THE SOUL'S QUESTION Inscribed to Rev. A. Dwight Mayo

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DEAR friend, in whom my soul abides,
Who rulest all its wayward tides,
Accept the feeble song I sing,
And read aright my stammering.

I

As on my bed at night I lay,
My soul, who all the weary day
Had fought with thoughts of death and life,
Began again the bitter strife.

II

This question would she ask, until
My tired eyes with tears would fill,
And overrun and fill again;
So that I cried out in my pain—

III

“When thou art made a heap of earth,
And all thy gain is nothing worth,
Where shall I go? Shall I too die
And fade in utter entity?

IV

“Shall my fine essence be the sport
Of idle chance and fade to nought;
The morning dew upon the flower
Dried by the sunlight in an hour?

V

“Doth God with careless eyes look down
On peopled slope and crowded town,
And, though he mark the sparrow’s death,
Think nothing more of human breath?

VI

“Or if I shall not die, but live—
What other dwelling will he give
In which to lead another life
And wage anew the ended strife?

VII

“Turn up to heaven thy streaming face,
And glance athwart the starry space;
What planet, burning in the blue,
Shall hold thy life begun anew?”

VIII

I looked out on the still midnight,
A thousand stars were flashing bright;
Unclouded shone the sailing moon
And filled with pallor all the room.

IX

The earth was hid with silver snow,
I heard the river’s steady flow,
I saw the moonlight softly fall
On running stream and mountain wall.

X

I found no peace in gazing here;
The earth seemed cold and very drear;
River and mountain bathed in light,
Were grim and ghastly in my sight.

XI

The mountain wall—a hand divine
Drew on the sky its perfect line—
Said to my soul, “Of this be sure,
Thy race shall die, but I endure.

XII

“And while I take the morning’s kiss
On my brows bathed in crimson bliss
Or listen to the eternal song
The seven great spheres in heaven prolong.

XIII

“While on my sides the cedar grows
Through summer’s suns and winter’s snows,
Or while I rock my piny crown,
Whose high tops draw the lightning down,

XIV

“So long as I in might endure
I watch man fading, swift and sure;
I smile, and whisper to my flowers,
Man dieth and the earth is ours—”

XV

A scalding tear rolled down my cheek,
Through thickening sobs I strove to speak;
“Are those the hills I saw to-night
Mantled in pomp of purple light?”

XVI

All day the earth on every side
Lay robed in vesture of a bride,
While lit on snow-wreathed bush and tree
The winter birds sang joyfully.

XVII

The river sparkled cold and keen
With burnished tracts of wintry gleam;
Above, the sky’s unclouded blue
The smile of God on all things threw.

XVIII

O’er hill and field elate I walked,
With all things fair by turns I talked;
I felt the God within me move
And nothing seemed too mean for Love.

XIX

The flower of day that bloomed so fair
Closed on the perfumed evening air;
A holy calm o’er Nature stole
And bathed in prayer my happy soul.

XX

A golden glory caught the world;—
High up the crimson clouds were curled,
A purple splendor hid the sun
A moment—and the day was done.

XI

I gazed at will; my thankful eyes
Were bathed in dews of Paradise;
My heart ran out my God to meet,
And clasped his knees and kissed his feet.

XII

He led me like a little child
Whereso he would; the darkness smiled
Whereso we walked; such glory of light
Enshrined him, making very bright

XIII

Whatever darkness veiled my mind;
I looked on all the grief behind
As on a fevered dream. To-night
The peace is gone and gone the light

XIV

I prayed for sleep, an earnest prayer
I thought that God would surely hear;
Yet, though my tears fell fast and free,
He kept his boon of sleep from me.

XXV

Again my soul her quest began—
“Must I too fall beneath the ban?
And, if I die not in thy death,
Where shall I live who am but breath?

XXVI

“When the frame stiffens into stone,
And death and it are left alone,
And round about it in the grave
The rat shall gnaw and winds shall rave,

XXVII

“Shall I within the dwelling stay
To watch above the heap of clay,
And while the dreary ages roll
Lie housed in earth, a prisoned soul?”

XXVIII

If this be Hell, to sit and hear
The hum of life from year to year,
Yet have no part nor lot in all
That men do on this earthly ball,

XXIX

But sit and watch from hour to hour
The slow decay of beauty and power,
And when the last faint trace is gone
To sit there still and still watch on,

XXX

While other men shall share my doom
And other souls within the tomb
Shall sit beside me dumb and pale
Forever in that fearful vale—

XXXI

With that, cold sweat ran down my face
I rose up straightway in my place
I lit my lamp, my Bible took
And sat to read the blessed Book.

XXXII

I turned the pages to and fro
Not knowing where to read, and so
Sat very still with tightened breath
Till I could catch that one word—“death”

XXXIII

“Cain”—the page blackened as I read
The awful name of him who led
God’s curse like lightning down to earth,
Blasting and scarring home and hearth.

XXXIV

XXXV

Not any comfort could I find,
A sudden sickness seized my mind,
I felt my heart beat slow and weak
I tried to pray, I could not speak.

XXXVI

Oh! bitterness beyond compare.
When our last refuge fades to air;
Where shall the hopeless soul repose,
For who is there that surely knows?

XXXVII

I read how Saul in wild En-dor
Questioned the witch, and what he saw.
How Samuel’s ghost rose pale and grim
Out of the grave and answered him.

XXXVIII

I read the awful words he said—
“Why am I thus disquieted?”
“Disquieted”—what dreamless sleep
Weighed on his eyelids calm and deep?

XXXIX

Thereat I shook from head to foot—
I made no cry, my heart was mute;
I could not call on God, nor pray,
For all my faith had fled away.

XL

As when a man, who in a dream
To slide down some blank wall shall seem,
Clutches at air, strikes out in vain
His helpless hands and shrieks with pain,

XLI

While all the air with mocking eyes
Is full, foul shapes and soundless cries
That laugh to scorn his deadly fear
With laughter that he swoons to hear,

XLII

And swooning wakes: my helpless soul
Felt the dim waves above her roll,
The firm earth slide beneath her feet,
And all her agony complete.

XLIII

I read that Christ had conquered Death
By giving up his holy breath;
And calling Lazarus by his name
Had brought him back to life again.

XLIV

What these things mean I cannot say;
They do not drive my fear away,
For where was Lazarus when he heard
The voice of Christ pronounce that word?

XLV

Was he within the voiceless tomb
Beside his sometime earthly home,
Watching the slowly changing form
Yield to the touch of mole and worm?

XLVI

Or was he in some blessed place
A saint, with glory in his face;
And did he drop, a gliding star
Down to the earth where mortals are?

XLVII

And clothe himself in dust again
To share the bitter life of men,
To live a few dark years below
And back again to glory go?

XLVIII

This thought raised up my fainting heart
And somewhat eased the deadly smart,
My lips began to move in prayer—
My soul to breathe a freer air.

XLIX

I prayed for peace, I prayed for trust;
I prayed to feel that God is just;
I prayed that let what would befall
I still might trust Him over all.

L

And whether sunk in deadly gloom
The soul must rest within the tomb;
Or sit within God’s awful light
To which the sun’s blaze is as night?

LI

Or shape its course from life to life
And waxing strong in endless strife,
Through everlasting years pursue
The work that God shall give to do?

LII

I might, without a fear, lay down
When he shall call, my earthly crown,
Trusting that he who gave me breath
Will keep me in the day of death.

LIII

I looked again upon the earth.
The day rejoicÈd in its birth;
And on the sullen rack afar
Trembled the fading morning star!

Written 1849.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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