and errors.

“3. Never speak or act in anger.

“4. Remember that, valuable as is the gift of speech, silence is often more valuable.

“5. Do not expect too much from others, but forbear and forgive, as you desire forbearance and forgiveness yourself.

“6. Never retort a sharp or angry word. It is the second word that makes the quarrel.

“7. Beware of the first disagreement.

“8. Learn to speak in a gentle tone of voice.

“9. Learn to say kind and pleasant things when opportunity offers.

“10. Study the characters of those with whom you come in contact, and sympathize with them in all their troubles, however small.

“11. Do not neglect little things if they can affect the comfort of others in the smallest degree.

“12. Avoid moods, and pets, and fits of sulkiness.

“13. Learn to deny yourself and prefer others.

“14. Beware of meddlers and tale-bearers.

“15. Never charge a bad motive, if a good one is conceivable.”

Courtesy, charity and love are one, and, when all good deeds are done the warning comes: “If ye have not charity” all is naught. Therefore:

Do ye all things courteously, founding precept and practice upon that old rule, the Golden Rule, which is the Alpha and the Omega of all good manners and the very Essence of all Etiquette.