I Shall begin with his Motto, which says, What is better than a Pudding? The Body owns its Power, the Mind, its Delicacy; it will give Youth to grey Hairs, and Life to the most Desponding: Therefore are Pudding Eaters of great Use in State Affairs.

This Quotation is of a Piece with his Motto to the Tale of a Tub, and other Writings; altogether Fictitious and Drole: he adds to the Jest, by putting an Air of Authority or genuine Quotation from some great Author; when alas! the whole is mere Farce and Invention.

The Dedication is one continued Sneer upon Authors, and their Patrons, and seems to carry a Glance of Derision towards Men of Quality in General; by setting a Cook above them, as a more useful Member in a body Politick. Some will have this Braund, to be Sir ****, others Sir ****, others Sir ****; but I take it to be more Railery than Mystery, and that Mr. Braund, at the Rummer in Queen-street, is the Person; who having pleas’d the Author in two or three Entertainments, he, with a View truly Epicurean, constitutes him his MÆcenas; as being more agreeable to him than a whole Circle of Stars and Garters, of what Colour or Denomination soever.

In his Tale of a Tub, he has a fling at Dependance, and Attendance, where he talks of a Body worn out with Poxes ill cured, and Shooes with Dependance, and Attendance. Not having the Book by me, Iam forced to quote at Random, but I hope the courteous Reader will bear me out. He complains of it again in this Treatise, and makes a Complement to Mr. Austin, Mr. Braund’s late Servant; who keeps the Braund’s Head in New Bond-street, near Hanover-Square; aHouse of great Elegance, and where he used frequently to dine.

The Distinction of Brand, Braund, and Barnes, is a Banter on Criticks, and Genealogists, who make such a Pother about the Orthography of Names and Things, that many Times, three Parts in four of a Folio Treatise, is taken up in ascertaining the Propriety of a Syllable, by which Means the Reader is left undetermined; having nothing but the various Readings on a single Word, and that probably, of small Importance.

I heartily wish some of these Glossographists would oblige the World with a Folio Treatise or two, on the Word Rabbet: We shall then know whether it is to be spelt with an e, or an i. For, to the Shame of the English Tongue and this learned Age, our most eminent Physicians, Surgeons, Anatomists and Men Midwives, have all been to seek in this Affair.

And some of these great Wits, have such short Memories, that they spell it both Ways in one and the same Page.

The Master-Key to this Mystery, is the Explanation of its Terms; for Example, by Dumpling is meant a Place, or any other Reward or Encouragement. APudding signifies a P——t, and sometimes a C——tee. ADumpling Eater, is a Dependant on the Court, or, in a Word, any one who will rather pocket an Affront than be angry at a Tip in Time. ACook is a Minister of State. The Epicurean and Peripatetic Sects, are the two Parties of Whigg and Tory, who both are greedy enough of Dumpling.

The Author cannot forbear his old Sneer upon Foreigners, but says, in his 1st Page, “That finding it a Land of Plenty, they wisely resolved never to go home again,” and in his 2d, “Nay, so zealous are they in the Cause of Bacchus, that one of the Chief among them, made a Vow never to say his Prayers till he has a Tavern of his own in every Street in London, and in every Market-Town in England”: If he does not mean Sir J—— T—— Iknow not who he means.

By the Invention of Eggs, Page4. is meant Perquisites. “He cannot conclude a Paragraph in his 5th Page, without owning he received that important Part of the History of Pudding, from old Mr. Lawrence of Wilsden Green, the greatest Antiquary of the present Age.”

This old Lawrence is a great Favourite of the D—s; he is a facetious farmer, of above eighty Years of Age, now living at Wilsden Green, near Kilburn in Middlesex, the most rural Place I ever saw: exactly like the Wilds of Ireland. It was here the D—noften retired incog. to amuse himself with the Simplicity of the Place and People; where he got together all that Rigmayroll of Childrens talk, which composes his Namby Pamby. Old Lawrence told me, the D—nhas sate several Hours together to see the Children play, with the greatest Pleasure in Life: The rest he learned from the old Nurses thereabouts, of which there are a great many, with whom he would go and smoke a Pipe frequently, and cordially; not in his Clergyman’s Habit, but in a black Suit of Cloth Clothes, and without a Rose in his Hat: Which made them conclude him to be a Presbyterian Parson.

This Mention of old Lawrence, is in Ridicule to a certain great Artist, who wrote a Treatise upon the Word Connoisseur (or a Knower) and confesses himself to have been many Years at a loss for a Word to express the Action of Knowing, till the great Mr. Prior gave him Ease, by furnishing him with the Word Connoissance. Our D—nhad drawn a Drole, Parallel to this, viz. Boudineur, aPudding Pyeman; and Boudinance, the making of Pudding Pies: But several Men of Quality begging it off, it was, at their Request, scratch’d out, but my Friend, the Amanuensis, remembers particularly its being originally inserted.

If the Reader should ask, Who is that K— John mentioned in the fourth Page, and which I ought to have taken in its Place. Ibeg leave to inform him, that by K. John is meant the late Q. ——, with whom the D— of M—— was many Years in such great Favour, that he was nick named K. John; it was in that Part of the Q—’s Reign, that Sir John Pudding, by whom is meant **** you know who, came in Favour; it is true, the Name is odd, and seems to carry an Air of Ridicule with it, but the Character given him by this allegorical Writer, is that of an able Statesman, and an honest Man.

And here, begging Mr. D—n’s Pardon, I cannot but think his Wit has out run his Judgment; for he puts the Cart before the Horse, and begins at the latter Part of Sir **** Administration: But this might be owing to too plentiful a Dinner, and too much of the Creature. Be that as it will, Imust follow my Copy, and explain it as it lies. Proceed we therefore to the Dissertation, Page6.

“But what rais’d our Hero most in the Esteem of this Pudding-eating Monarch, was his second Edition of Pudding, he being the first that ever invented the Art of broiling Puddings, which he did to such Perfection, and so much to the King’s liking (who had a mortal Aversion to cold Pudding) that he thereupon instituted him Knight of the Gridiron, and gave him a Gridiron of Gold, the Ensign of that Order; which he always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign’s Favour.”

If this does not mean the late Revival of an ancient Order of Knighthood, Inever will unriddle Mystery more: To prove which, we need but cross over to the next Page, where he tells us, “Sir John had always a Squire, who followed him, bearing a huge Pair of Spectacles to saddle his Honour’s Nose.” Diss. Page7.

After this, he very severely runs upon those would-be Statesmen, who put themselves in Competition with his Favourite, Sir ****, with whom he became exceeding intimate, and almost inseperable, all the Time he was in England.

The Story of the Kit Cat Club, Dick Estcourt, and Jacob Tonson, is a mere Digression; and nothing more to the Purpose, than that we may imagine it came uppermost. He returns to his Subject in his 9th Page.

“Now it was Sir John’s Method, every Sunday Morning, to give the Courtiers a Breakfast; which Breakfast was every Man his Dumpling, and Cup of Wine: For you must know, he was Yeoman of the Wine-Cellar at the same Time.”

The Breakfast is Sir *** Levee, the Yeomanship of the Wine-Cellar, is the ***.

The Author of the Dissertation, is a very bad Chronologist; for at Page 10. we are obliged to go back to the former Reign, where we shall find the lubberly Abbots (i.e.) the High Church Priests, misrepresenting Sir John’s Actions, and never let the Q—— alone, till poor Sir John was discarded.

“This was a great Eye-sore, and Heart-burning to some lubberly Abbots, who lounged about the Court; they took it in great Dudgeon they were not invited, and stuck so close to his Skirts, that they never rested till they outed him. They told the King, who was naturally very hasty, that Sir John, made-away with his Wine, and feasted his Paramours at his Expence; and not only so, but they were forming a Design against his Life, which they in Conscience ought to discover: That Sir John was not only an Heretic, but an Heathen; nay, worse, they fear’d he was a Witch, and that he had bewitch’d his Majesty into that unaccountable Fondness for a Pudding-Maker. They assured the King, that on a Sunday Morning, instead of being at Mattins, he and his Trigrimates got together hum jum, all snug, and perform’d many hellish and diabolical Ceremonies. In short, they made the King believe that the Moon was made of Green-Cheese: And to shew how the Innocent may be bely’d, and the best Intentions misrepresented, they told the King, That he and his Associates offered Sacrifices to Ceres: When, alas, it was only the Dumplings they eat.

“The Butter which was melted and poured over them, these vile Miscreants, called Libations: And the friendly Compotations of our Dumpling Eaters, were called Bacchanalian Rites. Two or three among them being sweet tooth’d, would strew a little Sugar over their Dumplings; this was represented as an Heathenish Offering. In short, not one Action of theirs, but which these rascally Abbots made criminal, and never let the King alone till Sir John was discarded; not but the King did it with the greatest Reluctance; but they made it a religious Concern, and he could not get off on’t.” Diss. pag.10.

All the World knows that the Tory Ministry got uppermost, for the four last Years of the Queen’s Reign, and by their unaccountable Management, teaz’d that good Lady out of her Life: Which occasion’d the D—nin his eleventh Page to say; “Then too late he saw his Error; then he lamented the Loss of Sir John; and in his latest Moments, would cry out, Oh! that I had never parted from my dear Jack-Pudding! Would I had never left off Pudding and Dumpling! then I had never been thus basely poison’d! never thus treacherously sent out of the World!——Thus did this good King lament: But alas! to no purpose, the Priest had given him his Bane, and Complaints were ineffectual.”

This alludes to Sir **** Imprisonment and Disgrace in the Year —— Nay, so barefaced is the D—nin his Allegory, that he tells us, in his 12th Page, Norfolk was his Asylum. This is as plain as the Nose on a Man’s Face! The subsequent Pages are an exact Description of the Ingratitude of Courtiers; and his Fable of the Court Pudding, Page13. is the best Part of the whole Dissertation.

One would imagine the D—n had been at Sea, by his writing Catharping-Fashion, and dodging the Story sometimes Twenty-Years backwards, at other Times advancing as many; so that one knows not where to have him: for in his fifteenth Page, he returns to the present Scene of Action, and brings his Hero into the Favour of K—— Harry, alias **** who being sensible of his Abilities, restores him into Favour, and makes Use of his admirable Skill in Cookery, alias State Affairs.

“Not one of the King’s Cooks could make a Pudding like Sir John; nay, though he made a Pudding before their Eyes, yet they, out of the very same Materials, could not do the like: Which made his old Friends, the Monks, attribute it to Witchcraft and it was currently reported the Devil was his Helper. But good King Harry was not to be fobb’d off so; the Pudding was good, it sat very well on his Stomach, and he eat very savourly, without the least Remorse of Conscience.” Diss. Page15.