The minutiÆ of table etiquette offers to onlookers the best evidence of good or ill-breeding, and in the graceful observance thereof is displayed all the “difference between dining elegantly and merely consuming food,” for it is at the table that the ill-bred and the well-bred man are most strongly contrasted.

How to eat soup, or partake of grapes, and what to do with a cherry stone, though apparently trivial in themselves, are weighty matters when taken as an index of social standing. And it is safe to say that the young man who drank from his saucer, or the young woman who ate peas with her knife, would court the risk of banishment from good society.

In regard to the first essentials of table manners we are bound to consider the laying of the table, the manner of being seated thereat, the use of the napkin, the proper handling of those most invaluable implements, knife, fork and spoon, together with a short dissertation on those older implements, “Adam’s knives and forks.”

The Breakfast Table.

This first repast of the day should always be daintily and appetizingly spread, and the etiquette there observed, as at all other meals of the day, should be of a nature to render the observance on more stately occasions second nature to the members of the family. Children so trained will find little difficulty in after days as to their table etiquette.

The table itself should be spread with clean linen, first overlaying the surface with a sub-cloth of double canton flannel, felting, or a white blanket that has seen its best days of usefulness. This is done for the better appearance of the table linen, for the deadening of sound, and the protection of the table from the heated dishes. The table linen for home use need not be of the finest; cleanliness being, after all, the chief requisite.

Before the mistress of the house stands the tray covered with a large napkin, or a prettily etched tray-cloth. This is filled with cups and saucers. The coffee-urn is at her right hand with cream, sugar, spoons, and waste-bowl convenient. In front of the master of the house is spread a large napkin with the corner to the center of the table. An ornamental carving cloth may be used in its place. On this is placed whatever dish of meat it is his province to serve. On the opposite side of the table dishes of bread and any hot breakfast rolls or gems balance one another. The dish of potatoes stands close to, and at the right of, the platter, ready to be served with the meat. Any other vegetable served at the same meal should be placed at the left of the platter.

Mats are wholly a style of the past. Where the dish is very hot, or liable to soil the cloth, fringed squares of heavy linen, etched or embroidered, take their place.

The castor, too, is banished from tables polite, and its place may be taken by a few flowers, or bits of vine, in a simple vase. The butter dish and the individual butters should be placed by the side of the one who is to serve it. Fancy sauce and vinegar cruets, and salts and peppers are grouped at each end of the table, sometimes on small trays of hammered brass.

Knives, Forks and Napkins.

Heated plates are placed before the carver, and the carving knife (well sharpened) and fork are placed, with their rest at his right. On any occasion when plates are laid at each place, turn them face up. To the right of the plate is the knife with edge turned from the person to use it. As to the fork, authorities differ, some contending that it should be placed on the right hand, and the knife next, with sharp edge turned from the user. This latter fashion is best at simple meals where but one knife and fork are used. Others contend that the fork should be laid at the left. This latter fashion should be followed where several knives and forks are necessary for an elaborate dinner.

The simply-folded napkin is at the left hand. The glass and individual butter plate are placed near the point of the knife. To avoid waiting where there is any haste, the butters may be filled before the family are seated.

If oatmeal, or any porridge, is to be served, the dish should be placed upon the table before the house mistress, together with the requisite number of small bowls, or saucers, in which she serves it, adding sugar and cream, or passing these, as seems best to her. Afterwards these plates and the dish itself should be removed, when the hot plates and the remainder of the breakfast should be brought in.

Where there is fruit, as is the case in very nice homes, it is to form a third course; all other dishes are to be removed before the fruit is placed upon the table, and each person provided with a small plate with a doily, or fruit napkin, laid upon it, a silver fruit knife, and possibly a finger-bowl set upon the doily; also a teaspoon or orange-spoon when oranges are on the table. If berries are served fruit saucers will be required. In busy homes the fruit is frequently placed upon the table at the beginning of the repast and served at its end without change of plates. Many persons prefer to begin their breakfast with fruit. The napery at breakfast may be colored if so desired.

The Dinner Table.

The dinner table for home meals is laid very much after the fashion of the breakfast table with the omission of the server. If there is to be more than one course, such as a salad, another fork must be added, in which case it will be best to place the forks at the left of the plate. If there is fish, another extra fork, or else the appropriate little fish knife and fork, is demanded. If a fork only is used, the flakes of fish may be pushed upon the fork by means of a bit of bread.

A half slice of bread should lie in, or beside, the folded napkin. The soup tureen is placed before the mistress of the house, together with the soup dishes. Into each of these she puts a ladle full of soup and passes it along. Where there is a servant to wait, he, or she, takes each dish from her hand and serves those at table, always passing to their left hand in so doing. When the soup is removed, the under plates should also be taken and hot plates brought in for the next course.

The meat is placed before the carver, dishes of vegetables flanking either side. The plates are filled and passed, or else handed around by a servant. Sometimes the meat only is put on the plates and the dishes of vegetables are passed from one to another at the table or handed around by a servant. Do not place a quantity of small vegetable dishes at each plate; it is too suggestive of hotel and restaurant life; peas and some other similarly cooked vegetables are an exception to this rule. Side dishes, such as pickles, etc., are placed on the table when it is first laid.

If a salad is to form the next course, all the dishes should be carried out, the meat being taken first, then the dishes of vegetables, after that, plates and butter plates. A tray is much better to transfer all articles except large platters. Never permit a maid to scrape the contents of one plate into another, with a clatter of knives and forks, and then triumphantly bear off the entire pile at once. The salad is to be eaten with a silver fork, and is served with rolls or biscuit. Where the home dinner is simple the salad is frequently served in small dishes and passed during the progress of the repast.

Before dessert is brought on, all table furniture should be removed save glasses and water bottle, and the cloth brushed free from crumbs with crumb-tray and napkin, or scraper, in preference to a brush, which is apt to soil the cloth. The dessert is then to be placed on the table and the mistress serves the pastry or pudding on small plates or saucers which are placed before her. Tea, coffee, or chocolate, may now be handed around, but never sooner. At a very ceremonious dinner they appear last of all.

If fruit is to follow the pastry, fruit plates, arranged as for breakfast, must be substituted for the dessert plates, as soon as the guests are done with these.

It is to be expected that each family will adapt the above outline to suit their own needs, omitting such features as they have neither time to devote to nor servants to accomplish. The ideas here given, however, are suitable as the nucleus of the most elaborate dinner, or may be simplified to fit the plainest repast.

The Supper Table.

The table for supper is laid very much after the general plan given for breakfast, with the exception of the oatmeal. If the tea is made at the table, which is the daintiest way, the other adjuncts of the tray must be supplemented by a dainty brass or bronze hot-water kettle swung over an alcohol lamp, and a pretty tea caddy. Lovely silver caddies, with lock and key, are to be had and make an appropriate wedding gift. A “cosy” or thick wadded cap for setting over the teapot, to keep the heat in, is another pretty essential, which may be made as ornamental as is liked. At supper cold meats are usually served, and cake is taken with the fruit, while vegetables, unless those served in salad form, are omitted.

The Lunch Table.

In cities, the lunch takes the place of the twelve o’clock dinner, just as the late city dinner replaces the supper, dear to country hearts.

The table for lunch is laid much like that for supper, the dishes being all placed at the table at one time, and the ladies of the family, for to them it is usually devoted, gathering around it without the formality of a servant.

Signs of Ill-Breeding.

The order of laying the table, and serving the dishes having been given, it now remains to give some information as to the conduct of those at the table. This is rendered more necessary from the fact that many well-dressed, and apparently well-bred people, sin so grievously against the simplest laws of table etiquette, as not only to display their own want of breeding, but to actually annoy those about them by their sins of omission and commission.

The most important table implements are knife, fork, and spoon, and with these we begin, in the order of their prominence.

The Fork.

The fork having, as one writer happily suggests, “subjugated the knife,” demands our first attention. The subjugation of the knife is so complete in this country, England, France and Austria that any attempt to give the knife undue prominence at table is looked upon as a glaring offense against good taste. This aversion to the use of the knife probably arose first from the more agreeable sensation to the lips that is produced by the delicate tines of a fork in contrast to the broad blade of a knife. Also the fact that the steel of which knives were, and are still, to some extent, made, imparts, by contact, a disagreeable flavor to many articles of food.

In the use of the knife and fork daintiness should be cultivated. They should be held with the handles resting in the palms of the hands when cutting, or separating food; but, in conveying food to the mouth, the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm, as to do so would give it an awkward appearance in lifting to the lips. Fork and knife should be held firmly but without any apparent exertion of strength.

Never strive to load the fork with meat and vegetables at the same time. To do so is to commit an offence against manners and digestion, and never push the food from the fork with the knife. Take upon the fork what it will easily carry and no more.

Oyster forks are usually provided when oysters on the shell are served. Either the right or the left hand may be employed in lifting them to the lips. The shell should be steadied with the other hand. The fork may be handled with either hand, the right being more generally used. It is well, however, to be trained in the use of both hands, thus avoiding the slight awkwardness attending the constant changing of the fork from one hand to the other.

In using the fork in the left hand it should be lifted to the lips, tines pointing downward. The fork, which should convey but a very moderate amount of food, should always be carried to the mouth in a position as nearly parallel to it as possible. This does away with the thrusting motion and the awkward sweep of the elbow that is so annoying to the onlooker.

The fork is also used to convey back to the plate bits of bone or other substances unfit to swallow. Eject them quietly upon the fork and quickly deposit them upon the edge of the plate.

The softer cheeses are eaten with a fork. As to the harder varieties, some use the fork and others break with the fork and convey to the mouth with the fingers.

Use the fork to break up a potato on your plate; do not touch it with the knife. Ices, stiffly preserved fruits, etc., are all eaten with a fork. In fact, the fork is to convey all food to the mouth that is not so liquid in its nature as to require the use of a spoon.

The Spoon.

The spoon comes next as an article of importance at the table. Soups, all thinly cooked vegetables, canned and stewed fruits, peaches and cream, melons, oranges by some, very thick chocolate, Roman punch, and other dishes that common sense will dictate at the moment, are to be partaken of by its aid. One should drink tea and coffee, however, and not spoonful it. Use the teaspoon to gently stir up and dissolve the sugar in the cup, then lay it in the saucer and lift the cup to the lips by the handle. Never be guilty of leaving the spoon in the cup and compassing it with one or more fingers in carrying it to the lips.

In partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid away from the person, lifted to the mouth, and the soup taken noiselessly from the side of the spoon. In thus lifting any liquids from the further side of the dish, or cup, there is time for any drop adhering to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips.

Only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted to take soup from the point of the spoon, always providing they can do so skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm. The gold or silver spoons for after-dinner coffee are very small, as befits the dainty cups of egg-shell china.

The Knife.

Properly, the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to assist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication. Never, no, never, permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any occasion whatever. To do so is the height of ill-breeding.

Adam’s Knives and Forks.

There are a number of things that the most fashionable and well-bred people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers. They are: Olives, to which a fork should never be applied; asparagus, whether hot or cold, when served whole, as it should be; lettuce, which, when served in whole leaves, should be dipped in the dressing or in a little salt; celery, which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth beside the plate.

To these may be added strawberries, when served with the stems on, as they are in most elegant houses. Dip them in cream and then in sugar (sometimes sugar only is served), holding by the stem end and eating in one or more bites, according to size.

Bread, toast, and all tarts and small cakes; fruit of all kinds, except melons and preserves, which are eaten with a spoon; cheese, except the softer varieties; all these are eaten with the fingers, even by the most fastidious people. Even the leg, or other small piece of a bird is taken up daintily in the fingers of one hand at fashionable dinners.

Water cress is taken in the fingers. It is usually served upon a shallow dish or a basket, a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides. Artichokes, also, are eaten with the fingers. Lump sugar may be taken with the fingers, if no tongs are provided. If a plate of hot, unbroken biscuit is passed, one may be broken off with the fingers.

Napkin and Finger-Bowl.

Napkins vary in size, from the diminutive, fancy doily, for ornament rather than use, through all gradations, up to the largest sized dinner napkin. In using these do not spread over the entire lap, nor fasten under the chin bib-fashion, nor in the button-hole, and, if a man, do not tuck in the vest pockets. All these are fashions which should have been outgrown in the nursery. Simply unfold and lay carelessly in the lap on one knee, use to wipe the lips lightly, or the finger tips when necessary.

Some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds, or skins, or anything unfit to swallow, from the lips into the napkin, by pressing it against the mouth, then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon the plate. All such careful observances tend to remove, as much as possible, from the modern repast, the prosaic, and unromantic ideas suggested by the idea of eating.

Finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed and before the fruit is served. They are usually placed before each individual on the fancy glass or china plate that is to be used for the fruit, a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate. Remove bowl and doily at once to the right hand side, leaving plate free for the fruit. This doily is frequently an elaborate article of fancy work, not for use but ornament. Hence, unless its place is taken by a fruit napkin or smaller napkin, as is sometimes done, passed around before dessert, the dinner napkin is used.

Avoiding Fruit Stains.

Some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner napkins; hence, the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the beginning of dessert. This, however, cumbers the dinner with much serving and is not to be recommended. If done, the smaller napkins are to be passed around, and the large ones permitted to remain.

At the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded, but left lying loosely at the side of the plate. If a guest in the house, however, unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal, they should be folded and placed in the napkin ring.

The rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips, and the finger-tips wiped daintily upon them, but as “nice customs courtesy to great kings,” so, to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant mustaches, a greater freedom is permitted in its use.

The finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water, and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the surface of each. The fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped in the water, rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any odor of food, and then dried upon the napkin.

Sometimes, after partaking of meats, one may dip a corner of the napkin in the finger-bowl, and, allowing it to drop back of the dry portion of the napkin, wipe the lips with it. A gentleman is permitted to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner. Remember, always to exercise the greatest care not to have the operation a very visible one, as it is not particularly attractive to the onlooker.

A small glass of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center of the finger-bowl for this purpose. Lift it to the lips and sip slightly, being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a beverage, and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin.

While eating meats, etc., use the napkin before touching the lips to a glass, else the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle to one’s neighbors.

General Table Etiquette.

In seating one’s self at table, assume a comfortable position, neither so close as to be awkward, nor so far away as to endanger the clothing by dropping food in its passage from table to lips. Sit upright, and do not bend over to take each mouthful of food.

If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair out from the table, and, when she is seated, assist her in putting it back in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office will be assumed by a waiter.

On being seated, remove the roll, or piece of bread, from the napkin (the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and about three inches long), unfold the napkin, lay it upon the knee, and quietly wait your turn to be served. Never handle, or play with, any articles on the table; it bespeaks ill-breeding. Never drum on the table with the fingers.

As soon as a bowl of soup, or a plate of oysters is offered you, begin, without any appearance of haste, to eat. This facilitates serving, as, by the time the last are served, the first will have finished their half-ladleful of soup (which is all that society allows) and the waiter may begin to remove the first course. The old custom of waiting until everyone was served before beginning is no long countenanced, since “soup is nothing, if not hot,” and by waiting it is decidedly cooled.

Never, unless requested so to do, pass a plate on to a neighbor that has been handed to you. It is supposed that the carver knows what he intends for each guest. When dishes are passed, help yourself as quickly as possible, and never insist upon some one having it first. If a gentleman, you may help the lady next you from its contents, if she so desire.

Always take the food offered in a course. Quietly wait and talk while others eat, rather than call the attention of the table to your likes and dislikes, and disarrange the whole order of serving. If a gentleman, see that the lady you have brought down wants for nothing, and let the lady, on her side, take care not to entirely monopolize the attention of her escort.

How to Treat Waiters.

If, for any cause, the services of a waiter are desired, catch his eye quietly, and on his approach, state your own or the lady’s wishes, in a low tone of voice. This same rule of conduct will apply to public places, where the knocking of spoons against cups, and other noisy attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly discouraged.

Never thank a servant for passing any of the dishes or wines; that is his business; but for any personal service, such as picking up a fallen napkin, or replacing a dropped knife by another, it is proper to return a murmured “Thank you,” not “Thanks.”

A lady should never look up in a waiter’s face while giving an order, refusing wine, or thanking him for any special service. This savors of familiarity, and should be avoided. A man, however, that is attentive will see that a lady has none of these things to do.

At table one may talk to one’s neighbor on either side, or to those directly opposite, if the center decorations are not too high; but it is absolutely ill-bred to lean across an individual to converse with some one on the other side. Of course, at a small dinner, or at the family table, conversation is expected to be general. Never attempt to converse while the mouth is filled with food, and never have the mouth filled with food; it is bad both for manners and digestion.

Decline any dish passed that you do not wish with “Thank you, not any;” if by a waiter, “Not any,” is sufficient. Do not enter into any explanations as to your tastes, nor the whys and wherefores of your refusal. That interests no one but yourself.

If wine is served, do not call the attention of everyone to the fact that you do not drink it. The table of a friend, to which you have had the honor of an invitation, is no place for a temperance lecture. Do not reverse the glass; it is a needlessly conspicuous act; simply motion the waiter away with your finger on the edge of the glass, or shake your head. Some, still more careful, allow a glass to be filled for them at first, and, by letting it stand untasted, show to the waiter that further offers are useless. If a lady does not wish more wine than remains in her glass, let her make a little motion of dissent when the waiter is about to replenish it, otherwise a good glass of wine is wasted. In drinking wine, lift the glass by the stem, instead of by the bowl. Young ladies, if they drink wine, had best content themselves with one glassful. “Rosebuds” should not indulge. The latest dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at once and not sipped.

Sundry Rules and Hints.

Never display any hesitation in selecting food. If your host asks what part of a fowl you prefer, at once give your choice. To say you have none is an annoyance. Never tip the plate in order to dip up the last spoonful of soup. In partaking of soup, or imbibing any liquid, do so noiselessly. Be sure not to spread the elbows while using knife and fork. Keep them close to your side while cutting meats.

Never try to dispose of the last mouthful of soup, the last morsel of food. “It is not expected,” says one writer, “that your plate should be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions.” On no account cool any drink or soup with the breath. Never pour tea or coffee into the saucer to cool it. Never drink from the saucer; it is an unpardonable sin.

With salads small knifes and forks are often furnished, where the salad is served uncut with dressing. Again, the uncut leaves are taken in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing. The roll is to be eaten with the salad.

Individual salts are an American fashion. If used, it is proper to take salt from them with the knife, if they are the open salts. In the most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver salieres with their accompanying salt spoons or shovels. Salt, thus taken, should be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate. The custom followed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the tablecloth is very annoying to the hostess, as giving her table a shabby look during the removal of courses. Salt is the only condiment placed upon the table at a dinner; the others are passed with the course demanding their use. Neither is butter put upon the table at an elaborate dinner; the small square of bread or the roll furnished, are to be eaten without.

Use of Knife and Fork.

Peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand. Never use the other to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents.

Never cut up all the meat on your plate at once, in morsels fit for eating; to do so savors of the nursery. But, on the other hand, do not seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table. Be sure not to insert fork or spoon too far into the mouth. Never turn the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its contents. Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this most disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be less danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, so as not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table.

Waiters pass all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the left. Wine is passed at the right. All dishes that are being passed must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves without difficulty.

When there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table, the guests should never assist in the work by piling small dishes, etc., upon their plate. Simply place knife and fork upon the plate.

In passing the plate for a second helping, remove knife and fork and hold easily by the handles. Never ask for a second helping of soup, or of anything at a course dinner. At an informal repast, where there is but one principal dish, it is proper to pass the plate for more. A second helping of fish chowder is allowable, but not of soup.

Food should be masticated quietly, and with the lips closed. Drink all liquids without the slightest sound.

Never butter bread that is to be eaten with soup. To do this is only less vulgar than to thicken the soup with the crumbs of bread. Simply eat the bit of bread with the soup. Take the soup that is brought you, even if you do not care for it, so as not to interrupt the order of the dinner by a refusal.

Disgusting Habits.

Lift cups by the handles, and wineglasses by the stem, and do not tip them up, until almost reversed upon the face, in order to drain the last drop. It is not necessary, and really bad form to completely empty a wineglass.

Never pick the teeth at the table. Such habits are well calculated to disgust sensitive people, and should be performed in private as much as any other portion of our daily toilet.

Never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee, tea or water; nothing can be more disagreeable.

Bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient for mouthfuls, as it is needed. Never butter a slice and cut with a knife; butter each piece as needed. Butter should never be eaten in large quantities.

Cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers. Very rich, crumbly, or filled cake may be eaten with a fork; tarts also, unless they are of a nature to permit the use of the fingers, and pastry of all kinds, as well as puddings not too liquid in form.

Muffins can be eaten from the plate with a fork, or they can be torn apart, buttered, and eaten while held in the fingers, like toasted bread. Hot gems can be torn apart and partaken of in the same way. Never take one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another.

If any little accident should occur at table, do not apologize for it; let it pass without note, and it will be apt to escape observation. If there should be anything accidently spilled upon the cloth, the waiter should quickly remove the traces, and spread a fresh napkin over the soiled spot.

Fruits.

Apples are pared with a silver knife at table, and eaten in small sections from the fingers. There is often much time devoted to paring fruit by holding it on a fork, not touching it with the fingers. This is unnecessary, unless when a gentleman is preparing the fruit for a lady, or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise.

Grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the mouth, while the fingers hold the skin which is then laid on one side the plate. This is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate. Bananas are peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork. Oranges are skinned, divided into sections, and eaten from the fingers, rejecting the seeds into the hand. Some prefer, however, to cut the end of the orange and eat the pulp with a spoon. Pineapple is the only fruit that must be eaten with a knife and fork.

Silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits, as steel becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a disagreeable flavor.

Green corn, in ear, is a stumbling-block, and perhaps one’s best plan would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may be. In eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only. Some hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear.

If a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table, a delicate compliment upon its unusual excellence is always pleasing to the hostess.