Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, December 29th 1894

FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

Genoa in November. It is summer time. Put on thin suit, drink my cafÉ au lait by open window, and stroll out into beautiful Genoa, basking in the sunshine. DÉjeuner in the garden of a restaurant, among the old palaces. Sit in the shade, without my hat. Think of all the poor people in London. Wonder if anyone is having a frugal lunch at the funny little open-air restaurant in Hyde Park. Lemonade and a bath bun in a fog. Should imagine not.

Charming place, Genoa. Hardly any Germans. Can at last hear people talking Italian. In Venice there are so many Germans that one might as well be in Germany. Sitting out on the Piazza, one hears incessantly their monotonous, guttural chatter, always in the same tone of voice, without inflections, without emotion, and, worst of all, without end. Watched at the hotel table d'hÔte a German lady sitting between two German gentlemen. One man talked loudly without ceasing, mouth full or mouth empty, from soup to dessert. The other man, rather older and feebler, also talked without ceasing, but he could not equal the other's noise; he only added to it. As for the lady, her lips moved all the time; one could imagine the ja wohl, the ach, so? the ja, ja, ja, but one could not hear a word. At Florence, at Milan, on the Lakes it is the same. If by chance one hears a Frenchman speak, his charming language sounds more vivacious and melodious than ever before. So it is good to be in Genoa, where even the best hotel is kept by Italians. Apparently every other good hotel in Italy is kept by Herr Schmidt, or Herr Weber, or Herr Somethingorother, and all the servants are German also. There is one hotel in Genoa kept by a German. It faces the harbour. All night long there are whistles, screams, bangs, rumblings, bumps, roars, and other sounds from trains, ships, and tramways. All day long there is the same noise, only more of it. But the Germans do not mind; they talk just the same, and they make each other hear through it all.

Charming place, Genoa, with a town hall that is the gayest imaginable. Marble staircases, vestibules adorned with palms, beautiful little gardens, at all sorts of levels, outside the windows of the various offices. Everywhere flowers. If the town rates in Genoa are paid at the Town Hall, the paying of them must be almost pleasant. One would go with that horrible demand note, if that is used also in Italy, and fancy that one was arriving at a ball. The palm-decorated entrance looks just like it. It only needs a lady rate collector, such as one hears of in England, and one surely, in whatever manner the Italians may say it, would beg the charming signora to give one the honour and pleasure of a dance, and scribble her name on the programme—I mean the demand note. And no doubt, the Italian officials being leisurely and the space being ample, one could find time for a waltz in the intervals of rate paying, or at least sit it out in one of the delightful little gardens of this ideal Palazzo Municipale.

And so farewell to sunny Genoa, and off to Turin. German hotel again, German proprietor, German servants. Solitary German visitor drinking his morning coffee. The hotels of Turin are not crowded; he and I are alone. What will the poor man do? He must talk his awful language to someone. He shan't talk it to me, for I will pretend I do not understand even one word. The waiter has left the room. Must the poor man be silent? Thunderweather, ah no! Happilywise he is saved. The considerate proprietor, thoughtful of his countryman's needs, enters; he stands by the visitor's table, and the talk begins. When it ends I cannot say, for I leave them, well started and in good voice, and hear, as I think, their sweetly melodious phrases for the last time in Italy. The train carries me away. There is not much more of Italy now, for here is the Mont Cenis tunnel. Farewell, beautiful country, beautiful pictures, beautiful language! There is someone leaning out of the next carriage window. No doubt he is also saddened; he is speaking to others inside, his voice is cheerful, he is evidently trying not to give way to despair. Now I hear what he says, "Da werde ich ein Glas Bier trinken, ja, ja, ja!"

A First Impressionist.

Wanted! a Perfect Cure for the incompatibility of Judges' sentences.

PREHISTORIC PEEPS.

During a considerable portion of the Year the Skating was excellent, and was much enjoyed by all Classes.

INDEX

Ad Jovem Pluvium, 263

Afterpart À la L. C. C. (An), 302
"After the Health Congress is over," 71
Airs Resumptive, 45, 66, 83, 165, 205
All my Eye! 121
"All's Well!" 258
"All up with the Empire," 183
Alpine Railway (An), 95
Amare, O! 263
Anglo-Russian Echo (An), 95
Another Man's Ears, 165
Apple of Discord (The), 39
Art of Naval Platitude (The), 216
As we like it, 25
At Last! 18
At the Westminster Play, 303
"Automatic" Conscience (The), 147
"Auxiliary Assistance" in the Provinces, 105
Awful Outlook (An), 177
"Awkward Customer" (An), 210
Ballade of Imitations, 11
Ballade of Three Volumes (A), 39
Ballade to Order, 298
"B. and S." at the Savoy (A), 292
Bank Holiday Dream-Book (The), 57
Battle of the Budget (The), 3
Bayard and Bobby, 201
Beauties of Bologna, 215
Betting Man on Cricket (A), 65
Blue Gardenia (The), 185
Bowl me no more! 155
British Lions, 185
Broken China, 192
Bygones, 85
Cabby's Answers, 5
Cant v. Cant, 207
Certain Cure (A), 145
"Challenge" (The), 219
Chief Mourner (The), 222
Chronicles of a Rural Parish (The), 217, 237, 250, 263, 265, 288, 299
Clerical Question for Exeter (A), 183
Clio at Salcombe, 215
"Clubs! Clubs!" 77
Coincidence's Long Arm, 167
Complaint of the Modern Lover, 167
Compliments of the Season, 301
Copperation at Winser (The), 46
"Copy," 297
Corean Cock-fight (The), 54
Counting Noses, 257
Counting the Catch, 90
Crossed! 251
Cryptogrammatist Wanted, 72
Curios for the Cricketing Exhibition, 298
Curious Accident to Mrs. R., 336
Curse (The), 118
Dangerous Doctrine, 120
Day of Small Things (The), 213, 255
Day's Ride, a Law's Romance (A), 155
Decadent Guys (The), 225
Demi-French Octave (A), 47
Diary of a Duck, 274
Dilemma of the Headless Spectre, 213
Ditto to Mr. Courtney, 83
Diurnal Feminine (The), 13
Dog on his Day (A), 302
Dog's Meet, 118
Don't "Come unto these Yellow Sands"! 114
Doom of the Minor Poets (The), 251
Eastward Ho! 63
Ejaculations, 141
Embarras de Richesses, 87
End of the Opera Season (The), 57
Engagement (An), 264
English as she is Crammed, 292
Essence of Parliament, 11, 23, 35, 48, 59, 71, 84, 95, 108
"Evicted Tenants," 42
Extract (An), 281
Fancy Portrait, 15
Farewell to McGladstone, 46
Fashion and Felony, 232
Femina Dux Facti, 221
"Finest English," 113
Finishing Touches, 221
First Impressions, 192, 204, 238, 252, 264, 273, 287, 289, 309
Fizz and Fuss, 298
Fly Route to Castles in the Air, 83
Following Footsteps, 125
Fool's Vade Mecum (The), 273
For Arms or Alms? 45
"For Example!" 162
"Fourth R" (The), 243
Fragment of a Police "Report d'Arthur," 177
Friend in Need (A), 30
From the Birmingham Festival, 186
Future Fame, 203
Gaiety "Sans-GÊne," 9
Gay Widow Courted (A), 221
General Literary Review Company (Limited), 168
Generosity under Difficulties, 291
Gilbert and Carr-icature, 240
Gismonda, 233
Good News, 121
"Good Time coming" (A), 27
Good Wishes, 36
Gossip without Words, 189
"Grand National" Trust (The), 47
Guesses at Goodwood, 37
Hanwellia's Answer, 179
Hardy Annual at Henley, 15
Hawarden Pastoral (A), 96
Haymarket Heroine (The), 241
Helmholtz, 141
Henley Notes, 22
Herrick on Rational Dress, 147
Hint for the Alpine Season, 74
Hopeless Case (A), 135
Hopeless Quest (A), 206
House-Agent's Dream (The), 270
How it will be done hereafter, 89
Ichabod, 253
If not, why not? 169
"I'm getting a Big Girl now!" 171
Improved and Improving Dialogues, 269
Inconvenienced Traveller's Phrase-Book, 82, 125
Infant Phenomenon (The), 291
In Memoriam, 102; Comte de Paris, 126
In Nuce, 159
In Paris out of the Season, 133
In Praise of Boys, 107
Ins and Outs, 213
Inter-University Football, 285
In the Museum, 141
In Three Volumes, 101
Invasion of Woman (The), 145
Is the Bar a Profitable Profession? 109
Jap the Giant-Killer, 150
John Bull À la Russe, 264
John Walter, 232
"Judgment of 'Parish'" (The), 267
"Justice as she is Spoken in France," 75
Ladas! 141
La Femme de Claude, 42
Latest Great Yacht-Race, 29
Latest Parliamentary Betting, 25
Latest War Intelligence, 276
Law of the (Social) Jungle (The), 111
Lay of the Explorer (The), 33
Lay of the Vigilant (The), 204
Lessons in Laughter, 174
Letters from a DÉbutante, 168, 180, 183
Letters to a DÉbutante, 229
Lex Talionis, 141
Light in Darkness, 162
Lines by a Lazy Body, 120
Lines in Pleasant Places, 21, 49, 74, 131, 153
Lines to a Lady, 253
Links (The), 213
Literary Intelligence, 121
Little Ah Sid, 183
Little Flirtation (A), 147
Little Holiday (A), 69
"Little too Previous!" (A), 102
"Living Pictures," 197
Local Colour, 210
London Bicyclists, 49
Lord Ormont's Mate and Matey's Aminta, 37, 57, 61
Lord Rosebery in the North, 159
Lost in London, 285
"Lost Rings," 149
Love's Labour Not Lost, 279
Lowered! 71
Lower Education of Women (The), 11
Lunnon Twang (The), 159
"Lying Low," 294
Lyre and Lancet, 4, 16, 28, 40, 52, 64, 76, 88, 100, 112, 124, 136, 148, 160, 172, 184, 196, 208, 220, 239, 244, 256, 268, 280
Making of a Man (The), 293
Making the Running with the Derby Winner, 169
"Man in Armour" to the Multitude, 228
March of Civilisation (The), 61
Mary Jones, 285
"Matrimonial Obedience," 179
Matron's Hiss (The), 178
Mayen-aisy-now! 233
Mayennaise v. Mayonnaise, 203, 209
Message from Mars (The), 81
Midsummer Day-Dream (A), 30
Minx (The), 33
Moan from Mitcham (A), 135
Mobilised Mandarin (The), 141
Modern Madame (A), 27
Modern Mangers, 183
Modern Society Play (The), 285
Modern Tragedy (A), 93
Morbidezza, 204
More Ornamental than Useful, 73
More She-Notes, 249, 276
Morgenlied, 145
"Moving about in Worlds not realised," 192
"Mowing them Down!" 66
Mr. Punch on Billiards, 238
Mr. Punch on Peeler Piper, 135
Mr. Punch to Two Noble Sportsmen, 22
Mrs. Prowlina Pry, 195
Much Ado about Nothing, 279
Muddy Milan, 171
Music with a Future (The), 251
"Mutes and Liquids," 121
New Air (The), 87
New and Old, 241
New Candidate (The), 209
New Departure (A), 216
New Fashion (The), 167
New Heroine (The), 293
New Honours, 276
New Lamps for Old, 137
New Man (The), 167
New Nectar (The), 286
New Newness (The), 84
New Party (The), 18
News from Norwich, 131
Next War (The), 94
Noble Half-Hundred! 94
Noblesse Oblige, 1, 75
"Nobody Looking!" 246
Nomine Tantum, 21
Nominis Umbra, 253
Notices to Correspondents, 286
Not Master of himself though China fall, 74
Novelist's Vade Mecum (The), 261
Novelties in Gastronomy, 251
O. B. C. (Limited) (The), 177
Ode for the Marriage Season, 131, 142
Ode on a Distant Partridge, 138
Ode on Sacrifice, 49
Ode to Ixion, 82
Of Vain Colours, 288
"Oh, the Mistletoe Bough!" 306
"Oh, you Wicked Story!" 99
"Old Offender" (An), 282
Old Three-Vol., 63
Oliver Wendell Holmes, 191
Ollendorfian, 258
On a Clumsy Cricketer, 106
One Man One Job, 297
On the War in the East, 133
Operatic Notes, 17
Origin of the Blush-Rose, 206
Our All-round Exchangers' Company, 197
"Our Benighted Ancestors," 132
Our Booking-Office, 1, 22, 25, 65 107, 132, 161, 173, 181, 203, 205, 228, 233, 252, 257, 269, 288, 300, 304
Our Charity FÊte, 60
Our "Monthly Pops," 240
Our National Defences, 129
"Out we go!" 119
Oxford and Yale, 48
Oyster and the Sparrow (The), 93
Page from "Rosebery's History of the Commonwealth," 106
Partially Unreported Dialogue, 11
Pat the Patriot, 215
Perils of a Jesting Premier (The), 298
"Personally Conducted," 51
Phalse Note on George the Fourth, 204
Phosphorescence in Art, 24
Pier of the Empire (A), 189
Pious Lyncher's Creed (The), 120
Plague of Poets (The), 121
Plaint of the Unwilling Peer (The), 82
Polite Guide to the Civil Service (The), 207, 227, 234
Political Conference, 231
Polychrome English, 193
Possible Developments, 203
Princely Offer (A), 144
Professor of the Period (The), 153
Puff and a Blow (A), 21
Pullman Car (The), 107
Punch to the New Attorney-General, 205
"Putting his Foot in it," 78
Queer Queries, 83, 101, 107, 117, 246, 297
Question and Answer, 135
Ranelagh in Rain, 47
Rational Dress, 101
Reading between the Lines, 305
Reflections, 167
Remnants, 63
"Rhymes," 109
Rhyme to Rosebery, 96
Rider's Vade Mecum (The), 51
Riverside Lament (A), 25
Robert and Grinnidge, 94
Robert and Unifikashun, 281
Robert Louis Stevenson, 303
Robert on Amerrycans, 120
Robert on the Wonderful Bridge again, 9
Robert's Picter, 145
Robert's Sollem Adwise, 217
"Room for a Big One!" 99
Royal Welsh Bard (The), 86
Rubenstein, 255
Rule, "Britannia," 33
Runner Nuisance (The), 125
Sapphics on Traffic, 117
Saturday Pops, 71
School-Board Apple-Pie (The), 219
Scott on the New Woman, 73
Sea-Fairies (The), 122
Sea-quence of Sonnets (A), 153
Seasons (The), 274
Sitting on Our Senate, 106
Sequel to the Story of Ung (A), 300
Seven Ages of Rosebery (The), 165
"Shaky!" 270
Silly Seasoning, 110
Slight Adaptation (A), 228
Slow and not quite Sure, 165
Snubbed Professional's Vade Mecum, 289
Society for the Advancement of Literature, 89
Soft Answer (A), 11
Song for the Slogger (A), 117
Song of the Impecunious Bard, 131
Song of the Leaders (The), 201
Song of the Twentieth Century (A), 22
Songs of the Streets, 5, 16
Sounding the Antitoxin, 274
Sport for Ratepayers, 49
State Aid for Matrimony, 13
St. Leger Coincidence (A), 135
Suggested Addendum (A), 126
Sunday Lecture Case (The), 285
Tale of a Vote (The), 201
Tale of Two Telegrams (The), 97
Talk À la Mode de Londres, 261
Talk in Court, 22
Teddie the Tiler, 192
Tempora Mutantur, 131
"Terrible in his Anger!" 159
Terrible Transformation (A), 145
Thanks to the "Bystander," 133
That Advanced Woman! 142
Those Lancers, 303
"Three Cheers for the Emperor," 297
Three Christmas Greetings, 301
Tips, 144
To a Lady, 294
To Althea in Church, 145
To Althea in the Stalls, 33
To Amanda, 180
To a Philanthropist, 105
To a Pretty Unknown, 192
To a Scorcher, 142
To a Surrey Hostess, 85
To a Would-be Authoress, 93
To a Would-be Despot, 215
To a Venetian Policeman, 195
To a Veteran Champion, 83
"To be taken as read," 77
To Dorothy, 108
To Hanwellia from Earlswood, 137
To her Mother, 120
To Lettina, 209
To Melenda, 309
To Molly, 229
To my Beef Tea, 77
To Philadelphia, 302
To Sentiment, 144
To the Oxford Cricket Captain, 17
Touching Appeal (A), 234
Tree with Variegated Leaves, 277
"Tripping Merrily," 143
Triumph of the School Board (A), 265
True Glory, 276
Truisms of Life (The), 287, 293
Trust to be Trusted (A), 149
Two "General" Favourites, 203
Two Ways of Auditing, 206
Unrest! 174
Vacuous Time (The), 119
Vade Mecum for the Naval Manoevres, 37
Vagabond Verses, 219
Venetian Flower-Sellers, 191
Verse and Choral Summing-up, 203
Verses to the Weather Maiden, 93
"Vested Interests," 186
Village Blacksmith (The), 282
"Vive la RÉpublique!" 6
Voice from "the Upper Suckles" (A), 85
Volunteer's Vade Mecum (The), 25
Vote of Thanks (A), 65
Voyage of Alfred (The), 113
Waiting their Turn, 18
War Cry (The), 54
Wet-Willow, 107
What's in a Name, indeed? 47
What we may expect soon, 27
Wheel and Whoa! 137
Where are you going, revolting Maid? 198
Where to go, 82
Whims of Amphitryon (The), 245
Whither Away? 9
"Wigs on the Green!" 126
"Winding'em up," 198
With Kind Regards, 277
Words to the Wise Women, 275
Ye Gentlemen of Holland, 78
Yellow Age (The), 66
Yellow Riding-Habit (The), 94
Yet another Memoir of Napoleon, 13
Young Pretender (The), 138
Yule Gretynge (A), 300

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