The diner-out had waited a quarter of an hour for his soup. Calling the waiter he asked, "Have you ever been to the Zoo?"

"No, sir," was the reply.

"Well, you ought to go. You'd enjoy watching the tortoises whiz past."

AN UNKNOWN TONGUE

During the long French war, two old ladies in Stranraer were going to the kirk, the one said to the other, "Was it no' a wonderfu' thing that the Breetish were aye victorious ower the French in battle?" "Not a bit," said the other old lady, "dinna ye ken the Breetish aye say their prayers before ga'in into battle?" The other replied, "But canna the French say their prayers as weel?" The reply was most characteristic, "Hoot! jabbering bodies, wha could understan' them."