A grizzled chap in a captain’s uniform came into a barber shop. He saluted smartly and seated himself in the chair.

“Hair cut,” he said in gruff tones.

“How would you like it cut, sir?” the barber asked.

The captain, who was baldish, answered, gruffer than ever:

“Line up the hairs and number off to the right. Odd numbers each want a half inch off. Dress smartly with bay rum and brilliantine. Then dismiss.”